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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:41 

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Is there anyone else here that wouldn't expect to be sacked for submitting a porn movie on expenses?


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:42 
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Gogmagog

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Dudley wrote:
Is there anyone else here that wouldn't expect to be sacked for submitting a porn movie on expenses?


Craster.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:45 
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I most certainly would.

Unless you mean the expenses of hiring a film crew to film my own porn movie. That I could get away with.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:46 
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gooby pls

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With Jacqui Smith? You sicko.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:47 
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Gogmagog

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Craster wrote:
I most certainly would.

Unless you mean the expenses of hiring a film crew to film my own porn movie. That I could get away with.


Soz, I read a "to" into the sentence, which threw me a bit, tehre. I'm wasn't trying to say you'd attempt to hornswoggle a blue movie out of your bosses, I was attempting to insinuate you'd be in one, for expenses. Or something.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:48 
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GazChap wrote:
With Jacqui Smith? You sicko.


I have an alarming weakness for Angela Merkel


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:49 
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Gogmagog

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GazChap wrote:
With Jacqui Smith? You sicko.


You'd deffo get a medal and a mention in dispatches for that, though.

Buying a knighthood might still be the better option, though.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:49 
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Gogmagog

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Kern wrote:
GazChap wrote:
With Jacqui Smith? You sicko.


I have an alarming weakness for Angela Merkel


WHAT

THE

FUCK

?

HAVE

YOU

GOT

THE

MENTALS

MAN?

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:53 
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MaliA wrote:
MENTALSMAN?


<hasty clarification>
If - and only if - I had to choose a world leader to go on a dinner date with.
</hasty clarification>


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:55 
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Gogmagog

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Kern wrote:
MaliA wrote:
MENTALSMAN?


<hasty clarification>
If - and only if - I had to choose a world leader to go on a dinner date with.
</hasty clarification>


Over Ukraines?

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:00 
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baron of techno

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Mr Chris wrote:
kalmar wrote:
Mr Chris wrote:
I'm not sure any of the "exposed" things are either fraudulent or against the rules, are they?


Possibly, and the movie thing is clearly a mistake.. but it reveals a culture where all and every expense of daily living is routinely charged as an expense.

Sorry, but at some point, that's what your massive wages are for.


As I mentioned in an earlier post, these are "allowances", not "expenses" - a crucial difference from their point of view. They were introduced to up their income without having to vote for payrises for themselves, with all the attendant bad publicity that would go with it.


A good point, I wasn't paying attention.
The whole business about being "allowed" an additional house in London when you already live in London is definitely taking the piss though, within the rules or not :(


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:02 
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INFINITE POWAH

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MaliA wrote:
Kern wrote:
MaliA wrote:
MENTALSMAN?


<hasty clarification>
If - and only if - I had to choose a world leader to go on a dinner date with.
</hasty clarification>


Over Ukraines?

Fucking *word*, dude.

Image

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:11 
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Mr Chris wrote:
Fucking *word*, dude.


Blimey. I'd happily stuff her ballot box. Clearly, I need to follow Eastern European politics more closely.


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:14 
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Mr Chris wrote:
I *do* hope it was gay porn her husband was watching. With her researcher. Oooooh, this could get good.


Her researcher was watching. Mr Smith is also Mrs Smith's employee.


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:15 
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Excellent Painter

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Mr Chris wrote:
MaliA wrote:
Kern wrote:
MaliA wrote:
MENTALSMAN?


<hasty clarification>
If - and only if - I had to choose a world leader to go on a dinner date with.
</hasty clarification>


Over Ukraines?

Fucking *word*, dude.

Image


Attractive as she is, I sometimes cuss my painter's eye where I notice all the flaws in someone's face within seconds of looking at them - and she has a very oddly shaped top lip

We all know MaliA would still do Maggie ;)

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:16 
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INFINITE POWAH

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DBSnappa wrote:
Attractive as she is, I sometimes cuss my painter's eye where I notice all the flaws in someone's face within seconds of looking at them - and she has a very oddly shaped top lip


Ah, it's the imperfections that make beauty, of course. As some Russian dude said.

She does have a little of the Calista Flockheart around the mouth, however.

Quote:
We all know MaliA would still do Maggie ;)


EW EW EW

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:17 
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Part physicist, part WARLORD

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MaliA wrote:
Besides, London does make sense as the more we hide The North from the world's eyes, the better. Jesus isn't going to land Marine one in The Bullring and consider coming back to the UK, now is he?


Fuck off. We're not having Birmingham.


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:21 
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Gogmagog

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DBSnappa wrote:

We all know MaliA would still do Maggie ;)


Fuck off, no way.

She fucked the trade unions.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:24 
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Unpossible!

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Kern wrote:
GazChap wrote:
With Jacqui Smith? You sicko.


I have an alarming weakness for Angela Merkel

You'd like this then.

Some photoshop wizard turns Merkel into a 'stunner' in minutes.

http://www.5min.com/Video/Extreme-photo ... L-31386999


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:26 
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Gogmagog

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DavPaz wrote:
Kern wrote:
GazChap wrote:
With Jacqui Smith? You sicko.


I have an alarming weakness for Angela Merkel

You'd like this then.

Some photoshop wizard turns Merkel into a 'stunner' in minutes.

http://www.5min.com/Video/Extreme-photo ... L-31386999


I can do that in seconds. With a pickaxe handle.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 11:08 
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Does anyone know the names of the adult films purchased? I need them for a pub quiz we're doing at work on Thursday!


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 11:10 
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Gogmagog

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There was some speculation about it in private Eye. Basically, I don't think one can be sure, as the way the billing system works, it could be a lot of things from several channels over a 12 hour period. Someone said here, about something from popbitch, but I would take the Eye's version of events over popbitches any day of the week.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 11:20 
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TheVision wrote:
Does anyone know the names of the adult films purchased? I need them for a pub quiz we're doing at work on Thursday!


I hope it was 'Member of Parliament' and 'House of Cum ons'.


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 11:38 
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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 11:50 
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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:00 
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The Division Bell-end


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:16 
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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:29 
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Oh dear god. She's gone nutso:

From: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/u ... 037098.ece
Quote:
Smith has called a “burglary summit” this week, at which she will announce the introduction of 10% discount vouchers at B&Q.


'Sorry you've been burglared. Have a discount on a padlock'


[EDIT burglared? I meant burgled . Hate that word]


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:31 
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baron of techno

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:35 
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Can't re-member

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Kern wrote:
'Sorry you've been burglared. Have a discount on a padlock'

In not too dissimilar news, Ange saw on the local news last night that they're going to give Wiis to obese children to encourage them to do more exercise.

Why not give them a fucking ball or something?

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:41 
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Level 2 Wood Gimp

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Tuxedos and Gowns can be just as expensive.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:43 
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Comfortably Dumb

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Quote:
According to the leaked receipts, Ms Smith filed claims of £550 for a stone sink and console for the kitchen, £568.95 for two washing machines and £119.99 for a Vax carpet cleaner.

Some £405.37 went on plumbing, nearly £500 on a shower mixer, and 88p on a bath plug.

Ms Smith also reportedly bought a £1,000 fireplace, a 32-inch flat screen TV costing £369.99 and a £575 armchair.

Another £511.20 was spent on a sofabed, £72 on four scatter cushions, and £110 on bed linen.

Asked about the claims for pornographic films watched by her husband, she replied: "I feel personally sorry, cross and angry with myself that I made a claim that I shouldn't have made. I paid it back. I did the wrong thing."


I couldn't care less about the porn - £72 for four cushions?

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:44 
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devilman wrote:
I couldn't care less about the porn - £72 for four cushions?


Maybe she had arse and boob implants, to try and coax him back from teh pr0n?


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:49 
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Sitting balls-back folder

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Wait - "gone"?


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:51 
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gooby pls

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Just heard on Radio 1: "Jacqui Smith insists that she hasn't considered resigning due to the expenses scandal, but does say that she has spoken to her husband about the exploitation of women."

Oh PUR-LEASE.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:52 
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Sitting balls-back folder

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myp wrote:
Why not give them a fucking ball or something?
Or one of those novelty imprint things - you know, a grid of pins that you push.

Yeah, those, but made of nails, and tied to every fat kid's arse.


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:53 
Filthy Junkie Bitch

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GazChap wrote:
Just heard on Radio 1: "Jacqui Smith insists that she hasn't considered resigning due to the expenses scandal, but does say that she has spoken to her husband about the exploitation of women."

Ah, thats ok then. Case closed.


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 13:02 
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Commander-in-Cheese

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If I was him, I'd be leaving her right now and making a shed load of money with a book deal. Let's see her survive that.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 18:07 
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Peculiar, yet lovely

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Quote:
Jacqui Smith, the home secretary, will announce this week that ministers have teamed up with the DIY retailers B&Q and Focus to provide discount vouchers to help householders make their homes more secure.


What... in the name ... of all that shits and bleeds?

I may be mistaken - I hope I am - but is that really a newspaper reporting that the government is spending our money on advertising for a couple of fucking shops?

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 18:14 
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Watch from 3:20 onwards:


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 19:47 
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Can't re-member

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David Van Day's a right prick, yeah.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 19:53 
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sinister agent wrote:
I may be mistaken - I hope I am - but is that really a newspaper reporting that the government is spending our money on advertising for a couple of fucking shops?


Next week the health minister will give Ms Goody's children a money-off voucher for Calpol.


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 20:12 
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Chinny chin chin

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Kern wrote:
sinister agent wrote:
I may be mistaken - I hope I am - but is that really a newspaper reporting that the government is spending our money on advertising for a couple of fucking shops?


Next week the health minister will give Ms Goody's children a money-off voucher for heroin.


FTFY.


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 7:40 
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Honey Boo Boo

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chinnyhill10 wrote:
Kern wrote:
sinister agent wrote:
I may be mistaken - I hope I am - but is that really a newspaper reporting that the government is spending our money on advertising for a couple of fucking shops?


Next week the health minister will give Ms Goody's children a money-off voucher for an electric knife so they can cook her and sell kebabs of her.


FTFY.


Super-FTFY.


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 15:48 
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Awww....poor Jacqui....


Quote:
"Jacqui Smith feared she was not up to being home secretary and wished she had been better trained for the role, she reveals in a magazine interview."


< http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8155454.stm >


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 15:51 
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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 18:50 
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I forgot about this - how vain

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Kern wrote:
Awww....poor Jacqui....


Quote:
"Jacqui Smith feared she was not up to being home secretary and wished she had been better trained for the role, she reveals in a magazine interview."


< http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8155454.stm >


Don't we all. Don't we all.

Maybe someone could have explained that whole Magna Carta thing to her.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 14:53 
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Naughty stuff? On the Internet? Really, Jacqui?

El Reg wrote:
Smith told the Radio Times that during her research for the documentary, she had been "shocked" to discover how much hard-core material was washing around the net. And so much of it for absolutely no cost at all.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/02/22 ... cumentary/

'Research'? We paid our license fee for her to browse for ['kittens']?


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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 15:26 
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Noob as of 6/8/10

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Kern wrote:
Naughty stuff? On the Internet? Really, Jacqui?


Yes, it's true. I saw a picture of a lady's front bottom the other day. I had to wash my monitor afterwards.

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 Post subject: Re: The Jacqui Smith Thread
PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 4:36 
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Can you dig it?

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Warhead wrote:
Kern wrote:
Naughty stuff? On the Internet? Really, Jacqui?


Yes, it's true. I saw a picture of a lady's front bottom the other day. I had to wash my monitor afterwards.


I use those layered peel-off screen protectors, like what the F1 drivers have on their visors. So much more convenient.

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