Be Excellent To Each Other

I Believe I related my story of the two Japanese girls on the train talking about me. One thought I looked friendly, the other not so much.

When leaving, I thanked one of them.

I read that one!

Remember when we had a site called UpToJump? That was fun.

(even if you needed to co-opt the POTW button to become a 'consider this for site inclusion' button).

I'm fairly sure we had something like that for UTJ. I remember writing it.

Was it the 'bits of beex' site?

Ah yes, that was it. It posted to Tumblr.

Where is Nu-Sat?

Reading Sat's review of Halo: Reach, it's interesting to see how his review-style has evolved. Much prefer Nu-Sat.

Where is Nu-Sat?

Yay! Site resurgence!

I'm thinking about doing video reviews of low-budget games like World of Subways 3 and Jalopy - would be happy to include those under the Beex banner.

Certainly there seems to be some enthusiasm, but let's not get ahead of ourselves

I'm thinking about doing video reviews of low-budget games like World of Subways 3 and Jalopy - would be happy to include those under the Beex banner.

Brown. Cars like bumming you

I did ask about having it but I think it had already lapsed by the time I got there and like I say, I gave up once I hit a brick wall with getting the Twitter username transferred to me. The Twitter help people were useless.

You should. It's got real punch, a marketer's dream.

Which Twitter username? @UpToJump? Because I have that.

Which Twitter username? @UpToJump? Because I have that.

You should. It's got real punch, a marketer's dream.

It will be a joke site mainly, satirising those kinds of gamers who believe that a review should be objective and not include opinions or 'political agenda' (which is impossible as that is what a review is). So basically each review will say "This is a game. You can play it on the PS4 and PC. It uses a controller. There are 12 levels.', etc. Each score will be 10/10 because it will say 'Graphics: 10 - it has graphics; Sound: 10 - it has sound'

A few people have claimed recently that they want completely objective and unbiased reviews lacking personal opinion. I have been criticized for using my own feelings and thoughts when writing a review, which I am informed is actually a bad way to review videogames. My latest Jimquisition video tackled this subject, but the critics didn't understand it.

With that in mind, I have decided to actually put their "objective reviews can be written" theory to the test and am now re-reviewing a game in a manner that completely negates subjective and personal thought. I decided to use Final Fantasy XIII, one of Destructoid's most controversial reviews, as the guinea pig, so please enjoy this brand-new review -- untainted by opinion, uncolored by emotion, and unclouded by my own personal thoughts.

Does it make for a better, more insightful, ultimately more useful review? I can't say ... I don't have an opinion on the matter!

Final Fantasy XIII (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 [reviewed])
Developer: Square Enix
Publisher: Square Enix
Released: March 9, 2010
MSRP: $59.99

Final Fantasy XIII is a videogame released on the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360. It was developed by Square Enix. It stars characters. One of the characters is called Lightning and that is the main character of the game that can be played with a controller. The game's story is about Lightning and a collection of other characters who must fight some other characters called Fal'Sie and save a planet called Cocoon. The story has a beginning and an ending and a middle bit.

Final Fantasy XIII belongs to the role-playing-game genre of videogames, more specifically a genre that some people dub "JRPG" with "J" standing for Japanese. Final Fantasy XIII was developed in Japan which would make this genre designation accurate. The game has things in it that other JRPGs have, such as leveling up and weapons and shops.
The battle system is a battle system. In this battle system players select commands for one character while other characters are controlled by the game's AI. Players can manually designate commands or let the AI decide which course of action is best. There is a system called the Paradigm shift which is new to Final Fantasy XIII and it allows players to pre-program how characters behave and the player can swap these behavior patterns whenever they want during a battle to deal with different circumstances. Many people enjoy the Paradigm system, but other people do not like it so much.

Players have the ability to restart a battle if it does not go well which you may or may not find useful depending on your personal preference. You might also find weapon leveling useful but that's only if you find weapon leveling useful, so whether or not you find weapon leveling useful is down to how useful you ultimately find weapon leveling.

You can save the game if you want sometimes.

The videogame has graphics and sound. The graphics are seen with your eyes and the sound is heard by your ears. When you start the game the graphics and the sound will occur almost at the same time, letting you know that the game has started. There is also text which players can read.

If you buy Final Fantasy XIII and like it, then you like Final Fantasy XIII. If you buy Final Fantasy XIII and don't like it, then you don't like Final Fantasy XIII. It has things in it that some people might enjoy but other people who have different ideas of what is enjoyable may not actually enjoy it.

In conclusion, Final Fantasy XIII is a videogame.

Score: N/A (Since a reviewer would use his judgment to give a game a score, a score cannot be given at this time.)

Perhaps you could team up? Be the UK side of the site reviewing things exclusive to the UK?

Or just do what they do, only better.

Yeah I don't think it's actually all that great. Mine will be funnier and betterer.

I'm sure this is genuine, but I can't help but read it as sarcastic.

That would be because it was deeply sarcastic I can't think of a blander name for a review site.

That would be because it was deeply sarcastic I can't think of a blander name for a review site.

Yes, I've seen a few joke reviews before using that style, but only as one-offs. Except now I've just found http://www.objectivegamereviews.com/ looking for another example and I guess I'll just have a little cry.

See now I feel slightly vindicated, because I assumed the best in you as a person, but also knew that you'd not miss an opportunity to mock myp.

Thank you. That was the desired effect.

I'm going to start a site called subjectivereviews.com. I think it will be a real hit!