The Petition

NervousPete · **Posted:** Thu Aug 04, 2011 15:52

Good lord, I'm looking forward ploughing through the free-hilarity the British public will offer on these petition lists. Shall we post the ones that amuse here in this thread, plus a signature count.

Also, suggestions here please for awesome petitions we can put forward. Post your idea and see if it takes off, whoever gets the most signatories wins. Put the one's we want in Beteo-Blue. Idiot-Nation in Angry-of-Tunbridge-Wells Red.

Eg:

"In the case of a logged noise complaints between two or more parties being unresolved within three days, involved parties must get together and physically kiss and make up before a legal witness."

Squirt · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6601

I see plenty of petitions calling for reinstatement of capital punishment ( and an equal number not wanting it ) but none for corporal punishment. Therefore I'm going to write one suggesting that flogging, bastinado, or beating with a bulls penis be made available as punishments for minor traffic offences and anti-social behaviour.

Kern · **Posted:** Thu Aug 04, 2011 16:05

Looks like someone else has beaten us to it (or just drunk in charge of a keyboard):

Quote:

Public Hanging for those who propose public hanging

Responsible department: Ministry of Justice

When God said in the Bible "a noose for a noose" He was right. For too long sick perverts have been getting away with proposing public hanging in the UK. We say enough. The proposed punishments for some crimes are so horrific that the proper punishment for proposing this punishment is the death penalty. After all, with all that DNA science we now have, we can always prove all the time who has proposed a punishment for a crime, and then propose punishing them appropriately. So, Government, will you ConDem us to more Brussels non-justice? Or will you finally publicly hang anyone who proposes public hanging for any crime? We propose this.

3 signatures so far.

Kern · **Posted:** Thu Aug 04, 2011 16:07

Squirt wrote:

I see plenty of petitions calling for reinstatement of capital punishment ( and an equal number not wanting it ) but none for corporal punishment. Therefore I'm going to write one suggesting that flogging, bastinado, or beating with a bulls penis be made available as punishments for minor traffic offences and anti-social behaviour.

We lost so many of our forefather's freedoms when the right to trial by combat was removed in the 19th Century. Bring back proper justice!
EDIT And, of course, trial by ordeal.

Curiosity · **Posted:** Thu Aug 04, 2011 16:11

Those who propose a return to the 'good old days' of public hanging and the like should be forced to live in a cave, contract cholera and die young.

It reminds me of the older generation that confuses their own experience with statistics.

"I licked lead paint, slept in a room on my own from birth, on my front, in a room at 35 degrees centigrade and was fed watered down cows milk, and I turned out okay!"

"Well yes, but infant mortality rates were far higher then and so lots of people died unnecessarily".

"BUT I TURNED OUT OKAY!"

"But lots of people died."

"BUT I TURNED OUT OKAY!"

*sigh*

WTB · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

I can't get onto the site, but am I right in thinking that it's basically being used as a more sophisticated version of the Facebook "like" trend? Y'know, "Dave likes 'puttin unexpected items in the self survice till at the soopermarket coz your a crazy cunt'" sort of thing?

Squirt · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6601

WTB wrote:

I can't get onto the site, but am I right in thinking that it's basically being used as a more sophisticated version of the Facebook "like" trend? Y'know, "Dave likes 'puttin unexpected items in the self survice till at the soopermarket coz your a crazy cunt'" sort of thing?

Basically, yes. But with added "I want to hang chavs!"

Kern · **Posted:** Thu Aug 04, 2011 16:28

Now I've got this in my head:

Squirt · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6601

I like the idea of Subjective Justice

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49240

We need to get something up there that refers to Cibrushsille, and see if we can get non-forumites to sign it.

Kern · **Posted:** Thu Aug 04, 2011 16:40

Craster wrote:

We need to get something up there that refers to Cibrushsille, and see if we can get non-forumites to sign it.

You know the Ministry of Agriculture are planning a needless mass cull of cibrushille, don't you?

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49240

DO EEEET! Make the language so prejudicial that people will sign up to it even when they don't understand. Throw in loads of cruelty comments.

NervousPete · **Posted:** Thu Aug 04, 2011 17:09

Don't forget to add words like 'empirical data' and phrases like 'despite Germany's enthusiasm for the cull' and 'the traditional mottled red and yellow Cibrushille of the British habitat versus the cruelly dominant sleek black American genetically modified import'.

GovernmentYard · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 5318

We should get a petition going for a knighthood for Doctor Who. After all, look at how much he's helped...

NervousPete · **Posted:** Thu Aug 04, 2011 17:44

Better wait 'till we've got another authority-chummin' Pertwee Doc.

Kern · **Posted:** Mon Aug 15, 2011 15:23

Ah, finally! A campaign we can get behind:

Quote:

Introduce a 6p coin, a 60p coin, a £6 note, a £60 note, a £600 note, a £6000 note and a special £6,000,000,000 note for govt use. The benefit is that people like the number 6 and will be much happier and it will stimulate the economy as business scrambles to reflect the changes, including vending machine operators.

Yes, a 6p coin would make me 0.06% happier.

ElephantBanjoGnome · **Joined:** 22nd Dec, 2010 **Posts:** 8175

I'm reading A Tale of Two Cities at the moment, and was struck by this paragraph this morning:

Quote:

But indeed, at that time, putting to death was a recipe much in vogue with all trades and professions[...]. Death is Nature's remedy for all things, and why not Legislation's? Accordingly, the forger was put to Death; the utterer of a bad note was put to Death; the unlawful opener of a letter was put to Death; the purloiner of forty shillings and sixpence was put to death; the holder of a horse at Tellson's door, who made off with it, was put to Death; the coiner of a bad schilling was put to Death; the sounders of three-fourths of the notes in the whole gamut of Crime, were put to Death. Not that it did the least good in the way of prevention--it might almost have been worth remarking that the fact was exactly the reverse--but, it cleared off (as to this world) the trouble of each particular case, and left nothing else connected with it to be looked after

I liked that. Of course, I'm of the opinion that such punishment need not be implemented as a deterrant, and the failure of it to act as such is not an argument against its use. Merely that 'clearing off the trouble of each particular case', is a pretty good end unto itself.

Curiosity · **Posted:** Mon Aug 15, 2011 16:27

ElephantBanjoGnome wrote:

I'm reading A Tale of Two Cities at the moment, and was struck by this paragraph this morning:

Quote:

But indeed, at that time, putting to death was a recipe much in vogue with all trades and professions[...]. Death is Nature's remedy for all things, and why not Legislation's? Accordingly, the forger was put to Death; the utterer of a bad note was put to Death; the unlawful opener of a letter was put to Death; the purloiner of forty shillings and sixpence was put to death; the holder of a horse at Tellson's door, who made off with it, was put to Death; the coiner of a bad schilling was put to Death; the sounders of three-fourths of the notes in the whole gamut of Crime, were put to Death. Not that it did the least good in the way of prevention--it might almost have been worth remarking that the fact was exactly the reverse--but, it cleared off (as to this world) the trouble of each particular case, and left nothing else connected with it to be looked after

I liked that. Of course, I'm of the opinion that such punishment need not be implemented as a deterrant, and the failure of it to act as such is not an argument against its use. Merely that 'clearing off the trouble of each particular case', is a pretty good end unto itself.

Certainly until you are executed for going at 71mph on a motorway...

ElephantBanjoGnome · **Joined:** 22nd Dec, 2010 **Posts:** 8175

Curiosity wrote:

Certainly until you are executed for going at 71mph on a motorway...

More effective than speed cameras :DD

To be fair though, it should only be death once you hit 12 points :hat:

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49240

Curiosity wrote:

Certainly until you are executed for going at 71mph on a motorway...

Or until you're executed because someone who's just nicked your car has gone 71mph on the motorway.

ElephantBanjoGnome · **Joined:** 22nd Dec, 2010 **Posts:** 8175

Craster wrote:

Or until you're executed because someone who's just nicked your car has gone 71mph on the motorway.

At this point we're also in topsy-turvey land where evidence and circumstances are no longer taken into account in criminal proceedings.

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49240

Or the land where convictions are sometimes wrong and get overturned after the fact.

GazChap · **Posted:** Mon Aug 15, 2011 16:50

Kern wrote:

Ah, finally! A campaign we can get behind:

Quote:

Introduce a 6p coin, a 60p coin, a £6 note, a £60 note, a £600 note, a £6000 note and a special £6,000,000,000 note for govt use. The benefit is that people like the number 6 and will be much happier and it will stimulate the economy as business scrambles to reflect the changes, including vending machine operators.

Yes, a 6p coin would make me 0.06% happier.

http://www.gazchap.com/me/weblog.php?page=38

ElephantBanjoGnome · **Joined:** 22nd Dec, 2010 **Posts:** 8175

Craster wrote:

Or the land where convictions are sometimes wrong and get overturned after the fact.

Even I think that proof of guilt would have to be somewhat incontrovertable in cases punishable by death. By incontrovertable I mean not decided by the best guess of a dozen random people.

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