Be Excellent To Each Other

You're never going to solve this one.

It's like people overtaking on single carriageway country roads. Some people just can't understand why going 50 in a 60 zone is so annoying.

FTFM

Along with the "70mph in whatever lane I choose" brigade on the motorway.
I've stopped giving them the benefit of the doubt these days and just undertake when safe, rather than flashing or indicating. If you sit a safe distance back they will never move over, regardless.

Undertaking is ridiculously dangerous. People don't check their passenger side when pulling in. Please stop it.

Fuckers who dawdle in the middle lane in any lane, get out of the way!

Grim... please come and play on our 'national speed limit applies' roads. As our national speed limit is, erm, 'as fast as your car can go?' so it can be pretty fun. It is on the back of a bike, anyway. Almost wobbles you head off!

Miserable old people annoy me too. I have more respect and patience for the eldery thanI have for the rest of the generalpublic but some of them really are bitter old bastards. And they're only going get more annoying as the excuse 'I fought in the war for you' starts drying up. Piss off you grumpy old twat, I work 40hrs a week to pay your pension and every fucker elses and there'll be fuck all provision for me when I qualify for a state pension amounting to £15.40, aged 76.

Another one! People who dawdle at 60, you got to overtake them and they fucking speed up!

WTF is that all about? In the old 1,2 Polo, that was a right ballache.

Yes mum.

Good. Now, tidy your room.

You presuppose that people check any mirrors when on the motorway, my experience is that they don't.

Undertaking isn't "ridiculously" dangerous, it's no more dangerous than any another motorway activity, if done with care and attention to surroundings. I don't just do it in a carefree manner, as my post alluded to, it's generally done in two specific cases.

1) rush hour traffic, where everyone is sitting in lane 3, with nary a car in sight in the first two lanes.
2) empty motorways, where someone is sitting in lane 3. I don't bother to come out of lane 1, I just zoom past...

Trooper's motorway driving rules:
Treat every other driver as if they are idiots, regardless of what they do or look like they are doing.
Leave enough room around yourself and other drivers so that if they do anything crazy, you have time to act.
Make sure any movement you make is well indicated and done with precision and decision.
Don't dawdle.
Be aware of what is beside and behind you, just as much as in front.

Whether you are overtaking, pootling along, or deciding to undertake an idiot. Treat everyone like the fools they are I've come close to having an accident twice on the motorway in my driving life, both times were people attempting to pull out into lane 3 without looking, while I was overtaking...

I presuppose nothing. You can't prove it.


Pretty much the same rules I live by.

I would also add: Just because you're in a hurry, doesn't mean you can be a cunt. Stop tailgating, you arse.

Grim...'s Motorway driving rules:
Just because you're about to crash you don't have to wake Mr Dave.

I am, right now.

The Highway Code, which every licenced driver reads at least once every year because they agreed to as a term and/or condition of holding a licence, says to merge at the point of congestion, because it minimises the length of the tailback. Holding any other opinion is not the best sort of correct.

That doesn't mean that people who blast up to the roadworks at 90 then shove their way in without indicating aren't cunts - I wander along at "above queueing speed", and do expect to be let in at the end. I also do get mardy when half a dozen people behave like fucking idiot children by cramming inches apart to prevent me merging.

That's New Zealand. I agree it's a good standard to have, but we don't have it, so whipping down the outside is just jumping the queue of people who are waiting, and making them wait longer. If you're there before a queue forms then yes, by going down the outside you're creating a zip, otherwise no.

My approach to this used to be "my car is cheaper than yours, and I don't care about it. Your move" However these days I care about my car too much to make my presence felt as much as I would like. It has certainly changed the way I drive around that London.

Ah, that's fair enough then. Also the idea of not whizzing down the outside, just going faster than the queue. Fair enough, that is fixed, then.

The people who got there first shouldn't have been so stupid as to only go down the left hand side, and instead started their own zipping.

See also theme park ride queues. Get zipping down that empty lane. Managed to go on Thunder Mountain in Euro Disney (as it was then) about eight times in a row using this method, each time whizzing past the same people still queuing down the one side. Eventually one of the attendants came and opened a bit of the barrier half way down to force people down both entrances.

I can't believe I'm the first to post this one...

Text speak. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to use numbers instead of letters or abbreviation - even mobile phones these days have adaptive and auto correct voodoo, in fact on my phone it would be far far more effort to use text speak. It is especially annoying in world of warcraft trade channel.

shoppers in meadowhall piss me off no end, they all look so fucking miserable all the time. Come on guys cheer up you just bought lots of shiney new things not a bag of dog shit.

Then there's a problem, because illuminated signs on motorways tell you to get merging long before the point of congestion.

I think those are actually warning you that a lane is closing ahead, which will be coming up quite soon if you're doing 70 on an empty road.

I have seen "merge in turn" signs occasionally, but as Bik says, it should be automatic behaviour.

Are we legally allowed to take anything you say about motorways authoritatively?

You should always take everything I say authoritatively.

What about the shit you write in here?

What about the way you can't even get on the motorway without crashing?

I take both of your comments on board, and stand by my statement.

STAAAND BY MY CAAAAAAAR.....

For some reason I can only place this in my head up against the song as AAAAAAAAAALLLLL BYYYYY MYYYYSEEEEEEEEEEELF

I undertake loads. And merge in with cones shutting that lane.

And, it was meant to be rail card not tailgate, earlier.

Oakwell Hall:

Hello, we are the caretakers of this lovely old building dating back to the 17th century with beautiful warped wood, old four poster beds, pewter goblets and period furniture and furnishings bedecking the dozen and a half rooms that make this carefully preserved manor which is blessed by the most delicate light that falls as if cast by the brush of Vermeer himself.

No photography please.

...

Also please excuse the IKEA lamps we have in the corner of every room and the security sensors, warning signs and radiators we've installed everywhere carefully destroying any sense of delightful timeslip you may otherwise have enjoyed, and further destroying any photo you may wish to take on the sly. Thank you.

People who ride horses on the road. One tried for bus assisted suicide this morning. She won't be the last.

Blacks, poors, and gays.

Generally, the reason for not being allowed to take photos in places like that is so thieves can't build up a catalogue of stuff available to interested collectors.

Also, you are then less likely to pay for postcards etc. , and relatedly, there's nothing to stop journalists/publishers taking their own pictures instead of paying to use yours.

Some places go for the middle ground of making you pay for a photo permit, typically at an absurdly expensive rate. I used to work at a place where this happened, and I would turn a blind eye wherever possible, because the permits were extortionate and most people only take a couple of crappy snaps anyway. Harmless.

Couldn't they hire a guy with a crossbow to patrol the rooms, instead?

Also, shut up you lot. Really wanted a photo of those olde leather shoes by the four-poster.

An ex of mine, can't recall her name, nice girl, glasses, taught me loads about architecture, I think she's married now, was the custodian of an NT place. So, she was alone in this centuries old house every night after locking up. She used to dread the alarms going off. So, in some ways, yes. In other ways, no.

Ray Winstone.

I can't be doing with either. I'll make sure I have some notes on me before I go in. You'd think paying on card might be quicker, but I seem to get stuck behind the ditherers who take an age to find their card and deliberate over entering their PIN.

I used to count to the pound as I shopped, but I've got much better at estimating as I've always shopped by the basket, so you're never more than a fiver off at the most. Hence, I always carry about what I think it costs, plus an extra note in case. Quick and easy, often more so than using a card.

You do have to have it ready before you get to the till, though. There's really no excuse in a supermarket.

Of all the things on this list, the one that I hate most is doorway loitering and pavement/stairway blocking. It seems that the larger a public space is, the greater the likelihood that some witless dickheads will be pointlessly occupying the one spot that absolutely everyone in the vicinity needs to pass through.

I have a very specific one: Students sitting in corridors.

Students tend to sit outside rooms when waiting for lectures or for the room to empty from the previous session. They sprawl, legs extended down the length of a narrow hall and I have to hop over and between them, usually dragging a flight case or some other bulky item whilst they make a token effort to shift out of the way.

Grr.

Not everyone has your phone though - it came about to save time and money. Android folk can get a thingy that expands the message for you automatically

Also, predictive text is the work of the devil. And not the sexy work of the devil - the bad kind.

Having said that, I do hate text speak. Some abbreviations like brb and tbh are alright though, obv.

[Edit] Posting in the wrong thread, like I did just then. Hate that.

People on the bus who, instead of standing up to let you out, swivel on their lazy arses and expect you to shuffle past.

Hope you like my arse cheeks, motherfucker!

Maybe they can't stand up because of your whopping bonce.

Creeping up behind Clickbait phrasing on social media are shared posts and statuses on Facebook that end with any of the following phrases:

'I know which of my friends will be good/brave/nice/kind enough to share this'
'Let's see which of you shares this'
'I want to know who of my friends will share this'
'Share this if you care'
'Only some of my friends will share this - I think I know who they are'

I can't think of anything more annoyingly and creepily passive aggressive when trying to make people feel guilty for not sharing their latest puppy protecting/poppy promoting/poverty porn posting.

"99% of people won't share this"

Including me. Next!

I think those are all brilliant.
In my mind I just read them all as "I'm an idiot, please unfriend me", and click the appropriate button.

Anything from Britain First has a similar effect.

I must have curated my friends list really well as I don't think I've had a single one of these.

I've only had a couple in moments of weakness.
I've binned a few people for unpleasant racist rants.

Incorrect use, or lack of, punctuation. Particularly apostrophe's. (That was intentional.)

Neighbours who helpfully return my wheelie bins but place them with the handles/wheels against the fence.

Fuckers who turn up late for courses I'm running without apologising. Fuckers who sit there texting, or possibly playing Candy Crush, or pratting about on their tablets or laptops during my training sessions. Wazzocks who ask questions that have absolutely no relevance to the subject of the training I'm delivering.