Be Excellent To Each Other

Ooooh... Probably best just to stick to things that have annoyed me today so far...

1) People who park in my parking space at my flat. It has my number on it, there are big signs everywhere saying this is private parking for residents only, just because there isn't a car in the space, doesn't mean you can use it. The fact that I don't use it either, is beside the point
2) People who "just picking up" or "just dropping off" their sprog at the college, and feel that gives them licence to "wait" in the residents parking bays.
3) People who have no sense of personal space on the train.
4) People who text and walk, no you are not walking in a straight line or at a constant pace, yes it is fucking annoying to walk behind you or try to get past.
5) People

Spitters.

I do that all the time. I find browsing the internet, reading books or playing games on my phone is the only way to stay sane if I'm out shopping with Miss Malabar (Throughsilver will now attest to this!) and I reckon I've become quite good at keeping a decent peripheral model of my surroundings while the majority of my attention is stuck in the digital world. I, of course, may be wrong.

Now, the peeves:

• People who stop in their tracks right in front of you. Or stop and start walking backwards. Or stop, do a 180, and start walking back towards you without bothering to look where they're going.
• People who'll stop with their trolleys sideways in an isle
• People who stop to chat in the least appropriate places. At Genghis Khan's on Saturday, a group of about seven people stopped to chat, huddled around each-other, right at self-service bit of the restaurant. What the fuck, guys?

Being stuck behind Big Trax in the supermarket queue. He takes a fuckin' age.

Either you are the one person in the world who has perfected this skill, and I love you for it.
Or you are wrong, and I detest you with every fibre of my being...

Edited to add to my list:

6) People who exaggerate all the fucking time...

It could be either, really. I've cocked it up a few times, but for the most part I get along okay. Fuck knows how frustrating that is for everyone else, but fuck 'em.

I can browse and walk with little risk, but typing becomes a bit of an issue as my brain apparently has limited bandwidth

You can probably see why it's illegal to do that whilst driving, then.

No. You can't. You may think you can, but you can't.

Sometimes I'll read a book while walking, if I'm used to the route.

So your head is mostly bone?

Oh, just fuck off, all of you!

Also couples or families walking toward you on the pavement who make no attempt to make room for you to walk past, so that you're the one who has to step into the road.




People who just park anywhere they feel like it just to use a cashpoint or whatever annoy me. Just park up somewhere properly and walk round.

People who sign emails, cards, whatever with "Rosie, Jim and James" where James is their pet.

People talking down to children.

People saying I sound posh.

Laws that mean I can't construct and fly my own hot air balloon.

Stupid fixed wheel bikes with no brakes.

The fact I can't buy a weekly tailgate as I need another card from the station.

My Mum will sometimes draw a little paw print from the cat on a card.

Human statues.

I think it's a Specialist Art Pamphlet.

Oh God yes. Hateful.

Jugglers, too.

STREET CANVASERS WITH THEIR FUCKING CLIP BOARDS

1. DavPaz
2. Apple flat keyboards.
3. Brand obsession (read - Fanboys, particularly apple ones who insist that you port everything to mac/iPad/iPhone. Particularly in cases where it obviously isn't practical)

People who feel the need to fill silences with awkward small talk, in fact.. I'd go with any kind of small talk.

For example (and I've just put this on Twitter) there I was, sitting in the deserted lunch canteen room on my own when a new guy comes in. We exchange simple greetings and I go back to eating my lunch and looking at my phone.

Then, out of nowhere after 4 or 5 minutes he says "That Firkins is pretty cheap isn't it?".

I'd rather have the silence thanks.

Firkins?

Mirkin, Shirley?

As in the bakers. It's like Greggs.. only cheaper apparently.

Someone small-talked me at the urinals in Crewe station the other week. I was there first, he bounds in right next to me and starts chatting away about how long it's taken him to find the toilets, and that he's going up to Blackpool for the weekend. Fucking weirdo.

He wanted to bum you.

Christ. Maybe he wanted to sample your boyish charms? It's your own fault, stop getting your cock out in public.

Zardoz! o/

I'm guessing it went something like the start of this*:




* Without the Dalek, natch.

That's on the long old list "problems a Tomcat can solve".

\o

Another supermarket one: why do many people wait right up until the cashier says how much the total is, then they look confused or panic, and only then do they get the money out?

I mentally work out how much it will cost, and usually have the money ready to hand over (the exact amount, if possible).

As a kind of "anti-this-thread-subject" post, paying with exact change and clearing out a bunch of coins from my pocket leaves me hugely satisfied.

Oh, yes! Getting rid of lots of small change is satisfying.

People who let their kids run around the pub, but still feel the need to give you a row for swearing.

I know a female student whose every other word is "like".

It's like, y'know like the best thing like, in the world, like, you know? Like.

This reminds me: people who dislike you taking photographs in a public place and treating you as if you are a criminal or a terrorist or something.

People that make me wait while they count out the exact change for their shopping, then the cashier does the same thing, rather than using a credit card like everyone else

Paedo.

Other peoples children are very, very annoying. Mine are probably no better but I have tried to avoid inflicting them on the general public, now they just sulk and drag their feet and moan how unfair everything is. There are plenty of places specifically designed for children, that cater to theirs and their parents every whim. I wouldn't take a dog to the highstreet and let it run about uncontrolled, barking and shitting everywhere. Get a grip. If you can't control the child, either because it's a little shit or because "it's at that age", leave it at home.

Oh yeah. Going to a restaurant where the average price per head is about £40 before drinks, and finding that a few tables have screaming bloody children at them

People who don't acknowledge that I have held a door open for them.

I count it out whilst in the queue.

United States of THIS.

Also, every cyclist in Liverpool. For whatever reason they always ride on the pavement, the busier the better, even if the road is mostly empty.

And fucking CUNTS who drive along the outside when there's a roadworks queue thing. And the fucks who let them in.

Also a pet hate. Lybian rebels who shoot bullets indiscriminantly up in the air when celebrating.

Oh and people who want a coffee when I'm making a massive tea round at work.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Everyone should use both lanes to queue, then filter in turn. Leaving an empty stretch of road is pointless, and adds to congestion further back.

merge in turn people, merge in turn, zip zip zip!

FTFY

Shorter queues ≠ less time queuing. If you get everyone in one lane early the traffic will keep flowing at a steady rate because you don't need to brake every time some cunt forces his way in.

Heh, you're pretty much correct there!

I have been served in a supermarket when the cashier was chatting to her colleague on the next till. She only spoke and looked at me once, when she had to tell me of the total cost. A pretty impressive feat, if you think about it.

When a longer one would go back across a sliproad they do.
I know that ideally people would all get into the same lane with 1/2 a mile to go and then it would be perfect and traffic would flow nicely, but as soon as people stop it makes sense to use up all the space you've got.

You only have to brake, because some cunts aren't letting the zip merger into the queue, so causing ripple braking.
Merging has to happen at some point, where it happens doesn't matter in terms of the flow, it does matter in terms of not blocking exits further down the queue though. If you merge early, you spend more time at a slower speed and use up more road length.