OK! Here we go. Might have to re-score these, considering some of the criteria.
Co-Op puff pastry mince pies.
Presentation : 2/20 (burned, but puffed up)
Taste : 1/20 (tastes of burned stuff)
Filling : 1/20 (was there actually any filling. Some ex filling had spilled out of sides.
Size : 5/20: quite big, but only because of puff pastry
Value : 1/20: £1.40 for 4. Not even that cheap and you are essentially paying for burnt air.
Score: 10/100
___________
Morrison’s puff pastry mince pies
Presentation : 5/20 ( pallid, not very puffy)
Taste : 1/20 (Like a sausage roll that lost its sausage. No sweetness due to lack of filling and savoury pastry with no sugar on top)
Filling : 1/20 (was there actually any filling? No.)
Size : 5/20: quite big, but only because of puff pastry
Value : 3/20: £1.20 for 4. Not particularly cheap and Verging on extortion for the amount of filling you get.
Score: 15/100
Co-Op puff pastry mince pies.
Presentation : 2/20 (burned, but puffed up)
Taste : 1/20 (tastes of burned stuff)
Filling : 1/20 (was there actually any filling. Some ex filling had spilled out of sides.
Size : 5/20: quite big, but only because of puff pastry
Value : 1/20: £1.40 for 4. Not even that cheap and you are essentially paying for burnt air.
Score: 10/100
___________
Morrison’s puff pastry mince pies
Presentation : 5/20 ( pallid, not very puffy)
Taste : 1/20 (Like a sausage roll that lost its sausage. No sweetness due to lack of filling and savoury pastry with no sugar on top)
Filling : 1/20 (was there actually any filling? No.)
Size : 5/20: quite big, but only because of puff pastry
Value : 3/20: £1.20 for 4. Not particularly cheap and Verging on extortion for the amount of filling you get.
Score: 15/100
Have you seen the co-op ad? What kind of monster breaks a mince pie in half before eating eating it?
I cut one in half yesterday on the ridiculous notion that I would have the second half "later".
What. An. Idiot.
What. An. Idiot.
Come on Davpaz. This isn’t your first Christmas. What were you thinking?
Unless it was one that came in a 8-12” diameter tin made for slicing* you made a serious error in judgement.
*even then, could go either way.
Unless it was one that came in a 8-12” diameter tin made for slicing* you made a serious error in judgement.
*even then, could go either way.
Hmm. I might put half a packet away, with the idea that I might eat them on a different day. Even that is pushing it.
Mimi wrote:
Come on Davpaz. This isn’t your first Christmas. What were you thinking?
Unless it was one that came in a 8-12” diameter tin made for slicing* you made a serious error in judgement.
*even then, could go either way.
Unless it was one that came in a 8-12” diameter tin made for slicing* you made a serious error in judgement.
*even then, could go either way.
https://twitter.com/imbadatlife/status/ ... 1059948544
utterly obsessed with this american site that has confused mince with mincemeat, and created this abomination pic.twitter.com/Y31NqYGYrV
— Luke Bailey (@imbadatlife) December 9, 2019
On a tangentially related Christmas foodstuffs theme: Do not be tempted by the heavily discounted "Prosecco and Peppercorn" Pringles that are currently being sold off at fire sale prices.
"They can't be that bad" you will tell yourself.
"They're Pringles! Pringles are delicious!" your lying brain will whisper.
These things are an abomination. They are mildly effervescent on the tongue. You read that right. They're fizzy. The underlying weirdness of the peppercorn flavour hits like an aftertaste freight train and stays with you for hours.
Do yourself a favour. Save your 50p. Do not buy.
We now return to your regularly scheduled mince pie review
"They can't be that bad" you will tell yourself.
"They're Pringles! Pringles are delicious!" your lying brain will whisper.
These things are an abomination. They are mildly effervescent on the tongue. You read that right. They're fizzy. The underlying weirdness of the peppercorn flavour hits like an aftertaste freight train and stays with you for hours.
Do yourself a favour. Save your 50p. Do not buy.
We now return to your regularly scheduled mince pie review
Not a mince pie, but I've just heard the first Slade of the season. But it's not Slade, it's some terrible, Terrible europop version.
There may not be a lot of love for the original but that was an abomination.
There may not be a lot of love for the original but that was an abomination.
DavPaz wrote:
On a tangentially related Christmas foodstuffs theme: Do not be tempted by the heavily discounted "Prosecco and Peppercorn" Pringles that are currently being sold off at fire sale prices.
"They can't be that bad" you will tell yourself.
"They're Pringles! Pringles are delicious!" your lying brain will whisper.
These things are an abomination. They are mildly effervescent on the tongue. You read that right. They're fizzy. The underlying weirdness of the peppercorn flavour hits like an aftertaste freight train and stays with you for hours.
Do yourself a favour. Save your 50p. Do not buy.
We now return to your regularly scheduled mince pie review
"They can't be that bad" you will tell yourself.
"They're Pringles! Pringles are delicious!" your lying brain will whisper.
These things are an abomination. They are mildly effervescent on the tongue. You read that right. They're fizzy. The underlying weirdness of the peppercorn flavour hits like an aftertaste freight train and stays with you for hours.
Do yourself a favour. Save your 50p. Do not buy.
We now return to your regularly scheduled mince pie review
My wife and kids love that flavour. They're disappointed they can't find it this year!
Findus Fop wrote:
Not a mince pie, but I've just heard the first Slade of the season. But it's not Slade, it's some terrible, Terrible europop version.
There may not be a lot of love for the original but that was an abomination.
There may not be a lot of love for the original but that was an abomination.
Do you mean the Robbie Williams/Jamie Cullum version?
Malc wrote:
Findus Fop wrote:
Not a mince pie, but I've just heard the first Slade of the season. But it's not Slade, it's some terrible, Terrible europop version.
There may not be a lot of love for the original but that was an abomination.
There may not be a lot of love for the original but that was an abomination.
Do you mean the Robbie Williams/Jamie Cullum version?
No it's not them. Looking at this link, I have no idea who it was, and I have no desire to wade through this sea of fetid mince.
Who knew there were so many covers of the damn thing.
Speaking of awful christmas things, I assume everyone has seen this? Diabolical.
Mini Fop loves it, though she thinks the lyrics are: "Have a shower, in the office"
Which makes it slightly less offensive and problematic.
Mini Fop loves it, though she thinks the lyrics are: "Have a shower, in the office"
Which makes it slightly less offensive and problematic.
I love that
Had a few store mince pies last week, best of the bunch were M&S ones (deep-filled with vine fruit and a hint of cognac).
I award them 8 maids a-milking out of 10 lords a-leaping.
I award them 8 maids a-milking out of 10 lords a-leaping.
Asda Extra Special Crumble Mince Pies.
Not a fan of the standard pastry? Crumble topping is the way to go. Forgoing the traditional foil tray, the crumble mince pie nestles naked in your hand and awaits your first bite. And bite you will, as they are fucking lovely. Not too big, sweetness balanced with just a hint of Brandy.
Very nice. 9/10
Not a fan of the standard pastry? Crumble topping is the way to go. Forgoing the traditional foil tray, the crumble mince pie nestles naked in your hand and awaits your first bite. And bite you will, as they are fucking lovely. Not too big, sweetness balanced with just a hint of Brandy.
Very nice. 9/10
they look good!
Sadly, no ASDASDSAs'es's near me.
Sadly, no ASDASDSAs'es's near me.
DavPaz wrote:
Asda Extra Special Crumble Mince Pies.
Not a fan of the standard pastry? Crumble topping is the way to go. Forgoing the traditional foil tray, the crumble mince pie nestles naked in your hand and awaits your first bite. And bite you will, as they are fucking lovely. Not too big, sweetness balanced with just a hint of Brandy.
Very nice. 9/10
Not a fan of the standard pastry? Crumble topping is the way to go. Forgoing the traditional foil tray, the crumble mince pie nestles naked in your hand and awaits your first bite. And bite you will, as they are fucking lovely. Not too big, sweetness balanced with just a hint of Brandy.
Very nice. 9/10
I will have to go to ASDA, as Aldi did these last year but don't appear to this year.
Pro tip:
They also do a chocolate and caramel version of this so you don't have to eat fruit mince.
They also do a chocolate and caramel version of this so you don't have to eat fruit mince.
I will be off to asda tomorrow.. for mince pies and I better order more diabetic meds 
Watching the Fanny Cradock Christmas cookery shows on iPlayer and she is repeatedly insistent that men HATE mince pies.
We're all beta cucks now.
At least we get to enjoy mince pies
She’s so difficult yet fascinating to watch. Partly because she just says the most random things: ‘now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one for Womens Lib, I’m not such a clot’, but also just her ways of working. Everything looks terrible. She serves things up and they look disgusting, and (even bearing in mind the time constraints) the food hygiene is atrocious. She’s got her hand fully up a turkey, then that same hand straight into a jar of honey, then she’s touching some marzipan. She makes reference to the crew eating it all afterwards, too, and how they didn’t all die I do not know.
They're all dead now. Coincidence?
The data doesn't lie.
I have been bold this year and decided not to Billy any mince pies. Instead I will make my own. I used to make them loads when I was a kid, but I haven’t made them for about (mumbledythirtymumbledy) years. I really should get on and find something to cook them in, and work out what pastry I’m going to go for, but obviously I will leave these things to the last minute for laughs.
Billy Mince Pies is an excellent character waiting to break out in a guy Ritchie movie.
Sure I have mentioned it before, but once the test bakery in the factory I once worked in brought down mince pies made with the Viennese biscuit dough, and it was perhaps the most amazing mince pie i have ever had.
Findus Fop wrote:
Billy Mince Pies is an excellent character waiting to break out in a guy Ritchie movie.
MaliA wrote:
Sure I have mentioned it before, but once the test bakery in the factory I once worked in brought down mince pies made with the Viennese biscuit dough, and it was perhaps the most amazing mince pie i have ever had.
Well, they sound excellent.
We used to get a load of biscuit and cake samples at work and there were some excellent alternative Viennese whirl things over the years.
I can’t believe this thread is close to a decade old!
Mimi wrote:
I can’t believe this thread is close to a decade old!
We defrost it once a year just for this season, like Michael Bublé.
But not last year. Last year got the better of us all.
Mimi wrote:
She’s so difficult yet fascinating to watch. Partly because she just says the most random things: ‘now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one for Womens Lib, I’m not such a clot’, but also just her ways of working. Everything looks terrible. She serves things up and they look disgusting, and (even bearing in mind the time constraints) the food hygiene is atrocious. She’s got her hand fully up a turkey, then that same hand straight into a jar of honey, then she’s touching some marzipan. She makes reference to the crew eating it all afterwards, too, and how they didn’t all die I do not know.
I just read her wikipedia article, and by jove her personal life was a bit bonkers.
Squirt wrote:
Mimi wrote:
She’s so difficult yet fascinating to watch. Partly because she just says the most random things: ‘now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one for Womens Lib, I’m not such a clot’, but also just her ways of working. Everything looks terrible. She serves things up and they look disgusting, and (even bearing in mind the time constraints) the food hygiene is atrocious. She’s got her hand fully up a turkey, then that same hand straight into a jar of honey, then she’s touching some marzipan. She makes reference to the crew eating it all afterwards, too, and how they didn’t all die I do not know.
I just read her wikipedia article, and by jove her personal life was a bit bonkers.
Yikes. You are not wrong. I think I'm glad to have missed the whole phenomenon, particularly with that hairstyle giving me Thatcher shudders, but I can feel my attention being dragged over. Like passing a car crash.
If either of you haven’t watched the series on BBC iPlayer I’d recommend it. There are five episodes and they’re only about 12 minutes long, so easily watched in a quick sitting, and skirting the border between hilarious and horrific.
Off to read the wiki.
Edit: read the Wiki. My goodness.
Off to read the wiki.
Edit: read the Wiki. My goodness.
JBR wrote:
Squirt wrote:
Mimi wrote:
She’s so difficult yet fascinating to watch. Partly because she just says the most random things: ‘now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one for Womens Lib, I’m not such a clot’, but also just her ways of working. Everything looks terrible. She serves things up and they look disgusting, and (even bearing in mind the time constraints) the food hygiene is atrocious. She’s got her hand fully up a turkey, then that same hand straight into a jar of honey, then she’s touching some marzipan. She makes reference to the crew eating it all afterwards, too, and how they didn’t all die I do not know.
I just read her wikipedia article, and by jove her personal life was a bit bonkers.
Yikes. You are not wrong. I think I'm glad to have missed the whole phenomenon, particularly with that hairstyle giving me Thatcher shudders, but I can feel my attention being dragged over. Like passing a car crash.
Thatcher shudders aka Tory vinegar strokes.
Ooh! I've finally remembered to do this!
Tesco Finest - 6 All Butter Pastry Mince Pies with Brandy & Port
Presentation: Pretty pastry snowflake on top with light dusting.
Taste: Fresh, sweet taste, hint of brandy. Not sure about the port. Not much depth, but tastes quite nice.
Filling: Moderate.
Size: Although the top is big the base is quite a bit smaller, so the sides taper in a fair bit reducing what could have been a mighty filling.
Value: £2 - a reasonable amount for six decent pies.
Rating: 7/10
This could have been an easy eight if just one of the above was a shade more generous. Although reasonably tasty, there just needs to be a bit more body to it - either for filling depth or richer, more lasting tasting notes. Very pleasant to eat and a worthy purchase, but the experience breezes past you pretty quickly.
Tesco Finest - 6 All Butter Pastry Mince Pies with Brandy & Port
Presentation: Pretty pastry snowflake on top with light dusting.
Taste: Fresh, sweet taste, hint of brandy. Not sure about the port. Not much depth, but tastes quite nice.
Filling: Moderate.
Size: Although the top is big the base is quite a bit smaller, so the sides taper in a fair bit reducing what could have been a mighty filling.
Value: £2 - a reasonable amount for six decent pies.
Rating: 7/10
This could have been an easy eight if just one of the above was a shade more generous. Although reasonably tasty, there just needs to be a bit more body to it - either for filling depth or richer, more lasting tasting notes. Very pleasant to eat and a worthy purchase, but the experience breezes past you pretty quickly.
krazywookie wrote:
Trooper wrote:
The judges are coming back to me... hold on...
Krazywookie, can you confirm that it was actually "party time" when you ate the pies?
Krazywookie, can you confirm that it was actually "party time" when you ate the pies?
the pies were consumed at lunch time with a friend and with quantities of fizzy juice, i believe that technically makes it a minor party yes.
Beex ahead of the curve, as always.
2013!
I’ve been thinking…
I found a block of marzipan earlier (I’d bought some to make stollen, then my friend bought me an incredible amount of stollen ready-made), and as it was now redundant I wondered if I found use it to top mince pies, baked like a simnel cake? Alternatively, I could incorporate little chopped chunks of marzipan into the mincemeat. What say our experienced chefs and cooks?
Alternatively I will eat the block of marzipan as if it were a slice of bread.
I found a block of marzipan earlier (I’d bought some to make stollen, then my friend bought me an incredible amount of stollen ready-made), and as it was now redundant I wondered if I found use it to top mince pies, baked like a simnel cake? Alternatively, I could incorporate little chopped chunks of marzipan into the mincemeat. What say our experienced chefs and cooks?
Alternatively I will eat the block of marzipan as if it were a slice of bread.
Use for the lid. Lush.
I like the idea of chunks in the mix, that would dilute it enough for it not to be a hateful experience.
Cras wrote:
Use for the lid. Lush.
That was my first instinct, like a simnel cake has a layer of marzipan that is then baked it toasted.
I don’t know if I’d have to pre-bake the bottom pastry and filling first so that the marzipan didn’t overcook.
krazywookie wrote:
I like the idea of chunks in the mix, that would dilute it enough for it not to be a hateful experience.
Marzipan is beautiful, you monster.
If I weren’t eating a whole box of Marzipan fruits on Boxing Day as a kid then Christmas had gone terribly wrong.
Bleugh
Mimi is correct.
krazywookie wrote:
I like the idea of chunks in the mix, that would dilute it enough for it not to be a hateful experience.
I'm with krazywookie. The best thing to do with marzipan is to encase it in concrete and hurl it into the sea.
Squirt wrote:
krazywookie wrote:
I like the idea of chunks in the mix, that would dilute it enough for it not to be a hateful experience.
I'm with krazywookie. The best thing to do with marzipan is to encase it in concrete and hurl it into the sea.
Weigh it down with all the panettone.
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