Zombies
Run!!!
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Everyone loves Zombies. You'd be a fool not to, from George Romero's splendid films, through Fulchi's not quite so splendid films to Max Brooks great books we all love a bit of zombie action so it amused me to find this little piece:

http://www.cracked.com/article_15643_5- ... appen.html
from that link wrote:
Parasites that turn victims into mindless, zombie-like slaves are fairly common in nature. There's one called toxoplasmosa gondii that seems to devote its entire existence to being terrifying.

This bug infects rats, but can only breed inside the intestines of a cat. The parasite knows it needs to get the rat inside the cat (yes, we realize this sounds like the beginning of the most fucked-up Dr. Seuss poem ever) so the parasite takes over the rat's freaking brain, and intentionally makes it scurry toward where the cats hang out. The rat is being programmed to get itself eaten, and it doesn't even know.

Of course, those are just rats, right?


Oh my good lord. That is so cool I think I might need to pee.
Luckily, I've had a zombie survival kit in the cupboard under the stairs for a while now. Windup torch, radio, bite-proof clothing, tin opener, big whacking stick for cracking skulls, map, clean pair of undies. All set for the upcoming end of civilization!
Squirt wrote:
Luckily, I've had a zombie survival kit in the cupboard under the stairs for a while now. Windup torch, radio, bite-proof clothing, tin opener, big whacking stick for cracking skulls, map, clean pair of undies. All set for the upcoming end of civilization!

My wife is a bit worried that I have a similar collection, including a sword and a big axe. Axes are the essential zombie-survival tool. And pretty good for chopping down wood, too.
Mr Chris wrote:
from that link wrote:
Parasites that turn victims into mindless, zombie-like slaves are fairly common in nature. There's one called toxoplasmosa gondii that seems to devote its entire existence to being terrifying.

This bug infects rats, but can only breed inside the intestines of a cat. The parasite knows it needs to get the rat inside the cat (yes, we realize this sounds like the beginning of the most fucked-up Dr. Seuss poem ever) so the parasite takes over the rat's freaking brain, and intentionally makes it scurry toward where the cats hang out. The rat is being programmed to get itself eaten, and it doesn't even know.

Of course, those are just rats, right?


Oh my good lord. That is so cool I think I might need to pee.


That's not actually quite correct, but close enough.
Squirt wrote:
Luckily, I've had a zombie survival kit in the cupboard under the stairs for a while now. Windup torch, radio, bite-proof clothing, tin opener, big whacking stick for cracking skulls, map, clean pair of undies. All set for the upcoming end of civilization!


Hmm. I thought I was the only one that did this.
I am ill-prepared for a zombpocalyspe, can one of you let me in if I hammer on the door frantically? I'll bring cake. Honest.
nervouspete wrote:
I am ill-prepared for a zombpocalyspe, can one of you let me in if I hammer on the door frantically? I'll bring cake. Honest.


Tinned goods and an actual hammer would be more appropriate.
Seems like a few of us have survival kits. We should plan to all meet up, so we can build a new soceity, one based on fairness and fraternity and arguing about The Mighty Boosh. Who lives near a farm in the hills were we can grow our own crops and live a life of pastoral bliss, far away from zombie infested cities?
Dudes. Chainsaw and Shotgun.
I used to post a lot on allthingszombie.com, and there were some people on there who practiced with their katana everyday in preparation for the inevitable.
Zardoz wrote:
Dudes. Chainsaw and Shotgun.


The problem there (and it's a fundamental schoolboy zombie apocalypse error) is that you will soon run out of ammo for the shotty and petrol for the chainsaw. Some form of sappers shovel would be your best weapon for offing the zombie scourge.
I guess I have a kind of survival kit.
This only works if I am in my bedroom when the shit hits the fan though, bit hard to carry all this shit around.
Especially the swords.
Whatever Morte. I'll look the dogs bollocks, shovel boy.
Quote:
Toxoplasma gondii is a species of parasitic protozoa in the genus Toxoplasma.[1] The definitive host of T. gondii is the cat, but the parasite can be carried by the vast majority of warm-blooded animals, including humans.


from wikipedia

Run! Run! Run to the hills!
Zardoz wrote:
Whatever Morte. I'll look the dogs bollocks, shovel boy.


This has made me lol in the office...I am now being looked at.
Fools! Silence is the key to survival. Noisy projectile weapons and loud fucking chainsaws will bring them closer. I have several sets of earplugs stored away to protect against the MADNESS caused by all the zombage groaning while I'm besieged. Markg will fare well on his relatively noiseless skateboard travel system. Also, I ... erm... carry a shovel in my car boot at all times. When people ask I say it's in case I get stuck in snow in bad weather, but really it's for clouting zombage.
I have a flail. Nothing finer for bustin' up zombie heads. Need a bit of room around me, though.
I've been reading that site all night, too. It is painfully funny. Was it RPS that linked you, too?

I read about a similar parasite as a kid - it needs to get from an ant to a bird, so it makes the ant climb a tall blade of grass or plant and shout "your mum's a slag" in Bird until the ant gets eaten. I think there was a third stage, possibly involving an animal, but I was about 11 at the time so am not too sure.

The best defence against zombies is to hang around with people slightly who are slightly slower than you. Tigers, also.
I am fully prepped for the zombie apocalypse, as I have a room set aside with a typewriter, and a large box to store items in.
Craster wrote:
I have a flail. Nothing finer for bustin' up zombie heads. Need a bit of room around me, though.

But is it a rat flail?


Not making noise, moving around much or using lights seems to be the key.
However I do like the hiding in a pub idea.
I've always thought a chainsaw could be pretty risky in a "infectious zombie" situation. All that splatter is gonna spread the zombie plague around. The last thing you want is to breath in zombie mist.
I'm including a flamethrower and nail bombs in my kit.

I don't care about the noise, I'm all about head count bwoy.

Oh and a protective suit to protect me from infection:
Image
Zman! You have a wife and child to think about now! You're too old to go to raves!
Squirt wrote:
Who lives near a farm in the hills were we can grow our own crops and live a life of pastoral bliss, far away from zombie infested cities?



/waves
Zardoz wrote:
Oh and a protective suit to protect me from infection:
Image


Fucking, THIS! Evapor-8 them zombies!
sinister agent wrote:
I've been reading that site all night, too. It is painfully funny. Was it RPS that linked you, too?

I read about a similar parasite as a kid - it needs to get from an ant to a bird, so it makes the ant climb a tall blade of grass or plant and shout "your mum's a slag" in Bird until the ant gets eaten. I think there was a third stage, possibly involving an animal, but I was about 11 at the time so am not too sure.

The best defence against zombies is to hang around with people slightly who are slightly slower than you. Tigers, also.


Yes I found it via RPS, never seen it before and now I can't stop reading the bloody thing.
Dimrill wrote:
Zman! You have a wife and child to think about now! You're too old to go to raves!


You can take Zardoz out of a Rave, but you can't take the Rave out of Zardoz!

I'M ON A MISSION! WHOOOP WHOOOP BANG BZZZZZZZ SPLAT!
sinister agent wrote:
The best defence against zombies is to hang around with people slightly who are slightly slower than you. Tigers, also.


Yes, tigers would be useful to have around you in the event of a zombi-pocolypse. HOWEVER. If they then get bitten, everyone knows animal zombies are even faster than their non-zombified brethren, so it's a bit of a sword of Damocles, really. I'd leave the tiger at home.

Oh... hang on... Sorry.
Tigers implanted with remote mines.


I think I just invented the coolest weapon in history.
IMPORTANT QUESTION!!!11!!!!!

What happens if a Zombie gets bitten by another Zombie? Does the bitten Zombie become a normal human again?
pupil wrote:
IMPORTANT QUESTION!!!11!!!!!

What happens if a Zombie gets bitten by another Zombie? Does the bitten Zombie become a normal human again?


Zombies never bite other zombies though do they? They have some kind of 'oh, he's infected already' sensor.
What happens if it's a vegan zombie?
Do zombies shit? They eat an awful lot of human flesh but I've yet to find any zombie droppings...
sinister agent wrote:
Tigers implanted with remote mines.


I think I just invented the coolest weapon in history.


Didn't Worms do that, but with a sheep? I seem to remember that backfiring a few times, too.

I'd like to cut more of a Ving Rhames figure during the zombie invasion, you see, rather than Simon Pegg.
The thick fur of a tiger would make it virtually immune to human bites, rendering it a powerful ally. You're only in trouble if there are other large carnivores already zombified. Bears for instance. Other useful animals in this scenario would be gorillas, rhinos, and if you are in a coastal region, killer whales.
sinister agent wrote:
Tigers implanted with remote mines.


The Russians had dogs trained to run under tanks with explosives strapped to them.
Dimrill wrote:
Do zombies shit? They eat an awful lot of human flesh but I've yet to find any zombie droppings...


They suffer form massive constipation. All protein and no fibre, you see.

If zombies break into the Shredded Wheat factory we're all royally in the shit, though.
Craster wrote:
sinister agent wrote:
Tigers implanted with remote mines.


The Russians had dogs trained to run under tanks with explosives strapped to them.


Briefly, until they started running back towards the T-34s they'd been trained with, expecting to find food under them.
I'll cut a more Dr Tongue figure, hopefully.

Aw who am I kidding... I'll be more a Captain Haggerty :(
Mr Chris wrote:
Dimrill wrote:
Do zombies shit? They eat an awful lot of human flesh but I've yet to find any zombie droppings...


They suffer form massive constipation. All protein and no fibre, you see.

If zombies break into the Shredded Wheat factory we're all royally in the shit, though.


I bet they wouldn't be able to eat three.
Craster wrote:
sinister agent wrote:
Tigers implanted with remote mines.


The Russians had dogs trained to run under tanks with explosives strapped to them.


Is it an urban myth or is it a fact htat they only associated the underside of Russian tanks with food, so the whole thing was a non starter?

I remember reading about it in a book called "The Book of Heroic Failures" or somesuch.
MaliA wrote:
Craster wrote:
sinister agent wrote:
Tigers implanted with remote mines.


The Russians had dogs trained to run under tanks with explosives strapped to them.


Is it an urban myth or is it a fact htat they only associated the underside of Russian tanks with food, so the whole thing was a non starter?

I remember reading about it in a book called "The Book of Heroic Failures" or somesuch.


^^^
Squirt wrote:
The thick fur of a tiger would make it virtually immune to human bites, rendering it a powerful ally. You're only in trouble if there are other large carnivores already zombified. Bears for instance. Other useful animals in this scenario would be gorillas, rhinos, and if you are in a coastal region, killer whales.


What if the tiger bites the zombie? Does that infect the tiger?
Only if there's blood to blood contact, or the zombie blood gets into the tiger's bloodstream. He'll be fine if you carry some listerine for to wash it's mouth out with afterwards. Good luck with that.
Mr Chris wrote:
sinister agent wrote:
Tigers implanted with remote mines.


I think I just invented the coolest weapon in history.


Didn't Worms do that, but with a sheep? I seem to remember that backfiring a few times, too.

I'd like to cut more of a Ving Rhames figure during the zombie invasion, you see, rather than Simon Pegg.


Madness. By all reasonable measures, Duane Jones is the best zombie apocalypse survival figure. Quite apart from doing absolutely everything he possibly could right, he slaps the panicky idiot in the face. That's an automatic finalist even before he starts systematically destroying zombies with a table leg.

Tigers are better than sheep, clearly - they're already very useful if you don't ever detonate them. Doing so becomes merely a tactical option if there's a particularly tight knight group of zombs that are worth sacrificing a tiger, and a defensive measure should the tiger bezomb.

Explosive dogs would be to explosive tigers what pistols are to rifles.
sinister agent wrote:
Explosive dogs would be to explosive tigers what pistols are to rifles.


EXPLOSIVE POLAR BEAR FTW!

Image
Curiosity wrote:
sinister agent wrote:
Explosive dogs would be to explosive tigers what pistols are to rifles.


EXPLOSIVE POLAR BEAR FTW!

Image



Heh.
If we had four elephants, with a kind of sling between them, we could have them carry a huge bomb, one of those big air /fuel thermobaric ones. You could take out a lot of zombies with one of those.
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