@Satsuma - thank you Mr Orange, it all counts
@BikNorton - I don't want to play the amateur therapist, but I think I know what you're feeling. As far as symptoms go, in my case the first thing I noticed was my legs ballooning (oedema), do you have that? Otherwise I felt fine. If not, you're probably on the right side of the decompensated line and still have time to stop it. I know the stick your head in the sand strategy, I was doing it for decades and at some point the invoice comes.
I totally get what you're saying about "permission to carry on", my choice of words would be more "getting away with it...so far". Reminds me of the old cliche of someone falling off a high building, passing the tenth floor, and thinking - so far, so good...
I think I was in a similar place to you (not identical, everyone has their own story). but, trust me, there is always something constructive, however small. Just think of this place as an example.
If you want to tell or ask anything, and I do mean anything, especially anything you don't want to post in public, you can PM me any time and I will reply.
I wish you all the best in your struggle, stay safe x
Thanks for talking about this. I've done my absolute best to ignore the thread because I'm almost certainly well along the same path but every time it bumps it shocks my own stereotypical "ignore it, it'll go away" feelings.
It doesn't help me that I display zero of the personally-identifiable symptoms and even blood tests say I'm fine, only scans showing issues - but even then, last time I was sent the operator seemed confused that I'd been sent along.
Rationally I know that's not permission to carry on, but I'm still struggling with what I'm alive for, so struggle to do anything constructive about any of it.