Anyway, crumpets (Warburtons) > bagels, here. I have bagels maybe twice a year, but crumpets are always in the freezer.
(Take three Warburtons crumpets out of the freezer, smash them on the counter until they separate, toast them on highest setting, toast them again on highest until you smell faint burning. You want them slightly charred on the outside and springy soft in the middle (perfect, because they were frozen). Butter.