I'd like to be the most invisible person in the world.. Imagine the stuff you'd get away with (as long as you were deathly silent at all times)

Did I just hear a cough?

*continues wanking*

No, it was a dry fart.

Listen mate, I know the difference between a dry fart and a cough.

I have a horrible cold and have had to stay in work due to us not having the staff to cover my 5-6 slot. I am shattered, and want nothing more than to climb into a sleeping bag with some toasty foccacia bread and some fresh orange juice, consume, and go to sleep.

Yet I am still determined to do Pipes & Ales tomorrow. I suspect this may be somewhat in the league of Homer's illness-denial... "... no... Duff Land... huzzah!"

Looks like I'm going to have to skip tonight's opening night for the new Third Floor Gallery photo exhib too.

So you think you got a mouthful of my bad breath then?

*applauds*

Feel Better Pete! Beer has medicinal properties, don't you know? As does pipe tobacco

Flis, you need to work on your scowl. Mine scares child and adult alike. No one ever bumps into me.

*glares*

You need a bottle of port and a curry / chili to unblock your nose. Should set you up nicely for tomorrow.

They orbit you.

You're my satellite of love

Why didn't he just open his door?

Why didn't he just open the door? Not siding with the police but he pushed them further than he should've. Everyone knows plods need little encouragement to go on a power trip.

Snap!

Because he was being awkward on purpose. Still, thats a bit nasty of them and anyway, why didnt they just open his door?

Frankly I'd not be too keen on opening my door either, with an enraged cop wielding a baton on the other side!

The reasonable way he says "Please don't pepper-spray me, I don't want that" just cracks me up. Cool dude.

Seriously, if a cop walks up to my door, its only polite to not shout at him through the window, I open the door a bit. (for reference my window is also not worky )

On an entirely different subject, I want to get drunk this weekend but cant think up a situation where it will be socially acceptable

The only time I've ever had cause to speak to the police as regards my driving was when I almost smashed into a police car coming around a blind bend in 1998. He said "I think you've just realized how fucking slippery it is" as I hid my sandwich and put my shoes back on. I continued on my way to London. On my return, I discovered the car was well past its MOT date and stuff, so I considered that a lucky escape.



Rugby, football, etc.

Do you have any that arent ball game related?


Lucky escapes are great, I somehow have no points on my license even after accidentaly driving the wrong way up perth high street, having just given blood, and ending up bumper to bumper with a cop car. He got an urgent call and tore up my ticket that he was half way through writing out, muttering "its your lucky day pal". I've also had "who do you think you are? Colin Mcrea?" amongst other constabulary witticisms.

NASCAR?

It's only a problem if you're being told that after a helicopter lesson.

Mrs. wookie left a bag of shopping in a trolley at AsDa and was mega upset about it. Phoned said supermarket and someone had handed it in. Faith in humanity = Restored

Tesco now sell D'aim cake in the freezer section. £3 for a 6-8 person cake, but £1 off at the moment (introductory offer). On nom nom.

In other news, guess what we'll be serving Jazzy G and Sir Talksalot for dessert this evening?

Man steals violin from carriage.

http://www.btp.presscentre.com/Media-Re ... -1921.aspx

“This was a very busy carriage" I don't think the person who made that quote expected there to be the cctv footage pictures on the same page...
And where was the owner? I can't see them? Obviously the guy who nicked it is a cunt, but if I was travelling with a violin worth £25k on a train, I like to think nobody would be able to steal it without me noticing, especially when the carriage is empty.

ITT: people learn of accents other than their own, and get shook. The last eight pages were a pain to catch up through.

Thank goodness for the return of Decca Miliband and:

I want one of these so hard.

It begins. *takes blood samples, heats wire*

Spotted dick.

Where was he?

We drove past Fort Knox yesterday. The bullion depository looks exactly like it does in the movies!

Did you stop off at the Museum of Cavalry? Fort Knox is the HQ for the US Cavalry Division, so has a huge great collection of tanks and stuff. The dad of a good friend used to be one of the high-ups for base security (not looking after the gold though, just the Marines on base) and is quite, quite terrifying.

Sadly we didn't have the time. But we saw plenty of historic tanks around the perimeter.

We did take a tour of Mammoth Caves though, which were pretty amazing.

Went and did the Malham Tarn walk from my "1000 walks in the UK" book. It failed to mention the STEPS OF DOOM or the GORGE OF SLIPPERY PERIL but we were OK in the end. The view was nice.

Watching my stepson play rugby. George (nearly 3) shouts "Pass the bloody ball". He is not allowed to stand next to the coach next time.

eeeeeek!

I've been up to Bradford today, via Manchester and Leeds. And I'm now the proud owner of a spiffing MR2 Turbo.

Is it sensible to buy tickets for 3 weeks in Japan only three months in advance with no idea where or when we're staying, or what we want to see? there's only one way to find out!

Once you get the ticket, things will fall into place pretty quickly afterwards.

INFECTED MIDGES

What a lame weekend. I missed all the rugby due to a 1st birhtday party, shopping for bath taps and going out for a meal with the in laws. Before I know it, I'm back at work.

Even the gaming wasn't great this weekend. I'm playing through Bulletstorm for the first time and it's a bit.. well, repetitive.

The best bit of the weekend was buying Golden Ax: The Duel off eBay for cheap.

Happy Birthday!

It was MiniPaz's first birthday party yesterday. I didn't see you there, Mr TheVision.

I hope so, given that's exactly what we've done.

Even though the three weeks we picked just about exactly covers rainy season.

My anxiety issues are trying quite hard to take over.

When are you going? We went in April and were lucky enough to catch all the cherry trees in blossom in Ueno Park, the weather was really pleasant too, only showered briefly on one day.

I was the guy sitting in the corner with his head buried in his phone trying to get a signal to check the rugby score.

Tendulkar still hasn't got his 100th international 100. Poor bloke, must be thinking it'll never come.

I have to say, I did have to check who it was that was doing this a couple of times as I'd have not believed you'd even think about doing this a few months ago.

I think it's a very good thing, Bik. It's all excellent progress and I'm exceptionally jealous of the fact you're doing it. I think you'd have an anxiety attack on my behalf if you had to travel with me I'm very much in the: 'It'll be fine and it's not worth worrying about' camp. As long as I have tickets there and back and an idea of when and where I'm going, I'd be happy to wing the rest.

You'll be fine, enjoy it!

Z - three weeks in June. Just after the last blossoms drop in the very north, and as I say, June is rainy season. Lovely before, lovely after, wet and up to 90% humidity during. Neither of us are particularly bothered by that though. And as a bonus we'll be out of the country for that Queen thingy.

flis - I was planning to talk to the GP in a couple of weeks about coming off the pills, but that'd drop me off right before we leave. So I'm staying on them til we get back. I'm a whole heap better than I was, but not that good!

We've been very fortunate with this - at Christmas Hel's mum gave us a wedge of the profits from selling Hel's nan's house, which covers the flights and a pair of 7 day unlimited-travel Shinkansen tickets so we can blast from Kyoto to Tokyo for a couple of days then right the way down to Hiroshima for a few more, before back to Kyoto. Hel's decided her half-year bonus is going on (it looks like about 10 nights-worth of) the accommodations, too.

I'm of the opinion that as we're primarily staying in Kyoto where the parent company is headquartered, and therefore can't avoid visiting our Japanese overlords, while we're at it we should try and blag a night out or two on them.