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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 15:12 
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Prince of Fops

Joined: 14th May, 2009
Posts: 2158
Zardoz wrote:
I'm shoving sultanas down my ureathra, if that helps.


don't forget what my mum used to tell me - many sultanas have spiders growing inside them, ready to burst out.


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 15:49 
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Excellent Member

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Instructions unclear; urethra now full of spiders.


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 15:50 
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Gogmagog

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
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Location: West Yorkshire
Mr Russell wrote:
markg wrote:
He's weighing his bollocks now?

Aren't you?


I have.

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 16:04 
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Heavy Metal Tough Guy

Joined: 31st Mar, 2008
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Bamba wrote:
Instructions unclear; urethra now full of spiders.

Whereas, thanks to my daily genital electrocution, my urethra is entirely clear of all invertebrates!


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 17:07 
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Prince of Fops

Joined: 14th May, 2009
Posts: 2158
Squirt wrote:
Bamba wrote:
Instructions unclear; urethra now full of spiders.

Whereas, thanks to my daily genital electrocution, my urethra is entirely clear of all invertebrates!


Meanwhile, one long, glossy spider's leg is gracefully uncurling itself from Z's jap's eye. It hooks into the fleshy folds of Z's perenium, securing a solid purchase to pull from. The spider yanks itself forward, the awkward bulk of its plump torso straining against Z's urethral walls. With one succulent plop, the spider bursts free, landing on the bed. It shakes itself free of Z juice, breathes in the fresh air. Freedom. It's time for his thousands of spider buddies to come out and join him.


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 17:13 
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chewbacca -future arc welder

Joined: 25th Oct, 2011
Posts: 1869
Location: Kashyyyk
Findus Fop wrote:
Squirt wrote:
Bamba wrote:
Instructions unclear; urethra now full of spiders.

Whereas, thanks to my daily genital electrocution, my urethra is entirely clear of all invertebrates!


Meanwhile, one long, glossy spider's leg is gracefully uncurling itself from Z's jap's eye. It hooks into the fleshy folds of Z's perenium, securing a solid purchase to pull from. The spider yanks itself forward, the awkward bulk of its plump torso straining against Z's urethral walls. With one succulent plop, the spider bursts free, landing on the bed. It shakes itself free of Z juice, breathes in the fresh air. Freedom. It's time for his thousands of spider buddies to come out and join him.

:Vomit:
Wasn't there something about Zardoz's inside out sleeve last week? I have a fairly worrying mental image forming now.


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 17:14 
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Everybodys gilf

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Okay, okay! The electro-magic fat scales work great and the science makes perfect sense!

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 17:49 
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Fitness Nut...

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
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Cras wrote:
Okay, okay! The electro-magic fat scales work great and the science makes perfect sense!


Ha ha

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2017 8:14 
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Fitness Nut...

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
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Location: shropshire, uk
Well a good weekend of tests.

45 seconds off my swim - down to 8:44 for 400m
1 min of my 5k
Ftp increase from 218 to 228 watts

Happy halstead

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 13:43 
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Fitness Nut...

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
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Location: shropshire, uk
Using my magic scales.. I have finally dipped under 100 kilos.

I am 60 days from my big race, I don't feel ready..

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 13:46 
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Soopah red DS

Joined: 2nd Jun, 2008
Posts: 1982
If you were ready now, it would be a bit early.

Both flippant and serious, that.

Similarly, I aimed to do my long run yesterday, and baled 2 miles short of what I wanted to do (and 4 miles short of the railway station I was aiming for, too flipping far). Disappointing, and I wondered if that means I'm not really in shape. But really it's fine, marathon's not till the end of August.


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 13:51 
SupaMod
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JBR wrote:
Both flippant and serious, that.

Flirious!

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 14:01 
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Fitness Nut...

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
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JBR wrote:
If you were ready now, it would be a bit early.

Both flippant and serious, that.

Similarly, I aimed to do my long run yesterday, and baled 2 miles short of what I wanted to do (and 4 miles short of the railway station I was aiming for, too flipping far). Disappointing, and I wondered if that means I'm not really in shape. But really it's fine, marathon's not till the end of August.


cheers... i need to work on my swim..

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2017 1:41 
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chewbacca -future arc welder

Joined: 25th Oct, 2011
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Grim... wrote:
JBR wrote:
Both flippant and serious, that.

Flirious!

Seripant!


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2017 9:58 
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Lord Humongous

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 44187
Location: The erogenous zone
I survived the gym last night! First session back after my hols... tough going but still enjoyable.

To be fair, while I was away I did a lot of walking (and swimming) and didn't drink half as much as I normally do (usually go All-inclusive)

...am I growing up?

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2017 11:52 
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Fitness Nut...

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
Posts: 18795
Location: shropshire, uk
Well done.

I am trying not to grow up, i just can't drink like I used to.

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2017 21:42 
Awesome
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Yes

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I just did some Wii Fit U but I messed up at the start so now it thinks I weigh nothing and every time I stand on the board it tells me I've put on weight.

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2017 22:37 
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Excellent Member

Joined: 25th Jul, 2010
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So as reliable as Kov's Magic Scale then?


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2017 7:58 
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Yes

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Bamba wrote:
So as reliable as Kov's Magic Scale then?

I guess it helps if you stand on the scale when it tells you to rather than stepping off at exactly that moment by mistake :)

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2017 8:48 
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Isn't that lovely?

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
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I had a similar thing happen to me the other week, it really messed up the targets and the progress graphs etc. You'd think it would have some logic in there to prevent that, or at least a warning that the weight has changed dramatically, are you sure you are doing right?

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2017 9:02 
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Fitness Nut...

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Bamba wrote:
So as reliable as Kov's Magic Scale then?


mine are reliable, they measure weight. Just the other figures are magic

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 20:55 
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Fitness Nut...

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
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Taken a few years.


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 21:11 
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Everybodys gilf

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Hell of a job, man. Well done.

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 21:17 
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Fitness Nut...

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Cras wrote:
Hell of a job, man. Well done.

Cheers.

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 21:20 
SupaMod
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Est. 1978

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Impressive work, sir.

You're still fuck ugly, though. Any plans to do anything about that?

;)

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 21:40 
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Gogmagog

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
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Grim... wrote:
Impressive work, sir.

You're still fuck ugly, though. Any plans to do anything about that?

;)


Gaywood and i have a solution


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 22:10 
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Fitness Nut...

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
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That is scary

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 22:33 
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Gogmagog

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KovacsC wrote:
Taken a few years.


Very well done.

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:25 
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Excellent Member

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That is some very impressive work Kov, well done.

If we're doing progress pics, I don't have any to show me as I went along; just a couple of very fat me and a recent-ish one of less fat me.

Attachment:
FB_IMG_1498468551647.jpg

Attachment:
20120416_214616.jpg

Attachment:
FB_IMG_1498468602432.jpg


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:27 
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Unpossible!

Joined: 27th Jun, 2008
Posts: 34033
Mate. You got younger. Nice work.


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:27 
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Fitness Nut...

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
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Well done fella

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:27 
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Unpossible!

Joined: 27th Jun, 2008
Posts: 34033
Also, you forgot your glass.


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:34 
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Excellent Member

Joined: 25th Jul, 2010
Posts: 9827
DavPaz wrote:
Also, you forgot your glass.


Yeah, I didn't have a pint available at the time so I panicked and just did a stupid hand gesture. I'm a fanny.


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:36 
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Everybodys gilf

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Really impressive transformation there, well done

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:39 
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Lord Humongous

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
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Well done guys.

I'm struggling to choose my favourite... but you'll know soon enough. :luv:

Also: Get your haircut, Kov.

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:58 
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Fitness Nut...

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
Posts: 18795
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Zardoz wrote:
Well done guys.

I'm struggling to choose my favourite... but you'll know soon enough. :luv:

Also: Get your haircut, Kov.


Yes sir :P

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 11:00 
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Lord Humongous

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It might just put you at the top of my chart :luv:

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 11:00 
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Fitness Nut...

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
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Thinking of shaving it all off, until after my tri..

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 11:06 
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Paws for thought

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Zardoz wrote:
It might just put you at the top of my chart :luv:

Caution: you do not want to be at the top of his chart.


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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 11:11 
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Fitness Nut...

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
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https://www.113events.com/wp-content/up ... -Sheet.pdf

Getting a bit real now, 47 days to go..

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 29, 2017 19:38 
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a creature of fathomless grace

Joined: 1st Jul, 2012
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KovacsC wrote:
https://www.113events.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/CC2017%E2%80%93Race-Information-Sheet.pdf

Getting a bit real now, 47 days to go..


You can do it!

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 29, 2017 19:44 
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a creature of fathomless grace

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Having been in the best shape I'd been in years, finally learning to cycle, and managing my first triathlon, I'm now facing the completely daunting challenge of getting back there post-baby.

God help me.

I actually don't know where to start, I kept healthy throughout my pregnancy but obviously there's only so much you can do, especially the last couple of months where you essentially can't move, and having ended up having an emergency c-section I'm now signed off to do anything for another 2 months; crap.

First port of call will be yoga / swimming once I'm allowed to in order to get a bit of strength and cardio back up, but I'm worried about how to work it around full time baby care and also just being nervous about my fitness levels now- don't suppose anyone else has been through this and has good results stories to share to point me in the right direction?! Or anyone with ladies who have been through it?

Must not turn into lazy Mummy, must aim for Yummy Mummy goal!!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 29, 2017 21:45 
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:3

Joined: 25th May, 2014
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Location: Broseley
Honestly? Concentrate on staying a) alive b) rested and c) fed for the next 4-6 months.

You have all the time in the world to be a yummy mummy - you don't get to re-live the first months of a baby's life again :) (and god knows I've tried)

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 29, 2017 21:54 
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a creature of fathomless grace

Joined: 1st Jul, 2012
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Jem wrote:
Honestly? Concentrate on staying a) alive b) rested and c) fed for the next 4-6 months.

You have all the time in the world to be a yummy mummy - you don't get to re-live the first months of a baby's life again :) (and god knows I've tried)


The yummy mummy bit was sort of a joke ;) it's more about how I feel in myself and both the physical and mental health elements. It's really got me down the last couple of months so I don't want to let it go on too long before I do something to get back on board; not full on, just something to get the endorphins going and energy levels / mood up! So looking for ideas and inspiration to kick start that

But yes, keeping the family alive and maybe sleeping again one day first priority

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2017 9:11 
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Gogmagog

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
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Yeah, MrsA was worried about that, but I assured her that in the Yummy Mummy stakes, of the 6 mums in the NCT group, she'd be in the top five.

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2017 10:49 
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a creature of fathomless grace

Joined: 1st Jul, 2012
Posts: 1608
MaliA wrote:
Yeah, MrsA was worried about that, but I assured her that in the Yummy Mummy stakes, of the 6 mums in the NCT group, she'd be in the top five.


See, Husband of the Year award right there. Clearly that's the encouragement I'm missing; have a word with MrFF would you?

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2017 11:07 
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:3

Joined: 25th May, 2014
Posts: 2076
Location: Broseley
TheFireFaerie wrote:
The yummy mummy bit was sort of a joke ;) it's more about how I feel in myself and both the physical and mental health elements. It's really got me down the last couple of months so I don't want to let it go on too long before I do something to get back on board; not full on, just something to get the endorphins going and energy levels / mood up! So looking for ideas and inspiration to kick start that

But yes, keeping the family alive and maybe sleeping again one day first priority


Sorry, please don't think me lecturing/patronising :luv: Your mental health is super important (the potential for PND is no joke), but I just remember trying to fit everything in and be super mum with #2 and regretting so much.

There are tons of mum & baby classes these days that will allow you to ease yourself back in without having to worry about childcare - yoga, buggy fit, sling swing and salsa babies (both dance classes) - that sort of thing.

Weight loss wasn't a huge issue for me because of my shit pregnancies but I found breastfeeding and 'babywearing' (using a sling) helped balance out the cake calories consumed early days. I walked a lot - partly because I didn't drive - and that really improved my general fitness without being massively strenuous as well as the fresh air / just getting out being good for my head.

I know the 30 day shred DVD used to be massively popular with new mums because obviously it's something you can do at home, but defo avoid until your scar is 110% healed.

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2017 12:08 
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Isn't that lovely?

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
Posts: 9010
Location: Devon
TheFireFaerie wrote:
Having been in the best shape I'd been in years, finally learning to cycle, and managing my first triathlon, I'm now facing the completely daunting challenge of getting back there post-baby.

God help me.

I actually don't know where to start, I kept healthy throughout my pregnancy but obviously there's only so much you can do, especially the last couple of months where you essentially can't move, and having ended up having an emergency c-section I'm now signed off to do anything for another 2 months; crap.

First port of call will be yoga / swimming once I'm allowed to in order to get a bit of strength and cardio back up, but I'm worried about how to work it around full time baby care and also just being nervous about my fitness levels now- don't suppose anyone else has been through this and has good results stories to share to point me in the right direction?! Or anyone with ladies who have been through it?

Must not turn into lazy Mummy, must aim for Yummy Mummy goal!!!!


Use your baby as a weight and do some basic exercises with him, he'll love it and the bonus is that your baby will gain weight slowly, so that you're burning a few more calories than last time...

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2017 12:18 
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a creature of fathomless grace

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Posts: 1608
Malc wrote:
TheFireFaerie wrote:
Having been in the best shape I'd been in years, finally learning to cycle, and managing my first triathlon, I'm now facing the completely daunting challenge of getting back there post-baby.

God help me.

I actually don't know where to start, I kept healthy throughout my pregnancy but obviously there's only so much you can do, especially the last couple of months where you essentially can't move, and having ended up having an emergency c-section I'm now signed off to do anything for another 2 months; crap.

First port of call will be yoga / swimming once I'm allowed to in order to get a bit of strength and cardio back up, but I'm worried about how to work it around full time baby care and also just being nervous about my fitness levels now- don't suppose anyone else has been through this and has good results stories to share to point me in the right direction?! Or anyone with ladies who have been through it?

Must not turn into lazy Mummy, must aim for Yummy Mummy goal!!!!


Use your baby as a weight and do some basic exercises with him, he'll love it and the bonus is that your baby will gain weight slowly, so that you're burning a few more calories than last time...


Hey good idea!! I've seen baby yoga where you can use baby as resistance / weights so shall see if I can find some of the exercises online!

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 Post subject: Re: Middle Age Spread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2017 12:22 
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a creature of fathomless grace

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Posts: 1608
Jem wrote:
TheFireFaerie wrote:
The yummy mummy bit was sort of a joke ;) it's more about how I feel in myself and both the physical and mental health elements. It's really got me down the last couple of months so I don't want to let it go on too long before I do something to get back on board; not full on, just something to get the endorphins going and energy levels / mood up! So looking for ideas and inspiration to kick start that

But yes, keeping the family alive and maybe sleeping again one day first priority


Sorry, please don't think me lecturing/patronising :luv: Your mental health is super important (the potential for PND is no joke), but I just remember trying to fit everything in and be super mum with #2 and regretting so much.

There are tons of mum & baby classes these days that will allow you to ease yourself back in without having to worry about childcare - yoga, buggy fit, sling swing and salsa babies (both dance classes) - that sort of thing.

Weight loss wasn't a huge issue for me because of my shit pregnancies but I found breastfeeding and 'babywearing' (using a sling) helped balance out the cake calories consumed early days. I walked a lot - partly because I didn't drive - and that really improved my general fitness without being massively strenuous as well as the fresh air / just getting out being good for my head.

I know the 30 day shred DVD used to be massively popular with new mums because obviously it's something you can do at home, but defo avoid until your scar is 110% healed.



Not at all! That's all super advice, and important to see / hear both sides of the coin, so thank you :kiss:

I don't drive either so that's good to know the walking will be effective in itself; starting point! There's loads of classes around here but they're hideously expensive so no can do, but hadn't thought about the sling as a good weight type exercise; I need to get one for sure!

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You are using the 'Ted' forum. Bill doesn't really exist any more. Bogus!
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RIP, Owen.

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