Be Excellent To Each Other

The current players are

BlueCup
Dudley
JBR
Bobbyaro
The Rev Owen
Craster


Day 3 dawns with good and bad news. The bad news is, the balloon is plunging more quickly than thought. The good news is... I've found an extra Springomatic 2000 on board, so I can chuck two of you overboard this evening.

Therefore I split you into pairs. Each pair are given a subject to defend vigorously, passionately and if they don't do it well enough, to the death. The other pairs may poke holes in their arguments, preferably using big pointy sticks.

Team Terminal Velocity - The Rev Owen and Dudley must defend the subject "They paved paradise and put up a parking lot. Good for them, who gives a shit about trees and stuff anyway!"

Team High Impact - JBR and Craster have to support the proposition that "Firefly was a big pile of wank, I'd much rather watch the sheer majesty that is Ant and Decs Saturday Night Takeaway."

Team Interesting New Landscape Feature - BlueCup and Bobbyaro agree that "Given a choice between a night of mad passionate sex with Angelina Jolie/Holly Willoughby/<Insert gorgeous pouting sex kitten here>, I'd rather spend the night in with a cup of cocoa and a book of Sudoku puzzles. And then get sucked off by Jade Goody."

Of course, you can also continue to argue for the ejection of another pair by the usual means.

One team will be ejected at 10pm tomorrow night.

Excellent, I've got the one thing I actually agree with to defend.

Parking lots? Let's build an entire race track!

Good work, merry villagers. See how I make happy V for victory signs in your general direction from up here.

Now, to use the internet-o-matic to find out what Firefly is or was. Also what a Dec is. Of course I know what an ant is - so many of them from up here.

If anyone on the balloon would like to sing a riff to put "paved paradise" out of my head I'd be ever so grateful, thanks.

Stupid whiny hippie song, trying to spoil all our fun.

How on earth, or rather in a balloon a mile above the earth, is any one supposed to defend this?



It seems a forgone conclusion, unfortunately. Might as well end it now.


Meta info below:

*Places top hat back on after a day of pretending to be the great Ghandi. It's a bit damp*

Hold it!!

The Rev Owen and Dudley want to pave over paradise. That place where all your dreams are fulfilled?

Surely there are better places to build parking, like hell for example. Nothing wrong with a bit of underground parking.

Of course, this is exactly the sort of thinking of the bitter and angry men that are The Rev Owen and Dudley. Always wanting to ruin people's one chance at happiness.

Come on! Would you rather

a) Trudge for miles to the nearest shops through woodland, being bitten by insects, attacked by rodents and having to get really muddy finding your way through ditches, then have to haul yourself all the way back again with your shopping

or

b) Drive down some lovely roads to a car park by the shops, do your shopping, then drive home?

Seems pretty obvious to me.

This IS paradise.

And it's a parking lot.

We're paving over HippieLand and implementing awesome.

Are you saying that paradise is adjacent to some shops?

What are you? Some sort of girl???!!!

It's quite simple, really. I could begin by listing the amount of awards that the dynamic duo have racked up for their various evening family entertainment shows, or the massive viewing figures of happy families that tune in every night - but the answer really is very simple - I am so badly gay for Ant & Dec.

Space cowboys? Pfah.

Cocked that up. *takes top hat off in shame*

Should read



What are you? Some sort of girl???!!![/quote][/quote]

I boycot this balloon and all who sail in her.

Why Mr Deadperson? It's a shame that you never got in to the spirit of things.

Shut up CG. You're dead.

Busy week, sadly.

[/quote][/quote]

I'm clearly not a girl - look, I'm licking Holly Willoughby's face. Wouldn't you like to do that? Mmm. Holly.

And Ant & Dec

Pah, proves nothing.

I'm not a girl.

I do have long hair like a lady, but I also have a big manly beard.

Ah, that'll explain the odd dislike of the beautiful countryside, then. Ickle birdies nesting in your beardie-weirdie, were there? So you respond with thoughtless destruction and turn the place into a concrete wasteland, you sick fuck.

A bit quick to defend yourself there. What's wrong with being called a girl? Do you have some sort of deep hatred against the ladies? A fem-phobia? I don't think we should have to put up with your sexist attitudes around here.

Says the man who would turn down the lovely Holly in favour of weak chocolatey beverages.

No. It's a preference for a relaxed evening over a blind panic fumble.

Why do ladies cause you to enter a panic, Bluecup? Where is this fear from? Tell us about your childhood.

Again I must turn to the internetotron. And it does not let me down.

Firefly has an "atypical backdrop for the science fiction narrative". FFS

Ant and Dec allow you to win the ads

Firefly was created by a bloke who is, and therefore presumably likes being, weed on

Ant and Dec are scheduled at such a time that you can watch it whilst doing your hair and getting your glad rags on ready to hit the town on a Saturday night, without imposing on said activity. If that's what you like

Firefly is mostly watched on DVD - dodgy VD for all who watch it

Ant and Dec provided Beyonce, Pussycat Dolls and Girls Aloud, and therefore is much easier to wank to

What's wrong with being more gentlemanly and live in an age of innocence?

Oh, that right. You are in love with the corporate whores that are Ant and Dec who suck the life and soul out of Saturday night TV.

Now Firefly. That was a show with soul which I think you lack Craster.

Why haven't you used the internetotron to call for help? Or a least a help file. Selfish. Just plain selfish.

It is there for all to use. I am just not thinking straight - something to do with trying to remember all the ads I've seen so I might stand a chance of winwinwinning.

Plus being confused at anyone turning down hotsexings for sudoku. Sudoku!

Sigh. I explained this all above if you care to read. Or are you to busy selfishly looking up Ant and Dec pictures on the internetotron. Oh, look. You've used all the download allowance up now.

There's nowt gentlemanly at denying someone their, you know, what they need type jobby.

How can this be? I have only browsed textual sites? I suspect those of you who are denying themselves the pleasures of the flesh. Your sudoku can't mask your erection.

Craster and JBR smells of poo.

That is all.

Like the rest of Ant and Dec's audience.

National Television Awards "Most Popular Entertainment Presenter" joint winners 2005, 2006, 2007
National Television Awards "Most Popular Entertainment Programme" 2003, 2004, 2007
British Comedy Awards "Best Comedy Entertainment Personality" joint winners 2003, 2004
2007 Bafta Nomination "Best Entertainment Performance" 2007

Now that's an impressive record for an impressive pair of guys. I'd like to see the "didn't even make it to a full series" Firefly come close to 5 solid years of award-winning brilliance.

Have Ant and Dec had a feature film?

Oh, yes... Alien Autopsy.

Case. Closed.

Not one that's relevant to the current discussion, no.

How's your wildlife-phobia coming on?

So basically you're saying they're about as good as the Mighty Boosh.

Well I'm glad we agree on something.

I notice you didn't include the 2005 British Comedy Awards People's Choice Award which they stole from the true winner, The Catherine Tate Show.

Or how they rigged their competitions and as such stole money from their loyal viewers.

Yeah, what an impressive pair of guys.

And how one of them PRETENDED TO BE BLIND to gain sympathy and viewing figures before launching a pop career.

A fake and a liar.

Of course I didn't, because of course being gentlemen of conscience, they returned the award the moment they found out about the scam - which they had nothing to do with.

I bet you do a secret bit of lusting after that Catherine Tate, while you're sat at home on your sofa with your puzzles and your mug of cocoa.

Yeah, as executive producers it's not like they have any say in producing their show.

And what is wrong with that exactly?

Look! A rescue plane!

*Shoves Dudley towards the edge of the balloon*

Poor Firefly, truly it is the death of so many things.

Popular entertainment is endangered by it. Where would we be if series were only popular once released on DVD? Anarchy, that's where - queues out of the door at Vir...Zavvi; in London, blocking an already congested bit of pavement, forcing people out into the street to their deaths at the newly-increased-in-speed traffic's hands. Those who escaped would tumble down the steps into Tottenham Court Road station, those who survived the crush doomed to take a central line train to Ealing or (gasp) East London.

All because they wanted to walk through Central London. Why would you have that happen? Why, fellow ballooners, why?

Well, I am back, cocoa in hand, sudoku finished, bring on Jade. Take your Holly Willoughfuckitwotsername and sling the whinging bitch over the edge. Good lor, what an annoying wench. And Jolie isn't much better, baby stealing, husband stealing, two faced bitch. And don't get me started on <Insert gorgeous pouting sex kitten here>. What a whiny little cow. At least Goody can't talk with your cocoa in her mouth.

You're going to need some visuals to take your mind off the grunting performance down below. May I suggest the pop stars of the moment, as showcased by Ant and Dec?

Might I also suggest that anyone wanting to pave over the ground, given our current predicament, is a few sandwiches short of a six pack.

Indeed you may. Can I pave over the monstrosity grunting away at your crotch, instead?

Gladly, just let her finish her cocoa.

As the balloon glides gently over the Forest of Really Spiky Trees, home to the Ravenous Passenger-Eating Wolves of Doom, it is time to the springs and chuck not one but two hapless inhabitants over the side. You spoing one, you get one free. I said you spoing one you... oh please yourselves...

Congratulations on defending the indefensible today - a career of Saturday mornings with Colin Murray await - punch the fucker for me, will you? Alas I must decide in the words of Mick Jones et al who should stay and who should go.

The judges verdict is in... the next two contestants to leave the balloon are


...



...



BlueCup and Bobbyaro.







A somewhat controversial decision in the eyes of some. The judges stand firm with their decision. Team Interesting New Landscape Feature did an excellent job of demolishing the arguments of their opponents. However, rather crucially, they forgot to defend their own turf. It turns out that all-out attack isn't the best form of defence, apparently. Just like Kevin Keegan, they've come up wanting near the last.

SSSSSSPPPPPPPPOOOOOOIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG!

SSSSSSPPPPPPPPOOOOOOIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG!


Farewell poor BlueCup and Bobbyaro. We hardly knew you. We cared even less.