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 Post subject: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 16:17 
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ugvm'er at heart...

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As mentioned in B&B, mince pies have started to arrive in the shops.
I'm sure you all agree, a dedicated mince pie thread is needed so we can share our reviews of the current crop and make sure everyone gets to enjoy the best mince pies possible this year.

Reviews here please, I want to know about size, flavour, consistency, filling density and appearance. Plus anything else you think appropriate.
Hot or cold is fine, but if you eat them cold then Santa will be mad and you'll get no presents, and I will ignore your reviews.
Please state what you had with them, as the accompaniment is important and will affect your eating pleasure. We need to know if the pie was eaten with double cream, ice cream, brand butter, whipped cream, custard, ketchup, mustard, your mum's breast milk, etc...

First sighting of mince pies in the wild this year, taken from my evil facebook feed, in what looks like a M&S.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 16:21 
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Fuck yeah!


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 16:22 
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As I was saying, there's a perfect ratio of mince pie goodness. The really cheap pies are shit. They're dry with crappy horrible pastry and a smear of filling. However the really posho ones aren't great either because they have too much filling.

I'll still devour them all, though.

Oh, I never bother with accompaniments either. I just eat them as they come. Many at a time. Unless it's a special occasion (like, someone else is offering me one with cream or whatever).

I'll check Morrisons and Tesco at some point this week and get some reviews in.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 16:26 
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What kind of freak eats hot mince pies? Surely the optimum mince pie eating time is straight after they're taken out of the shopping bag, direct from the little foil tray?

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 16:26 
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ugvm'er at heart...

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Plus, the only way to eat a mince pie is to nuke it in the microwave till the pastry goes really soft and you are scared to touch it unless it explodes in a cloud of steam and burns your face off. You can then pour cold cream, or ice cream on it and hope that it has cooled down enough before you take your first bite.

Plus, brandy butter tastes fucking awful, and should never be seen anywhere near a mince pie. Cream or ice cream are the only acceptable add-ons.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 16:27 
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Craster wrote:
What kind of freak eats hot mince pies? Surely the optimum mince pie eating time is straight after they're taken out of the shopping bag, direct from the little foil tray?


Man, you have not lived, try it. Microwave for a minute, add cream, enjoy.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 16:28 
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I get my mince pies a minute quicker than you do. It's all about efficiency. Also, cream means a plate and washing up. Do you just enjoy wasting your life?

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 16:28 
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Craster wrote:
What kind of freak eats hot mince pies? Surely the optimum mince pie eating time is straight after they're taken out of the shopping bag, direct from the little foil tray?


:this:

Unless, as I say, someone else is willing to do the heating and cream pouring for me. And as long as I don't burn my mouth because that person nuked them for too long.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 16:29 
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ugvm'er at heart...

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Seriously, try it, some things are worth the wait and the clean up afterwards.

Your mum for example.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 16:29 
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Excellent.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 16:30 
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Bad Girl

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Mince Pies MUST have a hard top. Soft tops are an indicator of poor quality.

An example of a hard top mince pie is a Kipling.

If there are to be recommendations they must include a soft/hard to section otherwise there will be dissatisfaction all round for fellow consumers.

And that ain't in the spirit of the mince pie now, is it.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 17:24 
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Morrison's shortcrust mince pies are my favourite so far from the supermarkets, I reckon. I could repeatedly and happily shovel packets and packets of them into my face. And will! As soon as they come back.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 17:40 
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I only found out two years ago that mince pies don't actually have mince in them. I don't actually eat them myself so never thought much about it; although I realise that's no excuse for such idiocy.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 17:50 
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As someone who feels the quality of a mince pie can make or break the holiday season, I am all over this. Tell me what to eat, Beex!

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 17:51 
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Pretty sure they used to, and they do have suet in, of course.

No excuse for not eating them though, weirdo.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 18:05 
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I recall Heston's ones from Waitrose being lovely.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 18:22 
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That's because he vertically aligns every morsel of fruity filling.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 18:28 
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ugvm'er at heart...

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And puts real mints in them.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 18:44 
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Curiosity wrote:
I recall Heston's ones from Waitrose being lovely.


They were very tasty, however:

Attachment:
Capture.PNG


Not mince pies.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 18:50 
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Sleepyhead

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Clearly says 'mince pies' on the box.

Regrettably, Heston > Craster.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 18:52 
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Costco are my favourite, though they don't really count, having a sponge top.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 18:52 
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Yep. I trust Heston over some contrarian pedant forum tosser.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 18:56 
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WTB wrote:
Yep. I trust Heston over some contrarian pedant forum tosser.


I didn't realise Myp had given his opinion.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 19:46 
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That was meant in jest, by the way... Upon reading it again it looks like I was possibly genuinely on the offensive.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 19:47 
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SPONGE TOP!?

HERESY!


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 19:52 
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Plus the Costco ones are massive, aren't they? A mince pie should be small and perfectly formed.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 19:57 
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WTB wrote:
That was meant in jest, by the way... Upon reading it again it looks like I was possibly genuinely on the offensive.


Pedantry not cheffing skills, my dear boy, is what's impotent when defining baked goods classification criteria.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 19:57 
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Leaving that typo there.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 20:49 
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The best mince pies are made with puff pastry.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 21:11 
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Oh look. sickening wrong-headed idiot boy has turned up to be a sickening wrong-headed idiot.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 12:36 
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Curiosity wrote:
I recall Heston's ones from Waitrose being lovely.

Really? I thought they were terrible, far too much pastry, not enough mince, and they tasted of toilet duck when sprinkled with the pine fresh toilet cleanser.

A trap a number of mince pie makers fall into with their higher quality versions is to use low sugar mince meat which has aged, so is very vinegary. Also Waitrose use far too much pastry.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 12:41 
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This is getting deep. Deeper than a deep-filled mince pie.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 12:42 
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Mince Pies?

Fuck that.

Mince and Onion Pies! :metul:

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 13:02 
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Zardoz wrote:
Mince Pies?

Fuck that.

Mince and Onion Pies! :metul:

Image


Start your own bloody thread then.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 13:13 
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Nah.

About time this was derailed.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 13:48 
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Bobbyaro wrote:
A trap a number of mince pie makers fall into with their higher quality versions is to use low sugar mince meat which has aged, so is very vinegary.
And you know what works well with that? Fat. Ice cream, double cream, brandy butter, clotted cream.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 13:54 
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BikNorton wrote:
Bobbyaro wrote:
A trap a number of mince pie makers fall into with their higher quality versions is to use low sugar mince meat which has aged, so is very vinegary.
And you know what works well with that? Fat. Ice cream, double cream, brandy butter, clotted cream.


And also what works well? Heat.

Oh, your list? Yes, Yes, No, Yes.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 13:54 
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Lord Humongous

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BikNorton wrote:
Bobbyaro wrote:
A trap a number of mince pie makers fall into with their higher quality versions is to use low sugar mince meat which has aged, so is very vinegary.
And you know what works well with that? Fat. Ice cream, double cream, brandy butter, clotted cream.

Onion gravy.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 22:10 
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Sainsbury's in-store bakery ones are usually pretty awesome.

They're quite wide and thus shallow, made from nice shortcrust pastry, and have granulated sugar liberally sprinkled on the (hard) top. The mincemeat is nice but ordinary - none of that "luxury" rubbish.

I haven't seen any this year yet, though - fingers crossed they don't "improve" / recession-ise them!


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 22:37 
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None in tesco yet :(


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 16:25 
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Image

Sainsbury's bog standard deep fill mince pies. On offer for 82p.
Review to follow tonight :D


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 18:07 
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Sainsbury's deep fill mince pies.

Presentation : bog standard mince pie, nothing to write home about.
Taste : pretty good, could do with a bit more sugar as the pastry was slightly bland, filling taste was good but also a bit bland.
Filling : very full, top marks.
Size : standard small size
Value : bargain!

Rating : 7/10


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 19:48 
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7/10 for bland pastry and bland filling? Doesn't leave too much room for improvement. :P

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 19:56 
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What this review tells us is that trooper is cheap.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 20:11 
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Extra points were given for the very full filling and bargainous price! Plus I did say it tasted pretty good, just a bit bland.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 20:12 
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We need a formula:

MP=F(0.8P)(1/Pr)(0.5S)
Where
F = filling taste out of 10
P = Pastry taste out of 10
Pr = the price of an individual pie in pence
S = is weight of an individual pie in grams.

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 20:39 
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ugvm'er at heart...

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I think I'll remark, 20 points for each category, giving a mark out of 100.

Sainsbury's deep fill mince pie

P : 10
T : 13
F : 18
S : 10
V : 17

Total : 68/100


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 21:06 
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I gave you a formula and everything! :(

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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 21:07 
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Yeah. It was rubbish.


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 Post subject: Re: Mince pie review season
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 21:36 
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So we went from 7/10 to 68%.
Thanks for that, Trooper.

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