Ah yes, where were we? What year is it again?
Yup, it’s been a while, my dear readers, but heck, there’s nothing to say we can’t all do the “FME thing” once more and party like its 2003 all over again. Hell, if a scene legend can start re-releasing again, all these years after the fact, then I’m damn well dusting off my (fond) memories of the era; “Ikon Boards”, Line Up iterations, “Skizzo” and “Debate Central” to name but a few!
So then, let’s get down to the nitty gritty here; the WWC spotlight turns irresolutely to that late 80s Barcrest MPU4 stalwart that is Flash Cash.
This machine needs no introduction; these things were ubiquitous in surely every pub, club and arcade back in the day. They were everywhere. A (slight) evolution from the first of this genre, All Cash Advance, this design iteration also features the in-play “Action Nudges” subsequently so oft-copied by the likes of Ace and JPM with their contemporary efforts (you may recall my remarks about old ACE Poundstretcher and its “Microdot Pot”).
Aside from the Action Nudges (awarded at first word fill as a “sub feature”), it’s all fairly standard Barcrest MPU4 fare, which is to say it’s a gorgeous looking machine. In particular, that huge matrix of notes dominating the top glass – as disingenuous as it undoubtedly was (the note climb was not wrap-around so you could only ever win just one line of notes per feature game, more on this later), was just fantastic in attract mode. Who could resist punting a few quid in pursuit of such a prize?
As mentioned, the Action Nudges – accrued “randomly” over time (and much money input…) – were offered upon completion of the “Flash” word-fill, off reel numbers (or reel-awarded “?” skill chance). The features proper were doled out upon full word-fill; all had a repeat chance (with the sole exception of Flash Cash, if all four notes - £4 in tokens – was achieved in one hit, for some bizarre reason).
The features themselves were actually quite entertaining in concept, albeit there was no skill involved. “Super Win” is basically a choose-a-win affair, “Mystery” is a reel stepper, “3-2-1 Climb” is an enhanced coin climber off the coin matrix, and “Line Up” is a join-the-lit coins climber, stalwart of many other Barcrest titles. All of them could pay Flash Cash or Jackpot (and occasionally did so), and all could repeat.
The top feature, Flash Cash, gave the player a shot at ONE of the four note lines in the top matrix, with the chance of note climb. Theoretically as little as £1 could be achieved, but in fairness there was almost invariably £2 on offer – and occasionally £4 in cash (via note climb) or £4 in tokens from the off. Unless token JP was awarded, a repeat chance was also given, meaning a theoretically unlimited upper prize value, though I never, ever saw anything higher than £8, despite many, many hundreds of pounds of play.
So far then, we have a polished Barcrest machine which looks and sounds fantastic, has relatively innovative, attractive features – all of which repeat – and nudges via the ‘Action Nudges’ which were seemingly under player control and were the principal route to the big prizes and feature awards. OK, the WWC First Law was not obeyed – there was no feature/nudge exchange or other ‘out’ for small wins to keep things interesting (and in fairness, the actual reel win cash gamble was pretty awful) – so it really doesn’t sound too bad, no?
Wrong.
This is, without doubt, the worst machine I have ever reviewed. As beautiful as Andy’s DX certainly is, it is, unfortunately, like Hit The Top before it, another example of a tragic waste of his incredible talent.
Let me explain. We here surely understand that all the fantastic polish in the world and even great design does NOT a great machine make – in fact, not even necessarily a GOOD machine. The crimes of Flash Cash are heinous and many, but I think quite the worst of them all is the fact that all the ingredients for a fine machine were present and correct. However, GAMEPLAY and PROFILE count for an awful lot more than a pretty face – and believe you me, this machine is the tightest of them all. I mean seriously, did *anyone* ever walk away from one of these still wearing his shirt, let alone in significant profit…?
The deeply cynical, appalling nature of this machine cannot be over-stated. Prime among these has to be the crime against the player that is “Action Nudges”; was there ever a more disingenuous, blatant player-baiting device ever conceived? Time and again you’d be chasing and chasing these, the machine sucking down pounds and pounds before eventually giving Flash Cash off the reels - £2 with no repeat – only to start the whole stinking process again with another 2-3 nudges close to your final credit. Man, I used to see this *so* often in the wild.
Even if someone DID leave a couple of nudges in the bank, it wouldn’t be long before some other mug turned up with his bag of pound coins, thinking himself “lucky” that someone had been foolish enough to leave him a machine ready to pay. Of course, once the bank (eventually) got up to 5-6 nudges, usually a couple of quid later at least, you were committed, but you’d then have to pump another few quid in, perhaps getting a few useless features and derisory reel wins along the way, before you too were given a £2 no repeat. And then the stinking process would start all over again, the machine sucking down tenner after tenner.
I don’t normally bother with stuff like this, but it’s interesting to note the payout% of this machine, as emulated. I don’t know what it’s set at – probably around 75-80% or thereabouts, but I’m buggered if I can get it above the mid 50s. At virtually no point could I ever have been significantly “up” on the machine; it is a tight and “controlled” as any machine has ever been.
In my critique of Ace Poundstretcher, I mentioned that at least in the case of the Barcrest machines that it sought to (badly) emulate, the Action Nudges *had* to be awarded, even if a high prize value was in range, and unlike the Ace machine’s awful Microdot Pot affair. However, as it turns out, even this isn’t completely true – the “?” *should* give at least the half word fill skillstop if Action Nudges are present and a reel win is in range – but it doesn’t always, most especially if a big win (that the machine has decided it isn’t “ready” to pay) is available. Instead you’ll get the “stopper” which WILL lose, every single chuffing time. Gah.
Yes, the Action Nudges are indeed one key aspect, but like I've said, the very worst thing about the machine is that actually, it COULD have been a very good – possibly even a *great* game, if only it wasn't so ridiculously tight and controlled? If the gameplay was loosened off (and made at least reasonably paying); if the Flash Cash at least went a bit mad a la Castle once in a blue moon; if the features repeated more often – and meaningfully. If, if, if…
I could go on here; I could talk further about the pounds and pounds that I pumped into these machines, losing EVERY time; the Barcrest operator adverts at the time which showed blokes dressed as security guards heaving moneyboxes laden with too many pound coins to handle and all the rest; comparison of this machine to its vastly better immediate forebears, even from the same manufacturer. Thing is though, we all know the score here. Suffice to say there can be no question that this machine is a “sinner” and many, many times over at that - but is it *so* bad as to warrant a ZERO out of ten, and all that this entails?
It’s not something that I take lightly; this machine, for all I know, might be on someone’s wish list, or they might even own one. It’s not as though it is entirely without merit – far from it - for the reasons I’ve discussed. It is a very pretty machine; there’re some great ideas in there and above all, it’s a polished product so typical of Barcrest of this era, streets ahead of the other manufacturers in this respect. One only needs to browse the restoration pages of this forum to appreciate which machines were built to last. I mean seriously, can this machine truly be as bad as Hit The Top?
My judgement is this: this machine truly embodies everything that I hate about fruit machines and the cynical way that players were, and still are, exploited. There is nothing remotely ‘fair’ about it; everything is designed to suck the last ten penny piece out of the hapless punter and still have him wishing if only he had more cash. Whilst we all accept that, ultimately, that is the goal of every “one-armed bandit” that ever graced the arcade, this goes way, way beyond that and the balance – if that is the correct word – is vastly too skewed away from the player here.
In the end, there can be no doubt that this truly dire contraption is fully deserving of such a fate.
So then, Saint or Sinner...?
My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a new "champion".
WWC Machine Rating: 0/10 Arch Demon (WORST EVER MACHINE)