Be Excellent To Each Other

That's really not brilliant, sort of undermining you as parents to a degree. Personally I'd let grandad carry on accessing Netflix but change the parental lock code and don't tell him the new one. Enjoy all your age-gated content old man.

It has irked me,somewhat, but it's better to assume it read thoughtless rather than malevolent.

Bought new laptop today, yet I still had to pay 5p for the carrier bag.

a) Carry the box out of the shop
b) Take your own bag

I have about 12 bags in my drawer at work, too. Forget them every lunchtime when I get my meal deal.

You’re the reason the world is dying

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity - Hanlon’s Razor

I always found his toothbrush to be a more thought-provoking writer.

Hanlon's razor isn't a real razor, dumbass! You're thinking of Occom's razor.

We often attribute things which can be explained by stupidity to Mali, though.

I saw Davpaz today as he took me to the zoo, and i parked in a field. On leaving, the car was stuck in the mud and attempts to move it out dug itself in further. A small John Deere Gator was brought in and we tied the two together, but that dug itself in, too. And the tow rope was taught. We pondered what to do, and I looked at the cars, looked at the mud and looked at the cars. I remembered what grim.. had said about getting stuck cars out of mud and looked at the cars, the mud and the big pile of matting twenty metres away.

Cars, mud, matting.

The cogs were whirring.

Cars, mud,matting.

I knew exactly what we required...

"I need the use of your elephants"

It seems like the main thing that was taught was you, not the rope.

Wow Mali, it looks like quite the tricky spot you found yourself in, and the picture helped make the point nicely.

I remember getting my Fiesta really stuck in the mud when I worked in Sutton and parked a little bit inappropriately, and being very embarrassed about it.

My first company van service is at 25,000 miles or two years, according to the handbook.

The spanner started appearing on the display a couple of weeks ago, with a warning message at switch on, telling me how many miles left before the service is due.

I booked it in yesterday and it'll be serviced next Monday. It's currently at 24876 miles and has started getting stroppy with me. A second, bigger spanner in orange appeared yesterday, and this morning the in car entertainment screen has started randonly showing the satnav map screen with authorised service centres in my vicinity. At least it's not beeping audibly every 30 seconds like my old Nemo used to.

Sounds like it's due for a service.

What gave it away?

I have no idea where that t-shirt is.

You're wearing it, you div.

I've been struggling to get some videos to work in a Powerpoint presentation I'm doing... I can't get text to animate or show up in front of the video. Proper annoying.

A client sent me a powerpoint today on an unrelated matter. It's full of videos with animated text that plays in front of the videos.

Pah.

The continuing story of my sister-in-law's laptop enters a new chapter.

She stopped using it when she got a Kindle Fire as it was too slow and the Fire did everything she needed.

We no longer have a working Windows laptop in the Warhead household, and with the possibility that she might need to work from home on the odd day, my daughter asked my S-I-L if she could borrow her laptop, to which she agreed.

I collected it on Sunday afternoon and began to investigate its poor performance. The first thing I checked was updates, and sure enough, there hadn't been any update since Feb 19. A couple had been attempted, but failed, so there was a lot of catching up to do.

The other annoying thing was McAfee continually popping up a message to remind us that the virus package had expired and required a payment to reactivate. So I yanked it out and enabled the MS freebies. That seemed to make an immediate improvement, but it was still sluggish.

Altogether it took me about eight hours to get all the required updates to download and install and several times when I thought I'd finished, a couple more were added to the queue, but I got there in the end.

It's now fully patched, and McAfeeless, and although I still don't like W10 very much, it is running at an acceptable speed. All that could have been avoided, except the McAfee problem, if my S-IL had just fired it up for a couple of hours every week as I'd advised very.

A message from our Chief Digital Officer

Please be aware that we are reaching high thresholds for VPN connectivity into company resources as more employees are following local and federal health and government guidance to temporarily work remotely during the coronavirus pandemic.

As we anticipate the number of employees who are temporarily working remotely to increase over the next several weeks, please be mindful that VPN is not a requirement for most daily business functions. If you do not require VPN during lunchtime or breaks, please disconnect the session to allow other users to connect. We also need to prioritize customer-facing activities (call centers, field engineers) and their ability to support and service our customers. You can expect slower connections during peak hours and maximum capacity.

Global IT has increased our licensed capacity and is working on reducing bandwidth requirements in Paderborn, Singapore, and Toronto. As we continue to support all employees globally, VPN connections will timeout after 12 hours of an active session to avoid forgotten connections. 

I can't get on half the time anyway, as it fails if McAfee isn't right up to date and it's a always slow to update.

I didn't stir my Heinz Cut Soup properly, so the first 2/3 was really weak then the last 1/3 was too gloopy.

A steaming bowl of tasty blood and scabs?

It's my birthday on Friday, and it's essentially fucked. My birthday has previously been hijacked by us invading Iraq, by Japanese arseholes killing people on the Tokyo Tube and Taliban arseholes killing people in a hotel, and bad weather on my 40th birthday causing me to miss the full eclipse experience. But this is by the worst. No food for my birthday meal, no cinema open for my birthday film and shitty weather for my birthday walk. First world problem at its most apposite.

Don't worry, I'm sure those dead and injured and their families will offer some condolences to you if you let them know.

That's why it's in this thread and not the Corona threa

Maybe you need to change your birthday Malc

Tell us more about your invasion of Iraq.

I'm being forced to be part of a Whatsapp group for work and I have to be extremely careful not to call half of them feckless tossers who will spend the time away from the office wanking and not washing their hands as they grip their offensively small manhoods.

I've already did my work and I just piecemeal it day by day, I spend the rest of the day wanking and not washing my hands as I grip my offensively small manhood, but at least the work is done.

Oh and my boss is an English cunt.

I can't end a work email with "Happy to discuss" without feeling that this is ever-so-slightly sarcastic. Except I would be.

Hmmm I hadn't really thought about that. No wonder very few people come and ask me about it. What are some better alternative phrases? For clients I use something like 'I'm always happy to help, so please do get in touch if you need anything else' but maybe I need to think about something better for emails to my the team

Happy to discuss feels a bit mic drop.

"anything unclear, give me a call"

"come at me, bitches"

I just spat out coffee

Yeah, if you actually do want them to get in touch to discuss something further then just say so.

"Please get in touch if there's anything I've missed." "Always happy to talk if you need more detail" or something, feels like more of an open door. Basically anything that doesn't make them feel like a fucking dummy for not completely getting it.

No matter how free the exchanges are there's always still people particularly in meetings who just nod along acknowledging everything said in the affirmative but you can sense that they have some objection that might turn out to be fairly important and you have to sort of nicely drag it out of them one on one or worse you only find out second hand later. I guess they must have had a bad experience once where they were made to feel like an idiot in a meeting. Then there's the other kind who seem pathologically wired to try to find some objection to everything just so that they can be seen to be making a valuable contribution. Frustrating.

No I don’t

I always go with “any questions just let me know”

My favourite are the folks who when told "this is the way it works" their response is "Well, it shouldn't, it should work like this instead" and every response they make is based on how it should work in their opinion...

I'd 'like' that post but sadly the way this forum works is all wrong.

And that it's not their job to make it so, right? I used to work with so many people who thought that having some vague idea of a perceived improvement was a valuable contribution. Pah, someone else can do the detail, and the actual implementation. (Very like the government's whole position on using 'technology' to fix the border issues leaving the EU throws up.)

I can't read about a broadcast from the monarch without
thinking of the "Message from the Kiiinngg" ditty from Hamilton .

Mate, if she rocks up, sits down, and says "Question one of forty. Who won the League Cup in 1991?" I will be a monarchist for life.