The problem: man alive, you fart like you’ve got an endless puncture in your arse. And the stink is weird. Like a funky nutty smell. I’ve been eating a lot of nuts but still, bleurgh, I can’t stand to be in my own company and the arse of my jeans is discoloured. Probably. I might have made that last one up.

I grabbed a can of pringles from our stash without really looking, opened it up and popped a couple in mouth.

It wasn't Texas BBQ Sauce, it was Honey Glazed Ham!

I’ve been trying a plant-based diet, for a couple of reasons, losing weight, getting healthy and it fits with my internal ethics about animal welfare (insects can get fucked. Apart from bees and the nice ones). It’s been about 4 months now. And 4 months since I cut the tabs out too.

I lapse every now and again for a slice of beef or a bit of chicken, but I’ve consumed at least 97.5% less meat than I’ve ever done in my entire life. I used to think that I would be too mentally weak to change my diet prior to this because my pallet wasn’t very diverse anyway. That was immensely stupid in retrospect.

The problem: man alive, you fart like you’ve got an endless puncture in your arse. And the stink is weird. Like a funky nutty smell. I’ve been eating a lot of nuts but still, bleurgh, I can’t stand to be in my own company and the arse of my jeans is discoloured. Probably. I might have made that last one up.

Flying bloody British Airways again - they really shouldn't be allowed to describe their offering as Business Class.

#properfirstworldproblems

I’m not sure if people read my post but no one will come with me to watch the new Star Wars trilogy at the cinema. Maybe the thought of being sat next to my rancid arsehole in a packed theatre for 7 & 1/2 hours was just too much.

I can’t think of anyone who would want to do that

I got upgraded to business flying BA to Dublin. The difference is that your cup of tea comes in an actual mug.

Such a short flight, why fuck around with business class. Long haul flights though... business class with the lay flat beds, wonderful.

I would.

You object to “films”? DUFUQ.

(The rest can be agreed)

This loo has now broken, so I have to go up 6 floors in a lift and then through ANOTHER set of doors.

But films are rubbish and so is Star Wars and spending time with Sat

Today I learnt that rolls of wrapping paper and self-checkout machines were never intended to be together.

Still, it'll be a nice surprise of a present for the recipient though.

Bravo, Sir Beavo

But due to a misspent youth, I am seemingly unable to handle a cue correctly or indeed at all, and thus recommend to anyone inclined to challenge me to a game of pool that they'd get more enjoyment and sense of challenge by throwing their 50p over their shoulder and hoping they don't hit anyone.