Be Excellent To Each Other

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 05, 2019 16:04 
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Lord Humongous

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You should Pamper yourself.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 05, 2019 22:22 
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Can you dig it?

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Awww, poppet....

*hug(gie)s*

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2019 14:10 
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Noob as of 6/8/10

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Our dog doesn't understand daylight saving time. We adopted him before the clocks changed and he got used to me getting up at 6.15 and letting him out for a wee.

Now he wakes me at 5.15 to let him out and this is interfering with my sleep pattern.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2019 11:31 
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I'm on call today, but only had one job assigned to me first thing. It's a till printer swap in 'uddersfield.

I collected the printer and drove 40 miles to get here, only to find that there is no store here. At least, not one belonging to the client in question.

I contact a couple of the closest stores in the area. Neither have a busted printer, or have heard of the store I'm looking for.

I checked the store directory and it doesn't have a store with this name or postcode.

So how did the call centre manage to create the call?

Who can say?

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2019 12:56 
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Bad Girl

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I’ve been trying a plant-based diet, for a couple of reasons, losing weight, getting healthy and it fits with my internal ethics about animal welfare (insects can get fucked. Apart from bees and the nice ones). It’s been about 4 months now. And 4 months since I cut the tabs out too.

I lapse every now and again for a slice of beef or a bit of chicken, but I’ve consumed at least 97.5% less meat than I’ve ever done in my entire life. I used to think that I would be too mentally weak to change my diet prior to this because my pallet wasn’t very diverse anyway. That was immensely stupid in retrospect.

The problem: man alive, you fart like you’ve got an endless puncture in your arse. And the stink is weird. Like a funky nutty smell. I’ve been eating a lot of nuts but still, bleurgh, I can’t stand to be in my own company and the arse of my jeans is discoloured. Probably. I might have made that last one up.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2019 14:46 
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Comfortably Dumb

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Satsuma wrote:
The problem: man alive, you fart like you’ve got an endless puncture in your arse. And the stink is weird. Like a funky nutty smell. I’ve been eating a lot of nuts but still, bleurgh, I can’t stand to be in my own company and the arse of my jeans is discoloured. Probably. I might have made that last one up.


Wait.. is this you?
https://twitter.com/DailyMirror/status/ ... 6528333824



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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2019 15:26 
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Bad Girl

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I see you’ve been following my work.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2019 15:31 
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Prince of Fops

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You're a Mozz Murderer.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2019 16:06 
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Lord Humongous

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There is a shite that almost came out.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2019 16:53 
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Isn't that lovely?

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I grabbed a can of pringles from our stash without really looking, opened it up and popped a couple in mouth.

It wasn't Texas BBQ Sauce, it was Honey Glazed Ham! :(

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2019 17:09 
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Prince of Fops

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Malc wrote:
I grabbed a can of pringles from our stash without really looking, opened it up and popped a couple in mouth.

It wasn't Texas BBQ Sauce, it was Honey Glazed Ham! :(


Don't know that one. Was it on one of his solo albums?


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2019 19:51 
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Can't re-member

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Satsuma wrote:
I’ve been trying a plant-based diet, for a couple of reasons, losing weight, getting healthy and it fits with my internal ethics about animal welfare (insects can get fucked. Apart from bees and the nice ones). It’s been about 4 months now. And 4 months since I cut the tabs out too.

I lapse every now and again for a slice of beef or a bit of chicken, but I’ve consumed at least 97.5% less meat than I’ve ever done in my entire life. I used to think that I would be too mentally weak to change my diet prior to this because my pallet wasn’t very diverse anyway. That was immensely stupid in retrospect.

The problem: man alive, you fart like you’ve got an endless puncture in your arse. And the stink is weird. Like a funky nutty smell. I’ve been eating a lot of nuts but still, bleurgh, I can’t stand to be in my own company and the arse of my jeans is discoloured. Probably. I might have made that last one up.

This is really good! We’ve mostly stopped eating dairy now but I just can’t bring myself to cut out meat just yet. But maybe one day.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2019 20:01 
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We've been enjoying some meals from the Thug Kitchen books. I'd recommend a look.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 12, 2019 13:31 
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Bad Girl

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I’m not sure if people read my post but no one will come with me to watch the new Star Wars trilogy at the cinema. Maybe the thought of being sat next to my rancid arsehole in a packed theatre for 7 & 1/2 hours was just too much. :(


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 12, 2019 13:47 
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You'll have a row to yourself! Result!


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 12, 2019 15:22 
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INFINITE POWAH

Joined: 1st Apr, 2008
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Flying bloody British Airways again - they really shouldn't be allowed to describe their offering as Business Class.

#properfirstworldproblems

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 12, 2019 15:44 
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Commander-in-Cheese

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MrChris wrote:
Flying bloody British Airways again - they really shouldn't be allowed to describe their offering as Business Class.

#properfirstworldproblems


I got upgraded to business flying BA to Dublin. The difference is that your cup of tea comes in an actual mug.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 12, 2019 22:09 
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Satsuma wrote:
I’m not sure if people read my post but no one will come with me to watch the new Star Wars trilogy at the cinema. Maybe the thought of being sat next to my rancid arsehole in a packed theatre for 7 & 1/2 hours was just too much. :(

I can’t think of anyone who would want to do that

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 12, 2019 22:18 
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Gogmagog

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Mr Chonks wrote:
Satsuma wrote:
I’m not sure if people read my post but no one will come with me to watch the new Star Wars trilogy at the cinema. Maybe the thought of being sat next to my rancid arsehole in a packed theatre for 7 & 1/2 hours was just too much. :(

I can’t think of anyone who would want to do that


I would.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 12, 2019 23:34 
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Can you dig it?

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Cras wrote:
MrChris wrote:
Flying bloody British Airways again - they really shouldn't be allowed to describe their offering as Business Class.

#properfirstworldproblems


I got upgraded to business flying BA to Dublin. The difference is that your cup of tea comes in an actual mug.


Such a short flight, why fuck around with business class. Long haul flights though... business class with the lay flat beds, wonderful.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 12, 2019 23:51 
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Sir Taxalot wrote:
Cras wrote:
MrChris wrote:
Flying bloody British Airways again - they really shouldn't be allowed to describe their offering as Business Class.

#properfirstworldproblems


I got upgraded to business flying BA to Dublin. The difference is that your cup of tea comes in an actual mug.


Such a short flight, why fuck around with business class. Long haul flights though... business class with the lay flat beds, wonderful.


Well, quite. I did also get a little curtain to shield me from the proles, mind.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 12, 2019 23:52 
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Also I should note that the upgrade was the pilot coming down the back and saying "We need to balance the plane, so can somebody come sit up the front?" and I clearly just looked suitable statured.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:27 
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Can't re-member

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MaliA wrote:
Mr Chonks wrote:
Satsuma wrote:
I’m not sure if people read my post but no one will come with me to watch the new Star Wars trilogy at the cinema. Maybe the thought of being sat next to my rancid arsehole in a packed theatre for 7 & 1/2 hours was just too much. :(

I can’t think of anyone who would want to do that


I would.

But films are rubbish and so is Star Wars and spending time with Sat

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:01 
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Bad Girl

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You object to “films”? DUFUQ.

(The rest can be agreed)


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Dec 13, 2019 16:38 
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Can't re-member

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Satsuma wrote:
You object to “films”? DUFUQ.

(The rest can be agreed)

I would hate it if you invited me. Don’t even think about it

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Mon Dec 16, 2019 12:45 
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Heavy Metal Tough Guy

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Squirt wrote:
Squirt wrote:
Due to some office moves, I now have to go through 3 sets of security doors, using my pass, and then the same on the way back, just to go to the loo.


This loo has now broken, so I have to go up 6 floors in a lift and then through ANOTHER set of doors.


The toilet has been fixed, BUT I have been moved up the six floors, to that part of the office. This floor does not have a working kitchen, so to get a drink I have to go through a set of security doors, DOWN 6 stories in a lift and then through 2 more sets of doors. This is getting silly.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Mon Dec 16, 2019 12:55 
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Heavy Metal Tough Guy

Joined: 31st Mar, 2008
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Well, it's not really silly - ir's a pretty minor inconvnience in an otherwise good job, but I still get to moan about it.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Mon Dec 16, 2019 12:59 
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It's clearly a "healthy workplace" initiative.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Mon Dec 16, 2019 15:36 
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Noob as of 6/8/10

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Mr Chonks wrote:
MaliA wrote:
Mr Chonks wrote:
Satsuma wrote:
I’m not sure if people read my post but no one will come with me to watch the new Star Wars trilogy at the cinema. Maybe the thought of being sat next to my rancid arsehole in a packed theatre for 7 & 1/2 hours was just too much. :(

I can’t think of anyone who would want to do that


I would.

But films are rubbish and so is Star Wars and spending time with Sat


To be fair, the Star Wars films are pretty bad, really. In fact I only saw Rogue 1 four the first time over the week end and that was only to fill a vacant bit of time when I couldn't find anything worse on the box.

I had to go to see the very first one on my own because none of my mates were available or all that interested.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 12:25 
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Bought an Echo Show. Nice enough bit of kit, but, as always with these things, seem to be a lot of frustrating things that almost work but don't quite.

E.g. I can tell it to show me the camera in my Ring doorbell, but I can't make it automatically show it when someone presses it, or it detects motion.

The screen is ok enough to be a reasonable digital picture frame, when not doing anything else, but you can't turn off the clock or the "try 'Alexa, play some piss-poor commercial radio station'" examples that it insists on showing. Not to mention the lack of simple way to selectively (e.g. per album) sync photos between Apple iCloud photos (which I use) and Amazon Photos (which I don't generally, but need to in order to add photos to display as wallpaper).

No YouTube or iPlayer apps. (Not that that really bothers me, as it's currently sat next to my tv, which does that kind of thing, but still.)

No way of making it play Spotify on my amplifier (which has a Spotify client built-in) that isn't a hell of a lot more hassle than just using my phone to do it.

Voice recognition has come a long way, but it still feels like a lot of dots need joining to make Alexa, Siri etc. really worthwhile.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 13:50 
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Noob as of 6/8/10

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When engineers log a fault call with our client's call centre in India, they often ask us to spell our surnames, but sometimes they just type what they think they've heard, so when a call I logged this morning popped up on my tablet, I am now John Pargregius, as opposed to John Hotelalpharomeogolfromeoalphavictorechosierra.

The last time they cocked it up, I was John Kagriev.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 13:53 
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Anglesey birds in mystery mass death "died from trauma". Yup, hitting the ground from a great height will deffo traumatise you.

I'm sure there was an Avengers episode aeons ago, that started with a similar incident, but was caused by some mad professor's death ray or summat.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2019 18:23 
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Today I learnt that rolls of wrapping paper and self-checkout machines were never intended to be together.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2019 18:29 
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Comfortably Dumb

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Kern wrote:
Today I learnt that rolls of wrapping paper and self-checkout machines were never intended to be together.


Still, it'll be a nice surprise of a present for the recipient though.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2019 18:36 
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:DD


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2019 19:00 
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Fitness Nut...

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devilman wrote:
Kern wrote:
Today I learnt that rolls of wrapping paper and self-checkout machines were never intended to be together.


Still, it'll be a nice surprise of a present for the recipient though.


Bravo Sir, Beavo

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2019 20:46 
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Noob as of 6/8/10

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KovacsC wrote:
devilman wrote:
Kern wrote:
Today I learnt that rolls of wrapping paper and self-checkout machines were never intended to be together.


Still, it'll be a nice surprise of a present for the recipient though.


Bravo, Sir Beavo

FTFY, although I didn't know we had a knight in our midst.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2019 21:45 
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Can you dig it?

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Wut

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 0:10 
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Commander-in-Cheese

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All hail Sir Beavo!

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 18:36 
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Decapodian

Joined: 15th Oct, 2010
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And I, for one, welcome our new mediaeval overlord.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Sun Dec 22, 2019 9:25 
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Noob as of 6/8/10

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Sycophant.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Sun Dec 29, 2019 20:44 
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Got a fancy new food processor for Christmas. In setting it all up for its inaugrual chop, I inadvertantly touched the shiny blade whilst getting it into position. Twice.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Mon Dec 30, 2019 15:49 
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How many fingers are you holding up?

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Mon Dec 30, 2019 15:59 
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Prestwich M&S/Pets at Home car park is like a never ending merry-go-round with only car horns for the music. Wayyyy too many people are trying to get in while not allowing others out of their parking places. Where's the logic in that?

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Mon Dec 30, 2019 16:34 
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Sitting balls-back folder

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Since when does logic apply in shopping scenarios at all, let alone Christmas?


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Tue Dec 31, 2019 7:45 
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On the plus side, M&S have now added my van reg to the car park guest list so I don’t need to worry about PCNs if I need to work in that store for more than two hours.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2020 17:21 
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Pub drunk asked if I fancied a game of pool. Now, I'm usually up for a round of anything that's on offer, up to and including guessing the top card from a deck or speculating on when the next blue car will pass the window. If it's gamey, no matter how loose the definition, I'll probably be up for it.

But due to a misspent youth, I am seemingly unable to handle a cue correctly or indeed at all, and thus recommend to anyone inclined to challenge me to a game of pool that they'd get more enjoyment and sense of challenge by throwing their 50p over their shoulder and hoping they don't hit anyone.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2020 18:32 
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gooby pls

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Kern wrote:
But due to a misspent youth, I am seemingly unable to handle a cue correctly or indeed at all, and thus recommend to anyone inclined to challenge me to a game of pool that they'd get more enjoyment and sense of challenge by throwing their 50p over their shoulder and hoping they don't hit anyone.

Have you ever played Bar Billiards?

When I was a kid, my Dad used to take me to a pub close to the sorting office that he worked in, and they had a bar billiards table. I fucking loved that game (and still do) - but basically no-one has a bar billiards table any more.

Don't really understand why, either - it's perfectly sited in the corner of a room as all shots come from the same end so you don't need space all around, the landlord can set how long a game lasts (and therefore control profitability) and it's a stupidly fun game, far more so than regular pool IMO.

If I ever get a house big enough, I'll definitely get a bar billiards table.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2020 18:36 
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I once won a game of bar billiards, and am very proud of this feat. Of course, my opponent knocked the black pin over seconds before the timer ran out, but a win is a win.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2020 18:49 
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On reflection, I probably should have challenged him to an unseasonal game of Aunt Sally.


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