Be Excellent To Each Other

Thanks for the all the well wishes guys, and sorry to hear your news Zardoz, I've lost a fair few relatives in the last few years (Mum, Dad, an uncle, an aunt, Pauline's mum and now my Granddad in the last 4 years! Bloody Hell is it really that many!) but none of them really had a terminal diagnosis, so I have no idea how you and your family are coping. I hope you can get some quality time in before he detoriates too much. You have my deepest sympathies.

Malc

Thanks again, everyone.

He's having more tests today to see if they're going to give him Radio or Chemotherapy. Went and saw my folks last night which helped, but not spoken to my Uncle myself yet. Think I'll go at the weekend when things have calmed down a bit.

Malc, I don't know of anyone who has lost so many close relatives in such a short space of time. I imagine that your own wife and kids have kept you going through such tragic events.

If you have any questions about anything, feel free to ping them over or ask them on here, i'm happy to talk about my experience if anyone who is going through something similar would find it helpful?
Looking back at my time last year I just wanted someone who would answer my questions honestly. The medical staff and nurses are great, but they purposefully don't give out much information to the families for obvious reasons, yet retrospectively it is obvious now that they knew so much more about what the next steps were and what was likely to happen, and what certain things meant. Personally I would have wanted to know that info, but I can understand why they don't want to give out potential upsetting information.

One thing I will say, is that if your uncle and his family haven't got in touch with the Macmillan nurses yet, then please recommend that they do so. They (and later the Marie Curie nurses) are the most wonderful people you will ever meet and gave my dad so much help, however they have to be contacted to get a patient into their system.

Best wishes to you and your family.

His Wife and my sister both work in the Pathology labs of the Hospital he's at.


Yeah, I know about the fantastic stuff they do as I lost an Uncle on my Mums side last year. I feel guilty about the situation now as I'm much closer to this Uncle and far more shook by it.


Thanks mate, I really appreciate the sentiment and the offer of help too.

Best wishes to both Malc and Z and their families.

My wife is in Ireland for the rest of the week.

Oops.

Can a mod plz move that post to the 'Yay' thread.

Lol, you dick!

Haha! Fuck no!

I'm so sorry to hear that Curiosity.

Well, we're all here for you. Hang in there buddy.

So blackjack / hookers / CODBLOPS party at yours for the rest of the week then ?

Well, I did have another woman stay the night yesterday...

Little Miss Dom threw up all her tea last night, and has carried on throwing up anything we tried to put in her this morning
According to Dr Miriam Stoppard, if it continues for more than 6 hours, we need medical advice, so off to the doctors we go..

Yeah, best to get her to the Doctors. We are always over cautious with our little girl.

TMI coming up, so skip now if you don't want to know...

Thanks for that mental image, Trooper.

*puts down Jammie Dodger*

*stops squeezing ketchup on hotdog*

*Stops fisting self*

Glad it was sorted out for you Trooper.

Got brake tested on the M25 this evening by a Golf Driver & DSA have cancelled my wifes driving test which was next week & given a date in April ??!!

So... you drove into the back of a Golf?

Nope I braked & changed lane just missed the bastard. He then shot off like a rocket.

How are you doing these days Bik? I think you should know that you're not the only guy who's not always great in relationships.

I'm such a fucking belmtard.

Myself and my most recent girlfriend have been on and off for about 4 and a half years. It's not been easy. I love her to bits, but the whole time I've known her she's suffered from depression and that's made things tough, and I always seemed to hate the idea of being tied down to anything.

We originally went out for two years, but things seemed to peter out a bit, and rather than try to inject any excitement or make any effort with her, I ended it. I missed her like crazy though, so after around six weeks, I asked her out again. After some resistance, she agreed and things were great. For 3 weeks. Sadly I'd gone and slept with an ex during my six weeks single time and got her pregnant. I didn't know about this until after myself and my gf had got back together.

Unsurprisingly, she dumped me over it, but not straight away. To her credit, she really did try to deal with it. And when the baby was born, we got back in touch and gave it another go.

I've spent the last 21 months doing my best to be as awesome a father as I can, and it's paid off. I have a fantastic relationship with my daughter. It made my relationship with my girlfriend suffer though - not because of my daughter, as my girlfriend actually adored her - but because of how much I had to see my ex and because I basically wasn't giving her the attention she needed.

So we broke up again. And 4 weeks later, we got back together. That was about a year ago.

Since then, things were a bit shaky at first, but I eventually moved in to her flat with her and we've had months of everything going brilliantly. She told me she wanted to marry me and I realised I was so happy there with her that I wanted that too. And then two days later we had a stupid row over nothing, and she threw me out - her depression and mood swings often mean massive over-reactions to things, by her own admission. That was two weeks ago on Sunday.

I tried talking to her at the time, but she wasn't interested. I wrote her a letter, she said it was nice but changed nothing. I went to see her on Tuesday to find out what had gone wrong, and she told me. I saw her again last night and told her what I thought we could do to sort things out, and she got emotional and seemed to start having real second thoughts about ending our relationship, but then I pushed it too far and she got annoyed, her mood totally changed, she told me I was talking shit and asked me to leave. I texted to make sure there was no bad blood between us and we were still friends, she replied that "Of course we still are!".

But damn it, I just called her whilst she was at work. I wanted to invite her - as a friend, no strings attached - out with myself and my little girl on Sunday as she'd told me she was really missing my daughter. She thanked me, but said she couldn't make it as she already had other plans. I should have then said goodbye and hung up.

But no: I told her I'd like to see her again to discuss things. She then launched a "you're a really nice guy and I do like you, but no" bomb at me and I reacted badly. Not angry, more desperate. I went on some spiel about how much I loved her, how I meant it when I said I wanted us to get married, how I loved living with her, how she'd be crazy to jack it all in now... the works. All she could say to that was "um... okay." Oh, and she wished me luck for the job interview I have tomorrow.

So, as stated previously: I'm a fucking belmtard.

I'm leaving her the fuck alone now, before I totally lose the plot and she calls the police or something. I have actually got to see her next week too to sign some forms over... that should be fun. Fucks sake.

My dear old mother told me she believes it's time I met someone less complicated!

She's probably right, Zio.

Spend time getting back on your feet and with your daughter for now.

Your mum could be right...

She probably is. It's just something of a culture shock to go from "Yeah, you're definitely who I want to spend my life with, I'm sure of it now", start doing a budget so you can work out how much you can spend on an engagement ring, start browsing through jewellers to find something appropriate, have a think about how, when and where you're going to pop the question to suddenly being dumped over the most inconsequential argument ever.

I actually feel surprisingly calm about it now. Barely an hour ago, I thought I was heading for a straightjacket.

If it's been that consistently shaky since you met her, it's unlikely to ever be a relationship you're truly happy with. You'll be better off if you just let go, and get your life back on track, so you don't have to have these meltdowns every few weeks.

The meltdowns are usually every few months as opposed to weeks, but yeah, it's very tiring.

It's not as easy as to just say "you'll never be happy there" because, for the vast majority of the time, I really am. I love the girl to bits. For all her meltdowns and depression, she's actually one of the most awesome people I've ever met.

But whatever, she can have some space now because I feel I need it probably more than she does.

FTFY

It's complicated.

I'm not complicated!

/flutters facial hair

FTFY

I mentioned in B&B on Friday that my recently ex girlfriend had been fucking me about a bit. Specifically I refer to a rather pathetic text I sent to her on Thursday, telling her I missed her and I wanted to go home now to her. She phoned me up from that, upset and told me she missed me too and loved me, but was feeling really confused. I asked her if she wanted me to come over for a hug and she told me she'd very much like that.

So I kinda thought, maybe at long last things might be looking up?

By the time I got there though, she'd completely changed attitude and I was barely there 10 minutes before being shown the door again. I did get a bit of a hug, but also some rather shitty things said to me immediately afterwards.

Today I had to go round to get some important post. I used the opportunity to try and talk to her again about that night. She got really quite shitty with me, telling me she'd been over it a hundred times, was fed up of talking about it now, she didn't want me anymore, was loads happier now it was just her in the flat and I wasn't there making her miserable and I just needed to deal with it. I got a bit upset, then told her I'd get the rest of my things. She left for her parents and left me to it.

So I picked up every last thing of mine in there that I owned. And I threw away the photos of us together. And the flowers I sent her on Valentines Day that she still had on the table. And the card I sent her along with it. And some little toys I bought her a few weeks ago. And the massive pot plant we had that I bought for the place but she absolutely loved. And I took the remaining Valentines chocolates I sent her and gave them to my mum. And I disconnected the cable modem for the Internet account I've been paying for. And I sent a remote wipe command to her iPhone.

She phoned me up about that last one. Took her three hours just to get her phone into some kind of usable state, apparently. Lost all her numbers, texts, emails, photos and apps though. She was a bit pissed off. I did offer to restore it from a 3 week old backup on my PC, but she said some quite nasty things when I told her I would be unable to meet her and do it that very second, so I withdrew the offer. I won't get rid of the backup though, just in case.

I've never in my whole life been as fucking spiteful as I was tonight. And what's worse is I almost feel vaguely good about it.

I need someone to tell me what a dick I've been, because I'm sure I'm supposed to realise that's what I've been and she doesn't deserve it, but I'm having trouble seeing that at the moment.

Oh and I sent her some vaguely nasty texts.

I know I should have just walked away and tried to maintain some semblance of dignity, but venting my frustrations tonight has been strangely cathartic. I wonder if slamming the door firmly shut on that relationship was what I really needed, rather than living in the constant hope she'll one day change her mind.

I suspect I'm going to feel utterly awful about all this tomorrow though, and probably for some time afterwards. The last three weeks have been shit enough.

I'm making a "you're going to regret that"* face.

*Not an evil one, though

I'm not sure if you clocked this but given her appalling behaviour towards having your little one over this reads exactly like woman code for "I'm a lot happier now you and your baby are not in the flat"

personally this is the point I would have told her to get over herself and fuck off.


In my drama, SS decided that my brother has got full custody of his girls (5 and 7) during term time, parents have them during the holidays. Their mother gets supervised visits for an hour and a half a week, is not allowed near the house, is not allowed to move back up there (she is 3 hours away by train) and if there is any smell of alcohol or they think she's intoxicated then they won't let her see them. If she does not turn up or gets turned away x number of times then it will go to court and be formalised. She did not turn up to the meeting to hear this and hasn't seen them in 4 weeks. I have a fuck of a lot less sympathy for her since hearing what the elder of the stupidly named children said in the SS meeting.

"Do you like being with grandma and grandad" "yes, I'm not hungry anymore"

so...much...rage....

I appear to have developed a wheat allergy. Not sure yet, could just be a poorly tummy, but it seems to be matching up with my eating of wheat, and it matches up exactly with my sisters description of it (she also has a wheat allergy).

It's apparently hereditary too, so it would make sense if we both have it.

Hers started about two years ago, and she's exactly two years older than me too.

Gonna cut wheat out of my diet for a bit and see what happens.

I kind of already do.

A month ago, she told me she was going to marry me. She even told my dad he was her "future father in law". Then literally two days later she told me I had to go out one night the following week as she had friends over for a girly night in. Asking why I had to leave the flat and couldn't just do some reading in another room and pointing out that it was a bit unfair to order me out of my own home (okay so she owns the flat, but I was paying her rent to live there) whenever she felt like it was enough for her to go totally batshit, say some really nasty things to me and kick me out permanently.

And ever since I've been fucking wonderful to her, trying to sort things out, trying to give her space when she's asked for it, and with the exception of a few short moments, she's been a nasty, horrible cow to me the whole time. Last night was enough.

Hmm... This was really the last thing I wanted but I don't believe my fairly petty actions yesterday were entirely unprovoked.

In a way though, it sounds like burning your bridges (which is pretty much what you've done) might be for the best, as it might stop you trying to give things another go. That sounds harsh, but as others have said, it does sound like you're better off moving on.

When you say wheat, in what form do you eat it.

Bread mostly, but it is in quite a lot of things.

I only ask as it might not be a wheat allergy per se, particularly if you're only eating pre-packaged shop bought bread as the intensive manufacturing processes involved pretty much kill all the nutrition in the wheat and add a metric fuck ton of unpleasant chemicals to speed the production, make the bread uniform in colour and texture and massively increase it's shelf life.

Intolerance to this is far more common than you think, but there's a good chance it has nothing to do with wheat.

I reckon I'm gonna go wheat free for a week, and then go see a doctor.

Just scratched the everloving fuck out of the paintwork on my tailgate while trying to load my old bike into the boot for recycling.

Fuck.

The moral of the story is Don't Recycle.

Be very, very, careful, Zio, there's at least one criminal act in there.

You went too far, Zio. Just cut ties and forget about her. The malicious acts are out of order, even if she did 'say shitty things' to you.

I know. I feel really, really awful about it. I've just got no idea what came over me.

I'm not quite sure what criminal act I've perpetrated though, but I am cutting ties with her now.

What a fucking dick I've been.

The iPhone thing was pretty iffy, and the valentines gifts were technically hers.

However, I did a similar thing to my (very recently) ex-girlfriends university room, which involved ripping up things I had given her, and stuff like that.

She was there at the time, too