Be Excellent To Each Other

Belarus: He looks like a Lego man. Sings like one too. The bit with the rose was ok, and some seductive skirt waving in front of the camera is always worth an extra point or so.

Estonia: Ooo, we like a big flowing dress with flashy effects, even if she is confined to one spot like the sharp end of a cocktail umbrella. She did the operatic bits well too. Definitely in the running for a top 10 place.

Bulgaria: Wow, He-Man's looking good for his age. I think I should like this, but they're taking it a little bit too slow. Needs more beat.

FYR Macedonia: A bit tedious. Still, the drummer and guitarist look happy to be there, so that's something positive.

Croatia: Perfectly acceptable middle-of-the-road offering, like a Shania Twain track. The dress is a bit revealing. Not my favourite, but can see why people would like it. 73%.

This is my new favourite gif ever.

Heh, not thatbine. Though thatbine is cute.

Austria: At some point I started clicking along. Sometimes even in time. Catchy. Not sure about the raised platform he starts on or the space bin bag he's wearing in lieu of a t-shirt, but otherwise this is ace.

I did like israel... ad croatia... macedonia was horrible

Greece: Argh... I really want to like this, but it's not doing it for me. I think the orchestration is wrong. She should be accompanied by a live drummer and one or two other musicians, and let the rhythm and singing carry the song, not the lighting. I'm also not sure her voice has the strength to carry it by herself.

Finland: Well, that's someone's dominitrix fantasy being acted out on stage.
EDIT or they've just accidentally put on a 1970s 'Doctor Who' instead of the Eurovision feed.

Israel was certainly different...

Armenia: Oh, looking at his set and making a Spinal Tap reference is far too easy. Pretty good song though.

Switzerland: Right song; wrong outfits. This is has shot up my short list. The chorus would great for a crowd to yell out at gigs.

Yeah.... flares! The proper, firery ones.

Ireland: Ryan is lovely and stolen my heart from Mr Iceland
Very pleasant song, but perhaps the chorus needs a little oomph.


But oh, lovely Ryan. Back in a bit.

Ahem. Where was I?

Oh yes.

Cyprus: In which evil scientists have bred clones of Mel C for backing vocals. Great choreography. Nice flashy effects. As for the song, well, I've had more fire from my trangia. Again, a song suffers by not getting the tempo right, although they might struggle to dance properly were it any faster.

So, my favourites to go throught:

Azerbijan; Iceland; Lithuania; Estonia; Austria; Switzerland; and Ireland (ahhh Ryan). Oh, and Israel because it's so amazingly bonkers.

Voting time! I'm a big fan of the Borda count: we should use it in this country if we can't get PR.

Except they don't show that in the semis.

Some of my favourites got through, and a couple I didn't like got through too. Oh well.

And Ireland did it! Yay for Ryan!!

I'm going to be in Copenhagen on Saturday, will be interesting to see whether they do anything for it.

Denmark's entry appears to an oddly ballady thing about Vikings.

SHIELD WALL!

In 2016 I struggled to find a bar in central Berlin showing it. Eventually found one but they had turned the sound off and let their house band play, which was quite odd. A few days earlier, however, I was in Sweden and by chance was in the small town where the Swedish entry was from and all the locals were very excited.



Can you fit a whole saga into the requisite four minutes?

Wonderful, wonderful.

Are you going to cross TV's famous 'The Bridge'?

Ooh, there’s a new series due on TV very soon!

Oh... whichborobably means an insanely gory murder is about to happen... Don’t risk it, Cras!!

Right, quiet night in so watching the second of the semis. Twice as much Eurovision as I normally get in a year. Wow!

Norway: Harry Potter makes odd hand gestures on stage. No point trying a call and response if nobody else knows the response. I'm actually getting quite irritated by this one.

Romania: This is charmingly middle of the road, in a good way. And one the guitarists looks like a slightly younger Frank Turner. Those mannequins are going to haunt my dreams tonight however.

Serbia: Quite Karl Jenkinsesque, meaning it'll have an afterlife on Classic FM someday, mark my words. I could chill to this after a session. I want to wire the flautist up to a Van de Graaf generator, just because.

San Marino: Robots!

Could be a good defiance against the world power ballad, were it any heavier, but doesn't quite pull it off. Yet boppy and fun in its own little way.

And then they go and spoil it all with the rap bit from 'Wannabe'.

Denmark: Jesus had an awkward goth phase too.

This should be far louder than the levels they've set this at. I want anger, passion, fear, fireworks. Instead it's bear night at the cheese club.

Russia: I was almost as bored by this as the singer was.

Moldova: Everything about this - the tune, the lyrics, the staging, the costumes - is utterly ludicrous. I fucking loved it.

Quite like the guy in blue, but he's not Ryan, is he?

The Netherlands: Love me some country. I'm picturing driving through the deserts of Utah with this on the speakers and the wind in my hair.
The dancers are listening to something utterly different, however.

Australia: I have nothing. Move along please.

Georgia: Smoke machine and drippy fireworks. The harmony was passable.

Poland: Worst wedding band ever.

Malta: The back projections were suitably moody, and the tune has just the right amount of Europppy beat to it. Fireworks and a dancer materialising for the bridge complete a decent Eurovision set.

Hungary: After this set, he has to defeat the next evil ex.

This is what the Danes should have been aiming for. In my top five.

Latvia: Slow it down and have a slight hint of nicotine stains in your vocals and you might have something here.

Sweden: The simplistic staging is wonderfully retro-futuristic. Simple but effective, and adds to the disco feel of this track. Find his voice to be annoyingly too high, or did they just hit the wrong switch on the ol' Autotune?

Montenegro: That's a suit even Elton John would be ashamed to wear. I don't know what he's saying, but given the look in his eyes it must be pretty sad. I think he wants a cuddle .

Slovenia: Loved the opening. Unexpected blacking. Quite like the flow of the music. She sounds happier than the previous chap too. Oh, audience participation... That broke up the flow slightly.

Ukraine: That entry is a Spinal-Tap reference waiting to happen. It's also the only good thing about the entire performance. I prefer the Danish gothbears to these Twilight nerds.

Well, that wasn't as consistently enjoyable as Tuesday's. But the ones I'd put through are (in no particular order):

Slovenia; Hungary; Malta; the Netherlands; and, of course Moldova.

Honourable mentions to Romania, Serbia, and San Marino.

Agreed. I want Viking berserker rage.

Denmark was Enya meets Bathory. Loved it.

It's my favourite.

Sad that the Latvian sexy lady with a probably made up italian name didn't go through.