Be Excellent To Each Other

*Sprays tea over monitor in slapstick comedy fashion*

Early Rod Stewart/ Faces in awesome!

my album of horrible hate would be



Simply Red - anything, but for this album lets say 'Stars'

Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You (16 fucking weeks at number one and it was the biggest shit ever. Never forgive, never forget).

Hard-Fi - Cash Mashine (or anything by them, posturing commercial indie cunts)

Stereophonics - Handbags and Glad Rags or whatever it's called although, again, anything else by them.

Toploader - Dancing In The Moonlight

Suggs - Blue Day (for being evil and for encouraging satanic abuse of our children)

Elton John - Candle In The Wind: Diana version (if you worked in an office when Diana died and the office's preferred choice of radio station was Capital FM then you'll have heard this song every 15 fucking minutes for a month).

Aerosmith - Cryin' (allegedly a rock band yet they spent an entire decade releasing bent power ballads like this fucking shit. absolutely the worst cunts in rock).

Lost Prophets - Rooftops (already a shit band, they actively changed their sound and image to look more American. eventually commercialising their awful sound to release Rooftops which is probably the most pathetic rock song of the last decade).

D:Ream - Things Can Only Get Better (for simultaneously making me think of the shitty house scene of the era and Tony Blair).

The Feeling - Fill My Little World. oh jesus fucking christ I hate these cunts so much. like a wet, lame version of Pulp but with some of the most saccharine bullshit pop-indie shit I've ever heard ever. offensively inoffensive and twee. fucking performing arts school motherfuckers. their death wouldnt be enough to repay what they've done to music (see also: The Kooks)


i'd fill up the remaining spaces with music by Jay Z or some other awful hip hop megastar who can't spit a decent rhyme and lacks the intelligence, humour and skill to even live on the same fucking planet as *insert underappreciated rapper here - i'll go with Kool Keith*.

Oh fuck yeah this.

I agree with everything Bluce has said except that LoztProphetz* changed their image. I remember back in 2000 when they supported a band I was working for - they looked, sounded and dressed like Americans back then.

* - their original name TRUFAX

The Lighthouse Family - Lifted

EDIT: Actually, how about we put this album together, and anyone booted off the forum has to prove that they've listened to the whole thing before they're allowed back on?

oh fucking hell, how did I miss them. or indeed M-People.

I consider Lighthouse Family, M-People and Simply Red to be the unholy trinity of music. as bad as it gets, seriously. Musical Ian Huntleys, the lot of them.

Needs more 'James'

Who were those bastards that did that cunting "The female of the species in more deadly than the maaaaaalllle" bag of fucking wank?

'More deadlier', was it not?

Space, I think?

That song ruled, you fool!

(It was 'Space')

Them then. Fuckers.

oddly this is one of the few places where that sentence will ever apply.

I had the misfortune of seeing them supporting The Cure er... 18 fucking years ago. What massive shit they were.

Whichever cunt of a DJ who did that awful one that went 'Hey! What's wrong with you? You're looking kinda down to me...'. Google tells me it's Phats & Smalls. As I was reciting the lyrics to myself just then, I realised that my toes had scrunched up in agony.

One of Phats & Small is married to Vanessa Feltz. Either the small, forgettable white DJ man, or the very tall, black singing man.

If it is the tall black singer that is married to Vanessa Feltz, may I just say that this sexy interracial celebrity couple idea wasn't nearly as vomit-inducing in my imagination.

That is such a galactically wrong statement I'm amazed that the entire space-time continuinuinuum hasn't just imploded.

for James?

seriously, even if I'm wrong they're just James. massively insignificant band remembered mostly for that awful college anthem they did. and no, I never did even once sit down to it.

It is indeed the large gentleman of colour.

Also when they made their triumphant comeback and everyone went 'OMG HE CAN DO A FALSETTO' and 'HEY THEY DID SIT DOWN' and they inexplicably cleaned up.

I was at a drunken student night club once ( as a drunken student ) and they played that "Sit down" song by James, and a few dicks actually did sit down, on the dance floor. And then got back up, with their trousers covered in split beer and manky alcopop gunge.

Should've put the boot in while they were down there.

Imagine him, dressed in his gold, shiny sequined jacket, bellowing "HEY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE LOOKING PRETTY DOWN TO ME!" whilst he pistons his slick member into Feltz's Tetsuo-at-the-climax-of-Akira arse, as it slowly spreads and consumes everything around it. shouting out "GOT TO TURN AROUND!" with all the talent of a man who can manage to just about carry a note once, and then mime to a sampler that replays it, before he sprays his sticky cuckoo nest of love all over her thick mascara and nasty, gossipy wrinkles.

Oh come on. They may not be to your tastes but they were hardly insignificant.

They were pretty gosh darned popular for quite a while. They still draw in pretty big crowds and sell out instantaneously when they do gigs.

The worst charge that could be levelled at them (and was, I think, by the NME) was that they had a strong tendency towards the easy stadium anthems. But then people seemed to rather like those, as the success of several albums and their recent "Best Ofs" can attest. Nowt wrong with a catchy tune.

And I've always found that people tend to remember "Laid" rather than "Sit Down," tbh.

No.

No, you're wrong, it's "Sit Down". I've never even heard of Laid, and I've been to so many shitty indie studenty nights that if I never ever hear "Blister In The Sun" again, it'll be too soon.

And sometimes it's She's a Starrrrrromgfalsetto!!!


So do Simply Red, though. Having a loyal fanbase of mentally retarded people does not make them good.

No, I'm not wrong that I've found that people tend to remember "Laid" rather than "Sit Down". I sympathise with you that that awful song "Sit Down" is the one that's stuck with you and that you've missed out on the excellence of "Laid", but there we are.

REM did "Shiny Happy People", so everyone has off days.



I'm not sure that anyone except you has ever made a big deal out of the falsetto. And why would they? Plenty of other male singers do it, and it's hardly a ground breaking technique or anything.

Is this some sort of fetish or phobia of yours or something?



What? Only crap bands have lots of fans?

And in any event, I was referring to the fan base to refute "massively insignificant... only remembered by anyone for a shit song"

Say what you like about how shit Simply Red and Mick Hucknall's Pink Pancakes are, but they're not insignificant in terms of presence in the market. In talent, yes, but not sales.

Fairly weak argument there, man.

"ZOMG u like a band I dont ur such a tard."

James>CUS>Hitler.

Yeah, but are you smiling and saying 'Surely you remember Laid more?' in a charismatic fashion?


REM have been largely shite now for over a decade.


When they came back with the album which 'She's A Star' is on, I kept seeing them on the Chart Show and other such insipid shows. All just playing the same 'STARRRRRRR' bit whilst saying 'You have a lovely voice, tell us about how you keep it so lovely'. Gnurgh.


Well, Simply Red have just been put on ice actually, they no longer exist.

In any case, my argument is that having strong sales is no mark of quality, only of popularity. And popularity is no mark of quality, only of persuasion.

well, regardless of that James got their onstage arses handed to them by The Cure, Lush and All About Eve that day.

Never heard 'Laid'. although they probably played it.

She's A Star was them? I thought that was Suede. that song could make this album.

that said (read: olive branch), bad (read: not to my taste) late 80s/early 90s indie was vastly better than mid 90s-present day indie.

Ooh Stick You is a work of genuine humour and excellence. Daphne and Celeste were awesome. I'm proud to be the owner of their album. I also genuinely like No Way No Way.

However



Should be on there. And why hasn't Crazy Frog made it?

I did put that forward to replace all 15.

I saw Daphne & Celeste at Monsters Of Rock. They were great - but it's still (IMO, obv, lol) a bad song.

Oh, but of course.



It's the thumbscrews for you soon, matey.

Alright, some of their most recent stuff has been awful, but, for instance, New Adventures in Hi Fi was a really nice album, with some pretty interesting tunes on it. Monster was execrable, of course.



More a problem with insipid TV people, surely?



Indeed, I completely agree. But being popular (a) does make you slightly more than being "massively insignificant" and (2) doesn't make you shit.



As I'd imagine, as they're better than James.



Honestly, it's not bad.



And you're dissing Suede as well? Heavens.



I think indie music was fine up til about 1999*. It's a big shite Fratellis-filled sock of poo now though.


*I was OF COURSE a huge fan of the usual suspects such as the Bluetones, Pulp, Supergrass, Elastica, Boo Radleys, Blur, Lush, Gene, Kenickie, Sleeper, Molly Half Head, and so on and so forth, all of which I'm sure you consider to be shite, middle of the road rubbish. HOWEVER, as the 90s were my formative teenage years I suspect that has a lot to do with it - everyone loves the music they grew up with.

I came of age in the 90s too,just more tastefully. Mr. Chris do you own the Menswear album?

I don't, no.

So what were you listening to in the 90s? "Morrissey" earns -1,000,000 BETEO Points, by the way.

Nothing until 94. Then it was grunge... and British bands such as the Wildhearts. Then more stuff like Sonic Youth, and Aphex Twin. I quite like Pulp. 'New Adventures In Hi-Fi' came out in 1997 or 1996, by the way.

Sonic Youth are most excellent. I did listen to things *other* than indie britpop, y'know.

God, has it really been that long since New Adventures was released? I've lost track of what else they've released since then. Something to do with elephants and stairs, I believe.

Since then, they have done 'Daysleeper', 'Imitation of Life' and that one about New York. Also the new album that I've not heard yet. Not really that great a decade, not least when compared to their own history.

I grew up with plenty of folks who did ONLY listen to Britpop. It was was hellish. Overheard conversations about which Echobelly b-side is best.

In which case, then, yes, they have been mostly shite for a decade.

Christ I'm old. Or just still living in the late 90s in my head.

Echobelly b-sides? Good god. I have the "On" album, which has a couple of bearable songs on it, but mostly it's ghastly rubbish. Belly, on the other hand....

BACK ON TOPIC, though, all this talk of 90s britpop reminds me - I think "Day We Caught The Train" by Ocean Colour Scene needs to be added, as does the one about handbags by Stereophonics. Bleurgh.

Replacing, ooh, Daphne and Celeste and Vanilla Ice, as they were secretly ironic and excellent.

Laid is a song made of pure sliced awesome.

You could replace any of the current songs on the album with "Chacaron" .

But James are actually very, very good. And its a shame that song was so massively overplayed. Their best of is shamelessly anthemic, but the albums themselves contain a fair few golden nuggets.

My fave James song is Sometimes. Go and listen to it and revise opinions accordingly.

Also, can we please have Sandi Thom's 'I Wish I Was a Punk Rocker (With Flowers In My Hair)' or whatever the fuck it's called in. They really were long haired garlanded sandal wearing hippy freaks weren't they, The Sex Pistols?

Oooh, heavens but that song's good. The Laid album is a work of beauty, despite Brian Eno's cocking about with it.

James = Boring - Wen't to see them at my Mrs's request, dull as.
Suede = Shite. The sort my doggy makes when she's got into the bin and eaten left over curry.

For those who don't think they know "Laid" by James, you would very probably recognise it, it just isn't obviously called "Laid".

The lyrics go something like this:

"This house is on fire with passionate love
The neighbour complains about the noises above
But she only comes when she's on top.

Oh, you think you're so pretty-eeeeeeeoooooooooooh"

In other news, I have heard that the new REM Album is the best they have made since "New Adventures..." or "Monster".

I shall be (acquiring it from a high street retailer - Ed).

Tsk, I massively edited my previous post to recategorise James as merely 'good' due to my recollection that I really hated 'She's A Star' too, with lots of other things, but the post didn't go throw. Bah.

So - deep breath - I love Pulp including We Love Life, think REM have indeed been terrible for the last ten years, think that whilst Vauxhall & I is one of the bestest albums of the 90's that Morrissey has been also mostly ever since, that the only Suede album I like is Dog Man Star and that everything since has been unfathomably shite and that I must also say my first love was Tori Amos, though she has now been sort of eclipsed by Regina Spector in my affections, due to Tori being completely UNABLE TO SELF EDIT. But I still love you Tori, despite you being clearly bonkers and not as good as you were.

Also: My fave Sonic Youth song is Tunic. Man, that's an amazing song.

Finally some sense around here. It's not my favourite, but it was for aaages. Very sad and pretty and muscular.

Pete, yeah I was equally soppy about Tori Amos (unbelievably good live btw) but then she turned rather shit and started acting a bit diva-ish.

ARGH!

That was supposed to read, 'Morrissey has also been mostly shite and annoying ever since'.

HA!

I was wondering, pete.