My dreams are better than yours.

Y’know how they say that sex dreams are, like, about other things? Well I had a sex dream last night and it seemed entirely about just having great sex.

My dreams are better than yours.

Also Beex was 10 months ago.

insisted on buying me Gammon**, Egg & Chips as "it was just a nice thing to do".

I had a dream that I was on on Criminal Dragons Den looking for cash after I had set up an escape room thing which really was a shipping container and then the captured people would work in offshore places laundering money and there was a long discussion about the ethics of killing the lorry drivers used to transport these containers and selling the lorries for more profit.

Criminal Dragons Den

I had a dream that I was on on Criminal Dragons Den looking for cash after I had set up an escape room thing which really was a shipping container and then the captured people would work in offshore places laundering money

Run? Bit far fetched.

I had a dream last night that I was in York playing a game with Grim... and JBR. I was on top of the Cathedral, and Grim... was at street level playing some kind of cat and mouse game where he had to run from a starting point with a 15 second headstart to his house (in York) some mile or so away, down twisty lanes, avoiding a pursuer, to reach his house before he was caught. JBR was running in and out of the streets trying to draw the persuer away as a decoy, but he kept stopping as he was getting distracted by antiques and collectibles shops. I was finding routes from the top of the cathedral using binoculars and directing Grim... and JBR using wallow talkies.

Arg! You reminded me about my horrible dream on Sunday night!

Craster came.

It was horrible.

The best ever one I did was shout, “Shut UP!”, to which my then-wife said, “what?”

Of course I replied with, “Not you—Elton John.”

This was great, but he accidentally towed the two of us on holiday to the south of France.

Zardoz was lobbying for the immediate release of a (I'm going to use this work because it was in the dream, which of course is completely separate from my own subconscious and everything) retarded man from custody so that he could "roam free" and live like a cow in a field. He did this by making incredibly complex equations proving that he wasn't a threat to anybody, and transcribed them into a Geocities era website using a rented-by-the-hour PC at his local library.


The, ahem, retard had just killed his tiny frail mother, and for some reason you and ("Mrs Perkies" -Ed), Zardoz, and me and my Ma were invited to her funeral. Upon arriving at the venue, Zardoz insisted on going to meet the, oh lordy, retard at his tiny flat where he'd beaten his mother to death. It was like a gorilla enclosure at a zoo. Crap and food scattered all over the floors. He was the size of the Incredible Hulk, and was feasting on endless plates of plain boiled rice while eyeballing us. Upon seeing me, he launched himself onto a piggyback position on me and shit and vomited all over my back between our two bodies. We were like a cack sandwich. Suddenly a load of tiny lady nurses appeared shouting about the "epi pen" they use to calm him down. As I fell to the floor slowly being crushed by the weight of the... retard, they injected ME with the tranq so that I wouldn't be too distressed while they levered him off.


After that I had to be stripped off to my kecks and hosed down of the three inch thick patty of poo and sick that had congealed all down my back, all the while I was high off my tits on tranquillisers. It was at this moment that you appeared from your flight from Canacia for the funeral. You were dressed as a dapper cowboy (probably my RDR2 playthrough sourced that one), and tried to introduce me to ("Mrs Perkies" -Ed) while I was still half covered in shit and being blasted from the hose. My Ma was fretting around me going "don't worry, don't worry, I always carry a spare set of your clothes with me".


We attended the funeral and the.... hnnngh retard was hauled in on a chain to pay his last respects before being took back to his flat. Then you offered me a lift back home in your Morris Minor

I had a dream last night I got a job at a statistical prognostics company that you and Dave worked at. Their business was looking at five inter-woven cog/screws with numbers on them. By setting them at different lengths and rotating they were able to generate reports on what might happen in the future.


It was my first day and I was only given three sheets of printed paper detailing the cogs and alchemical symbols and what they could mean. Everybody worked on old 486 PCs (with Turbo switches!), and you were working on a report entitled "How Group Sex Will Lead to The Downfall of the Human Race". The lady who was supposed to train me in what to do was just staring at the printed instructions and holding her head in her hands, silent. Dave was rattling off reports very quickly, and the entire room went "bong" when a report was completed.