Be Excellent To Each Other

Funnily enough, random quote from Mrs Parm t'other night: "Aww, never mind. We can be gay together."

But, as I once drunkenly shouted in the manchester student union bar, I'm sure that in another life, I could be gay, but unfortunately I'm just not that keen on cocks.

I had a nice celeb-packed dream a couple of nights ago... was wandering around Las Vegas and bumped into Roger Federer. He was a bit angsty because he couldn't find a drink, he kept repeating to me over and over "where can I get a beer round here? I need a beer!" so I told him the best way was to just walk into the nearest casino and sit at one of the table games and a cocktail waitress would turn up to take his order. He calmed down a bit at this, but then got stressed out when a bunch of people kept asking him for autographs. "All I get is 'Are you Roger Federer? Are you Roger Federer?'" he complained to me as we walked. "Well tell them you're not" I suggested... "tell them you're French Canadian instead". He tried this next time and the people recoiled in fear from him like he had the plague. He was REALLY happy then, he kept slapping me on the back in gratitude over and over until I made my excuses and sent him into the Flamingo where he got his beer and started to have Three Card Poker explained to him by the dealer.

Then I went to check into my hotel and bumped into a guy with a big handlebar moustache who looked like a detective from a 70s TV show. For some reason I ignored my own room and walked to his room with him instead... on the way we passed Madonna on the stairs, and the 70s detective told her to get out of the way. When we got to his room there was someone in it... they opened the door and it turned out to be Andre The Giant. He stood there looming over us both and said (in Rainier Wolfcastle's voice) "This is my room, you will fight me for it". 70s detective started to splutter about there being some sort of mistake, and Andre repeated "You were rude to Madonna, you will fight me... shall we say 5 o'clock?" and shut the door.

The rest of the dream was just the 70s detective panicking a bit and trying to convince himself Andre was only joking, I woke up before the fight though

I don't know Las Vegas at all, so by that he raped a pink avian?

Use context to deduce. If that fails, ask again and I'll tell you The Flamingo is a casino on the strip. It's the one with all the flamingos out the back.

The strip's the airport, yes? Where Hunter S Thompson dropped off Gonzo?

I had a dream last night that I was outside at night and all of a sudden there were loads of meteors, only they weren't meteors because they swerved round and started heading right for us and flying all around. When they got near us it was obvious that whatever they were they were really tiny and the bloke next to us who was apparently a wildlife expert said that they were a flock of miniature/baby birds and the lights were just their eyes reflecting. As I looked down I saw that one of them had fallen, this one was a tiny thumb-sized duck and as I watched a fully grown duck came and started trying to eat it. So I snatched it up and we started feeding it for a bit and then let it go again into the flock of other small birds and then something completely unrelated happened that I can't remember what it was.

I had a dream last night that I bought a Renault Clio 182 and it was slow, like my old Clio. It was also falling apart.

markg will be pleased.

There's a special word for those kind, it's "premonition".

I dreamt the past 5 years hadn't happened and I was still living in Abingdon. It was strangely comforting.

I had a horrible dream the night before my brother's wedding. I'd lost my speech and couldn't find a computer to download it from my email. The hotel morphed into a huge old building with endless corridors and dead ends. It were nasty.

I'm going through a prolific spell of remembering dreams at the moment. Last night I dreamt that a group of us were all living in this massive lorry trailer, only the Alb4nian F7id decided to throw water over me when I was wearing my best suit. He then caused the trailer to come away from the cab and lots of people died. My dad managed to push the trailer back onto the cab again(!), but it was all knackered and warped, so when we walked around it was all unstable. It then fell off the cab again, and I found out that we were recording an episode of Hollyoaks.

I dreamt I read Lord of the rings last night. I told MrsA this, and she said I was talking in my sleep.

I had a fream where Kovacs was a serial killer last night.

It were right wierd.

I haven't recalled any of my dreams for ages.

That means you have faulty dreams, hopefully they'll be recalled soon.

Maybe I should flash my bios.

That's what they're calling it now?

Maybe I really am the ax1s of 3v1l

Last night, I had a dream where Grim... stole my squid and arranged for hundreds of mongolians to come and mock me with this.

I was very rude to him.

Ha, excellent. I don't think I've had a forum dream yet. I had a terrific one last night, easily the third most disturbing one I've had. It started when I was made pope, and ended rather abruptly thanks to a pack of wild dogs. I would rather not even hint at what happened in the middle.

I had a dream the other night that I'd moved back into my old flat with the ex (and mother of Zioette). All was going well until the first time I needed to use the loo. Upon entering the bathroom, I discovered that every available surface - the floor, the sink, the bath etc - was covered in thousands of worms and maggots. The worms in particular were not the earthworm variety but white and slightly transparent slimy things. I felt mildly perturbed by this and asked the ex if there was anything she could do about it. She told me I should stop being such a girl, ignore them and use the loo anyway.

I then promptly awoke, dying for a piss. Fortunately the bathroom and my mum & dads (where I'm presently living) had no such worm/maggot infestation.

I had an incredibly vivid dream in between snoozes this morning.

I was out drinking with my brother, when a work colleague beckoned me over and took me through a strip club, out the back and into a morgue with sofas and cushions on the slabs. We sat down on the sofas, the work guy pulled out a gun and shot his bodyguards then told be to leave. I wandered out into the street where a group of hippies were dancing in front of a bus and dream-me burst into tears as the viewpoint went into orbit-cam mode.

Then I woke up. Very odd.

I dreamt we had a promotional Gentle Giant Darth Vader Vs. Disney Princesses statue delivered to the office. I meant to take it home, but forgot, then the next day it turned out someone else in the office had nabbed it. I was bitterly disappointed and tried to explain that it was mine, but then the person who'd taken it started saying that their husband was very miserable and they'd taken it to cheer him up, so I felt bad and said they could keep it, but I still really wanted it was very upset inside.

I'm trying not to hold a grudge against the statue-stealer today, but I have told them about it.

I had a dream that my friend Aynz was running a hotel and Laura White from last years X Factor was a guest there. Laura White told Aynz she liked me and so Aynz was trying to make me take her out on a date. I kept refusing because obviously I'm not single. By the end of the dream Aynz was going mental at me telling me I had better sleep with Laura White straight away or the hotel would have to close because it would get a bad reputation, and all the while Laura White was running around trying to kiss me whenever she saw me.

Gentle Giant Darth Vader.

Please continue.

I had a dream a few years ago that a guy I worked with tried to kill me. I didn't remember it initally the next day and was really weird with him without knowing why, to the point that I was barely speaking to him and felt really uncomfortable around him. It wasn't until the chef came in at dinner time and I felt an overwhelming urge to go and hug him that I remembered, since in my dream the chef had came sliding up in a transit van and got me to jump in the back which is how I escaped.

I had a most peculiar dream t' other night that my entire office was relocated to Tenerife, which would've been lovely except the ruddy great volcano in the middle of the island went and erupted, forcing us to evacuate the island. I was having to leave on a slightly earlier flight than one of the ladies in the office that I get on quite well with, so just in case one of us didn't make it back to Blighty, we spent the night together having some sexy time.

Volcanoes erupting, fire everywhere, unexpected and entirely consensual sex and waking up before finding out I'd made anyone pregnant = pretty awesome dream all round!

If she announces to the office that she's pregnant in the next couple of months, you're going to be shitting yourself.

If you drown in lava in the next couple of months you'll shit yourself.

If you shit yourself in the next few months you'll smell like shit.

So, here's my first entry into this thread, from last night.

Me, Mrs Grim... and the Grimlet were at some village fete or something, don't know. Anyhow. The Grimlet ate some mud and got really sick, and Mrs Grim... knew he was going to die, so half-buried him in a shallow grave. He was all white and moving slowly. I shook hands with him (like I do before he goes to bed, manly thanks) and said 'see you, buddy' and he said 'bay-bay'.
And then we left him there.

[edit]Oh, and then (in the dream) I came on here and posted about him being dead. I said 'parenting FAIL' or something.

Parenting FAIL.

Blimey mate. Brrr.

Grim... is now officially a stage one sleep mental. Good work!

Horrible.

Geez... that's really horrible sir! I had my first ever dream about Zioette a couple of nights ago. In my dream she could talk, but was extremely foul-mouthed and kept using the word 'fuck' multiple times in every sentence she spoke. I've been watching what I say around her ever since!

I had a dream last week that I was trying to escape Nazi Germany with a group of non-Nazi types. My workmate was there too, and only he could speak German (in real life he's Chinese). We had to get on a boat at one point and almost got rumbled by a Nazi ticket inspector.

It doesn't sound very exciting, but it felt real and I was BRICKING it.

I've been alternating lately between classic anxiety dreams (teeth falling out, naked at work, being back at school having failed to revise for an exam, those kinds of thing, often all at once) and having deeply inappropriate fantasy dreams about ladies whom I know. Which is nice.

I dreamt last night that I'd broken a bone in my hand, it was so painful but I wouldn't do anything about it. When I held my hand up to the light, you could see through it like an x-ray and the bone had snapped in half yet for some reason, I was insisting that it wasn't actually broken and it'd be fine.

The pain got worse and worse, to the point where I was taking some really strong, illegal painkillers to deal with it, which would totally knock me out when I took them and leave me in a really bad mood when I didn't. I lost my job because of it and Ramsea kept threatening me with divorce and I was so mad that everyone kept blaming my hand, despite me insisting there was nothing wrong with it. It had gone a funny colour and I didn't use it at all, it just hung limp at the end of my wrist. Then one day, my friend came round and took of out for a drive, we ended up at the hospital and I really wasn't bothered, I just walked in. The nurse put a cast on it and asked if I wanted an xbox cast, what's one of those I ask, she said it was a special type that left your index finger free so you could still use trigger....Then I woke up. I'd been lying on my hand and it was totally dead and sore, which is most likely what prompted the dream!

Had a very short, strange dream last night.

Mr Dave felt it necessary to ring me just to let me know Tomb Raider Underworld was in the sale. He seemed really excited about it, and for some reason had a girl's voice. Thanks, Dave!

S'ok. Anytime.

I had a short forum related dream this morning.

I was on the forum, but everyone was represented by small flying creatures like butterflies, and small birds etc. Malabar was a dragonfly and Mimi was some kind of bee, I remember. Anyway, everyone had to settle on a post, which was a rotted wooden fence post in an idyllic glade-like setting. It was either real or done with very good graphics. And then once everyone was on there, the choice was to post, or fly on to the next post. Post.

I choose to fly on.

By posting.

Hippy.

Thinking about it, it's probably based on playing 'Dimrill's Plank' in Burny P.

So was it a four hour sequence where the big fat butterflies (hello!) galumphed down onto the post, scattering everyone else to try again?

I had a really mundane dream about the boiler not working and Mrs Z was saying have a look at it or call someone in because the water is freezing cold before she left the house. I could then hear a grindy bubbling noise loud as hell and I thought it was going to blow. I actually shot out of bed and listened up at the loft (where the Combi boiler is) and slowly realised in my groggy state that it was the twat next door starting up his 1950s tractor at 7.45am.

Prick.

Horrible dream last night. I dreamt I was at my own funeral. Except I wasn't dead, yet.

This company specialized in 'suicide funerals'... your family and friends all gathered with you for a big celebration of your life before you were given a lethal injection and thrown into a coffin.

As the service carried on and printed photocards of events in my life were passed around I began to wonder if the whole thing was intended to convince you that your life was in fact worth living, and that they would only still kill you at the end as a last resort.

Indeed, I began to have second thoughts.

Eventually we left the little hall and made our way to the cemetary. A needle of green fluid was being prepared, and I wanted to ask if it was possible to be shot in the face several times after I was dead, to ensure I wasn't buried alive. The 'pastor' was continuing her readings and everyone was gathered, and I then noticed that Mrs Metal was nowhere to be seen. I was at first disappointed she wouldn't see me 'off' and as I began searching became more and more upset that I was leaving her behind and didn't want to.

The suicide people were getting a bit fed up "are we gonna do this or not" and I was now torn between not wanting to leave Mrs Metal a widow and not wanting to look like a fool in front of all these people who'd gathered for my funeral.

I was very distressed when I woke up.

That's harrowing