Be Excellent To Each Other

HTTP Return Code humour is the best humour.

I dreamt I was in a plane crash last night. No doubt this was partly due playing Birds of Steel before bed but the airliner I was in glitched like one of the ones I saw in the game, basically its wings disappeared and it could still fly only not as well. So the pilot had to make a forced landing on a street in Blackpool, we touched down on the belly of the plane and I was looking out of the window as we were hurtling along the street and getting closer to a building. I figured we were probably going to hit it but wasn't afraid because if we did then I'd probably just need to crouch down a bit and then I'd just end up covered in some dust and a few bricks. In the event though we stopped short of the building and everyone got out. All the other passengers started going mental, they were furious about the inconvenience and shouting at the pilot for landing on Church St instead of in Geneva where we were meant to be going. I tried to tell some of them to chill out and explain to them that he just saved their lives and that we were only there because the plane went wrong but they were having none of it.

202

Cartoon physics in dreams is the best.

That's reminded me of the last proper nightmare I had, it featured zombies, too.

It was just the children and I, we'd been in a house for most of the dream but it got overrun with the fucking things, I just remember being constantly terrified but having to try to remain calm and show the boys I was in control and not scared by our situation. We escaped, somehow, and the next thing I remember was being on a boat. I figured the only way I could sleep was to take a boat out into the bay and spend the night out of harms way. I woke up to a thudding noise, the boat had somehow lost its anchor and we'd drifted against the pier, zombies were just dropping down onto to the boat to get to us. In the commotion, I got bitten but managed to get the boat back out into the sea.

Then I sat with the boys while we tried to decide what to do next. They were scared and didn't want me to turn into a zombie, we were making a plan for how they'd survive on their own but the youngest was too terrified at the thought of it, he didn't want to get eaten like he'd seen happen so many times to other people. As we faced the prospect of weighing up whether or not I'd have to kill them before I turned, to save them from the shit, short lives they'd inevitably have, I woke up

It was a bleak and horrifying.

I dreamed last night that I was in a room of beds. Opposite me were some of my friends, and a girl I currently know. On my side were Meg Ryan and I. We were kissing a bit, and she mentioned she sang the female part in Queensrÿche's 'Suite Sister Mary'. So we obviously started singing that together.

I'm not sure if this belongs in here or the fuck sleep thread. But I'm guessing since I mustve been asleep to have dreamt, it should go here.

I can't remember much tbh, I never usually can. But I dreamt I was playing pool with my mates and the cushions on the table vanished during the game. I don't remember the exact moment this happened but I do remember us,albeit a damn sight harder, carrying on.

Now normally I don't really think of dreams as any thing other than randomness, but this is definitely a reflection of my life at the moment and how everything around me is falling apart. Hopefully, things will be ok and dreams can come true.

Last night I dreamed that I blew my nose and my sinusitis was back, except even worse, and the stream of yellow snot wouldn't stop, comedy-show-hosepipe-vomit style.

I thought I should share.

Last night I had a stange dream, it started off with something to do with this forum, which I can't remember now.

But it ended up with a bee/wasp/hornet combo attacking my bedroom.

The hornet was carrying the wasp, which was carrying the bee.

The wasp/bee combo detached and then came to get me. It was under the covers with me and there was a big fight, then a wet feeling on the bed. I pulled back the cover and there was a black/red/yellow mess (squished bee and wasp) and then next to it, some golden honey, about a jars worth! The Bee's bounty! so I scraped it all up and put it in a jar and then WTB came in and claimed it was his and I had to give it back and that I would have to pay for killing his bee too. He wasn't worried about the wasp as he didn't want it anyway.



Malc

You may not have noticed in all the confusion, but you never killed the hornet. That means it's still there.

In the bed.



Waiting.

That sort of just dissapeared it was almost like it was a drop ship or something!

Malc

Very disturbing dream just now!

So it starts off with some people from work (apparently I work for a car manufacturer based out of my primary school) who have been messing around with some car parts that are supposed to be top secret. I decide to try and protect them by leaving some false clues (fake bumpers in the pond at St James's park, steering wheels behind the head master's office etc) but My wife and kids are in charge of finding out who is behind it, and are on to me.

As part of their investigation we have to take a car "north". We're stopped in traffic, and bricks start falling of the buildings around us, aparently we are under attack by North Korea, we are ordered home. So everyone's a bit scared, but the investigation continues, Pauline has turned into girl from Helena, Montana who fancied me when I went there in 1988. We also have a daughter who is 40, who has always been 40 since she was born the day I married her mother (back in 1988).

Sirens sound outside, more bombs! They're really close, falling in the street we're in. I urge everyone to take shelter in door frames, My 3 year old is out in the garden, and I beckon her to come to me, she eventually does, and we close the door, suddenly I realise it's made of glass, just as a bomb drops outside.

I wake up deaf, with my daughter in bed next to me (she must have had a bad dream and come through to our room)

Bloody hell it felt so real at the end, and scary.

Malc

Fucked up.

You didn't watch this just before bed, did you?

Last day I dreampted that John Shuttleworth provided the musical accompaniment to the Olympic weightlifting.

Now that would be entertaining.

Last night I dreamed that Dimrill was running a shop with a go-kart track out the back, and he was really really busy n the summer period and had long customer queues, so was requesting more carts for his track.

I was having to explain that unfortunately the karts we had in stock were for customer sale only so couldn't be used for his track, stupid as that was. He'd have to order his additional karts off of the Internet and they'd come out of his budget.

The entire conversation took place over he phone, so it was essentially a dream about me sitting at my desk :facepainting:

Facepainting?! Oh my goodness, the autocorrect on this thing takes away any last grain of credibility as to my intelligence. And I can't edit it because of stupid tapatalk.

FACEPALM, you fool.

You know, there's an obvious solution to this.

I know, but I was lazy and in bed and find it difficult to navigate the mobile site.

Just woke from a dream (fuck off, it's Sunday!) where Trooper let me drive his Evora, despite my telling him I'd only crash it. But he insisted. So we were parked up in a multi-storey, I turned the engine on, went to put it into gear, and some redneck in a tank came around the corner and, without looking, crushed the front left side Trooper was a little bit gutted.

Then everyone from here turned up to wow at his car, and didn't notice the damage.

Hmm.

Did Mimi 'Facepaint' the W's on our arse cheeks?

Over the weekend I dreamt I was in the GB cycling track team, but we wore knitwear outfits. Odd.

I dreamt I got sent a handgun in the post - a huge, Dirty Harry style revolver. It turned up just rattling around, fully loaded, in a cardboard box, and I started carrying it around in my pocket. However, it was so big it kept falling out whenever I bent over, so I just hid it in my sock drawer instead. And, as I've just typed that out, I've realised the bizarre and worrying symbolism that that dream probably includes.

Messed up dream last night, only remember the last bits due to being woken abruptly.

I was looking for premises as I'd decided it was time to work for myself. Found a cheap place that looked like a ruin from Fallout that had been whitewashed to tidy it up. It was a ground floor room and had the room upstairs! He wasn't doing games journalism anymore he explained he bought and sold toys and figures now and sold them on eBay. The place was bustling with most people from here as they were snooping about both rooms and helping me reinforce the roof of my room. Wullie in particular was being very helpful as he refitted the flimsy plastic and rolled up paper supports to keep my new place together.

Had a dream last night that I was cheating on an ex with a previous ex. Woke up feeling very disconcerted.

Last night the dream was about the cottage. It had been moved near to a river, and you could jump out of the top floor windows into it.

I spent most of the dream with mr Russ trying to push each other and a member called "Finn" into the river.

Malc

Sounds fishy.

Yeah - as if you'd be able to convince three women.

He didn't say women.

Super awesome dream last night, just had to share...

Can't remember how it started, but by some point a bunch of people have been kidnapped by evil mafia crime boss guy who lives in a big mansion in the woods. But then some smurfs (yeah, small fat blue guys) offered to help, as they know a team of human mercenaries. Then a really small smurf (I clearly remember he was called Titch too) gave me 4 pieces of gold & silver wire & told me to wear them as rings. The wires had names, Move, Fly, Fire, and See. So I wrapped them around a finger to make make 4 flimsy rings...
So me & the mercenaries set off to my bad guys mansion through some dark woods. It got too dark, and we couldn't use torches, but I suddenly remembered the rings, so I tried thinking about seeing and suddenly I could see as clear as day. I led the team on till we got to a wall/fence, where I thought about flying, and after really trying, we all started floating until we got over the top. On we went until a guard leapt out at us, and in a panic I thought of fire & the guy burst into flames and ran off screaming.
We made it to the mansion, but all the lower windows were barred, so another 'fly' later and we were in at the top. Then we all set off room by room looking for the hostages. After several rooms, I burst into one, then got tackled by bodyguards. I thought about 'moving', and everything around me slowed down and I could dodge through them easily. After losing them, I found the mercenaries again who had all the hostages. So I sent them to get out while I went after Mr Big. this time I rifled through drawers & stuff and loaded up my hands with random rings to try and disguise which ones the magic ones were. Then I set off again, but it wasn't long before I got jumped. This time they held me down. I tried thinking about move, jump, fire etc. but I was being held too tightly. Then Mr Big comes over and starts gloating about how he has me and I wont be able to get out of this one, and he starts trying to take the rings off my hands. Then it just comes to me what I have to do... I close my eyes and think about 'seeing' outside, and I can see the mercenaries & hostages running out through the forest safely and I know they have all got away. (I can clearly the remember the feeling of calm & satisfaction that comes over me at this point) I just smile at Mr Big, and think 'fire' at myself really hard...
The final image of my dream is the classic hollywood shot: The mansion in the middle distance, the mercenaries & hostages running through the trees towards the cameras, and then the whole mansion explodes in a massive fireball...

Slightly disturbing dream last night:

In the dream I "woke up" and I was in a large office building with a sniper rifle in my hands pointing at someone's head across the way. I pull the triger, and down they drop, then I head shot two more people, but one gets away, so I pull the secondary trigger, and my snipper rifle fires off a grenade or two (making the grenade noise from quake 2 as they bounce around the room) . They explode but it's too late, my primary target has escaped, so I have to make my way back down to the entrance, taking out people as I go (at first they appear to be baddies, but as I get closer to the entrance they are obviously just scared office workers). I'm sure there is going to be a police presence outside the office, but there isn't and I'm amazed that I can just walk down the road with this rifle and no one is batting an eyelid. I'm now trying to think of a way to dump the weapon without being seen or leaving any fingerprints on it, eventually I find a drain, and after wiping it with a newspaper (an eddition of the TODAY from the 80s!) I dump it down there.

I then casually walk down the main shopping street in Ivybridge and head home (the office building must have been where the tesco local is actually located). So I get home, and there is no mention of this on the news, and then the story jumps forward a few days (I think a bank holiday weekend had elapsed) and the story is everywhere. Andrew Strauss has shot all these people, and the reason he resigned from the cricket team wasn't to do with KP or his form, but because he'd shot all these people.

I was Andrew Strauss! Suddenly there were helecopters and all sorts outside my house, and I was wondering what to do, should I give up, seige it out, or try and find a way to escape (and should that be a sneak, or a full frontal assault?) Then there was a blast at the door, and my alarm was going off!

Malc

I'm glad you're on our side, Malc.

I had one last week where Kissyfur was trying to convince us that the distance between the shoulders of one of the female Olympic swimmers, was greater than the height of Posh Spice. It was amazing. He wouldn't even begin to accept that he was wrong.

I'm glad that you weirdos don't dream about me.

Or say you don't.

You were in a fucked up dream of mine last night. Honestly.

There were a few of us in Leeds, driving about and walking about when we approached a family for directions the eldest daughter was a famous transsexual, I had no idea who she was (but I was completely surprised that she had been a man, saying as much to her). She was very flirty with me and after getting the directions from her we set off again. You were in a complete huff as she paid you no attention and kept shouting at me how you couldn't believe I didn't know who she was.

Sounds like something I'd do.

Last night I dreamedpt that Zardoz glassed in a pub.

Details please.

Half his face was hanging off. And you were laughing like you'd just heard a poo anecdote.

I mean how did the situation arise?

Can't remember. I just remember your laughing face and all the blood. So much blood...

OT That reminds me!

Last week my mum reminded me of the time she worked as a cleaner at the Health Centre years ago and she saw her work mate walking towards her from the gents gipping away. My Mum asked what was up and she replied, "I chopped that bugger up into three pieces and it still wont flush!".

I bought some land but then no paperwork arrived and I got lazy as usual so left it for ages then I noticed a public footpath ran diagonally across the land, then suddenly I was mtoivated to sort it all out and a lady from the AA(!!??) realised the post office didn't think the address existed because the mortgage lender put the wrong type on the form (house instead of planned house or something) but she helped me out loads and stuff started being delivered all at once and i was dead hapoy but then McDonald's suddenly built an underground restaurant there and wouldn't believe it was mine because some woman had said it had been wasteland for ages and that it definitely wasn't mine so I dislodged the wooden supports and it collapsed and they were going to sue me and I was really scared and angry.

Fucking SHIT dream.

I woke up last night, sort of. I opened my eyes and noticed it was 12:30. Then deciding it was definitely morning, got up, put on my slippers and dressing gown then set off downstairs to make brews. I think I actually came to my senses on the landing, I just stood there confused for a bit and then went back to bed. It was very odd.

I had the first dream in many years that I've actually remembered when I woke up last night.

Curiosity had been to the hairdressers. I pointed out to him that they'd only cut the hair on half of his head. He disagreed. We argued about it for ages. FIN.

Just before I leaped out of bed to start vomiting at the start of my recent stomach bug I was dreaming in a really frustrating loop. I was trying to install an Android OS on an iPhone and I kept shouting 'Ice cream sandwich' and swiping the scream manically over and over and over.

I'm in your braaaaaaiiiiiin!

Russell had better be updating this thread later just so you all know what I have to put up with...