Be Excellent To Each Other

I'll draw a picture and take it into Quay Cuts barbers.

Any barber stories will always remind me of this:

https://twitter.com/stephen_collins/sta ... 5258241024

Happy haircut day! pic.twitter.com/ENWvRzb2fx

— Stephen Collins (@stephen_collins) April 13, 2021

Sounds more like a hybrid Pompadour.

I had a dream about Gaz and Jem last night. Nothing dodgy about it, but I can't remember what it was about. Something about handling objects to people for some reason, but I just don't know what or why.

I went to bed with a headache last night, which always makes for some wild brain happenings. It got weirder and weirder.

I dreamt I was working at my old school with Russell’s cousin, who is a teacher. Russell couldn’t be there and had gone off somewhere so I had to drive his car home, but I can’t drive. I followed his cousin in her car, but as we got to a tricky section in a road there was a huge double decker bus right in front of her. The bus had been squashed down to ground level at the back and was like a giant ramp, leading to it being full height at the front.

A lorry forced us up this ramp/bus and we got to the top with nowhere to go. R’s cousin indicated left for me to follow and we pulled off of the roof of the bus onto the front of the British Museum.

We got out the cars and discussed what to do. We were lost but I gave her the directions from the museum to my grandparents house. We drove down the museum steps and drove to the house, but she took the turning before their house and we ended up at McDonalds.

She said she’d drive home from there as I could manage the last bit alone. I agreed, and bought my grandparents food from McDonalds.

I walked to their house because I realised that really, I can’t drive. When I got there I gave them the food. Fillet o’fish for grandad, who was extremely happy. For Nan I got a special edition burger to celebrate the cricket World Cup. A cricket burger.

She took one bite and said that it was disgusting. Because it was full of crickets. I said no, it was called The Cricket Burger because it was for the cricket World Cup, there were definitely no crickets. She tried again and then said she refused to gave another bite as it was definitely full of crickets.

I took it off her to prove to her, but when I looked at it, where she’d bitten into it, it was a teeny tiny library with tall mahogany bookshelves full of books and library ladders, and fronted with tiny leaded windows, populated by tiny people, all made in chocolate and with golden guilded details. I said no, look, it was chocolate, and broke a piece off and ate it to prove to her, but she wouldn’t believe me.

She asked me to go back and buy her a normal burger. I agreed, and she asked me to write down her order. I got a notepad, and my fountain pen from my bag, but when I tried to write my pen nib was floppy, like jelly, and I couldn’t write. The ink ran all over the living room, covering the furniture, and then I woke up.

Yeah, that's a doozy.

That's putting it mildly.

I had a dream that I was at a theme park with @goddess Jasmine and we went on a roller coaster where instead of little roller cars we were on a full sized bus, but there were no seats, just those dangly things to hold on to near the ceiling.

That seems like a pretty good description of life generally.

Russ'ses' balls?

For some reason, I went back in time to 2005 with curio to discover if Johnny Bairstow was a dick.

For some reason, neither of us noticed that we actually went back to the Aztec empire or maybe ancient Persia. Or that we needed to control a massive rock in the sky to crush the locals. And the dragons they summon to stop that.

Or that curio had actually been Johnny Bairstow all along.

What a twist!

I never did find out if he was a dick

Tiny snippet came back to me of a dream the other night. I was chatting to Markg at the front door and realised he wasn’t stepping inside when asked due to him having a Barn owl behind his back. Bet that’s not in a bloody dream book!

Was he also playing with his balls? If so, he may be David Bowie.

Hmm… I’ve never seen them both in the same room.

Madness, I actually saw a wild barn owl for the first time in my life just the other week.

I AM DREAM JESUS

I saw one too (woo) on Amounderness Way recently. Not my first one though.

I had a dream where Joans bought a Yaris for £200.

Weird.

Decent

I had been thinking about changing car.

My dream last night was that the Tuesday Zoom Quizers had all been hired by 10 Downing Street, and our job was to stop Boris Johnson from having a party. It very quickly turned into a kind of a computer game, where the PM would try and sneak off and start organising a party and we had to stop him.

At one point we had in a large School hall, set out for an exam, JBR and I were flanking the PM who was sitting in the very middle of the room, writing lines "I must not party, I must not party"

Jazzy and Jem were walking up and down the aisles with rulers in their hands, slapping them against their other hand, and the rest were stationed 2 on each exit.

Johnson, then pressed a hidden button on his desk, which opened a trap door beneath his desk, with which he escaped through.

We eventually found him the school kitchen, asking the staff to whip up a birthday cake for him!

(un)fortunately I woke up shortly later

That is excellent. We totally got him. Until he outwitted us with that darned trapdoor. How did we miss that!

That's ace, and I'm now wondering if there's actually potential for a quick and dirty web game in that

//edit: Remember Sleepwalker, on the Amiga? Perhaps something like that, but it's not a little kid it's BoJo, and it's not a dog, it's Sue Gray, or something like that - and you need to guide him away from parties, bottles of wine, off licenses etc.

yeah, I thought that, He has got to carry out his functions as PM, but all the time he is looking to sneak off and secretly organise a party.

If I could anyway code, or design I would be all over it. I am sure someone here could knock something up though.

It would also work quite well as you being the PM, looking to outfox Sue Gray. On earlier levels the police would be on your side, but half way through the game, they would be actively looking to stop you. Dominic Cummings would be spying on you and leaking to the press.

I'm sure there is nothing more to this...

You know, like when you see guards in films/tv doing that with their batons...

And then the guitar begins to play...

Were they wearing any kind of uniform?

No,

It wasn't that type of dream!

Maybe not in your head...

I'd got a new job working in some council offices and I was traveling from home by scooter (not so electric one, one I had to push myself). It was about a 10 mile journey, somewhere like Oldham or Ashton under Lyne..

When I got there I was having problems finding the office entrance. It was somewhere in a shopping precinct and up a couple of flights of stairs from street level in an alleyway, and as I was looking for it I was walking through a crowd of shoppers, carrying my scooter. I was stopped by a man who I thought looked like a benefit claimant, who asked me where I was trying to get to. I mentioned the name of my contact in the office and he said he knew her but she wasn't on shift yet. I carried on walking and found the stairs, and then the entrance, then got in a lift with a lot of other staff.

When I got out of the lift I was trying to find my office and seemed to remember that it was down a corridor and through another office. As I was going through the office someone was examining a suspicious parcel, and I got hold of it to have a look. It was dripping some kind of liquid, and as I held it, more and more liquid was escaping and sticking to my hands. I thought it was Mercury and was worried that I'd be poisoned by it, so wanted to go to wash my hands. I set off to find the gents, but a member of staff told me it was in another building and as I was trying to get there, the Mercury was absorbed into my skin.

Then, I was driving home in a new car, which was a light beige Fiat 500. I came to a junction and as I was trying to cross it an old fashioned dark brown Comma box van was crossing from the opposite side. It looked like it was going to turn in front of me. To avoid it, I turned right without having time to signal, and my left wing made contact with the van. The driver gave me a look of disdain, but didn't stop. I drove around the corner and got out to look at the damage, all the while thinking that I should call my insurance company, and was very worried as it was such a new car. The wing was damaged, as was the side light, but I straightened it by hand as best I could, then went in the direction that I'd seen the van go, to try to get the driver's insurance details, but I couldn't see it.

Last night I dreamt I was in the pub with Craster (I've never met craster) and he was showing me how to play Planescape Torment on the Switch, and was getting very frustrated with my focus on wanting to "do fighting better."

He had a garlic press in his Switch case.

Then we were joined by Young Craster, who ordered an Ice Shock Drop at the bar, which seemed to be a pint with an enormous block of ice in it. And then we just enjoyed an evening in the pub, and both Crasters seemed to enjoy eachothers' company enormously.

That’s brilliant

I think Young Craster is a bit better than The Big Craster Theory.

Yeah that wasn't a dream. And PS:T is all about having the social skills for the good conversation options, FFS.

You were very insistent on this point!

I'm not sure whether or no I should be concerned that my online presence is seemingly fully-formed enough that people can create functional, accurate mental simulacra of me

It's a Krueger-esque vision of the Metaverse.

Did your dream score on the Craster scale though?

Was a solid zero, as every night in the pub should be.

A quid in a pint glass at Directors after 10pm on a Friday night, would disagree

All of my anxiety dreams are set in airports, probably because I’ve never been on an aeroplane. I’m not scared of air travel, but everything I know of airports makes me terrified of losing my tickets, my passport, and whatever a boarding pass is.

So I get airport dreams every 2-3 weeks, at least.

My latest airport dream was:

I was waiting at a bus stop outside my Ma’s house, for a bus to the airport, but was worried the buss would skip the stop (it often did when I was a kid) and I’d not make it to the airport in time.

Now I’m in the airport. I’m going to New York with Darwin, and my friend Jackie, who I’m meeting there. Russell is staying behind.

At the airport I’ve lost my tickets. Panic one. Eventually Russell tells me has them so I don’t mislay them. Then I can’t remember where I’ve put my passport. Panic two. It’s in the front pocket of my suitcase. FFS. My heart is racing. Im going to mess this up. Jackie turns up, I’m in a panic as I can’t remember packing my bags. She points out I have my suitcase, which is true, but I don’t know what is in there and I have no idea whether I have clothes for Darwin and I. They call us over and I go through a gate down a long tunnel.

Now we are in New York. We are all sharing a room and my suitcase is open on the bed. We are about to go downststairs to look at all the skyscrapers.

But now… I’m back at the original airport, with Darwin (no Jackie) and Russell is meeting us. It’s the same day. Jackie phoned to ask me where I am. Back at the airport I say. Why? She asks. Because it’s getting late and Darwin’s bed time.

But we are supposed to sleep at the hotel! She says. That’s why we got a hotel room, so we STAY in New York.

Oh my god, I’m such an idiot. I’ve ruined the holiday. And now I’m stuck here and she’s alone because I used my return ticket. I burst out crying. Im such a complete idiot, and ruined everything because I’m too dumb to know how life stuff works. Russell says just let him speak to the ticket lady.

He goes over to a tiny London Underground ticket style booth, and I can hear him talking.

He comes back and says it’s ok, the ticket lady’s husband owns the airport and they have some seats open on the next flight to New York.

But it’s too expensive, I say. This already cost us so much, and I messed it up. No, he said, he’s explained that I’m an idiot, and they said we can have two spare seats for absolutely minimum costs, so it’s going to cost us practically nothing.

Then I woke up.

I have airport dreams all the time, and I ALWAYS mess it up.once the plane ended up floating around outer space because I gave the wrong flight information. That was a doozy, passengers just floating around the cabin, waiting to die.

I'm no psychologist, but I think you may have issues

I totally sympathise by the way. I have very similar dreams about travelling. In fact most of my dreams are about travelling, either to work/school or trying to get home after.

If I were to get all analytical, I'd say I have issues with relying on things that are outside of my control, like trains and buses. Even though I know in my heart that being late for something is not the end of the world, I *hate* being late for stuff. I once arrived at a job interview 2 hours early because I was relying in buses and I didn't want to be late. I had to go on a wander for about 90 minutes before I finally went and announced my arrival

The worst thing about airports is you can arrive three hours early, and still end up feeling rushed. And then after being rushed, have to sit and wait somewhere for an hour.

I’m exactly the same. I am always wildly early for everything. Hours early. And I have a sort of approaching event paralysis. I had this dream the night before last. Yesterday I had a medical appointment (probably why I had the dream) scheduled for 2:25. All the way until that time I was basically frozen, unable to think of anything else. As soon as it was over I could get on with all the stuff I needed to do. It’s the same no matter what I do. If I go to do anything, I do it as early as possible. If I have a choice of appointment times, I will always choose the 7:30-8:00am slot. If I meet someone I always like to meet around 9am, earlier if possible, otherwise I’ll just be a mess until the event happens.

Every time I fly anywhere I am utterly convinced that I've forgotten some vital part of the process/documentation