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Zombies
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Author:  Dimrill [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 12:20 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Emo zombies? I don't want to live in this world any more.

Author:  Bobbyaro [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 13:13 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

The concept is actually quite interesting, and gives a reason why zombies want people's brains - they crave the memories. However, beyond that, the entire thing is utter gash.

Author:  Dimrill [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 13:16 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Zombies eating brains was invented by Dan O'Bannon for Return of the Living Dead. It was explained in that film why they wanted them.

Author:  devilman [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 13:19 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Dimrill wrote:
Emo zombies? I don't want to live in this world any more.


You want to die so you can become an emo zombie too?

Author:  Dimrill [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 13:27 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

.

Author:  Mr Russell [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:16 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Dimrill wrote:
Zombies eating brains was invented by Dan O'Bannon for Return of the Living Dead. It was explained in that film why they wanted them.


Ooh. Why?

Author:  Dimrill [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:20 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

"Life-energy" specifically brains that are dying while they eat em. Old brains not good. Brains. Send more paramedics.

An Zombie wrote:
The pain! The pain of being dead.

An Zombie wrote:
Makes the pain go away.

Author:  MaliA [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:22 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Mr Russell wrote:
Dimrill wrote:
Zombies eating brains was invented by Dan O'Bannon for Return of the Living Dead. It was explained in that film why they wanted them.


Ooh. Why?


So people would better understand the zombie's motivations.

Author:  Zardoz [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:25 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Mr Russell wrote:
Dimrill wrote:
Zombies eating brains was invented by Dan O'Bannon for Return of the Living Dead. It was explained in that film why they wanted them.


Ooh. Why?

Because Vampires already eat dick.

Author:  Dimrill [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:28 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

I hope the emo zombie finds a teenage girl who's just discovered masturbation and who is convinced she can stop the zombie being an zombie with the power of Wicca and love her and stop eating flesh and then they find a werewolf who is angry and more troubled but the zombie doesn't like him and so they stand about two inches apart from each other looking hurt and angry and flicking their focus from one eye to the other and nearly crying and face actering like no face acter has ever actered before while the teenage Wiccan witch is frotting herself all over both their legs but they're just so into the face actering that they don't notice her and this goes on for about 5 films or something.

Author:  Zardoz [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:34 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

I think once Zombies learn how they can learn to love themselves again the spell will break.

And they will return to the water as Mermaids.

Author:  kalmar [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:45 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Weremaids.

Author:  Zardoz [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:46 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

You might be, I'm not.

Author:  flis [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:47 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Dimrill wrote:
I hope the emo zombie finds a teenage girl who's just discovered masturbation and who is convinced she can stop the zombie being an zombie with the power of Wicca and love her and stop eating flesh and then they find a werewolf who is angry and more troubled but the zombie doesn't like him and so they stand about two inches apart from each other looking hurt and angry and flicking their focus from one eye to the other and nearly crying and face actering like no face acter has ever actered before while the teenage Wiccan witch is frotting herself all over both their legs but they're just so into the face actering that they don't notice her and this goes on for about 5 films or something.


You need to get this commissioned!!

Author:  DavPaz [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 15:29 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

... and then he eats her brains.

Because he's a zombie.

Author:  Doctor Glyndwr [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 21:52 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

But he's not unreasonable. He's not going to eat her eyes.

Author:  DavPaz [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 21:56 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Her beautiful, delicious eyes...

Author:  krazywookie [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 23:51 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

On nom nom... Oops!

Author:  flis [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 23:56 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

You wouldn't trust a zombie during sex though, something might break off and you definitely wouldn't want one going down on you...Also, imagine that morning breath, no amount of Listerene is going to help with that. Jesus. Wouldn't be worth it, no matter how emo or good at eye actering they were.

Author:  Grim... [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 0:02 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

I think I'd rather have a zombie go down on me* than go down on a zombie. Assuming all their teeth had been taken out or something.

*especially Jessica Alba**.

**Anyone get that?

Author:  Zardoz [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 0:08 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Be careful, dick for brains.

Author:  flis [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 0:15 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Grim... wrote:
I think I'd rather have a zombie go down on me* than go down on a zombie. Assuming all their teeth had been taken out or something.

*especially Jessica Alba**.

**Anyone get that?


Really? Fuck that. Have you ever put your finger in a teething babies mouth? It's like a gummy vice. The crushing strength of a determined mouth would not be all that pleasurable. And they'd be all cold and dead-eyed. Be like skull-fucking your dead Nan.

Author:  Doctor Glyndwr [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 8:07 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Grim... wrote:
.

*especially Jessica Alba**.

**Anyone get that?
Duh. Ex-Heroes.

Author:  Grim... [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 8:22 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

flis wrote:
Grim... wrote:
I think I'd rather have a zombie go down on me* than go down on a zombie. Assuming all their teeth had been taken out or something.

*especially Jessica Alba**.

**Anyone get that?


Really? Fuck that. Have you ever put your finger in a teething babies mouth? It's like a gummy vice. The crushing strength of a determined mouth would not be all that pleasurable. And they'd be all cold and dead-eyed. Be like skull-fucking your dead Nan.

Yeah, but can you imagine what one would taste like?

Author:  kalmar [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:41 ]
Post subject:  Zombies

Bacon, right?

Author:  flis [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:45 ]
Post subject:  Re: Re: Zombies

Grim... wrote:
flis wrote:
Grim... wrote:
I think I'd rather have a zombie go down on me* than go down on a zombie. Assuming all their teeth had been taken out or something.

*especially Jessica Alba**.

**Anyone get that?


Really? Fuck that. Have you ever put your finger in a teething babies mouth? It's like a gummy vice. The crushing strength of a determined mouth would not be all that pleasurable. And they'd be all cold and dead-eyed. Be like skull-fucking your dead Nan.

Yeah, but can you imagine what one would taste like?


If it tasted rotten, would you want to fuck it? You'd be up to your arse in squelchy zombie before you knew it. It wouldn't matter if it wasn't in, you'd just make a new hole. Aslove love wsuming it was recently undeaded, it wouldn't be that bad. I'd rather do that to a male one than a female one, I think.

Author:  DavPaz [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:52 ]
Post subject:  Re: Re: Zombies

flis wrote:
Aslove love wsuming it was recently undeaded, it wouldn't be that bad.

Yeah.

Author:  flis [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 10:37 ]
Post subject:  Re: Re: Re: Zombies

DavPaz wrote:
flis wrote:
Aslove love wsuming it was recently undeaded, it wouldn't be that bad.

Yeah.


What? That makes perfect sense to both myself and Mr. Dave...

Author:  Grim... [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 10:44 ]
Post subject:  Re: Re: Zombies

flis wrote:
If it tasted rotten, would you want to fuck it?

If the issue was how it tasted, I'd rather stick my cock in it than my tongue. Maybe girls can taste stuff with their runny love-hole? If they can, I'll add it to the list of things I didn't know about the female anatomy ;)

Author:  flis [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 10:56 ]
Post subject:  Re: Re: Re: Zombies

Grim... wrote:
flis wrote:
If it tasted rotten, would you want to fuck it?

If the issue was how it tasted, I'd rather stick my cock in it than my tongue. Maybe girls can taste stuff with their runny love-hole? If they can, I'll add it to the list of things I didn't know about the female anatomy ;)


The two go together, no? If it looks like I don't want to put it in my mouth, I'm sure as fuck not putting it anywhere else.

Author:  Grim... [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 11:38 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

I thought we only had the two choices?

Author:  Dimrill [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 14:10 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

We're wandering into Nekromantik or Porn of the Dead territory here.

Author:  Dimrill [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 14:19 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

After re-watching the first three Return of the Living Dead flims yesterday, today I'd thought I'd suffer through the Day of the Dead remake. It's started with teenagers making out. Not a good start.

Author:  Dimrill [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 14:25 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Oof, now they've driven off while listening to Paramore on a boom-box.

Author:  Alarm [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 14:58 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Dimrill wrote:
After re-watching the first three Return of the Living Dead flims yesterday, today I'd thought I'd suffer through the Day of the Dead remake. It's started with teenagers making out. Not a good start.

Oof. Good luck.

ZOMG Spoiler! Click here to view!
The usual bad acting, script and direction aside, the only things I remember about the film were how bad it was t and the vegetarian zombie. Terrible.

Author:  Dimrill [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 15:01 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Flying zombies... spiderman zombies... oof

Dean Learner wrote:
There's a lot of slow-motion. The episodes were running up to 8 minutes under. The only way to stretch them out was with slow-motion. And, we, tried to keep the slow-motion away from the dialogue as much as possible, but anything without dialogue was considered for slow-motion.

Author:  Alarm [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 15:04 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

I've watched too many terrible zombie films. I shall post my worst three later. Be afraid.

Author:  Dimrill [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 15:05 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Children of the Living Dead takes some beating. Especially when you're part of the really ridiculous backstage internet rumblings while it was being made.

Author:  Alarm [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 15:07 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Dimrill wrote:
Children of the Living Dead takes some beating. Especially when you're part of the really ridiculous backstage internet rumblings while it was being made.

Spoilers! ;)

Author:  Dimrill [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 16:43 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Oof, that flim was bloody awful. I was wise to put it off for so long. Now onto Day of the Dead 2: Contagium, which I've also put off for years.

Author:  kalmar [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 16:45 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Zombocalypse 3D

"OK Genius, let me explain this in terms you can understand: the thing that you did, it woke up the dead. And they're ticked off"

Author:  Dimrill [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 16:56 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

There are no less than three Night of the Living Dead 3D films now. I bet Trevor and Simon are almost out of balloons and jelly.

Author:  Wullie [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 17:12 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Dimrill wrote:
We're wandering into Nekromantik or Porn of the Dead territory here.
Or Deadgirl. There's a zombie film I feel no need to watch ?:|

Author:  Alarm [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 18:19 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Dimrill wrote:
Oof, that flim was bloody awful. I was wise to put it off for so long. Now onto Day of the Dead 2: Contagium, which I've also put off for years.

I've put that off for years too. I've flicked through the DVD and it looks dreadful.

Author:  Dimrill [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 19:14 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Not too bad, actually. Really hamstrung by having Day of the Dead added to the title. Quite decent zombage.

Author:  Dimrill [ Thu Jan 26, 2012 17:24 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Come on Alarm! I'm waiting for these worst zombages list :(

Author:  Alarm [ Thu Jan 26, 2012 19:42 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Dimrill wrote:
Come on Alarm! I'm waiting for these worst zombages list :(

Tomorrow. Ideally, I would sift through them again to tear them apart, but I won't. Will just give some reasons as to why they are so poor.

Author:  Dimrill [ Thu Jan 26, 2012 20:07 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

*rubs hands* I'll have a rummage through my collection and pick my worst too.

Author:  Alarm [ Fri Jan 27, 2012 15:30 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Right, here is Alarm's quickly cobbled together worst zombie films (that he's seen).

3. Flesh Eater (also known as Zombie Nosh)

Written, directed, produced, everythinged by Bill Hinzman. Who, you ask? The zombie in the graveyard in Night of the Living Dead. Yes, somebody decided to throw him some money so he could bring that zombie back to life (sort of).

I know this film has a following, but it's really poorly edited, and the plot is nonsensical and nothing special. I wish I could remember more about it, but fortunately I've blocked most of it out.

2. House of the Dead

Uwe Boll's infamous masterpiece of trash cinema. Laughably poor characterisation, ludicrous plot, dire acting; full of "look, I can imitate bullet time, I am a great director" moments. It even badly shoe-horns clips from the game in the film, to no good effect.

The director later released a director's cut, which tried to make out that it was intended as a comedy horror all along. He added fart jokes and even worse stabs at humour.

1. Children of the Living Dead

Executive-produced by the co-writer of the original Night of the Living Dead, this "spin-off" is woefully inept in all regards. It would be difficult to make a worse zombie film.

I shall end with the director's words on the film.

Quote:
I am writing to you to offer my sincerest apology for the 90 minutes of your life wasted watching the movie Children of the Living Dead. I read your review on the internet and would like to thank you for understating its worthlessness. You see, I did in fact direct Children of the Living Dead, and you know what? It really does suck!!!!


There are a few other films which almost made the grade (Redneck Zombies was almost in third place, but at least that was intended to be a comedy. I think).

Author:  Alarm [ Fri Jan 27, 2012 15:32 ]
Post subject:  Re: Zombies

Sorry Dimrill, I literally only had a few minutes time to cobble that together...

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