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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 12:20 
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Emo zombies? I don't want to live in this world any more.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 13:13 
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The concept is actually quite interesting, and gives a reason why zombies want people's brains - they crave the memories. However, beyond that, the entire thing is utter gash.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 13:16 
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Zombies eating brains was invented by Dan O'Bannon for Return of the Living Dead. It was explained in that film why they wanted them.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 13:19 
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Dimrill wrote:
Emo zombies? I don't want to live in this world any more.


You want to die so you can become an emo zombie too?

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 13:27 
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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:16 
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Dimrill wrote:
Zombies eating brains was invented by Dan O'Bannon for Return of the Living Dead. It was explained in that film why they wanted them.


Ooh. Why?

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:20 
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"Life-energy" specifically brains that are dying while they eat em. Old brains not good. Brains. Send more paramedics.

An Zombie wrote:
The pain! The pain of being dead.

An Zombie wrote:
Makes the pain go away.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:22 
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Mr Russell wrote:
Dimrill wrote:
Zombies eating brains was invented by Dan O'Bannon for Return of the Living Dead. It was explained in that film why they wanted them.


Ooh. Why?


So people would better understand the zombie's motivations.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:25 
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Mr Russell wrote:
Dimrill wrote:
Zombies eating brains was invented by Dan O'Bannon for Return of the Living Dead. It was explained in that film why they wanted them.


Ooh. Why?

Because Vampires already eat dick.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:28 
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I hope the emo zombie finds a teenage girl who's just discovered masturbation and who is convinced she can stop the zombie being an zombie with the power of Wicca and love her and stop eating flesh and then they find a werewolf who is angry and more troubled but the zombie doesn't like him and so they stand about two inches apart from each other looking hurt and angry and flicking their focus from one eye to the other and nearly crying and face actering like no face acter has ever actered before while the teenage Wiccan witch is frotting herself all over both their legs but they're just so into the face actering that they don't notice her and this goes on for about 5 films or something.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:34 
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Lord Humongous

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I think once Zombies learn how they can learn to love themselves again the spell will break.

And they will return to the water as Mermaids.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:45 
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Weremaids.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:46 
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Lord Humongous

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You might be, I'm not.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 14:47 
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Dimrill wrote:
I hope the emo zombie finds a teenage girl who's just discovered masturbation and who is convinced she can stop the zombie being an zombie with the power of Wicca and love her and stop eating flesh and then they find a werewolf who is angry and more troubled but the zombie doesn't like him and so they stand about two inches apart from each other looking hurt and angry and flicking their focus from one eye to the other and nearly crying and face actering like no face acter has ever actered before while the teenage Wiccan witch is frotting herself all over both their legs but they're just so into the face actering that they don't notice her and this goes on for about 5 films or something.


You need to get this commissioned!!

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 15:29 
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... and then he eats her brains.

Because he's a zombie.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 21:52 
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But he's not unreasonable. He's not going to eat her eyes.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 21:56 
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Unpossible!

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Her beautiful, delicious eyes...


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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 23:51 
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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 23:56 
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You wouldn't trust a zombie during sex though, something might break off and you definitely wouldn't want one going down on you...Also, imagine that morning breath, no amount of Listerene is going to help with that. Jesus. Wouldn't be worth it, no matter how emo or good at eye actering they were.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 0:02 
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I think I'd rather have a zombie go down on me* than go down on a zombie. Assuming all their teeth had been taken out or something.

*especially Jessica Alba**.

**Anyone get that?

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 0:08 
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Lord Humongous

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Be careful, dick for brains.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 0:15 
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Grim... wrote:
I think I'd rather have a zombie go down on me* than go down on a zombie. Assuming all their teeth had been taken out or something.

*especially Jessica Alba**.

**Anyone get that?


Really? Fuck that. Have you ever put your finger in a teething babies mouth? It's like a gummy vice. The crushing strength of a determined mouth would not be all that pleasurable. And they'd be all cold and dead-eyed. Be like skull-fucking your dead Nan.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 8:07 
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Grim... wrote:
.

*especially Jessica Alba**.

**Anyone get that?
Duh. Ex-Heroes.


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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 8:22 
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flis wrote:
Grim... wrote:
I think I'd rather have a zombie go down on me* than go down on a zombie. Assuming all their teeth had been taken out or something.

*especially Jessica Alba**.

**Anyone get that?


Really? Fuck that. Have you ever put your finger in a teething babies mouth? It's like a gummy vice. The crushing strength of a determined mouth would not be all that pleasurable. And they'd be all cold and dead-eyed. Be like skull-fucking your dead Nan.

Yeah, but can you imagine what one would taste like?

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 Post subject: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:41 
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Bacon, right?


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 Post subject: Re: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:45 
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Grim... wrote:
flis wrote:
Grim... wrote:
I think I'd rather have a zombie go down on me* than go down on a zombie. Assuming all their teeth had been taken out or something.

*especially Jessica Alba**.

**Anyone get that?


Really? Fuck that. Have you ever put your finger in a teething babies mouth? It's like a gummy vice. The crushing strength of a determined mouth would not be all that pleasurable. And they'd be all cold and dead-eyed. Be like skull-fucking your dead Nan.

Yeah, but can you imagine what one would taste like?


If it tasted rotten, would you want to fuck it? You'd be up to your arse in squelchy zombie before you knew it. It wouldn't matter if it wasn't in, you'd just make a new hole. Aslove love wsuming it was recently undeaded, it wouldn't be that bad. I'd rather do that to a male one than a female one, I think.

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 Post subject: Re: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:52 
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flis wrote:
Aslove love wsuming it was recently undeaded, it wouldn't be that bad.

Yeah.


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 Post subject: Re: Re: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 10:37 
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DavPaz wrote:
flis wrote:
Aslove love wsuming it was recently undeaded, it wouldn't be that bad.

Yeah.


What? That makes perfect sense to both myself and Mr. Dave...

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 Post subject: Re: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 10:44 
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flis wrote:
If it tasted rotten, would you want to fuck it?

If the issue was how it tasted, I'd rather stick my cock in it than my tongue. Maybe girls can taste stuff with their runny love-hole? If they can, I'll add it to the list of things I didn't know about the female anatomy ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Re: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 10:56 
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Grim... wrote:
flis wrote:
If it tasted rotten, would you want to fuck it?

If the issue was how it tasted, I'd rather stick my cock in it than my tongue. Maybe girls can taste stuff with their runny love-hole? If they can, I'll add it to the list of things I didn't know about the female anatomy ;)


The two go together, no? If it looks like I don't want to put it in my mouth, I'm sure as fuck not putting it anywhere else.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 11:38 
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I thought we only had the two choices?

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 14:10 
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We're wandering into Nekromantik or Porn of the Dead territory here.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 14:19 
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After re-watching the first three Return of the Living Dead flims yesterday, today I'd thought I'd suffer through the Day of the Dead remake. It's started with teenagers making out. Not a good start.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 14:25 
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Oof, now they've driven off while listening to Paramore on a boom-box.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 14:58 
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Dimrill wrote:
After re-watching the first three Return of the Living Dead flims yesterday, today I'd thought I'd suffer through the Day of the Dead remake. It's started with teenagers making out. Not a good start.

Oof. Good luck.

ZOMG Spoiler! Click here to view!
The usual bad acting, script and direction aside, the only things I remember about the film were how bad it was t and the vegetarian zombie. Terrible.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 15:01 
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Flying zombies... spiderman zombies... oof

Dean Learner wrote:
There's a lot of slow-motion. The episodes were running up to 8 minutes under. The only way to stretch them out was with slow-motion. And, we, tried to keep the slow-motion away from the dialogue as much as possible, but anything without dialogue was considered for slow-motion.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 15:04 
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I've watched too many terrible zombie films. I shall post my worst three later. Be afraid.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 15:05 
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Children of the Living Dead takes some beating. Especially when you're part of the really ridiculous backstage internet rumblings while it was being made.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 15:07 
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Dimrill wrote:
Children of the Living Dead takes some beating. Especially when you're part of the really ridiculous backstage internet rumblings while it was being made.

Spoilers! ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 16:43 
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Oof, that flim was bloody awful. I was wise to put it off for so long. Now onto Day of the Dead 2: Contagium, which I've also put off for years.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 16:45 
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Zombocalypse 3D

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 16:56 
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There are no less than three Night of the Living Dead 3D films now. I bet Trevor and Simon are almost out of balloons and jelly.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 17:12 
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Dimrill wrote:
We're wandering into Nekromantik or Porn of the Dead territory here.
Or Deadgirl. There's a zombie film I feel no need to watch ?:|

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 18:19 
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Dimrill wrote:
Oof, that flim was bloody awful. I was wise to put it off for so long. Now onto Day of the Dead 2: Contagium, which I've also put off for years.

I've put that off for years too. I've flicked through the DVD and it looks dreadful.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 19:14 
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Not too bad, actually. Really hamstrung by having Day of the Dead added to the title. Quite decent zombage.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 17:24 
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Come on Alarm! I'm waiting for these worst zombages list :(

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 19:42 
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Dimrill wrote:
Come on Alarm! I'm waiting for these worst zombages list :(

Tomorrow. Ideally, I would sift through them again to tear them apart, but I won't. Will just give some reasons as to why they are so poor.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 20:07 
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*rubs hands* I'll have a rummage through my collection and pick my worst too.

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 15:30 
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Right, here is Alarm's quickly cobbled together worst zombie films (that he's seen).

3. Flesh Eater (also known as Zombie Nosh)

Written, directed, produced, everythinged by Bill Hinzman. Who, you ask? The zombie in the graveyard in Night of the Living Dead. Yes, somebody decided to throw him some money so he could bring that zombie back to life (sort of).

I know this film has a following, but it's really poorly edited, and the plot is nonsensical and nothing special. I wish I could remember more about it, but fortunately I've blocked most of it out.

2. House of the Dead

Uwe Boll's infamous masterpiece of trash cinema. Laughably poor characterisation, ludicrous plot, dire acting; full of "look, I can imitate bullet time, I am a great director" moments. It even badly shoe-horns clips from the game in the film, to no good effect.

The director later released a director's cut, which tried to make out that it was intended as a comedy horror all along. He added fart jokes and even worse stabs at humour.

1. Children of the Living Dead

Executive-produced by the co-writer of the original Night of the Living Dead, this "spin-off" is woefully inept in all regards. It would be difficult to make a worse zombie film.

I shall end with the director's words on the film.

Quote:
I am writing to you to offer my sincerest apology for the 90 minutes of your life wasted watching the movie Children of the Living Dead. I read your review on the internet and would like to thank you for understating its worthlessness. You see, I did in fact direct Children of the Living Dead, and you know what? It really does suck!!!!


There are a few other films which almost made the grade (Redneck Zombies was almost in third place, but at least that was intended to be a comedy. I think).

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 Post subject: Re: Zombies
PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 15:32 
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Sorry Dimrill, I literally only had a few minutes time to cobble that together...

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