Be Excellent To Each Other

A touching love story about a man and his fish, One man and his Tench

I thought it was Man on a Gedge, about the obsessive Wedding Present fan.

I thought it was about someone leaving their baguette in the park -- Pain On A Bench.

It's that mockumentary tracing the journey of produce from a field through to the shelve of Lidl: Cheap Can of Veg.

how does 'bench' rhyme with 'ledge', Doc?

Maybe it does in a Welsh accent.

Doc G, ruining everything.

Again.

With his Welshness.

It's a documentary about clearing rivers of silt, That Man Can Dredge.

It's a precursor to the Kellogg's advertising campaign, All-Bran on a ledge.

The wispy tendrils of flavour smoke will call all peoples by making them float through the air attached by their nose.

It's about a man going around collecting sponsorship for a charity skydive: What Can You Pledge?

It's a film about the prohibition of accusation: Ban on Allege.

It's about a woman who starts up a business making fashionable footwear and brings back platforms. She's a... Fan of The Wedge.

A declaration of war against PC Hollis from the bill:

"Cannon the Reg!"

Edit: Never mind me.

Was that another Lumia post?

I put it here by mistake, meant to go in the bargains thread.

Is it a film about LewieP?

Man Ruined This Thread?

Underworld 4 was an awfully dull experience. By half way through I was ready to leave. I stuck it out but it didn't get any better. I still quite like the third film though. Rhona Mitra was much better than Beckinsale. Every time I watch a Beckinsale Underworld I hope this time it won't be absolute rubbish but it is. Why do I subject myself to them time and time again?

Dogtooth - Bizarre film from Greece about a family that have cut their children (now young adults) off from the rest of society. They know nothing of the world beyond and have it instilled in them that they would fall to extreme danger beyond the grounds of the house. They are taught different meanings of words such as that Motorway means a warm breeze. Yet despite this isolationist attitude things still get corrupted. Which is the best I can do about the plot. It's complicated. It's an uncomfortable watch and yet also at times quite funny. Mostly uncomfortable though. If you're a cat lover though beware of the scene where a cat is killed. I skipped it as I am one. Well worth watching this one though.

Watched Rango earlier and thought it quite brilliant, and certainly one of the most stunning looking films I've ever seen in terms of the animation.

Aye, I saw that a while ago. It's oddly moving. It's essentially a film about a surreal form of child abuse. I get where some people might glean amusement from some of it (the swapped words; the dance routines), but for me they're the most poignant and upsetting parts as they're the clearest indication that the children are almost utterly devoid of socialisation, save for the occasional de facto prostitute.

Near pished myself laughing at this

Actually it kind of reminds me of the story of the Shaggs. You are right about the child abuse aspect. Could it be said also that it's kind of about how parents can screw up children generally?

Definitely agree with that. I say no socialisation, but really the film is a decent sketch of the nature vs nurture debate.

I joke when my pals get pregnant that it's just because they want to shape someone to be the person they wanted to be, or get them into the sports they wanted to be led into when they were young. And of course there's nothing wrong with wanting what you think is best for your kids. But the film certainly puts on show the perils of parenting as narcissism.

Watched Paranormal Activity 3 (subtitle: More of the same) at the weekend...the subtitle sums it up really. Not sure they can keep pumping these things out (unless the now possessed pool cleaner from #2 gets sold as part of a garage sale to another family for this nonsense to start again.

Worth watching (as long as you're not paying to see it) for the two kitchen gags.

The Guard - Very disappointing. All the ingredients of a good comedy are there and the lead character is incredibly likeable but it suffers from simply not being funny. It's not a bad film and you'll raise a smile a few times but after all the bumming it's got I was left feeling flat by it.

Neds - I watched this partially because it's set in the area my mum grew up in and my gran lived in throughout my own childhood so I didn't have many expectations of the film itself but it was brilliant. Quick summary: bright kid with shitty home life initially excels at school but eventually falls in with the gangs his older brother runs with due to a need for acceptance and friendship. Events follow the path you'd probably expect but it's very well written and acted with bags of off-beat humour worked in and there's a couple of scenes near the end with his alcoholic father that are just jaw-dropping. The only annoying thing is the meaningless shitty backronym 'Non-educated Delinquents' tag line that's been worked in to the title, presumably to give people outside Scotland some idea of what it means. I should mention that it might be harder for non-Scottish folks to follow as the lingo and accents aren't toned down at all. My Welsh girlfriend had no problems with it but she's lived up here for years so YMMV.

Aye, Neds is strong stuff.

I hope the film included the line "Aye, schmack. You're only schmokin' it".

I watched 'Machete' at about 1am on Sunday morning. It was amazing, absolutely amazing. By amazing, I mean train-wreck, I could not take my eyes off it. The star studded cast included the likes of, Lindsey Lohan (tits out), Michelle Rodriguez (half dressed), Jessica Alba (naked but rubbishly, side boob only), Robert De Niro, Steven Seagal and Danny Trejo (gets all the girls!).

I couldn't figure out of it was a comedy or not, it was just extraordinary. And contains the best death scene I have ever witnessed, Steven Seagal really should've won an award for that. It was full of outrageous deaths and half dressed nurses, it blew my mind.

I highly recommend it to anyone*

*Grim...

IN.

Machete RULES.

All those underworld films have been shit, but they do raise the question of why Rhona Mitra isn't a bigger action hero than she is already. Honestly though, vampires vs. werevolves and so on - who really gives a fuck?

Interesting to note that now they've renamed Kyondontas Dogtooth everyone seems to have discovered it. Awesome film.

I'll be watching Machete as well now I know Lohan's in it. But will it be as good as Mean Girls...?

Mean Girls is fucking terrifying.

Funnily enough, I watched Mean Girls for the first time on Saturday night (ROCK AND ROLL!) and was just thinking how much I'd like to look at Lohan's boobies.

Rhona Mitra is on my laminated list. If I ever met her I suspect I'd go straight into "dribble and talk gibberish" mode.

Not even. That aside, Machete really is fucking brilliant and I don't think it's at all a trainwreck; it's exactly what it set out to be.

Given the use of the Internet, it is not hard to find numerous pictures of them.

Pictures is never the same as jiggling in motion though.

Still, I expect copious use of the internet could find that too, if you didn't fancy watching the whole of machete. Which you should, as it is actually quite good.

Oh, I think it's awesome. But it's fucking bizarre. I sat there for the first 25 minutes unable to even blink, my brain refused to understand what it was seeing. All I could simultaneously think was: Why have I never seen or heard of this before it's awesome!? And: What the fucking fuck...why am I watching this.

DavPaz, you need to watch it. Even if only for the pool scene

Body double for that scene I assumed.

So it seems.

I saw her in a shop once, but didn't meet her.

Watched a couple of films so far this week -

Kick-Ass - Pretty good, but I don't see me watching it again in a hurry.

Solomon Kane - I've not read of any of the comics etc, but from the trailer and DVD case, you rather know what to expect from it. Just a harmless fantasy action film with few surprises (the minor twists you can see coming a mile off) but ticked along ok. One thing that bugged me is that when he decides to resume his life of violence after living a life of peace in a church for a year, his guns seem to appear from nowhere. The end confrontation rather reminded me of Dark Souls although it was rather short.

I haven't been to the cinema in years. I want to go to the cinema but need to go to see a really good film. And not in 3D.

And every time I have been to the cinema over the last ten years, there's always some idiot reading text messages on his backlit screened phone, powered by the nuclear force of a thousand suns, right in the middle about a third of the way back from the screen so no matter where you sit it is in your eyeline.

And that's why I don't like going to the cinema.

Maybe you should go see The Artist then. Less likely to get idiots in that. Whenever I go to the cinema I always try to sit pretty close to the screen, often so there is no one in front of me at all.

Sit at the front.

See and 18 rated movie at 10am on a tuesday. Empty, I tells ye.

Apart from those men in dirty macs, of course.

I can't sit at more than about half the way to the front, as my head starts to hurt after about 10-15 minutes, trying to focus on the large, wide screen at a closer distance.

Go to the cinema at the O2, then sit in the front row of the circle. You're in the front row, but still a good way back from the screen.

Cinemas are shit.