Be Excellent To Each Other

I think this question is clearly vital to the continued existence of the beteo community.

errr......

Wash hands. Takes less thought to maintain routine.

Additional thought w.r.t toilet Paper: If I got shit on any other part of my body I wouldn't wipe it off with a bit of paper & consider the matter dealt with.

Yeah, you're not actually cleaning your arse. You're just smearing the shit thinner and thinner.

Unless you give birth to the perfect poo that doesn't touch the sides, and leaves the nipsy as fresh and dry as when you went in.

phantom shits are awesome

I always wash my hands after doing anything in the bathroom. Like, blow nose, flush down toilet, wash hands.

Edit: Wouldn't be a shower though, it would be a bath.

have to wash hands after poo. Cos i rub it all over the walls and draw pictures and stuff

Has Digital Spy taken over this site?

If I'm getting in immediately after brown troutage, I'll just wash my hands in the shower. Big deal?

I do wish we'd adopted bidets in this country, though. As has already been highlighted, tissue just isn't really up to the task.

My middle son has an Iranian friend, whenever they do a poo they have a shower before they continue their day. Purely for the aforementioned problem of repeated wiping with dry tissue not being the same as cleaning.

Malc

Of course I wash my hands. But then I'm like Lady MacBeth when it comes to that.

On the Iran tip, I'm not surprised by that news. Every toilet I have been to in Iran has had a metallic hose thing you can use to clean 'down there'.

Man should not live my dry tissue alone. Moist is the way forward, my brothers!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

Does anyone here own a bidet?

My in-laws have a bidet.


Isn't he going to have problems when he starts work?

Are Bidet's that rare in the uk?

I think so. Not really something I go looking for when I'm using a friend's facilities.

Of course, a young Kern was led to believe that they were only used to wash feet with, and didn't find out their true purpose until his late teens.

My mate's (rented) house has a bidet. I don't think they've ever used it.

My bro's student house was rented off an Arabic chap. Clearly this man had had a lot of children and had a BIG house to rent. There were 7 bedrooms, 2 living rooms, a dining room, 2 kitchens and (getting to the point) 3 bathrooms. The 2 upstairs were bog-standard tub/bog/basin types but the downstairs was a massive (and I mean massive, think premier league football club changing room) wet room. It had 3 shower heads, a sunken bath, 2 toilets (one a 'french public lav' style squatting hole) and a bidet. It was AWESOME!

Oh, and no shower curtains, or doors.

I thought bidet's were essential to every girl as much as tampons and tissues.

Wouldn't hosing off excrement from my anus cause a horrible splatter effect around the room?

Fairly sure it's not like a pressure washer.

Why not goddammit?!

They feel lovely on your bum, a cousin of mine has one of them-first time I saw it I thought it was to wash your feet in, or for small kids that couldn't reach the sink

Not only are we brothers in our Level 30 Ice Powers, we are also kinsmen in the way in which we wipe our arses post excrement-excavation!

Hoorah!

I can't reach the sink to wet my toilet paper, though.

Did you learn everything from Crocodile Dundee films?

We have a bidet at home, I hate it!

Nothing goes up my arse, not even a stream of warm water. Nothing I say!

Oh it's warm water... how does it not have that few seconds of ice cold before? Also, surely just water not going to shift Guinessshits. You'd have to have a good old firk around with a chisel to shift that stuff.

Toilet paper first, then bidet

Not seen them. Where does he stand on matters of personal hygiene?

Let it air dry into a crust then stand outside (or in the bath if it's cold), drop your keks and squat down quickly to snap it off the shit biscuit.

Finishing off with a wire brush?

Not if they get into a regular toilet habit. Being a child, I imagine it's hard to do, and when you've got to go, you've got to go. But when you are an adult, you can "train" yourself to go only in the morning, or only in the evening or whatever.

Malc

I like to dust bath with the local finches.

You raise valid points, all of which are true and all of which are further reasons why bidets are against nature. Less we forget, the bidet is a French invention* - this being the same nation of savages that seem to think that a mere hole in the floor is an acceptable vessel for the vacation of one's bodily waste.

Stick the moist tissues Dimmers, that's what I do.

*subs please check. It defintely sounds French.

or both. and once just after lunch. and when you get home from work

Obviously not moist enough if you're sticking to them.

Plus I find the smell of moist toilet tissue IS the smell of arse.

I think I've told this story before. An old friend of mine used to hold onto his payload for days at a time, causing him agonising gutache but guaranteeing an 'Angel' every dump. The money saved on having to buy shit roll was then spent on extra bottles of whiskey and weed.

So think on.

please for explain 'Angel'

ta

Glorywipe.

Nice bowel prolapse to look forward to aswell later on in life

i always wash my feet on the bidet. Never did wash my butt there though, i would look silly doing it.

You surely wouldn't have people watch whilst you did it though, would you?

Can't say I've ever really thought about it; I always wash my hands after having a poo, even if I'm about to jump into the shower.

Whilst we're on the subject, though: how many times on average do you poo each day? My friends and I had this conversation a fair few years back, and I remember one of them thinking it's absolutely normal to poo three of four times each day. I don't go every day; if I poo three times in 24 hours, I'm ill.

I poo once a day, normally. Any less than that and you're bunged up. When I was vegan I often pooed twice daily.

"normal" is anywhere between 3 times a day and 1 every 2 days, I remember reading in an estrogen magazine. On the toilet. For me, I generally let the pace car out first, then the flash, souped up bastards start an hour or two later.

Depends on my diet/drinking.

Normally 1-2 a day though.