Be Excellent To Each Other

I remember a few years back now (when I was unemployed, and marginally less active than a sloth), I was up at my Nan's, helping to decorate there with my folks. It was first thing in the morning, and I was still blinking into awakeness whilst helping paint the back kitchen wall, very hungover. I suddenly ran off and threw up. After, my Nan said, "Ooo, our [CUS], you're like a pregnant woman!" I laughed, embarassedly at my morning sickness. My Nan said, "You want to lose some weight, you look like a right fat breeding mare, you're going to have back problems."

Hilarious family anecdotes, people.

I went round to a friend's comic book store whilst she was still decorating it, and I felt incredibly nauseous and wanted to be sick. Methinks it was the paint fumes and not the hangover that did it, friendo.

Tru-fax: My late Grandma (died when I was three) who was a Tory councillor and mayor of Holmfirth called Douglas Bader a cunt when he complained about her drinking RAF pilots under the table, was a good friend of gays, gipsys and communists - and she was loved by all. Hurrah! I like to think I inherited my ability to always avoid hangovers off her.

Did you develop back problems, then?

Nah, I got my figure back after the birth.

Luckily my Mum is pretty much bonkers so I have loads of these;

Only a month or so ago the whole family were sat around at a meal to remember my auntie who had died earlier that week. It wasn't an overly maudlin affair as such but my Mum was knocking back the wine with gusto. The subject got round to Maddy and her whereabouts at which point my Mum declares that "Well the Portugese don't like children do they? They use them mainly for begging." Mum has a degree and is not stupid, she's just utterly mad.

It's not a new thing though, about 7 or 8 years ago I went to see my parents and was talking to them about "High Plains Drifter" which I had seen for the first time that week and thought it was ace. My Mum then says "Oh you've seen that before - you watched it with us here one time." Now I know full well it was the first time I've seen it so decide to press her on the matter thus "Oh right so I watched it with you eh Mum? What's it about then?"

Couple of seconds thought..

"Doesn't Clint Eastwood do a lot of riding around on a horse?"

I really hope it's not genetic.

A favourite family memory. I remember my mum answering "Bruce Springsteen" to a Trivial Pursuit question. The actual answer was "Issac Newton". Oops.

Also, my mum spent a long time telling us how good the film Men In Black was. It was some months later, when she was talking about the plot, that we realised she'd actually been talking about Reservoir Dogs.

Less of the funny, my grandmother is always trying to stop me from eating. At a restaurant a couple of weeks ago my grandpa offered me his bread roll because he didn't want and as I was saying "No thank you" my grandmother snatched the roll from my grandpa's hand screeching "He can't have it!" Lovely.