Be Excellent To Each Other

Well, too much alcohol never helps in thes esituations (also, two bottles of JD? That would kill me. Really, I would definitely be dead ) So whereas it may have been a lack of, or impaired judgement that made you feel 'fighty' in the first place, if the other person was being as terrible as you say they were then those feelings would have been there, anyway. you'll probably have a better idea of your own participation in the start of what happened in the morning, but that's not for worrying about now. For now just console yourself with the though that you did absolutely the right thing by getting yourself out of the situation - you did the best thing for both yourself and everyone else, and you showed yourself to be the better person in that instance.

There's no point worrying about who's fault any argument was right now, that will come to you after a good night's sleep and when, hopefully, your friends give you a better idea of how it seemed to them at the time.

I hope that the rest of the night is a little less intense and that you can start to feel yourself relax a little.

Sheepeh: There ain't no part like an S-Club party

Thanks Mimi - you are of course right about it all :-) I'm calming now - you are helping here, the fact that I can just vent regardless also is. As for how much booze will affect, to be honest alcohol and music are more or less wht I live for. sad as that may be...

I live for hats and a small bowl of Quorn chilli.

I hope that you manage to get a decent night's sleep if you manage to calm down. I am pooped and so must take myself to bed. I mean to go about 45 minutes ago but it's reassuring to know that you are feeling calmer now.

Take care Ste , and good night all x

If I had my own cult, you'd be just the sort of person I'd be looking for.

You sound ripe for radicalising!

Night Mimi!

Cheers and good night :-) It helps to know I can vent here. I'll be ok.

Might I suggest that you find new friends and stay away from alcohol? If the combination of the two makes you all stressed out and angry like that, why drink the stuff with your existing friends? You're only going to get wound up again.

That's really good advice in theory, in practise, not so simple...

Or do what I do, and have no one circle of friends, but instead have individuals and pairs and small trios of friends scattered throughout scores of towns and countries and social groups. You'll get to cherry pick the loveliest people without ever having to endure shitty friend-ofs for the sake of keeping the peace among the group.

Downside: The people from one group will probably never see how awesome the people from the other group are, so you'll never get to have that enormous party filled entirely with wonderful, lovely people of every kind that will be talked about for decades.

Sob.

I've, er, reregistered with a different name.

The best explanation is that "SteONorDar"/"Steve of Northern Darkness" is on hold, for want of a better phrase.

If it doesn't make much sense, to be honest I don't really understand it. It's just something I need to do right now.

Cheers!

I'm just glad you kept the same avatar...I get *really* confused when people change avatars.

That's why I did it. I guessed more people would look at that. Although, someone at some point is bound to ask why two people have the same avatar

Someone here did the same thing on WoS. A few people said, hey why is person x* using someone elses avatar. For the most part though, the change was hardly noticed. Avatars are much easier to identify.

* - I don't know why he changed it, so I'm not saying who it was.

I've just noticed where you're from. I used to know a girl called Claire Beeston. She was lovely.

So is your name Steve or Derek?

My name is Steve. I just need a bit of a change. Derek Joists is an amusing pseudonym, magical internet points to anyone who knows where it comes from. Except Davydd Grimm, who knows.

It rings a bell... Is it from an argument one (superbly talented) man had with a company?

Yes, yes it is! Magical Internet Points* to Grim....
Assuming you didn't just google it, as it's the only hit for the name.







*Can be exchanged for a virtual cow. Possibly.

JoistPoints can be exchanged for baked beans and bicycle horns in the foyer.

How many do I need for the beans?

You have enough for the beans. Sadly, delivery will be several thousand more points.

Also, upon receiving your request, we will pretend not to have heard the postman, and will demand $150 before we begin any kind of inquiry at all.

So, there's me thinking things can't get any worse.

No, a good friend of mine, turns out her boyfriend's a fucking heroin addict.

Now, there's many things I can deal with, or suggest ways to deal with, or whatever, but that seems to be a complete "how the fuck can that be anything but a disaster" situation.

Oh, she's 17. Just to make things even worse.

Yeah, I can't see that ending in any good way at all.

I'm just at a loss whether there's anything I could or should do.

Also, I have to be up in about 5 hours, and I'm drunk now :-(

Curse life...

I doubt there is, really. Addicts are a difficult breed to stop, and love can do daft things to headmeat. Just try to make sure she doesn't do anything daft, like.

Indeed. Frankly, it's her I'm worried about. Especially as other mate there said that this chap is about the best bloke she's ever been out with! And she said she couldn't do any better :-(

Which is bollocks.

Still, I see her once or twice a week, at least I can try to keep an eye. Just fucking worried, is all.

Understandably. I believe Goatboy deals with druggies quite frequently, try to nudge him if you need any specific advice.

Cheers Dimmers. I will do, if need be. Gonna have to try to sleep soon, if anyone has any advice I'd be incredibly grateful if you could post tomorrow.

Also, damn I'm glad I have this place to ask stuff.

My friend want out with a heroine addict for nearly a year. It was a horrible time to watch. No matter what advice I gave him he would tell me that he had taken it on board, then I would get a call from her saying he had ignored her, even though it turned out he had been looking after her 5 nights a week. We got to the bottom of it when he said he loved her enough to not want to see her that way.

Derek Joists


Yep that's what we (me and a couple of mates) thought. However my friend wasn't ready for advice. And he kind of resented us telling him, hence the secretiveness. The only thing you can do sometimes is help a person after they realise a mistake, not be judgemental and be as supportive as possible.

This may not match your situation but at the very least I wanted you to know some people had been through a vaugely similar thing.

*Edit loads of people have commented but I will leave this as it is*

Sounds like she could be about to embark on a very slippery slope.

Has she had an AIDS test?

Oh good shitting crikey I hadn't even thought of that...

Damn, I'm going to have to find some way of asking now.

@Steve -

I'm in no way going to be judgemental - I've had enough shit myself not to do that. I'm simply incredibly concerned.

Her take is, she's been out with him before, and it will be over in a month. That, frankly, isn't that comforting though. Thanks for the post though. It helps to know that I can post here and it be understood. Thanks everyone who has responded.

Hey dude. I didn't think you were being judgemental, in fact your concern rang through your posts. I had a downward spiral a few years ago from which I am still recovering and I just wanted you to know if you ever wanted a bit of text advice from someone you don't know I, and many others on this forum are here. I mean this as a true internet friend. If you want to you can PM me about heroine stuff. I have, over the years, had a fair bit of experience in this.

I don't have any specific advice to give, it's outside of my experiances. But I project good vibes in your general direction, Sir.

Sorry, didn't mean to imply you did. Just a word you used in your post, and I wanted to clarify. To be honest, a lot of what I'm posting here is as much for getting my thoughts in order as anything else. Any suggestions are muchly appreciated though!
Thankyou greatly for the offer of help, I may well take you up on it. It depends a lot on what happens over the next little while, to be honest.

@Sheepeh - Thanks fella

No worries mate. I am off to bed now.

Hope stuff turns out OK.

The offer still stands.

Many thanks. A lot depends on what happens in the nest little while, to be honest. Just knowing I have somewhere I can turn if need be is a great comfort.

Same here, I've only really dealt with alcoholics, and that's similar superficially but not enough to be that useful to you. However, I do have this advice:

Above all, protect your own sanity and wellbeing.

I know how this sounds, and the kinder a person you are, the harder it may be to swallow, but it should, when dealing with addicts, be ultimately the most important aspect of all this to think about. You can't save the world if you can't save yourself. Don't let this become the only thing you do, and don't ever feel guilty for stepping back and letting someone fuck up a little more while you take a little while to forget about them and unwind and regroup before thinking about whether you want to get back into the fray.

Thanks. That, to be honest, is what is worrying me at the moment. I've got so much going on, and this is adding to it.

There's no way I can ignore what's happening. But, yeah, it's a balance. But, though, a friend is a friend, and if need be I'll do whatever I have to.

Also, if I ever doubted that this forum is indeed excellent, it has been proven tonight.

I posted about this elsewhere and got this -



So, thankyou everyone here for being somewhat better than that.

Not just that, but you got that response from a mod on that forum, Joists. No doubt he'll be telling all his pasty xedgexcorex friends how he pwned some druggy, next time he goes for vegan milkshakes.

Wish I could offer some advice, but I'm completely clueless as to this sort of thing beyond what I've gleaned from trendy contempary novels, High School lessons and The Wire. I've been fortunate in that all my friends (and I have quite a few scattered across the country) have been well stocked with common sense. I helped support a long-long-distant friend through an abusive relationship with her husband, who was emotionally manipulating her and which thankfully led to divorce. That was a bit heavy but understandably nowt on this scale.

All I can do is suggest the same excellent advice that sinister agent offered, protect your wellbeing. Don't think about it when you don't need to - though this is easier said than done. Make sure you've got some entertaining mates distracting you from time to time, be it online or off. And eat well.

Um, that's all I can offer other than my hopes that things pick up for you soon, and that your friend comes to her senses.

My advice is simple, yet is going to sound harsh.

It isn't your problem.

It is hers. Yes, she is a friend. Your words to her should be simple - "That is a bad situation, don't get involved". And then leave it alone. People make their own decisions, for good and for bad. A friend of a friend with a problem is not your problem. If you want to open yourself up to a world of worry about what other people are doing, I suggest parenthood.

To an extent I agree. However, if it becomes my friend's problem, it is mine. That's the way I see the world.

I would advise against this world view as you can't possibly carry everyone and fix things for them.

That may be true. In fact, it may be half the reason I'm not exactly Mr. Happy all the time.

But on the other hand, my friends have been incredibly good to me, and I'd like to be able to do the same.

I agree. I may not be that blunt though. At least, not immediately.

For what it's worth, she isn't stupid. Just doing something particularly misguided right now.

Yeah. Although, I think it's lust rather than love to be honest. That and low self esteem and someone paying her attention.

Which is daft, cos she's gorgeous, but that's not really relevant.

It's basically going to be a case of keeping an eye on her, and talking about it any time she's willing.