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Best Man speech
https://www.beexcellenttoeachother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=11224		 Page 1 of 2
Author:  KovacsC [ Wed Jul 11, 2018 9:57 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Wow... can I use some of that....
Author:  GazChap [ Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:04 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Zardoz wrote:
Jesus.

He's always involved in some way, isn't he?
Author:  KovacsC [ Wed Jul 11, 2018 14:12 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
GazChap wrote:
Zardoz wrote:
Jesus.

He's always involved in some way, isn't he?

or Hitler
Author:  Zardoz [ Wed Jul 11, 2018 14:50 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
GazChap wrote:
Zardoz wrote:
Jesus.

He's always involved in some way, isn't he?

Footsteps in the sand, dude.
Author:  Zardoz [ Wed Jul 11, 2018 14:51 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
KovacsC wrote:
GazChap wrote:
Zardoz wrote:
Jesus.

He's always involved in some way, isn't he?

or Hitler

Have you decided on what you're wearing?
Author:  Cras [ Wed Jul 11, 2018 14:59 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
KovacsC wrote:
GazChap wrote:
Zardoz wrote:
Jesus.

He's always involved in some way, isn't he?

or Hitler

Footsteps in the sand, dude.
Author:  Doctor Glyndwr [ Wed Jul 11, 2018 15:01 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Zardoz wrote:
Have you decided on what you're wearing?

Go with assless chaps. Classic look.
Author:  Zardoz [ Wed Jul 11, 2018 15:46 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Now where did I put that ring?

*glances over shoulder*
Author:  Findus Fop [ Wed Jul 11, 2018 15:54 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Zardoz wrote:
Now where did I put that ring?

*glances over shoulder*


Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding for the bride and goatse.
Author:  KovacsC [ Mon Jul 30, 2018 19:32 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
This is my speech.... what do you think?

Good Afternoon all,

For those that don’t know me I am Mark, for those that do…
I apologise.

Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids would like to thank the groom for his kind words.

You know I had a feeling it would be difficult to follow a speech by Adrian and I was right…
I couldn’t follow a bloody word of it.

I would like to thank you all for making the journey to celebrate today’s wonderful occasion. Quite a few of you have travelled a long way & I hope everyone’s having a good time.

So how did I become Adrian’s best man?
About a year ago Adrian and I went for a drink after beating. We were sat having a beer after some general chit chat, Adrian looked me straight in the eyes, then his voice went all quiet and trembly and he asked what I felt about marriage.
I was rather taken aback, I told him I was flattered but what happened between us happened, but he is with Sarah and he had to move on...

I am honoured that Adrian has asked me to be his best man, and a tad nervous that I have to do a speech.

When I first sat down to write my speech I thought I should probably think of some jokes, but it suddenly struck me that friends always tell me that although I find myself funny, that doesn’t necessarily mean that anyone else does. Given this, I’ve opted to go easy on the humour side of things. There are however a couple of attempts at jokes, so please laugh!

Then I decided to talk to Adrian’s friends for advice one said to make stuff up, as nobody will know, and if he denies it, people won’t believe him..


I thought a good place to look is the internet., I was in on my own one day so I decided to have a browse. After a couple of hours searching I found some really really good stuff… but then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for best man tips.

Adrian is one of my oldest friends, we have known each other for about 10 years when we worked on a project together. Well I worked, he just talked to people. Even though he is from Yorkshire and I am from Lancashire we became good friends. This friendship was tested when he and the customer decided to call me Mary, even to this day I still am not sure why…..

Adrian’s house was always a welcoming place to visit, although I have to admit, it has got better since Sarah moved in.

One of my most memorable visits is when he decided to introduce me to beating, as it was ‘fun’. I asked what it was, he said it was standing in a field to help flush pheasants out. I thought great, a nice walk and I can work on my tan. We wake up early Saturday morning, and it is a bit damp. I get ‘here you go lad, have these water proofs’ I put on Adrian’s spare set, which were a bit big, I look like a kid wearing his dads clothes (look at the size of him). Of we go, get there and we are greeted by an army of tweed and wax jackets. Then the heavens opened and did not stop, I was stood on top of a hill with hard horizontal rain, you could not see more than 10 feet… I have never been so wet, I think we have different definitions on fun.

Another time, he said come down to the Badger Brewery, I am never one to turn down a beer ‘hint hint’…. ‘He goes Sarah can drive’…
Off we went for the tour and tried a few beers. Well you get 10% off in the brewery shop. We grab a case each and clock the sign that basically said the more cases you get, the bigger the discount, I presume this is how women buy shoes. Lets just say we save a fortune and left with about 90 bottles of beer.. with big grins on our faces, and Sarah rolling her eyes…



 
I think Adrian said he was going to honeymoon in Wales.. well he said he was going to Bangor for two weeks!


Ladies and Gentlemen,
It is now my pleasant duty to again thank Adrian on behalf of the bridesmaids, for his very kind words.
It’s been a pleasure to act as spokesman for a lovely group of people.
I’d also like to thank everyone involved with today for the hospitality we have enjoyed this afternoon.
Like everyone here, I wish Sarah and Adrian all the happiness in the world.

I would like to finish with an Apache wedding blessing:
Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there will be no loneliness,
for each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two persons,
But there is only one life before you.
May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years.
May happiness be your companion to the place where the river meets the sun.
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

I would like to toast he happy couple

So…. get off your asses and raise your glasses!!

The new Mr and Mrs Cocker - The bride and groom!!”
Author:  Cras [ Mon Jul 30, 2018 19:43 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
I'd leave out the honeymoon joke ;)
Author:  MaliA [ Mon Jul 30, 2018 20:10 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Cras wrote:
I'd leave out the honeymoon joke ;)


No. It is good.
Author:  Trooper [ Mon Jul 30, 2018 21:04 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
MaliA wrote:
Cras wrote:
I'd leave out the honeymoon joke ;)


No. It is good.


It would work better as:
I hope you enjoy your honeymoon in Wales!
(Turn and look at bride and groom)
Is that right?
(They shake their head or say no)
But Adrian told me he was going to Bangor for two weeks?
(Act confused)
Author:  Bobbyaro [ Mon Jul 30, 2018 21:18 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Yeah, it just doesn't flow how it is.
Author:  Kern [ Tue Jul 31, 2018 7:49 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Good speech Kov.

I like Trooper's suggestion as otherwise the line comes out of nowhere.
Author:  Trooper [ Tue Jul 31, 2018 9:05 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
The secret to good com[timing]edy is
Author:  KovacsC [ Tue Jul 31, 2018 9:22 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Yes will change it, cheers.
Author:  GazChap [ Tue Jul 31, 2018 10:32 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Trooper wrote:
MaliA wrote:
Cras wrote:
I'd leave out the honeymoon joke ;)


No. It is good.


It would work better as:
I hope you enjoy your honeymoon in Wales!
(Turn and look at bride and groom)
Is that right?
(They shake their head or say no)
But Adrian told me he was going to Bangor for two weeks?
(Act confused)

Make sure they're not actually honeymooning in Wales first though, because otherwise you're the one who's screwed ;)
Author:  KovacsC [ Tue Jul 31, 2018 11:21 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Somewhere in Devon, I think
Author:  Trooper [ Tue Jul 31, 2018 11:26 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Shame it wasn't Jamaica, as i've got a joke about that, that i'm absolutely sure has never been used before...
Author:  Findus Fop [ Tue Jul 31, 2018 11:33 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Trooper wrote:
Shame it wasn't Jamaica, as i've got a joke about that, that i'm absolutely sure has never been used before...


Go on. My wife claims to have one too, Alaska if it's the same.
Author:  DavPaz [ Tue Jul 31, 2018 12:24 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
I used that Bangor joke in my best man speech at my brother's wedding, but I phrased it thus:

"Anyway, I'll have to wrap up soon as Chris told me he's off to Wales in a minute"
*look to groom*
*receive puzzled look*
"Didn't you just say to me "As soon as the speeches are finished, I'm going to Bangor?""
*bask in rapturous laughter and plaudits*
*apologise to mothers and grandmothers in the audience*
"To the Bride and Groom!"
Author:  Grim... [ Tue Jul 31, 2018 12:30 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
When I did the speech for my best mate I told stories about the groom losing his virginity in a Mini, the number of sexual positions he's tried with his wife, and peeing down the stairs at his parent's house.

I'm the best at family events.
Author:  Grim... [ Tue Jul 31, 2018 12:30 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Oh, and I officially outed him as a smoker.
Author:  Grim... [ Tue Jul 31, 2018 12:32 ]
Post subject:  Re: Best Man speech
Oh yay, I still have the video! I get to spend 13 minutes remembering how awesome I was.

[edit] And wincing every time I switch into "DJ voice"
[edit2] and when I said "graciously" instead of "gracefully".
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