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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2018 9:57 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
Posts: 22533
Location: shropshire, uk
Wow... can I use some of that....

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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:04 
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Location: Shropshire, UK
Zardoz wrote:
Jesus.

He's always involved in some way, isn't he?


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2018 14:12 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
Posts: 22533
Location: shropshire, uk
GazChap wrote:
Zardoz wrote:
Jesus.

He's always involved in some way, isn't he?

or Hitler

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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2018 14:50 
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Hibernating Druid

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
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GazChap wrote:
Zardoz wrote:
Jesus.

He's always involved in some way, isn't he?

Footsteps in the sand, dude.

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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2018 14:51 
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Hibernating Druid

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KovacsC wrote:
GazChap wrote:
Zardoz wrote:
Jesus.

He's always involved in some way, isn't he?

or Hitler

Have you decided on what you're wearing?

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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2018 14:59 
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Commander-in-Cheese

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
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KovacsC wrote:
GazChap wrote:
Zardoz wrote:
Jesus.

He's always involved in some way, isn't he?

or Hitler

Footsteps in the sand, dude.

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GoddessJasmine wrote:
Drunk, pulled Craster's pork, waiting for brdyime story,reading nuts. Xz


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2018 15:01 
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Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
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Zardoz wrote:
Have you decided on what you're wearing?

Go with assless chaps. Classic look.


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2018 15:46 
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Hibernating Druid

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
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Location: Standing on your mother's Porsche
Now where did I put that ring?

*glances over shoulder*

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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2018 15:54 
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Prince of Fops

Joined: 14th May, 2009
Posts: 4296
Zardoz wrote:
Now where did I put that ring?

*glances over shoulder*


Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding for the bride and goatse.


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 19:32 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
Posts: 22533
Location: shropshire, uk
This is my speech.... what do you think?

Good Afternoon all,

For those that don’t know me I am Mark, for those that do…
I apologise.

Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids would like to thank the groom for his kind words.

You know I had a feeling it would be difficult to follow a speech by Adrian and I was right…
I couldn’t follow a bloody word of it.

I would like to thank you all for making the journey to celebrate today’s wonderful occasion. Quite a few of you have travelled a long way & I hope everyone’s having a good time.

So how did I become Adrian’s best man?
About a year ago Adrian and I went for a drink after beating. We were sat having a beer after some general chit chat, Adrian looked me straight in the eyes, then his voice went all quiet and trembly and he asked what I felt about marriage.
I was rather taken aback, I told him I was flattered but what happened between us happened, but he is with Sarah and he had to move on...

I am honoured that Adrian has asked me to be his best man, and a tad nervous that I have to do a speech.

When I first sat down to write my speech I thought I should probably think of some jokes, but it suddenly struck me that friends always tell me that although I find myself funny, that doesn’t necessarily mean that anyone else does. Given this, I’ve opted to go easy on the humour side of things. There are however a couple of attempts at jokes, so please laugh!

Then I decided to talk to Adrian’s friends for advice one said to make stuff up, as nobody will know, and if he denies it, people won’t believe him..


I thought a good place to look is the internet., I was in on my own one day so I decided to have a browse. After a couple of hours searching I found some really really good stuff… but then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for best man tips.

Adrian is one of my oldest friends, we have known each other for about 10 years when we worked on a project together. Well I worked, he just talked to people. Even though he is from Yorkshire and I am from Lancashire we became good friends. This friendship was tested when he and the customer decided to call me Mary, even to this day I still am not sure why…..

Adrian’s house was always a welcoming place to visit, although I have to admit, it has got better since Sarah moved in.

One of my most memorable visits is when he decided to introduce me to beating, as it was ‘fun’. I asked what it was, he said it was standing in a field to help flush pheasants out. I thought great, a nice walk and I can work on my tan. We wake up early Saturday morning, and it is a bit damp. I get ‘here you go lad, have these water proofs’ I put on Adrian’s spare set, which were a bit big, I look like a kid wearing his dads clothes (look at the size of him). Of we go, get there and we are greeted by an army of tweed and wax jackets. Then the heavens opened and did not stop, I was stood on top of a hill with hard horizontal rain, you could not see more than 10 feet… I have never been so wet, I think we have different definitions on fun.

Another time, he said come down to the Badger Brewery, I am never one to turn down a beer ‘hint hint’…. ‘He goes Sarah can drive’…
Off we went for the tour and tried a few beers. Well you get 10% off in the brewery shop. We grab a case each and clock the sign that basically said the more cases you get, the bigger the discount, I presume this is how women buy shoes. Lets just say we save a fortune and left with about 90 bottles of beer.. with big grins on our faces, and Sarah rolling her eyes…




I think Adrian said he was going to honeymoon in Wales.. well he said he was going to Bangor for two weeks!


Ladies and Gentlemen,
It is now my pleasant duty to again thank Adrian on behalf of the bridesmaids, for his very kind words.
It’s been a pleasure to act as spokesman for a lovely group of people.
I’d also like to thank everyone involved with today for the hospitality we have enjoyed this afternoon.
Like everyone here, I wish Sarah and Adrian all the happiness in the world.

I would like to finish with an Apache wedding blessing:
Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there will be no loneliness,
for each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two persons,
But there is only one life before you.
May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years.
May happiness be your companion to the place where the river meets the sun.
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

I would like to toast he happy couple

So…. get off your asses and raise your glasses!!

The new Mr and Mrs Cocker - The bride and groom!!”

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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 19:43 
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Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
Posts: 49232
I'd leave out the honeymoon joke ;)

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Drunk, pulled Craster's pork, waiting for brdyime story,reading nuts. Xz


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 20:10 
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Gogmagog

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Posts: 48607
Location: Cheshire
Cras wrote:
I'd leave out the honeymoon joke ;)


No. It is good.

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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 21:04 
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ugvm'er at heart...

Joined: 4th Mar, 2010
Posts: 22255
MaliA wrote:
Cras wrote:
I'd leave out the honeymoon joke ;)


No. It is good.


It would work better as:
I hope you enjoy your honeymoon in Wales!
(Turn and look at bride and groom)
Is that right?
(They shake their head or say no)
But Adrian told me he was going to Bangor for two weeks?
(Act confused)


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 21:18 
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Ticket to Ride World Champion

Joined: 18th Apr, 2008
Posts: 11843
Yeah, it just doesn't flow how it is.

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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 7:49 
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Joined: 12th Apr, 2008
Posts: 17757
Location: Oxford
Good speech Kov.

I like Trooper's suggestion as otherwise the line comes out of nowhere.


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 9:05 
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ugvm'er at heart...

Joined: 4th Mar, 2010
Posts: 22255
The secret to good com[timing]edy is


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 9:22 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
Posts: 22533
Location: shropshire, uk
Yes will change it, cheers.

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MetalAngel wrote:
Kovacs: From 'unresponsive' to 'kebab' in 3.5 seconds


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 10:32 
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Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
Posts: 14130
Location: Shropshire, UK
Trooper wrote:
MaliA wrote:
Cras wrote:
I'd leave out the honeymoon joke ;)


No. It is good.


It would work better as:
I hope you enjoy your honeymoon in Wales!
(Turn and look at bride and groom)
Is that right?
(They shake their head or say no)
But Adrian told me he was going to Bangor for two weeks?
(Act confused)

Make sure they're not actually honeymooning in Wales first though, because otherwise you're the one who's screwed ;)


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 11:21 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
Posts: 22533
Location: shropshire, uk
Somewhere in Devon, I think

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Kovacs: From 'unresponsive' to 'kebab' in 3.5 seconds


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 11:26 
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ugvm'er at heart...

Joined: 4th Mar, 2010
Posts: 22255
Shame it wasn't Jamaica, as i've got a joke about that, that i'm absolutely sure has never been used before...


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 11:33 
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Prince of Fops

Joined: 14th May, 2009
Posts: 4296
Trooper wrote:
Shame it wasn't Jamaica, as i've got a joke about that, that i'm absolutely sure has never been used before...


Go on. My wife claims to have one too, Alaska if it's the same.


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 12:24 
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Unpossible!

Joined: 27th Jun, 2008
Posts: 38439
I used that Bangor joke in my best man speech at my brother's wedding, but I phrased it thus:

"Anyway, I'll have to wrap up soon as Chris told me he's off to Wales in a minute"
*look to groom*
*receive puzzled look*
"Didn't you just say to me "As soon as the speeches are finished, I'm going to Bangor?""
*bask in rapturous laughter and plaudits*
*apologise to mothers and grandmothers in the audience*
"To the Bride and Groom!"


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 12:30 
SupaMod
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Est. 1978

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 69502
Location: Your Mum
When I did the speech for my best mate I told stories about the groom losing his virginity in a Mini, the number of sexual positions he's tried with his wife, and peeing down the stairs at his parent's house.

I'm the best at family events.

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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 12:30 
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Est. 1978

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 69502
Location: Your Mum
Oh, and I officially outed him as a smoker.

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Grim... wrote:
I wish Craster had left some girls for the rest of us.


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 Post subject: Re: Best Man speech
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 12:32 
SupaMod
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Est. 1978

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 69502
Location: Your Mum
Oh yay, I still have the video! I get to spend 13 minutes remembering how awesome I was.

[edit] And wincing every time I switch into "DJ voice"
[edit2] and when I said "graciously" instead of "gracefully".

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