Be Excellent To Each Other

MaliAstory: it might have been me that saw this I don't know anymore. They blend. It was half a lifetime ago. Anyways, Sheffield Wednesday were at the height of their late nineties success with Wim Jonk and Gilles de Bilde which must mean it was 1999. Al the Doctor and your hero (and mine) had been to a few games with his mates. Normally they were shit. Although in Man Utd's treble winning season I had tickets to see them play at S6 but did not and went to Meadowhall instead and Wednesday won 3-2 and we stayed together a little longer after that. Lovely, she was, married some rich London type who had a motorbike so I went and got my A1 licence many years later. Because MALI WILL ALWAYS WIN. So, much like the crowd we always had a beer (Stones) or 4 on West Street the got the tram and walked through the park. I forget who was playing as well which leads me to believe I wasn't there. I digress. At half time s man proposed to his girlfriend in the centre circle of the pitch. The crowd were all chanting "You don't know what you're doing". The lesson dear reader, is if you do or say stuff in front of 30k+ people, some might comment and others might pick it up and run with it.

I've read that through a few times and it somehow manages to make less sense each time. I hope for your sake you're drunk.

It means he's sober.

Quality filter

My word, when I see the photographs of the guilty parties - I mean, that glowering - they almost look modern-day Grimm fairytale.

I am on Twitter. I still don't fully understand it, but I'm trying! Occasionally I post photographs. I feel I am not qualified to comment on other people's behaviour.

Have to say I have little time for Twitter. I do wonder how people get caught for abuse though?

If I was hell bent on doing this I would get on the TOR network and run some super private Linux OS from a DVD using a Gmail account to set up Twitter.

Guess they are just thick and use accounts that are traceable back to them?

I think it's worse than that; they genuinely don't think they're doing anything wrong. They're the kind of asshole that honestly believes it's their God-given right to say whatever horrible shit they want to anyone in the world (online of course, I can't imagine any of them would have the balls in real life). If it becomes more common place for people to face real life consequences for online abuse that attitude might start to change but for the moment they're actually pretty much right.

Don't say or do something in front of a mass of strangers and expect no comments.

Yes, we call these "First Amendment Shit Lords". Free speech at all costs, no matter how nasty and uncalled for.

Except when they're criticised. Apparently that's not free speech.

Shit Lords.

http://www.theguardian.com/sport/2013/m ... tter-troll

Curtis Woodhouse went to meet his twitter troll a few years back.

I have the worst stalker in the world.

One of my wifes old friends, who she hasn't spoken to in years, keeps on looking at my Twitter account. I know this because she randomly favourites tweets by mistake and quickly unfavourites them. I still get the notifications though.

Her most recent favourite tweet was a response to Mimi that simply said "Bubble... Burst"

I mean you could block her, but that would let her know you're onto her.

Yeah, it would wouldn't it?*



*I may have already done this last night.

Just set your account to private for a bit and she'll assume she can't see it because of that.

You could try soft-blocking. Block and then immediately unblock - et voila, she won't be following you anymore.

She doesn't follow me anyway and I've already blocked her now. I'm not bothered really and to be honest, I can't see why she's looking anyway because I only ever tweet about games and I'm pretty sure she's not interested in them in the slightest.

She's interested in Postman Pat vans.

I think it's quite obvious that she wants a bit of the sexy-bearded pie man!

I'm supposed to be picking that up this weekend. This morning, on autopilot, I filled up my current car with petrol. Petrol that I'll never use. Annoying.

Finally someone recognises my natural talent, my beard and my pies.

You need to take it to the next level...

Length of hosepipe, and a pretty strong mouth, and you can siphon it?

If he's driving a car that was made in the 1980s, though.

So is there a solution to retrieve petrol you've accidentally filled up? Scrap yards must drain cars of petrol.

Not on Twitter, anyway.

Some cars have a drain plug, or you can just pull the fuel pipe off.

What do the AA do when some charlie fills up with the wrong petrol at a garage? Do they have a special sucky schnozzle?

WARNING! DO NOT GET PETROL IN YOUR MOUTH.

It's the worst taste I've ever had to taste. When my last car went bang, I had just filled the tank so I was trying to siphon it off. I met with limited success and VIOLENT RETCHING.

Depends on the car, I guess.

Sucky schnozzle makes me think of the Teletubby Hoover.

Point and laugh.

And tow it to the nearest garage unless the car hasn't run, if I've been informed correctly.

(apparently about 50% of the work of the Bristol police garage was fixing diesel cars mistakenly filled with petrol.)

I'm kind of assuming that the AA vans just have a giant Teletubby Hoover in the back, and suck all the wrong fuel out. Either that or a big crane so they can tip the car over and drain it all out.

I think this is definitely correct.

Title of your sex tape, obvs.

Does it involve a special sucky schnozzle?

Sucky Schnozzbear is probably in the Sesame Street XXX parody, which presumably exists.

Avenue Q

I have just learned that said bear is just "Fozzie Bear" in Sesame Street, and not "Fuzzy Schnozzbear" which is what I always thought he was.

Fozzie isn't Sesame Street

Oh yeah. Today I learned that Fozzie Bear is just a Muppet and isn't part of the So Sesame Crew.

What's the deal with the amount of Twitter bots I'm seeing lately? I've had loads of accounts with pictures of girls saying "I just want sex" in their bio.

Who creates these? Are they relying on people thinking that they're real and will click on their links?

It makes sense to do it like that. Much like those terribly written 401 letters. Make it as fake and stupid as you can, and you are only going to get the really ignorant responding, increasing the efficiency of it.

If they weren't bots, they would be marking themselves as 'seeking friends'. Or is that just OKCupid?

I get very confused with people that notice that twitter bots exist. Sinister Agent in particular gets in a frothing rage about spambots - but with Twitter unless you follow them you'll never see anything they write so....

Do they not @ message you? I get that a lot on Instagram. I block them and report for spam.

I don't see anything they write so they don't bother me a massive amount. I do get a lot of favourites and retweets from them though, but that makes me look popular so I'm cool with that.

And they like your pinned tweet a lot too.