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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2018 8:32 
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One of the Lizard Overlords has died unexpectedly


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2018 9:42 
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Gogmagog

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It is always dog walkers. Driftwood, bodies, whatthefuckisthat, always dog walkers finding them. They are probably guilty.

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2018 12:36 
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I am amazed there are any secrets in Russia…It seems that if you speak Russian you have to speak in a way that can be heard across the room (or across the street if you are on a mobile)

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2018 14:49 
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chewbacca -future arc welder

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If you speak any quieter than that then other Russians might think you're a woman.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2018 15:01 
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Gogmagog

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WHO DO?

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2018 15:05 
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MaliA wrote:
It is always dog walkers. Driftwood, bodies, whatthefuckisthat, always dog walkers finding them. They are probably guilty.


That's right. If it wasn't for dog walkers, vast numbers of murder victims would never be found.

I guess that people out for an evening's dogging might spot murder victims too, but are perhaps not willing to report them for obvious reasons.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2018 20:01 
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One step closer!


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2018 16:31 
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Had some broadband issues earlier and Virgin's customer service phone lines were down too, so I had a bit of a moan on Twitter to them. After a while, I got a DM from someone to help out. It was only when they asked me for my card details as part of the security check that I realised it was a fake account that must be preying on all the people who also couldn't get through on the phone. Sneaky gits. Hopefully they won't catch too many out before Twitter does something about it.

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2018 10:44 
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Had an amazing conversation with my daughter the other day where it quickly became apparent that she had got "Muslims" confused with "consonants" after covering the topics of types of letters and Ramadan in the same day at nursery. :DD


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2018 10:45 
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Oh that's superb

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Drunk, pulled Craster's pork, waiting for brdyime story,reading nuts. Xz


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2018 10:47 
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Prince of Fops

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Two muslims please, Carol.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2018 10:50 
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ugvm'er at heart...

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There are way too many consonants in English these days, we should get rid of some of them and make England vowel only again!


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2018 10:53 
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Hah. She has a game where she just throws out a random string of letters and then asks us what word it makes. So when I told her that's not even a word she replied with "is it because it's not got any muslims in it?". Which made me panic a bit thinking has she seen something awful somewhere or has some horrible twat has been talking to her somehow? Until we managed to piece it all together.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2018 18:28 
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Paws for thought

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On the 29th of January at just past ten in the morning, I left the following memo to myself:

Quote:
Octopus
Grim...
Goose
Craster
Banana bunch
Horse


To my past self: What? What even is this? I don't remember.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2018 18:33 
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ugvm'er at heart...

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Is it an odd one out round?

Banana bunch, as all the others will break your arm if you try to feed them.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2018 18:55 
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I'm more likely to break your arm if you don't.

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GoddessJasmine wrote:
Drunk, pulled Craster's pork, waiting for brdyime story,reading nuts. Xz


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2018 22:19 
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Paws for thought

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Trooper wrote:
Is it an odd one out round?

Banana bunch, as all the others will break your arm if you try to feed them.

I had to Google what the banana bunch even is. To say I am utterly perplexed is an understatement.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2018 23:21 
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chewbacca -future arc welder

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When I visit anyone with an Amazon echo I wait till they leave the room and ask Alexa to add depleted uranium, cowboy hats, bump stocks, shark fins, ambergris or similar to their shopping list. Could this have happened to you?


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2018 1:24 
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krazywookie wrote:
When I visit anyone with an Amazon echo I wait till they leave the room and ask Alexa to add depleted uranium, cowboy hats, bump stocks, shark fins, ambergris or similar to their shopping list. Could this have happened to you?


No, because I don’t power it up as I don’t even trust it in an empty room.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2018 6:59 
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Paws for thought

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krazywookie wrote:
When I visit anyone with an Amazon echo I wait till they leave the room and ask Alexa to add depleted uranium, cowboy hats, bump stocks, shark fins, ambergris or similar to their shopping list. Could this have happened to you?

No. I don't use any kind of voice recognition, and this isn't an app that wod interact with it even if I did.

At the time I'd have been in work for three hours, so it's not some note of an amusing dream I had which is the only thing I could think of.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2018 16:30 
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Gogmagog

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
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Bingley pensioner jailed for obstructing Isle of Man TT Races

Crikey. I thought this was "hay bales in the road", not "being a knob"

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2018 16:36 
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Holy shit. Jail and a 5 year ban, and it wasn't even when a race was underway!

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GoddessJasmine wrote:
Drunk, pulled Craster's pork, waiting for brdyime story,reading nuts. Xz


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2018 16:57 
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Mr Dave wrote:
On the 29th of January at just past ten in the morning, I left the following memo to myself:

Quote:
Octopus
Grim...
Goose
Craster
Banana bunch
Horse


To my past self: What? What even is this? I don't remember.


It's two rounds of Fuck / Marry / Kill.

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2018 17:03 
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Excellent Member

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Cras wrote:
Holy shit. Jail and a 5 year ban, and it wasn't even when a race was underway!


We don't fuck around.

Some fool on a bike overtook the 'road open' car last night. After the racing is finished and the track cleared of debris etc. they send a car out, and once it passes you the road behind it is then available for the public again, so if you drive off in front of it you're illegally riding on closed roads. He handed himself in, probably hoping for a lighter sentence so we'll see how that goes!

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:42 
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flis wrote:
Cras wrote:
Holy shit. Jail and a 5 year ban, and it wasn't even when a race was underway!


We don't fuck around.

Some fool on a bike overtook the 'road open' car last night. After the racing is finished and the track cleared of debris etc. they send a car out, and once it passes you the road behind it is then available for the public again, so if you drive off in front of it you're illegally riding on closed roads. He handed himself in, probably hoping for a lighter sentence so we'll see how that goes!


Birchings all round!

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2018 9:42 
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Gogmagog

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
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http://www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/n ... _in_homes/

1st clause redundant in 4th paragraph.

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2018 16:11 
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Fucking BT. Just realised that I've been charged a year for an unused sim that I was told over the phone had been cancelled and they say that there's nothing they can do. They offered to pay the £8.64 cancellation charge as a goodwill gesture but only if I didn't want to escalate the complaint. Piss taking cunts.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2018 17:23 
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Hibernating Druid

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Escalate! ESCALATE!

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2018 17:28 
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I did. They're going to listen to the recordings and get back to me in 12 days. In a way anything I get back is a bonus, but nobody pays *me* off for £8.64 They're going to need to at least double that or I'll take them all down with me.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2018 16:55 
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Joined: 15th Oct, 2010
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I had a fun trip to Morrisons this morning. We had paid and gone out to the car park when I saw a scruffy looking chap scuttling away carrying a bag of shopping. Soon after a young girl that works there came out looking to see where he’d gone, so I asked if he’d nicked something. Yes.

I don’t like thieves so I set off after him, jumping over a wall, crossing a busy road through a perfect gap in traffic and caught him a few hundred meters away in a nearby alleyway. I got an absolutely perfect armlock on him first go and started marching him back to the shop, amusingly while he was still carrying the bag. I think he was that shocked to be chased and caught he didn’t really struggle but he was complaining I’d hurt him. :)

Anyway, a short while later the girl from the shop arrived, and she was more concerned about getting the goods back. I did offer to return him and wait for the police to arrive, but she said to let him go, so after a bit more pressure on his arm, off he went. I’m slightly annoyed I didn’t think to get a photo first, but the shop staff were all really grateful and I got a bottle of wine for my trouble.

Helen was also a bit surprised as I’d just abandoned her in the car park with the trolley.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2018 18:33 
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Unpossible!

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Good work. Above and beyond.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2018 21:13 
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Gogmagog

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
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Went beach, very briefly, on whistle stop trip to check something in house we wish to buy out.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2018 22:34 
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chewbacca -future arc welder

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I've certainly never seen a better microwave button than this


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 0:33 
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What the fuck does it do?

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 4:46 
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Soopah red DS

Joined: 2nd Jun, 2008
Posts: 3209
Boring answer, from Panasonic:
Quote:
Chaos defrost is a system that improves the auto weight defrosting process.

Chaos defrost uses random pulses of power to achieve a quicker and more even defrost within the food. This would only be used for Bread, Meat Items or Meat Joints.

Reddit soon turns into animal diet discussion. https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments ... ive_never/


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 8:06 
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Noob as of 6/8/10

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And what in the worls is ‘panacrunch?’


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 8:12 
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Warhead wrote:
And what in the worls is ‘panacrunch?’


Found it. It’s ‘used for the grill and oven. It's especially good for use in combi mode, where the pan absorbs microwaves and turns them into heat to cook the base of your food; the grill cooks from above.’


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 8:21 
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krazywookie wrote:
I've certainly never seen a better microwave button than this

Haha! My Ma is up from London for a couple of days, and last night Russell and I went out alone (as in, without Darwin, for the first time since he was born.)

I’d made them a bolognese, but it needed heating in the microwave (we were supposed to be going out Friday night, but had to postpone) and so started explaining where everything was and the way to use the microwave. ‘I’m pretty sure we can work out where everything is and how it works!’ they chuckled. And off we go.

When we return, Ma thanks us for the food, but stepdad is chuckling and tells us things did not go to plan. Firstly, they couldn’t find fridge, so had been searching all over the house: bin... shoe cupboards... freezer... then couldn’t work the microwave because of all the buttons. I wish to goodness that it had a CHAOS button now. I may just re-sticker all the buttons in my house to say CHAOS.

(They eventually found the fridge, disguised in the cupboard beneath the oven, and settled on heating the bolognese at 30 second intervals and letting it beep each time. Pillocks).

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 8:53 
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chewbacca -future arc welder

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We couldn't decide if pressing it would cause chaos or if it was a button for heating some already existing chaos but yes, we both agreed, we need a chaos button.


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:13 
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Did you buy the chaos microwave? If so: heroes.

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:40 
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chewbacca -future arc welder

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Posts: 2655
Location: Kashyyyk
No, it was about £300.

For a MICROWAVE


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:41 
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chewbacca -future arc welder

Joined: 25th Oct, 2011
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We're just going to have to get the label maker out


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:46 
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ugvm'er at heart...

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Mine has a chaos defrost button, i've never used it.
Do people actually defrost stuff in the microwave these days? Isn't a microwave basically a £100 baked bean heater?


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 13:58 
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krazywookie wrote:
We're just going to have to get the label maker out

Most hero!

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 13:59 
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Trooper wrote:
Mine has a chaos defrost button, i've never used it.
Do people actually defrost stuff in the microwave these days? Isn't a microwave basically a £100 baked bean heater?

Ours is convection oven and grill, and the wall-set oven we have is awful, so ours is our main oven (though, my mum sent me that halogen oven which now does all of the biggest cooking chores)

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 15:15 
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Noob as of 6/8/10

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Faroe Island postal and other services. Amazing. One island only has two resident families and some islands are connected by tunnels, with more being built. How the hell do they afford to build tunnels and have mail delivered by helicopter with a population of only about 50,000?


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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 17:00 
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Gogmagog

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
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Location: Cheshire
Friends of ours popped by earlier bringing their Bassett hound puppy. Its balls were the size of grapefruits. Christ alive.

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 18:57 
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Excellent Painter

Joined: 30th Apr, 2008
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MaliA wrote:
Friends of ours popped by earlier bringing their Bassett hound puppy. Its balls were the size of grapefruits. Christ alive.

This may explain the depth of their bark when fully grown. It sounds like they’re plugged into the earths core as a boom box

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 18:57 
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Excellent Painter

Joined: 30th Apr, 2008
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Location: Behind you
MaliA wrote:
Friends of ours popped by earlier bringing their Bassett hound puppy. Its balls were the size of grapefruits. Christ alive.

This may explain the depth of their bark when fully grown. It sounds like they’re plugged into the earths core as a boom box

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 Post subject: Re: Bits and Bobs 49
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 19:33 
Filthy Junkie Bitch

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For the first time in my life, and hopefully last, I was momentarily curious as to the size of Gaywood’s testes.


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