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 Post subject: Columbo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 0:10 
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In honour of the passing of the late Peter Falk, I watched the first series premiere episode of Columbo. Now, there'd been two Columbo TV movies prior to this, 'Prescription: Murder' and 'Ransom for a Dead Man' (I love Columbo titles, they should always be read in the voice of Troy McClure), the first of which starred an incomparably suave Gene Barry as a murderous Doctor. Prescription: Murder is a clever film, heavy on the murderer, light on the Columbo, and it has some neat twists despite the viewer's knowledge of who-dunnit. It is, however, a story too long. At 99 minutes it ambles along at a leisurely pace. Enter the series - a fast paced gripping opening episode that... well how about that? Gee. Well, well, well. Y'know, funny thing. Funny thing how time plays tricks on you. Like my wife, she always says that when she's waiting for her toast to, y'know, toast, it seems to go on for ever. But when she's got things on her mind, you know how it is now, when she's thinking about bills and stuff and she gets distracted... it burns. Just like that. Now, y'see, there I was, thinking the episode was about forty-five minutes, maybe fifty. Turns out it was eighty minutes. Yeah. That's right. Makes you think, don't it? Sorry, I won't take up any more of your time.

...

Just one thing though... the awesome.

Murder by the Book kicks off with a man clacking away on his typewriter. The camera cuts in on the words he's getting down - some kind of mystery novel. Below the glass fronted skyscraper office he works in, down in the parking lot, a car pulls up. A man inside pulls out a gun and checks the barrel. He gets out the car and heads to the lift. All in silence - except the sound of the typewriter, clacking away. It kicks off with tension, superbly and concisely shot. And then we see the villain's face - the sickeningly smarmy Jack Cassidy as shitty writer Ken Franklin. This guy is superb. You're just itching for Columbo to get him. He's venal, womanising, smug, superior and arrogant - and yet he masks it all under a false air of joviality and friendliness. The other principal player - and Columbo is as much about the actor playing the murderer as the raincoated one himself, it's always a double act in this show - Peter Falk plays Columbo perfectly from the off. The hunch. The distracted fiddling around of props. The maddening refusal to get to the point. And there's the element that marks the genius of the actor - he acts superbly an actor doing a near-superb performance. For Columbo is himself an actor, he has to play the role of this shabby, shambolic, rambling, wooly schlub of a cop in order to trap the villain. But if he fooled everyone all the time he'd be tedious to watch. So Falk sometimes allows Columbo to slip, to display subtle hints of keen intelligence that the audience picks up - but thrillingly - the villain doesn't. And then the mask is fixed back into place, and we watch with the gratified knowledge that the villain thinks Columbo is an oaf, and that we, the audience, know his days are numbered.

All that you know of course. Did you know how much the direction makes Columbo? And the tight writing? Columbo looks like a movie. There's a shot of Franklin on the phone from his lakeside retreat. Beautifully framed, you see the lake out the window and an island - and there, rolling in behind the island, is a bank of mist, perfectly timed. This is a show that masks a tight schedule well. There's the shot of Columbo and Franklin, discussing a false lead that Franklin is throwing Columbo's way. Columbo is submissive, scratching his head and rubbing his jaw, nodding dumbly. He's crammed into the bottom left of the frame. Franklin is feeding Columbo shit from a wide, paternal, punchable grin - overbearing, confident, slick and looming over Columbo upper frame right. The background is underlit, the faces becragged in harsh study desk lamplight. Everything about the way this is shot tells you to root for Columbo and down with that bastard Franklin. It's taut film-making I admire. Too many film-makers shoot the baddy and the hero as if they're just two fellas. They're not. They're good and evil - lord and underdog fighting it out. It's up to a director to give us emotional cues. So yeah, it's good direction. And you can tell that the studios thought so too. Why, they thought so much of this young director with only one prior TV episode to his name that they gave him money to shoot his own movie. You may have heard of it. It's called 'Duel'. And the director? Why, you may have heard of him too... only STEVEN FUCKING SPIELBERG!

Ahem, sorry. But the name only came up in the end credits and I was reduced to dancing a pokey jig on my arse on the sofa, flapping my jaw with soundless excitement and waving my arms and legs.

Direction don't mean a thing without a good writer though. And it's written superbly well, nearly all of it in the little details and the fleshed out characters. And you get a twist too at the end. Not a big one, as we knew who did it all along, but a satisfying one that makes the viewer smile. Well done, Mr Scriptwriter. What's your name again? Why... it's only STEVEN FUCKING BOCHO!

Ahem.

I used to be one of the idiots who decried Columbo without ever having watched an episode. A murder story without a mystery? What? Are they stupid or something, or what? But I was wrong. Columbo is the perfect format. It was revolutionary in America at the time for it's rejection of the conventional who-dunnit format, as much there as it was here. It also tragically spawned some really shitty wannabes. Murder She Wrote roped Angela Lansbury as the lead, but with the fatal flaws of Lansbury being a punchably smug, smuggity smug woman from Smug City, with all the humanity of Anne Robinson throttling a puppy, whilst pitting herself against C-list actors. Columbo punched above its weight by pitting unknown but obviously ace schlub Peter Falk against the cream of the TV crop. Robert Culp! Leslie Nielsen! Patrick McGoohan! Roddy McDowall! John Cassavettes! Leonard Nimoy! Robert Culp again! Martin Landau! Donald Pleasance! Jack Cassidy again! (Bizarrely in another tale about a murderous writer. Talk about recycling, season 3 was probably running low on ideas.) Johnny Cash - JOHNNY FUCKING CASH! (Playing a murderous, um, country western singer. Er, I guess season 3 really was running low on ideas.) But never mind - Dick Van Dyke! The awesomely named POUPEE BOCAR! Oskar Werner! Jack Cassidy AGAIN! Robert Vaughan! William Shatner! (Wow, gotta love Shatner's insecurity. Nimoy directs a movie, so Shatner's got to direct a movie. Nimoy releases a single, so Shatner has to release a single. Nimoy murders a guy, so Shatner has to murder a guy. He plays a murderous egotistical television actor by the way, I'm not making this up.) Faye Dunaway! Rip Torn! George Wendt! ("Hey Norm!" BLAM BLAM BLAM!) Billy Connolly! Patrick McGoohan Again! William Shatner again! Robert Culp AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN!

So yeah, that's one justifiably proud casting director right there. Columbo, it's great. Even when it's slightly ridiculous. All those cocky actors and actresses, waiting to be taken down a peg or two. Homicide: Life on the Street it ain't, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have merit. Falk worked hard to keep it plausible and keep it all about the characters and the wordplay, even fighting executives and writers when they tried to inject sex and violence into the format, and notoriously demanding rewrites of sub-par material.

Of course, Peter Falk had a few other fine roles. He was a restless actor. Most people when pressed for another role reach for his character of the grandfather in Princess Bride, but he was also in riskier stuff like Wim Wender's superb 'Wings of Desire', grounding a strange tale about fallen angels with his own well-worn humanity. He made his broadway debut playing Joseph Stalin in The Passion of Joseph D. It's a shame he wasn't used more once Columbo finished its main run, but by then he was seen as a liability by many serious film-makers owing to audience over-familiarity. The irony was that he played Columbo too well for his own good; everyone forgot that Falk was playing the role of a man who was playing a role, and automatically thought of him inseperable from the vision of the raincoated, cigar waving, confused bum detective himself.

But that's what people remember, and what he'll ultimately be remembered for. Everyone feels the loss of Columbo because he was one of the little people, one of the quiet good guys of the world, and Falk seemed to embody that weary, unshowy, unheroic decency that we like to think exists in the real world, where a good, dogged man faces a villain down not through gun play and explosions, but just by uncovering the truth. He's one of us, as Falk was one of us. An unpretentious guy who had the unforced honest charm of a regular joe.

Rest in peace, Peter Falk. Now everyone fill a chunky 70's style glass tumbler of whiskey and go and watch a Columbo.


(Heh heh, 'Poupee Bocar'.)

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 0:58 
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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 0:59 
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I think I've only ever seen one episode of Columbo but reading this makes me want to see more.

Excellently written once again Pete. You clearly have a talent here.


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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 9:12 
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There's just one more thing, Pete...

...oh wait, no there isn't. You said it all. Bravo! Columbo is one of my guilty pleasures, but I don't know why it's a guilty one instead of just a standard one.


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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 9:23 
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Columbo was indeed amazing, as was your tribute there, Pete.


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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 11:43 
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Whenever I happen to catch a bit of columbo on TV it's very hard to pull myself away. It's fab. A favourite of mine is the one with the Chess champion. Columbo really gets an excellent 'Checkmate' on him! Oh ho!

Best detective series ever.

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 12:22 
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DerekFME wrote:
Best detective series ever.


:this: :this: and 1 million times :this:

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 Post subject: Columbo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 13:41 
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I never saw Falk in anything else, but he was great as Columbo, and the series was great because of him.

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 Post subject: Columbo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 13:41 
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Columbo is ace. As someone else said, any time it was on I'd not be able to stop watching, even if I'd seen that episode 5 times before.

Little touches like the never-seen Mrs Columbo, autograph collector, and his pocket with a hard-boiled egg in, possibly the greatest disarming device in any interview. Excellent.

Of course, I also love Peter Falk for The Princess Bride.

As you wish...

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 Post subject: Columbo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 13:57 
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Oh, and Peter Falk was in a film I saw one Insomnia-filled night in the wee small hours.

It was about the prison amateur boxing 'circuit'. He played on old lag and boxing trainer. Wesley Snipes was the in-house boxing champ, undefeated, when a professional championship boxer, world known, gets put away for rape (no idea who that might be based on, none at all) and it's all about this generally nice guy snipes and his trainer vs the nasty pro-boxer guy.

The film was probably rubbish, but it is one if the few films that has stuck in my mind for more than a couple of days.

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 15:11 
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Bravo, Pete, bravo.

Columbo was always just so bloody good - a level of intelligence and quality that you just don't expect from 70s TV. He was kind of like Morse, where you could sit down in front of the TV for an hour or two and just know that you will be on the good stuff for a while.

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 16:22 
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Mimi wrote:
the never-seen Mrs Columbo


Nonsense!



:D

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 16:26 
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Beautifully written, Pete.


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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:02 
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DerekFME wrote:
Whenever I happen to catch a bit of columbo on TV it's very hard to pull myself away. It's fab. A favourite of mine is the one with the Chess champion. Columbo really gets an excellent 'Checkmate' on him! Oh ho!


That's one of my favorites too.
Another would be the one where the football club owner sneaks off during the game to do a *really* elaborate poolside murder. The sound production in that one is just immense, and the whole thing is brilliant. What were these 70s badguys on, to think they'd get away with it, and they never show any fear or remorse at all?

<3 Columbo.

Thanks Pete, that was a good read.


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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:08 
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My favourite was the subliminal film messaging one, luckily that seems to be the one that gets repeated the most! :D


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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:14 
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Brilliant read, thanks Pete. I've always loved Columbo, I don't think it would have worked if he was played by anyone but Peter Falk. Thanks for keeping me entertained on dull weekday afternoons Mr Falk, RIP.

Also: Billy Connolly?! 8)

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:25 
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I liked the one with the record player that made bangs and knocked books over to make it sound like a murder.

They made 69 of them! Bloomin' eck, I didn't think it was that many.


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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:31 
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Squirt wrote:
I liked the one with the record player that made bangs and knocked books over to make it sound like a murder.

They made 69 of them! Bloomin' eck, I didn't think it was that many.


They got seriously repetitious after about series 4. And they started to play about with it more - the guest stars became more famous and guest directors had pretty loose reins. There's one about a boat business related murder, I remember thinking "this is just mental, like an episode of The Prisoner". End credits roll, and yep, Patrick McGoohan director :D

It didn't really matter though, the core of the story was sound - Columbo doing his thing, that's what you watched it for.

I just hope they don't start making it again, updated to now, with someone else. Even the thought of it is a travesty.


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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:15 
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*sets fire to Kalmar's thoughts*

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:17 
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Anyone see the pilot episode for a "Mrs Columbo" spin-off series? It's one of the DVD extras. Suffice to say, it remained a pilot.


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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:37 
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You're spoiling the tribute thread, Hippy.

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 Post subject: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:51 
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I would like to have seen Columbo and Dr Mark Sloane work together to solve a murder.

I think I could just watch that on repeat until my days were over.

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:55 
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Mimi wrote:
I would like to have seen Columbo and Dr Mark Sloane work together to solve a murder.

I think I could just watch that on repeat until my days were over.


Have some cider first and watch

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071348/use ... ts?start=8

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Just think that Dr Sloane has had a few drinkies as well and the photography is hobby ,and if you fall asleep before the end then its all fine.


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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 12:57 
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Hoorah! I made a proper tribute thread. This pleases me.

I'd love to see that Patrick McGoohan episode. Falk and him were firm friends in real life, apparently, and it's not easy to befriend McGoohan, either.

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 13:11 
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kalmar wrote:
Anyone see the pilot episode for a "Mrs Columbo" spin-off series? It's one of the DVD extras. Suffice to say, it remained a pilot.


REMAINED A PILOT MY FOOT. It had two seasons! #season-1">http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078635/episodes#season-1

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 13:38 
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DerekFME wrote:
kalmar wrote:
Anyone see the pilot episode for a "Mrs Columbo" spin-off series? It's one of the DVD extras. Suffice to say, it remained a pilot.


REMAINED A PILOT MY FOOT. It had two seasons! #season-1">http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078635/episodes#season-1


That got worse and worse and were so poorly received that it got renamed and all ties with Columbo severed.

Get tae fuck Mrs Columbo.

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 13:50 
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Longines Symphonette wrote:
DerekFME wrote:
kalmar wrote:
Anyone see the pilot episode for a "Mrs Columbo" spin-off series? It's one of the DVD extras. Suffice to say, it remained a pilot.


REMAINED A PILOT MY FOOT. It had two seasons! #season-1">http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078635/episodes#season-1


That got worse and worse and were so poorly received that it got renamed and all ties with Columbo severed.

Get tae fuck Mrs Columbo.



Bloody hell Kate Mulgrew is Mrs Columbo and Captain Janeway!

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 14:15 
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Slightly Green wrote:
Longines Symphonette wrote:
DerekFME wrote:
kalmar wrote:
Anyone see the pilot episode for a "Mrs Columbo" spin-off series? It's one of the DVD extras. Suffice to say, it remained a pilot.


REMAINED A PILOT MY FOOT. It had two seasons! #season-1">http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078635/episodes#season-1


That got worse and worse and were so poorly received that it got renamed and all ties with Columbo severed.

Get tae fuck Mrs Columbo.



Bloody hell Kate Mulgrew is Mrs Columbo and Captain Janeway!


Correct. That was the one notable thing about it. Travesty! 2 series, LOL.


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 Post subject: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 14:15 
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zaphod79 wrote:
Mimi wrote:
I would like to have seen Columbo and Dr Mark Sloane work together to solve a murder.

I think I could just watch that on repeat until my days were over.


Have some cider first and watch

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071348/use ... ts?start=8

Image

Just think that Dr Sloane has had a few drinkies as well and the photography is hobby ,and if you fall asleep before the end then its all fine.

Oh… my… DO WANT.

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 15:36 
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Chief: "Looks like you tidied that warehouse up pretty good, Mrs Columbo."

Mrs Columbo: "It was quite a mess. I was at it all day with dustpan and vac. Honestly, men!"

Chief: "THAT WAS OUR CRIME SCENE!"

Mrs Columbo: "And it was so dusty too. All this chalk everywhere. Not to worry, I washed it all down the sink."

Chief: "THAT WAS THE COCAINE SHIPMENT!"

Mrs Columbo: "I did take some samples though."

Chief: "Hrrm, well, that's better." (Mollified.)

Mrs Columbo: "Yes, I did like their curtains. So I tore some fabric off to compare with the wallpaper at home. Do you think the mafia boys would mind, Chief?"

Chief: "MRS COLUMBOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

etc.

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 15:39 
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The Porno remake was good too:

Columbone - Just one more thong.

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 16:14 
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I wonder what he did with the cigar.

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 16:19 
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Smoke rings.

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 16:26 
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Smoke rings.

Shoulda used more lube.


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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 16:40 
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Users browsing this forum: Alarm, ApplePieOfDestiny, Columbo, Craster, Curiosity, flis, GazChap, KovacsC, markh, Morse, Mr Burrrrt, myoptikakaka, NervousPete, WTB, zaphod79, Zardoz and 7 guests


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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2016 14:51 
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I watched the entire Columbo box set a couple of months ago: all series, all episodes. I'm about to re-watch them all. My dream did come true.

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2016 18:30 
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Mimi wrote:
I watched the entire Columbo box set a couple of months ago: all series, all episodes. I'm about to re-watch them all. My dream did come true.


My God, I wrote that review five years ago. Time flies! I am however inordinately happy with the Mrs Columbo skit, end of page one. Good work, Historical Pete.

Yay for dreams! I really should get that box-set Mimi!

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2016 18:32 
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I love this IMDB Season 2 Episode 1 synopsis of Mrs Columbo, by the way:

Quote:
Kate has divorced her famous husband, changed her last name back to maiden Callahan, and moved to San Fernando with their girl to work for a new paper. Her first investigation involves a suspect who claims he didn't murder his wife.


Desperate hasty network retooling! :D

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 Post subject: Re: Columbo
PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2016 19:39 
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NervousPete wrote:
I really should get that box-set Mimi!


You get Mimi in boxset form?

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Where's the Kaboom? I was expecting an Earth shattering Kaboom!


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You are using the 'Ted' forum. Bill doesn't really exist any more. Bogus!
Want to help out with the hosting / advertising costs? That's very nice of you.
Are you on a mobile phone? Try http://beex.co.uk/m/
RIP, Owen. RIP, MrC.

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