Be Excellent To Each Other

I don't know why, maybe it's because my longest relationship has been just over 6 months, but I can really not imagine ever wanting to cheat on someone.

Like, if I ever wanted to cheat on someone I was with, surely that is a sign that I shouldn't be with them. Anything else would be pretty irrational.

Well, not really. You walk down the street, there's a hot lass, you'd like to have sex with the hot lass. There's nothing irrational about that.

Actually going ahead and doing it, now that's slightly different.

I'll tell you what, I had a "lust at first site" moment the other week.

Waiting at a bus stop, there was this girl (late 20s I'd say) and she was the most attractive looking thing I've ever seen, her outfit was very revelaing, and she then gets on to the same bus as me, and sits about 3 or 4 seats in front of me. She then precedes to eat an apple and some sort of cheese sandwhich at the same time (this was at about 08:30), I just found it all increadibly sexy.

I got off at my stop, and she continued on, completely oblivious at the effect she had on me. I'd not seen her before, and I've not seen her again. But those 20 minutes or so are still pretty vivid in my head.

Malc.

Bet you're glad you weren't off at the same stop. Flashback to early teenage years and the 'bus problem'

Follow her, follow her everywhere, she'll love you eventually.

Zardoz, relate some of your Tales of Intense Dodginess^TM to convince our friend that having sex with horrific wounds is in fact highly erotic.

Indeed. We're probably not meant, as a species, to be monogamous. However, society has dictated this to be the case, and should be the norm for any relationship. If you cheat, you're a twat.

That's not to say polygamous relationships don't work for some people, but that's probably discussed right at the start. I don't suspect I'd be one of them, mind.

I swear I have already seen that exact post somewhere else on these forums.

Back in February, perhaps?

I believe current theory amongst sociobiologists (although my knowledge runs no deeper than New Scientist) is that we are biased towards serial monogomy. We bond with a partner, have children, and run as a family unit until the kids have escaped infant mortality risk; then we find new partners. This has the best balance of offspring survival and genetic diversity. Hence, the seven year itch.

April, but close.

Edit: whilst we are talking about cheating, I have a mildly funny anecdote from the other night, that makes me seem like a prick, and then like a really honourable gent.

I met a girl in a bar, convinced her I was witty/charming/nice, and she then kissed me and made me swap phone numbers with her, then started whispering filthy things in my ear. Then we went onto a different club together.

Then later on in that club, she went to the loo. Whilst she was in the loo, a far far prettier girl approached me, and I ended up dancing with her, then kissing her. I suggested we went to a different floor, because "the music was shit", but it was really to hide from the first girl, I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She texted me a bunch of times, I just ignored them.

Then me and the second girl went outside for "some air". I asked her for her number, and she said "I probably shouldn't I have a boyfriend". I got a little angry, and said "you should have told me, I don't want to be part of you cheating on your boyfriend."

She said "He is in London, what he doesn't know can't hurt him", and went to kiss me again. I just walked off. Tried to phone the first girl, but her phone was off (it was pretty late, she probably went home).

And that's that.

It's not "honourable" to not want sloppy seconds, guy.

That's not honourable.

You pulled a girl, then fucked her off for another one. You found out the second girl had a boyfriend, so you walked away. Then you tried to pull the first girl again.

Sounds a bit twattish, chap.

Hmm, maybe.

Edit: To be fair, it's not like me and the first girl had any emotional investment in each other. Like, I would have been annoyed if I had seen her pulling another guy instead of me, but she would have been well within her rights to do so.

Yeah, you tried to have your cake and eat it, then ended up hungry. Brilliant!

Did you get a kebab?

Did we not have a massive argument about this about six months ago?

Truth feex.

Also, I didn't want to phone the first girl to try and pull her again, just to say sorry I lost her, and was going to go home now.

Edit: and sorry for ignoring her texts.

*throws Lewie a shovel*

Then on the way home I punched a prostitute.

Yeah, saying 'sorry, I'd rather go home and wank than have sex with YOU' wouldn't go down too well - you'd probably find your train to work the following day cancelled due to a suicide.

I would have also seen if she wanted to see me again some other time.

Trust me guys, I am not a bad person, honest.

Contradictory sentences - in the first sentence you are clearly intending to string her along.

Only because the second girl had a boyfriend and you didn't want to stir another guy's porridge. If Girl 2 had been single there's no way you'd have called Girl 1 for some action. It was crass any-hole's-a-goal opportunism.

You are neither honourable nor a gentleman, sir.

PixofGrl2pls, thx.

I would have still texted/phoned her, and I didn't take any pics.

Pix of Girl2 with Girl1, plz.

LewieP - a bird in the hand is quite literally worth more than a prettier one on the dance floor.

Yeah we did. I won. No need to check it.

Pff!

This is the lesson I have learnt. TBH, I've never been able to pull more than one girl in a night before (it's not like I was aiming to do so on this particular night, it just happened).

After the club, was left hand girl 1 and right hand girl 2?

And, if you're lucky, you might get to see her bush.

I would have filthed the second one. It's not your fault she has a boyfriend.

Just ask yourself, what would Courage Wolf do?

FTFY

I'm glad I'm married now. It's easy to forget the pain of 'pulling'

This thread = Shallow Hal, starring Jack Black & Gwyneth Paltrow.

Use KY.

If it hurt you were probably doing it wrong.

Edit: too slow dammit

I often found that discarded takeaway containers contain adequate lubricant.

And it tastes better.

What you guys on about? I never knew what it was even like to go without sex until I got married.

We established a long time ago that your standards are... different

What standards?

Exactly

Man has a ZING.

Oh yeah, I meant to ask because I never heard it in full. What is the bacon story?

Man found dead with bacon tied to string in his gullet. Turned out this was a device to make him choke and contract his anus tighter for his lover, except this time he died.

Mmm. Bacon.

Mmm. String.

Zing! Yes, to elaborate he swallowed the 'stringy bacon' down leaving a cord hanging out for his 'lover' to tug on to get the extra purchase he required from the convulsions.

He was found in the alleyway behind Argos (Blackpool) in a van.

I wonder if the OP is still a Beexer. I'm curious to know what happened.