Bits and Bobs 30

ApplePieOfDestiny · **Joined:** 17th Dec, 2008 **Posts:** 8293

Warhead wrote:

Zardoz wrote:

Hai British Gas!

Thanks for increasing our monthly Direct Debits then a month later tell us we are £180 in credit on our Gas and £80 in credit on our Electricity.

You fucking belms,

Zardoz

x

I feel your pain. For years, with a variety of gas/elektrik suppliers, I my balance has gone up and down like a bride's nighty and I've ended up either in debt in the spring, and having my payments racked up, or with a ton of credit and getting a refund. In the end I calculated my consumption for eight quarters, allowed a bit for inflation, and then mailed them once I'd got my account pretty much at zero balance to tell them how much I should pay and to stop changing my DD as it evened out over the year. Generally that's worked well, although they still try to reduce the amount from time to time, but I keep heading them off before they actually make the change.

The whole fucking point is to even out the payments and keep things predictable, but I don't know if it's the eejits in their offices, or their Micky Mouse software, but every now and again they try to fart around with my payments even now.

Be strong. Make them do what YOU want.

It is quite simple. Do a price comparison on your actual use +10%. Then when you move supplier, base your usage on actual use less 20%. Odds are, your payments in year one will be the right level, but put the difference to one side just in case.

Also, don't change supplier before winter. Change in March so you bank up an overpayment going into winter. If you change supplier in September, and they read your meter in March, they'll say you owe £shitloads and arbitrarily massively increase your DD.

Warhead · Noob as of 6/8/10

MaliA wrote:

Oh, FFS, the lights are on motion detectors. The motion detector is around the corner from where I am. Every 10 minutes, I'm plunged into gloom. More so than usual.

They have these in the loos in Cunard Building in Liverpool, and no outside windows. If you're sitting down to lay a relaxed transatlantic cable you can find yourself crapping in complete darkness, and the sensors are outside the stalls, so no amount of waving your arms around will turn the lights on again. You have to wipe in the dark and adjust your clothing, then find your way out of the stall before they come on again. If you're lucky and someone else will come in before you've nipped it off.

If I'd worked there all the time I think I'd have invested in one of those head torches. Then I'd have been able to read the paper and not bump into the stall door in the dark. or I guess I could have learned to crap faster. Or invent something on a stick I could wave over the door from a seated position.

PS Get jiggy with the accounts girl to keep the lights on.

Trooper · **Joined:** 4th Mar, 2010 **Posts:** 22294

DavPaz wrote:

MaliA wrote:

Oh, FFS, the lights are on motion detectors. The motion detector is around the corner from where I am. Every 10 minutes, I'm plunged into gloom. More so than usual.

Move around the corner.

I'm thinking office chair jousting with the accounts girl.

This day has all the hallmarks of a john hughes movie...

Kern · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:00

Warhead wrote:

If I'd worked there all the time I think I'd have invested in one of those head torches. Then I'd have been able to read the paper and not bump into the stall door in the dark.

I'm getting increasingly frustrated by people who wear LED headtorches but forget to either turn them off or switch to a red light before talking to me. These days, they are so bright it's practically blinding.

ApplePieOfDestiny · **Joined:** 17th Dec, 2008 **Posts:** 8293

I want a photo of the accounts girl.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:03

I'll see what I can do.

Trooper · **Joined:** 4th Mar, 2010 **Posts:** 22294

If she hears a camera clicking, just say it wasn't you.

kalmar · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:04

Warhead wrote:

Or invent something on a stick I could wave over the door from a seated position.

Yes, but you'd need "invent" something that will stick to a stick, and is at body temperature, to activate the sensor. It is an impossible task given the limited resources in teh cubicle.

Mr Russell · **Joined:** 6th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 12309

kalmar wrote:

Warhead wrote:

Or invent something on a stick I could wave over the door from a seated position.

Yes, but you'd need "invent" something that will stick to a stick, and is at body temperature, to activate the sensor. It is an impossible task.

Hamster onna stick.

kalmar · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:06

I was thinking cibrushsille on a stick myself.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:09

Trooper wrote:

If she hears a camera clicking, just say it wasn't you.

I turned the shutter sound off on my phone ages back.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:09

Trooper wrote:

If she hears a camera clicking, just say it wasn't you.

I turned the shutter sound on my phone off ages back.

Curiosity · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:09

MaliA wrote:

Trooper wrote:

If she hears a camera clicking, just say it wasn't you.

I turned the shutter sound off on my phone ages back.

Smoooooooooth.

Trooper · **Joined:** 4th Mar, 2010 **Posts:** 22294

kalmar wrote:

I was thinking cibrushsille on a stick myself.

Surely he wouldn't need a stick if he had a cibrushille?

Kern · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:12

Trooper wrote:

kalmar wrote:

I was thinking cibrushsille on a stick myself.

Surely he wouldn't need a stick if he had a cibrushille?

You really don't want to grab them by their tails. Vicious little critters, them cibrushsilles.

Warhead · Noob as of 6/8/10

Kern wrote:

Trooper wrote:

kalmar wrote:

I was thinking cibrushsille on a stick myself.

Surely he wouldn't need a stick if he had a cibrushille?

You really don't want to grab them by their tails. Vicious little critters, them cibrushsilles.

I've had a better idea. I present to you the concept of the Bog Dog (TM). We'd need to keep a dog in the office and take it into the loo, but leave it outside the stalls. If the lights go out, just call it's name and it'll approach the stall door, triggering the sensor. Simples!

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:33

'Bog Dog' sounds like a Louisanan woman who (' has fallen on hard times' - Ed).

Kern · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:33

You've finally found a use for that robotic hamster you got for Christmas.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:33

Kern wrote:

You've finally found a use for that robotic hamster you got for Christmas.

It met with a small accident.

Trooper · **Joined:** 4th Mar, 2010 **Posts:** 22294

MaliA wrote:

Kern wrote:

You've finally found a use for that robotic hamster you got for Christmas.

It met with a small accident.

Not enough lube?

Warhead · Noob as of 6/8/10

Trooper wrote:

MaliA wrote:

Kern wrote:

You've finally found a use for that robotic hamster you got for Christmas.

It met with a small accident.

Not enough lube?

It IS a common problem. I spend a lot of time lubricating my hamster. :hat:

Decca · **Joined:** 23rd Jun, 2010 **Posts:** 2282

Zu Zu pet? I'm guessing it met with a hammer.

I have about 5 of them in my house, the batteries in them last forever......

Warhead · Noob as of 6/8/10

Decca wrote:

Zu Zu pet? I'm guessing it met with a hammer.

I have about 5 of them in my house, the batteries in them last forever......

Better put Anne Summers in contact with their supplier then.

Doctor Glyndwr · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 32619

I am in Nando's! It's not in Liverpool though.

Curiosity · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 13:51

Doctor Glyndwr wrote:

I am in Nando's! It's not in Liverpool though.

Are you going to leave a tip?

WTB · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

Extra hot or don't bother!

Warhead · Noob as of 6/8/10

A couple from Largs in Ayrshire have been named as the winners of the £161m Euromillions jackpot. Oh dear, they've made their first mistake.

chinnyhill10 · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 15695

MaliA wrote:

Oh, FFS, the lights are on motion detectors. The motion detector is around the corner from where I am. Every 10 minutes, I'm plunged into gloom. More so than usual.

I was in a huge new empty office complex in Leeds the other week with this system. Open plan and each sensor only lit up the adjacent lights to save energy.

I was able to walk around the office creating a trail of light where I went like some kind of modern day jesus.

Doctor Glyndwr · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 32619

Curiosity wrote:

Are you going to leave a tip?

Hell no. They make you order by queuing at a bar == NO TIP FOR THEM.

WTB · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

Yeah tipping in Nando's isn't the "done thing". I don't really know how you'd even do it, seeing as you pay before you get your meal, and nobody brings a bill/little tipping tray over at the end.

WHAT DID YOU GET, GAYWOOD? Tell me it was extra hot!

Warhead · Noob as of 6/8/10

Firefighters had a lucky escape after a massive explosion at a house in Castleford, West Yorkshire. If you look carefully, the door to the house slams shut just before the explosion. I assume it was sort of pre-blast that caused that, and not an angry householder, pissed off with all the mess the brigade had caused.

KovacsC · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 14:22

WTB wrote:

Yeah tipping in Nando's isn't the "done thing". I don't really know how you'd even do it, seeing as you pay before you get your meal, and nobody brings a bill/little tipping tray over at the end.

WHAT DID YOU GET, GAYWOOD? Tell me it was extra hot!

I did in York, when we went only because we ordered extra drinks so they did come with a bill

WTB · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

KovacsC wrote:

WTB wrote:

Yeah tipping in Nando's isn't the "done thing". I don't really know how you'd even do it, seeing as you pay before you get your meal, and nobody brings a bill/little tipping tray over at the end.

WHAT DID YOU GET, GAYWOOD? Tell me it was extra hot!

I did in York, when we went only because we ordered extra drinks so they did come with a bill

Aha! So that's the trick! I didn't even realise you could do that - I usually head over to the bar for extra Brahma...

KovacsC · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 14:27

WTB wrote:

KovacsC wrote:

WTB wrote:

Yeah tipping in Nando's isn't the "done thing". I don't really know how you'd even do it, seeing as you pay before you get your meal, and nobody brings a bill/little tipping tray over at the end.

WHAT DID YOU GET, GAYWOOD? Tell me it was extra hot!

I did in York, when we went only because we ordered extra drinks so they did come with a bill

Aha! So that's the trick! I didn't even realise you could do that - I usually head over to the bar for extra Brahma...

It seems to work... when they cam back to see if all was ok, more beverage was ordered..

DavPaz · **Joined:** 27th Jun, 2008 **Posts:** 38504

Warhead wrote:

A couple from Largs in Ayrshire have been named as the winners of the £161m Euromillions jackpot. Oh dear, they've made their first mistake.

Both dead in a year.

Mark my words.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 14:58

That man has sex with that woman.

Wullie · **Joined:** 27th Jun, 2008 **Posts:** 6183

Warhead wrote:

A couple from Largs in Ayrshire have been named as the winners of the £161m Euromillions jackpot.

Are they fuck from Largs, they don't look like pensioners to me.

Warhead · Noob as of 6/8/10

MaliA wrote:

That man has sex with that woman.

Pictures or .... on second thoughts, forget it.

On the plus side, they can afford to move to Cibrushsille now.

Squirt · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6541

I don't get why you'd make your winnings public in that situation? Aren't you just inviting a load of begging letters and moochers? I'd keep it bloody quiet.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 15:46

Squirt wrote:

I don't get why you'd make your winnings public in that situation? Aren't you just inviting a load of begging letters and moochers? I'd keep it bloody quiet.

Too right. I wouldn't even tell MrsA.

Zardoz · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 15:48

I'd buy my cider castle on titty island before I told anyone. Including myself.

flis · **Joined:** 26th May, 2008 **Posts:** 3333

Squirt wrote:

I don't get why you'd make your winnings public in that situation? Aren't you just inviting a load of begging letters and moochers? I'd keep it bloody quiet.

They'll be dead from pies before the cheque clears.

Yes, I'd definitely keep it quiet. Or pretend I'd only won £1.7m or something (not enough to give away, ha!!) people are going to know you've won some amount of money when you start going to the shops in your Maybach. In Monaco.

zaphod79 · **Joined:** 16th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

Squirt wrote:

I don't get why you'd make your winnings public in that situation? Aren't you just inviting a load of begging letters and moochers? I'd keep it bloody quiet.

They want to show off ?

Zardoz · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 15:53

They want better fanny / winky.

Zardoz · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 15:53

Imagine the rigs they'll build.

Zardoz · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 15:56

They'll be all like 5000fps and shit.

Curiosity · **Posted:** Fri Jul 15, 2011 15:57

LEDs EVERYWHERE

ApplePieOfDestiny · **Joined:** 17th Dec, 2008 **Posts:** 8293

DavPaz wrote:

Warhead wrote:

A couple from Largs in Ayrshire have been named as the winners of the £161m Euromillions jackpot. Oh dear, they've made their first mistake.

Both dead in a year.

Mark my words.

The UK's biggest lottery winners have died, after spending all their winnings on cake and chips

MrChris · **Joined:** 1st Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 30498

That's going to buy a big fuck off bottle of buckfast.

ApplePieOfDestiny · **Joined:** 17th Dec, 2008 **Posts:** 8293

Actually, they look pretty excited about their win. Imagine the look on their faces when they go down to that London and see a train in the sky.

Be Excellent To Each Other

Bits and Bobs 30
XXX

Who is online

Be Excellent To Each Other

Bits and Bobs 30 XXX

Who is online

Bits and Bobs 30
XXX