Be Excellent To Each Other

Is Michael Flatly drunk?

DOG WINNAH! I'm happy with that. It walked across a frickin tight-rope for goodness sake and was funnier than the comedian.

The impressionist was terrible.

The dog was okay, but it would be more interesting had a dog not already won recently with the same schtick.

I forgot about the last dog that WALKED A TIGHT-ROPE. It's new. Embrace it.

Wait, a fucking dog won... again?

Jesus cocknocking christ. What a world

I'd rather see an animal beat a human any day. At least animals are not usually vile and vindictive.

Hopefully the lady who owns the dog will spend her winnings on looking after dogs that us humans have fucked over and left for dead.

That's pretty niche, man.

Joey, you like movies about gladiators?

That's autism. I get to see the world for what it really is.

The last time I made any contact (outside of forums which I can just close and walk away from) with a human outside of my family/wife was a guy on Ebay who bought my Blackberry Q10.

Being the decent human being I am I sent his phone as he requested, by Special Delivery Saturday and it arrived with him the next day.

Two weeks later I went to log into Paypal and saw that my balance was -£125. When I then tried to purchase an item via Ebay and pay for it (the item was £4) I was charged £129 and the £125 was taken from my bank account. Apparently this vile, dishonest specimen of a human decided to report to Paypal that he had not authorised the payment and did not order the phone. It took me about two weeks and many hours of phoning Paypal to sort it out.

How do I know that he was lying? well I caught him out. The address on his Ebay was different to the one on Paypal so instead of contacting him through Ebay I contacted him through his actual email and forced him to reply there, giving me the actual real address he lived at.

That's the last time I ever, ever try selling anything to another human being. I would rather fucking throw things in the bin than have to mingle with that sort of scum.

A dog? about the only annoying thing dogs do is beg at the table, and that only happens when the human that owns them is too weak to train them to stay the fuck away.

When I had my cats they did nothing but shower me with affection and love, unquestionable love. Try getting that out of a human, it's very rare.

I dunno, my kids are pretty fond of me and I of them.

My moms cat however, I get the distinct impression that it couldn't give a toss if I live or die.

Give it time...

Family is the exception, as is the truly wonderful lady I share my life with who is a fellow Aspie.

But outside of that? It's dog eat dog (pardon the pun).

Thankfully I live within a few miles of most of my family so I really don't need to let any one else even remotely close.

It was... I was... never mind.

Dogs aren't "talented", they are "conditioned"

Indeed. And could well hate every minute of it for all we know.

No they aren't, they're trained. Just like I could be trained to be good at magic tricks.

But would you enjoy it?

Do I get hot wimin?

You get the one you saw

The one with the dog?

No, the one you saw

A dog walked the tight-rope, but not the one people voted for, it turns out.

PLOT TWIST

Predictably, the Internet is throwing a shit fit.

That is properly misleading... but it'd take a tremendous amount of chutzpah for Jamie to complain about the other act using sleight of paw hand!

I AM OUTRAGED.

Am I doing this, right?

Hang about, did she train the other dog or not?

Yeah, apparently.

Then I'm not outraged.

Try harder. You can't let logic get in the way of outrage!

I'm not outraged...CAUSE IM FUCKING LIVID.

(How's that?)

I really don't see why. It just shows that she has three clever little doggies instead of two. And the more clever doggies the better. Yes.

Meh. It's an act people voted for, regardless as to whether its one, two or twenty dogs. I question why a dog act is the best of all of those but such is the variety and spice of the great British public.

Also the same internet rage about the two dogs was present with people saying jamie raven didn't do magic as they saw he had taken his shoe off ready. Dicks. Did they genuinely think he may be a wizard?

So what the programme is saying that Britain's Dogs have talent...the people, not so much?

And from somewhere beyond, the ghost of Gus Honeybun laughs.