ComicalGnomes wrote:
As for what you said Ste, I think it's how you perceive life. I have, like most people, been at hideous lows at one time or another, and even at its most worst the thought never crossed my mind, not once. I'd just never do it. I can't really explain why.
I'm going to try to explain some of my thoughts on this now. I've had a few drinks, else I wouldn't even try, but not enough that I don't know what I'm doing or anything.
Right. As many of you may know, I've posted enough about it, I suffer from depression, and have done for much of my life. It varies in severity, but it's never completely gone. When it hits, properly hits, I'm barely capable of getting out of bed, or conversing about even the simplest of things. Thankfully, this is very rare, the times I've documented in the last few weeks have been the first for several years, and have been mercifully brief. Maybe this will answer the person who suggested charity work, for example. At my lowest point, it would simply be inconceivable.
Now, suicide. Frankly, the thought that I
could, at any point, through choice, end whatever suffering I'm going through is actually a comfort at the lowest points. Combining that with the knowledge that, in the past, I've always got through it, and having good friends supporting, means I can cope. Much of that support comes from this forum, for which I'm very grateful.
Suffice to say, if I do again reach a stage where I cannot deal with my problems, and cannot find a way out, I'll not be any use to other people at that point. Deep down, I still believe that this point will come, and I probably will end my life at some point. It, even now, feels a long way off though.
This is probably the most honestly I've ever spoken about my feelings on this subject.
Yes, so, my thoughts there. Despite how it sounds, right now I'm ok and happy enough. The depression is nearby, just over the horizon so to speak, but a combination of friends, personal effort, and medication is keeping it at bay, and I'm doing ok.
Edit - taken out the request not to quote. Reread it, and am happy enough with it staying.