Saturnalian wrote:
1. Killer is Dead(PS3); 2. Beyond: Two Souls (PS3); 3. Badland (iOS); 4. Another World (iOS); 5. Borderlands 2 (PS3); 6. Prince of Persia Classic (iOS); 7. Ni No Kuni (PS3); 8. Don't Look Back (iOS); 9. Metro: Last Light (PS3); 10. Contrast (PS4); 11. Last of Us DLC (PS3); 12. Outlast (PS4); 13. Killzone 4 (PS4); 14. Rayman Run (iOS); 15. Dead Space 3 (PS3); 16. Brothers: A Tale of 2 Brothers (PS3); 17. Dark Souls 2 (PS3); 18. Shelter (PC); 19. The Stanley Parable (PC); 20. David (iOS); 21. Papers, Please (PC); 22. VVVVVV (PC); 23. Cave Story+ (PC); 24. Gone Home (PC); 25. Antichamber (PC) 26. The Swapper (PC) 27. Sine Mora (Vita) 28. Pixeljunk: Shooter Ultimate (PS4) 29. Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs (PC) 30. 9.03m (PC) 31. Stick it to the Man (PS4). 32. Dark Souls 2 Sunken Crown DLC (PS3) 33. FEZ (PS4) 34. OMG ZOMBIES (PS Vita). 35. Metrico (PS Vita) 36. Crysis 3 (PS3). 37. Dark Souls 2 Iron Crown DLC (PS3) 38. Little Inferno (iOS) 39. Outlast: Whistleblower (PS4). 40. Dark Souls 2: Ivory King DLC (PS3). 41. Gunpoint (PC) 42. Kentucky Route Zero (PC) 43. Element4l (PC) 44. Blek (iOS) 45. Escape Plan (PS Vita) 46. Steamworld Dig (PS Vita).
47. Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare (PS4). Are you having a laugh? Are you having a fucking laugh? Double boost jumps, hook grapple, laser guns, mech-suits AND YOU FUCKERS CHURN OUT THE SAME OLD SHIT? How did you manage it? Not only have you managed to produce the same old turkey shoot for the eleventh time? Unbelievable. If this what passes for the next-gen then you might as well shove it up your arsehole cause I'm sick of it. It could have been so much better and how? Double boost jumps, hook grapple, laser gun and, mech-suits YOU DAFT SHITS. It could have edged more towards Halo and made the campaign more open and fun. It's strange because about 9/tenths through and you notice a small difference in the enemy hierarchy: grunt (couple of bullets till dead), helmet grunt (more bullets, gov?) and mech (three grenades please). There's the making of an interesting selection of enemies to shove together to create some, fuck I don't know, some emergent gameplay. Oh, you want to have the grunts shuffle around like zombies and the mechs to endlessly march towards you? Fuck you dickheads.
That's not to say that it's terrible but, really, it is. It's horrible crap.
You want to make it better? How about some vehicle crap? Jet ski, car and a mind numbingly stupid plane ride. The latter plays like afterburner but just in the canyons bit, and, even on hard (which I finished it on, fact fans), whether you shoot anything at all is inconsequential. Stuff just blows itself up in front of you. You won't care. You won't care about Kevin Spacey. You won't care about the same gruff black guy or the bearded white guys. The only thing that'll keep you guessing in this mess of a story is whether that's Jason Statham's voice or not. I still don't know if it was and I didn't stick around when the credits started to find out. He could have been the first name but I couldn't give two fucks to find out as my thumb was stabbing X. The only - the only - thing that can be said for the game is the lack of multiple main characters. You play one guy, so I suppose the story makes more sense than usual.
But what about the set pieces I hear the voice inside my head screaming? NO ONE GIVES A FUCK. Stuff blows up, shiny stuff blows up, there's some gadgets that are used in front of you.
Oh, my fingers hurt tapping this out on a phone. Let's just say this: I don't like it. I don't like it at all. The makers have learnt nothing about how to do a good campaign (or forgot why MW was so special). This crap can go to hell.
I like multiplayer though. Tis gud ya?
48. Dragons Crown (PS Vita). Remember the guy who made the original Dungeons and Dragons beat-em-up? Me neither. But after umpteen years HE'S BACK! No one? Ok. So what's he gone and done this time the voice in my head says (what's that guy's problem)? Well, he's only gone and made a Dungeons and Dragons beat-em-up! A-MAZE. I can imagine him sitting in his little tiny japanese chair stroking his bonsai tree racking his brains for years wondering what sort of game he should make to follow up his Dungeons and Dragons beat-em-up.
And who cares! Because I love this.
Here's what you do. Press X to start and then hammer the square button for 9 hours in the most sumptuous hand drawn drawings of drawings. It's all a bit pubescent boy with giant tits on both men and women alike but it won't matter much when you're bashing lizard men, Knights, sorcerers and a killer bunny rabbit. The latter of which is a boss. Turn off brain. Smashy smashy smashy. I liked it. 8/10.
It was free on PS+ ages ago. You've probably missed it, chump.