Be Excellent To Each Other

True. Most of my point's are based on my assumption's of what her parent's may do, rather than hard fact.

I shouldn't lol, as many end up as prostitutes and a tenner would be all it takes for 'the works' when that's the price of a bag of smack. Which is why I'd hope the young lady in question doesn't stay NFA for long. And yet lol I did. Glad I'm not taking my work too seriously.

Either she left it of her own accord, or they refused to give it to her/took it from her/refused her access to where it was in their property. In which case it is her word against theirs that it happened, which is no good to her at all, nor the coppers. I get this all the time in my job, and a pair of plod who are there to prevent a breach of the peace are usually enough to get most to hand over the goods. People don;t want any trouble off coppers, generally, and want to get them away from the front door as soon as possible. Anyone who hate lesbians will hate being shown up in font of neighbours, I'll wager.

This is, of course, a cautionary tale, especially for someone who knows they have mean parents, as these apparently are and have been for years. Leave home, make sure oyu are not hanging on the purse strings, then come out. It is the only safe option where you aren't 100% on how they will react. That said, at seventeen, a couple of years that this might take is an eternity. Nonetheless, much as I've all the sympathy in the world for this lass, she's pissed on her chips, as they say in Manchester.

She hasn't really come out and left home - she's been found out and told, basically, to either be straight or fuck off (almost to the letter). This is akin, legally as well as morally, to being told to become black or male or fuck off. She didn't really have a choice.

As for the frozen account, I think that her mother may not have frozen it as such, but merely said she did (she's come up with some pretty pathetic attempts at guilting her out over this - telling he to fuck off, and then accusing her of not caring about the family when she did, for instance - so I wouldn't put lying past her at all), and is just holding onto the passbook.

She's found somewhere safe to stay tonight, and her mum basically packed her a bag of stuff and disowned her. That stuff did not include her book.

I'm trying to work out what exactly happened when she called the bank now. She's in a bit of a state so was possibly not very together at the time. I will find out more.



Yeah, I thought this too - I've suggested essentially picketing her and making sure everyone at her work, on her street and in her town knows what she's done until she gets the book back. Seriously, if you're going to disown a kid for simply being gay, the very least you could do is give them enough to live without you, not totally fuck them over. Grr.

The "making a scene" thing was my point, not charging in and ransacking the place. In case that wasn't clear.

Ah. She asked if she could get money out with just her passport, and said her mum had her book thing and she couldn't get to it. They said they couldn't. It sounds like the person she spoke to was a bit of a nob, but I don't think she explained what she needed very well either.

Trying again tomorrow, going in with ID and saying she'd like a new passbook as the last is lost, and she needs to put money in. I don't think it's actually frozen.

"17 year old proto lesbian gets denied access to trust fund and throws a strop" is how I'm reading this atm.

Which would seem to ignore quite a lot of the description and the integrity of our own SA.

No, not SA, the teenager.

Your explanation relies pretty much on SA having lied or been crushingly stupid multiple times in this thread (and the previous bits and bobs brief discussion) though, not least about her getting chucked out does it not?

Yeah, try a few times at different branches and ask to speak to the manager if refused. I've gotten cash out of Halifax before now without a card or any building society paperwork so it's not impossible.



Well that could get a bit confusing because they're going to want to post it to her home address. I'd stick with a short version of true story and just ask to withdraw some of the cash until she gets a new proof of address sorted out.
Maybe mention starting a job and needing an account to have wages direct debited into and I'm sure they'll help.
If she can go in calmly and reasonably to argue her case that is.

Do her mum and step-dad not leave the house during the day?

Prejudice implies that they are Sky TV watching, pitbull-owning dole claimants who are in all day.

For some reason, they're American in my head.

They work from home.

She has been forced out of her home. If she cannot access that account, she will very soon be an attractive young girl in a major city with nowhere to go and no money, and the only person who might be able and willing to help is a violent and deeply disturbed alcoholic.

Though it would mean that everything I know about her is wrong, I hope you're right, I really do.

Oh sinister, don't put yourself down so!

[edit] Sorry, shit joke. Hope you're not under too much stress with this situation.

Soeey, didn't phrase that particularly sympathetically last night. Hope it works itself out.

To be fair, if it had been in the paper, that's roughly how I'd have read it. A big case of "Consider the source" here

Sorry - I haven't read back, but have you discovered what kind of account it is? is it a personal account with their own savings or a trust account that her parents have been putting money into for her? I think this might have some bearing on their ability to lock her money away from her.

We've had nothing but the passbook implies option B to me.

Good point, the policy for that will depend on the bank (which is it?).

I think generally those schemes tend to finish at 16 though so there's a chance it's a normal savings account.

Hmmm. Well in that case I have recently set up such an account for my brothers to become available at 18 (I went to the Halifax where you could specify 16 or 18) and the money actually remains the adults legal property until the age when it becomes the child's. What's more, she'd need the adult to be with her when withdrawing the money, anyway, so she wouldn't be able to withdraw it alone, so it may not be locked but rather she simply can't access it.

Why doesn't she just give the parents what they want, take the money, then fuck off?

I think they want her to stop being a lesbian.

That's not necessarily that hard to lie about. Clearly the parents are the kind of people who imagine that they can pressurise someone into changing sexuality, and therefore are quite likely to be willing to believe that this tactic has worked.

A lot hinges on that bank account, as others have noted. She needs to find out what the deal is with it.

I have to say, why the FUCK should she have to lie about her sexuality?? It's the parents who are clearly and indisputably in the wrong here, she's better off away from them if it's at all practical.

This is just it. She possibly could pretend to be straight, but would you pretend to be gay, or be a woman, or be French or whatever? Quite apart from anything, it would mean not seeing her girlfriend again, and just try telling any teenager they can't see someone, let alone that they can't see them because they're gay.

She could do it, but I doubt she could do it and live with herself, and I don't blame her.

And yeah, I'm thinking the same thing as some of you about the account. I can't talk to her at the moment, and all I know is that she's safe, which is enough for now. I really don't think he rparents can fuck about with it though, becaue it's her only account and she works part time as well,and is paid directly by BACS, so at the very least, some of it is indisputably hers.

I wasn't suggesting she lie for any more time than is necessary to get back the stuff she wants from the house. And shit in her parents bed, if she's feeling revengeful, which I think she is entitled to do so.

I see your point. If it is necessary, I will suggest this, cheers.

Classic Sun Tzu really. She does whatever she has to to change things around so she leaves on her terms and at a time of her choosing, not her parent's. Depends how flat out manipulative and cunning she's capable of being.

Yeah, it's the sort of thing I'd consider doing myself - tatically it's sound. But family stuff is a bit of a wild card in situations like this, as is a girlfriend, so I don't know whether she'll be able to do that. Plus she may be a bit too honest for her own good sometimes. Worth talking about, though.

It would require quite a bit of cold ruthlessness, and in truth if she was wired that way she'd probably have never been thrown out at all; she'd still be at home now, lying low, laying in plans, and plotting revenge. But I figured it worth a mention.

From what SA has said, I wouldn't go back to her parents if I was her. I doubt they'd just say "OK, let's carry on as before" and allow her to get her stuff, prepare and get out properly, pooping in the bed if desired. I'm sure she'd be controlled, spied on and would be just as far from getting her stuff as she is now.

You pretty much answered your own question there, mate - because her mother has gone nuts.

Holy fucking shit.

You will not believe what her parents are trying to do. I can't even post here about it just in case someone will somehow find out what we're going to do about it and thwart us.

Jesus. Fuck the government power angle, fuck the 'civil liberties' crap - parents should have to get a licence. I don't give a shit about the right to bang out sprogs if this is what people will do with it.

Gah. Sorry for the secrecy, but I'll post more details once our plan has been carried out. If said plan works, she'll get the money and come to see me, and she'll have enough to be secure for at least a few months, so can sort her head out a little and get on her feet. Thanks again for your help, everyone (and don't worry, I took no offence at the jokes or Mali's comments - I understand your points, and jokes are always welcome). I'll keep you posted.

You could always PM it to people....

I am fascinated to know also, be sure to update us sad lot who are desperate to know asap

Don't get yourself in any danger or trouble, Sinister A. Helping other people is a wonderful thing, but don't take any unnecessary risks, if the worse comes to the worse there are women's shelters available that will help to set her on her feet in a little bedsit or flat.

None of this is sounding particularly straight to me.

Oh, it's perfectly safe. It's not us who are trying to break the law. If our plan fails, our backup plan is to have them arrested for the fraud they're attempting to commit.

It's her money, her name, her account. More than that I can't say until I know the money's safe.

I hate people.

I also hope this gets sorted properly.

I C WHUT U DID THAR

I should hope so. That post about being able to order women over the phone? That's the funniest thing I've said in years. Years.

Oversight FTFY.

Goddamnit.

Haha, good one sinister agent!

For money? Hells yes. Fetch my stripey jumper and my garlic strings. I can take them all off when I've got the cash, right?

Tch.

Is 'You' Sinister Agent, or 200+ Beteo members? Probably yes either way.