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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 12:56 
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Even then, a mumbled grunt is more than adequate.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 12:59 
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Honey Boo Boo

Joined: 28th Mar, 2008
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Around here, Mrs Metal noted that nobody talks on the subway, they just sit and stare at their shoes or into space. Nothing has changed since that observation, except now people have a Kindle/iPad/Blackberry/iPhone in their hands to stare at.

The problem comes when the train is rammed full (as it often is for the morning trip that I am about to undertake). When your stop arrives, you have to have begun pushing your way to the door at the previous stop. Some also have headphones in and so don't hear your entreaties to move please. What's astonishing, through, is that even as someone is pushing past through the narrow gap they haven't really bothered to create, they don't pull their precious device back from reading distance, even for a moment, to both make room and prevent if being knocked out of their hands.

Whatever they're reading is so damned interesting that they'll continue to read up on the street, meandering slowly from side to side along the sidewalk staring down at their phone.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 13:02 
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Hibernating Druid

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Captain Caveman wrote:
...And last but not least from me:

12) The Phantom Farter. Usually just as you're about to tuck into that nice prawn mayo sandwich you managed to grab from Pret before embarking.

That's me. Love dropping them in Super Markets too.

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 13:02 
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Ticket to Ride World Champion

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People who try to get on the tube while you are trying to get off, just get out of the way, ffs.
People on trains who are used to tubes and don't realise that the button needs to be pressed to open the door.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 13:03 
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Honey Boo Boo

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Bobbyaro wrote:
People who try to get on the tube while you are trying to get off, just get out of the way, ffs.


Just don't move. Let the doors close and continue to the next stop if necessary.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 13:09 
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Bobbyaro wrote:
People on trains who are used to tubes and don't realise that the button needs to be pressed to open the door.

Sometimes it's fun to just stand there and see how long it takes for the person behind you to lunge wildly and stab the button.

About a second, normally.

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 13:12 
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ugvm'er at heart...

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Grim... wrote:
Bobbyaro wrote:
People on trains who are used to tubes and don't realise that the button needs to be pressed to open the door.

Sometimes it's fun to just stand there and see how long it takes for the person behind you to lunge wildly and stab the button.

About a second, normally.


I did that the other day. I even held my hand over the button but didn't press it. That elongated the time significantly. :D


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 13:15 
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ugvm'er at heart...

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Captain Caveman wrote:
(what a way to live, I could not stand that myself)


Lots of people say that, even lots of people who do it everyday. Yet they carry on doing it...
I hate it, but I do it because I want to earn a certain wage and to get that I have to do it. It's mercenary, but it's true.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 13:22 
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Gogmagog

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My friend was on the tube this morning at rush hour with a wheelie suitcase. She wasn't happy about it.

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 13:30 
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Trooper wrote:
Captain Caveman wrote:
(what a way to live, I could not stand that myself)


Lots of people say that, even lots of people who do it everyday. Yet they carry on doing it...
I hate it, but I do it because I want to earn a certain wage and to get that I have to do it. It's mercenary, but it's true.


Oh don't me wrong mate, if anything I'm admiring of people's grit and determination about it all, I'm not being critical. Of course I'd do it as well, and have done it after a fashion, if the money's there. We've all got to earn a crust etc.

(Besides which, I'm a fine one to talk. Most people hate the idea of my job as well - standing in fields, building sites, factories and beside motorways/railway lines until 3am, in a flourescent yellow site coat, with a sound level meter in hand. I've even stumbled onto a choc-full dance floor in a nightclub at 2am so attired and equipped, with revellers at peak levels of pissed-up-ness, just at the critical moment of The Last Lager Waltz* with the DJ announcing - entirely mischievously and inaccurately - "hey guys and gals, here's the bloke from the Council who's trying to shut us down". No surprises why they got me to do that particular project).

* The correct technical term for the 'slowey' at the end of the night at which point, when all else has failed, one must grab whichever female is still on offer - usually a 10-pinter - and proceed to said dance floor, else it's 'Tom Tank' time still later that evening. :D

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 13:31 
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ugvm'er at heart...

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As long as she remembered she was actually wheeling it, otherwise she would have been...

13) Rollergirl. That gap in the foot traffic was big enough for you, sure, but not you and the case you are dragging. Did you forget, or are my shins expendable?


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 13:33 
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Sitting balls-back folder

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Bobbyaro wrote:
People who try to get on the tube while you are trying to get off, just get out of the way, ffs.
People on trains who are used to tubes and don't realise that the button needs to be pressed to open the door.
The trams in Manchester are cunts for this - sometimes all the doors open automatically, sometimes they need human involvement. There's no rhyme or reason to it.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 13:34 
Filthy Junkie Bitch

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Bobbyaro wrote:
People who try to get on the tube while you are trying to get off, just get out of the way, ffs.

That, I recall, is Michael Mcintyres' good joke.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 13:38 
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ugvm'er at heart...

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Captain Caveman wrote:
Trooper wrote:
Captain Caveman wrote:
(what a way to live, I could not stand that myself)


Lots of people say that, even lots of people who do it everyday. Yet they carry on doing it...
I hate it, but I do it because I want to earn a certain wage and to get that I have to do it. It's mercenary, but it's true.


Oh don't me wrong mate, if anything I'm admiring of people's grit and determination about it all, I'm not being critical.


It's fine to be critical, as it deserves criticism! :D

It's an interesting question though, for the non-london commuters among us, how much would you have to be earning to do this every day?
For the london commuters, how much would you be willing to give up to get out?


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 14:09 
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Isn't that lovely?

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
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I used to live in London (Willesden Green) and I worked in the City (between Moorgate and Liverpool Street) According to the TFL website, that should take 30 minutes on the tube, it would typically take me 40 minutes to get in to work, and between 60 and 90 minutes on the way home.

According to google maps, this is about 9 miles above ground, and cycling should take 55 minutes (driving about 45). I could normally (15 years ago when I did this commute) do it in about 45 minutes on the bike too.

So, one solution is perhaps to cycle (really bad weather, or meeting a client early where the only things that used to force me on the tubes)

As for what it took for me to leave, I went from £38,000 in October '99 and my first job after the move to Devon was for about £20,000 in 2000 (and I'm not that much above that still 12 years on)

Malc

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 14:19 
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MaliA wrote:
My friend was on the tube this morning at rush hour with a wheelie suitcase. She wasn't happy about it.

That reminds me of 14) People that take luggage onto public transport at rush hour.

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 14:25 
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Gogmagog

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Trooper wrote:
It's an interesting question though, for the non-london commuters among us, how much would you have to be earning to do this every day?


My conservative mathematics would suggest somewhere in the region of £62k.

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 14:25 
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Grim... wrote:
MaliA wrote:
My friend was on the tube this morning at rush hour with a wheelie suitcase. She wasn't happy about it.

That reminds me of 14) People that take luggage onto public transport at rush hour.


Also pushchairs

*whistles*

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 14:32 
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Craster wrote:
Grim... wrote:
MaliA wrote:
My friend was on the tube this morning at rush hour with a wheelie suitcase. She wasn't happy about it.

That reminds me of 14) People that take luggage onto public transport at rush hour.


Also pushchairs

*whistles*

Fucking right - that's even worse because they're normally bigger.

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:05 
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Unpossible!

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Pushchairs at peak times should be a punishable offence.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:07 
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Honey Boo Boo

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Wait, you have kids! Aren't you in the special secret club of "only we understand" smug entitlement?


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:13 
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DavPaz wrote:
Pushchairs at peak times should be a punishable offence.

I'm fairly sure they're not actually allowed. None of the train pussies would ever dare tell someone that, though.

Of course, sometimes it can't be helped - if you have to be at the airport at 9:00am then you've got no choice but to travel at rush hour.

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:17 
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Unpossible!

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metalangel wrote:
Wait, you have kids! Aren't you in the special secret club of "only we understand" smug entitlement?

I'm also a rush hour commuter. Someone who takes a baby into that environment is a fool.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:22 
Filthy Junkie Bitch

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I would never, ever take a pushchair on a rush hour train.

The wife does every day though. It isn't my fault that my wife is low paid, and so we are a poor family and have to use a workplace nursery for tax purposes.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:22 
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Unpossible!

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babywearing


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:23 
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Gogmagog

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ApplePieOfDestiny wrote:
I would never, ever take a pushchair on a rush hour train.

The wife does every day though. It isn't my fault that my wife is low paid, and so we are a poor family and have to use a workplace nursery for tax purposes.


You should get a better paid wife.

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:24 
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Grim... wrote:
Of course, sometimes it can't be helped - if you have to be at the airport at 9:00am then you've got no choice but to travel at rush hour.


Yeah, childcare often needs to be near where you work, too.

Still, that doesn't mean that the pushchair needs to be the size of an average family hatchback.

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:25 
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It's a bit of a shitty thing to say, but I must confess to feeling a bit chagrined when people take what appear to be pretty much new born babies onto aircraft on holiday, who then (understandably) proceed to scream the plane down for the next 4 hours.

See also: kids allowed to run amock/kick the shite out of the back of your seat entirely unabated, seemingly often during the same flight...

Sorry

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:29 
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Babies on planes seem mostly to be fine. Toddlers are another matter entirely. I long ago resigned myself to the fact that there's no other real option but to put up with it though.

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:30 
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Gogmagog

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Craster wrote:
Babies on planes seem mostly to be fine. Toddlers are another matter entirely. I long ago resigned myself to the fact that there's no other real option but to put up with it though.


Overhead locker

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:31 
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I don't fit.

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:32 
Filthy Junkie Bitch

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Craster wrote:
Babies on planes seem mostly to be fine. Toddlers are another matter entirely. I long ago resigned myself to the fact that there's no other real option but to put up with it though.

Airasia have started doing 'No children' cabin sections on longhaul flights, and it looks like it may be the beginning of a trend. I for one, welcome this.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:34 
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ApplePieOfDestiny wrote:
Craster wrote:
Babies on planes seem mostly to be fine. Toddlers are another matter entirely. I long ago resigned myself to the fact that there's no other real option but to put up with it though.

Airasia have started doing 'No children' cabin sections on longhaul flights, and it looks like it may be the beginning of a trend. I for one, welcome this.

I'd imagine they'll get told they can't do that at some point.

The building I used to live in couldn't actually say it had a 'no children' policy, but was clearly desperate to. I had a natter with someone still there the other day, and we're still the only people there that had a kid :)

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:35 
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No children cabin sections, rather than no children flights. I reckon they'd be OK with that as a policy. I also imagine they'll charge more for that section :)

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:36 
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I guess you can get 'no children' hotels, right?

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I wish Craster had left some girls for the rest of us.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:37 
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Grim... wrote:
I guess you can get 'no children' hotels, right?


There are loads of 'no children holiday destinations', so I guess so. Sandals are like this, aren't they?

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:38 
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The Cavey that exists in my head has definitely been to Hedonism, I reckon.

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:39 
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Craster wrote:
The Cavey that exists in my head has definitely been to Hedonism, I reckon.


The real one has too mate, and is still very much In Da House. :D

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 15:42 
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Haha! Spot on!

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 18:16 
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more

1, The "Oh look, I just got an expensive flashy new gadget and I'm going to do my darnedest to make sure everyone in the carriage knows about this." Most commonly seen after a new iPad or iPhone is released, but hardly limited to that, and desperately tedious. (Particularly when siri was new. A day or two after the 4s as released, there was someone who was deliberately using siri as loudly as possible to show off his new iPhone. The man who then sat next to him and then asked his phone equally loudly "Does talking to your phone make you look like a twat", only to have the phone reply 'yes' got a fair amount of laughter from the rest of the train)

2, The "I speak foreignese so I can talk about whatever I want without you understanding" Except of course when I can understand exactly what you're saying. One time a couple of Japanese girls got on the tube and started talking amongst themselves about me after I smiled at them - one rather complimentary, one really very much not so much, neither saying something you would do if the person you were talking about could understand. When my stop came up next I made sure to amuse myself by thanking them for their comments... the reaction amused me greatly.

Oh and 3, The crazy bald guy who gets on what used to be my usual train home and spends much of his time muttering under his breath about how much he dislikes me. I now try and get an earlier train if I can.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 18:31 
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Another crazy guy on the way home today :D This time a large well dressed South African guy, going on nonsensically about sex, violence and racism in a loud voice, to no-one in particular.
There seems to be something about the Circle line that attracts them.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 19:34 
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Hello Hello Hello

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This thread has reminded me how much I used to hate commuting.

The problem with commuting is that a minority of the general public, albeit an annoyingly large minority, are absolutely intolerable cunts.

I haven't commuted on public transport ever since I came to the IOM, but we do quite often use the bus to get around on a Saturday trip out with AE Jnr. I have lost count of the number of times I've had to ask a group of children/teenagers to stop effing and blinding two rows behind us because it's inappropriate language for a public place.

Them playing their godawful music through the world's worst speakers on their mobile phones I can live with, but please don't make every other word 'fucking' on public transport. It's just not nice.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 19:59 
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The scene: Your hero Grim... is on a busy bus with the Grimlet. Some kids are playing music on their phones.
The driver sticks his head out of his little door at one of the stops, and calls down the bus.
Driver: Can you turn the music off, lads?
[They do]
Old man sitting nearby: TURN THAT BLOODY SHIT OFF!
Rest of the bus: Startled silence
Grimlet (loud enough for everyone to hear): Why is that man so cross, daddy?
Grim...: I guess he's not into dubstep, buddy.
Rest of the bus (except for the old man): Much laughter

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 20:15 
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13. Mr 'Won't move until the vehicle has come to a complete stop'.

If you want to sit next to me, be my guest. Take a look at what I'm reading, it might be educational or amusing. Or both. But please, as we approach the station, get up. Please don't trap me in my seat. Not only does it induce a mild claustrophobiae, but I like to be out the door the second it opens rather than get caught in the crush by the wretched ticket barriers.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 20:31 
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Trooper wrote:
My current fun is identifying the various types of anti-social fuckers I meet on my travels:

Quote:
3) The Shaver. Luckily I haven't met one yet, but it is only a matter of time.

Image


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 20:36 
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I can't remember which podcast that I heard it on, maybe Phil jupitus, but they came across a shaver on the tube.

Not a male shaver though.

A lady, doing her legs.


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 20:39 
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Have we done The Lister yet? That person who sneeringly studies his fellow commuters, mentally categorising then for later discussion...

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 21:08 
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Honey Boo Boo

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Craster wrote:
Have we done The Lister yet?


Image

>:(


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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 21:14 
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Two more sleeps!

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 Post subject: Re: Dante's Commute
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 21:48 
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Hello Hello Hello

Joined: 11th May, 2008
Posts: 13381
Grim... wrote:
Two more sleeps!


You do realise there's a 90% chance it's going to be unspeakably, horribly awful?


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You are using the 'Ted' forum. Bill doesn't really exist any more. Bogus!
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Are you on a mobile phone? Try http://beex.co.uk/m/
RIP, Owen. RIP, MrC.

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