Be Excellent To Each Other

And, you know, party on. Dude.
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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 21:40 
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GazChap wrote:
I'll let Jem tell the story about her brother's funeral and the behaviour and dress code that was apparently acceptable.


Turning up in your Pacman suit was probably a bad idea to be fair...


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 21:53 
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GazChap wrote:
I'll let Jem tell the story about her brother's funeral and the behaviour and dress code that was apparently acceptable.


Oh god, I'm not sure they'd believe us...

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 21:54 
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Jem wrote:
GazChap wrote:
I'll let Jem tell the story about her brother's funeral and the behaviour and dress code that was apparently acceptable.


Oh god, I'm not sure they'd believe us...


Enough with the teasing, spill it!


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 21:54 
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Just about to eat but I'll write it up after!

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 23:18 
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As a precursor it's worth mentioning that I'd not seen my brother in about 9-10 years for a variety of reasons, so I was expecting to see a lot of unfamiliar faces. However, I was not prepared for the shit show that it was...

Gaz is driving to the crem with me, one of my younger brothers & his girlfriend. We are driving up a busy A road, when we come up on a woman walking up the road in ridiculously high stilettos and a bright red coat. We find it odd, but think nothing of it. Pull into the crem, get out and notice that there are people DANCING in amongst the graves in the crem grounds.

Anyway, so we're standing outside waiting for the coffin to arrive, hoping to god that the dancers are not with "us". There's a meowing noise but we can't see a cat. Odd. Suddenly massive stiletto woman walks in, followed shortly after by the car+coffin. Stiletto woman is shaking - and I don't mean shaking with cold or from walking, I mean full on DTs.

We organise people carrying the coffin, some flowers are placed on it, we walk into the crem to the delightful sound of Eminem swearing at us. The grave dancers follow in behind, one of whom was wearing an outfit bordering on the obscene for a night out let alone a funeral (and if you follow me on instagram you know that's not something I say lightly) a black lacy number with a choker and ...interesting make-up and hair. We take our seats.

The service begins. There's some mumbling and fidgeting at the back but nothing terrible. About 3/4 of the way through the service, the meowing sound comes back. Meow meow meow. Meow meow meow. We start looking around - where the fuck is this sound coming from? Meow meow meow.

Someone answers their telephone. Someone answers their fucking cat fucking ringtone telephone in the middle of my brother's funeral service. Doesn't even cut it off, doesn't apologise profusely and turn it off. No, they answer and say "nah mate, nah, I'm busy, can you call me back?" Hangs up.

The lady doing the service continues. No more than 30 seconds later the phone rings again. Meow meow meow. Meow meow meow. I honestly can't even remember what happened next, I was literally ready to kill. He must have turned the phone off at this point. The lady doing the service gives an incredibly stern warning about turning phones onto silent.

The service continues. We're not far from the end at this point, but still obviously in progress, when obscene clothing choker lady gets up, walks to the front row where we're sat and with no emotion, no empathy, nothing - just like a robot - drawls "sorry for your loss" then goes and sits down again.

The service ends, we walk out to more delightful tunes from Eminem. Do the "thanks for coming" etc etc bit outside. My dead brother's ex girlfriend's sister spent 15 minutes wailing into my shoulder telling me [he] was the love of her life. I don't remember what happened to the lady with the DTs, and the grave dancers leave.

The funeral director at this point comes over and has a word - turns out the flowers placed on the coffin had been stolen from a grave by one of the grave dancers. (Also had apparently arrived an hour early and one of them had demanded hot chocolates from the crem "because I'm diabetic")

I have never been to a funeral this bizarre in my life, and honestly don't think any other will top it.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 0:11 
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Wait, the sister of his girlfriend was saying he was the love of her life?

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 1:31 
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Grim... wrote:
Wait, the sister of his girlfriend was saying he was the love of her life?


That is the odd bit you pick out...

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 2:50 
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Can you dig it?

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Sounds like more fun than some weddings I've been to, TBH

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 8:58 
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Grim... wrote:
Wait, the sister of his girlfriend was saying he was the love of her life?

Ex girlfriend, but yeah. I have no idea what had been going on between them :shrug:

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 11:00 
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EvilTrousers

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Jem wrote:
However, I was not prepared for the shit show that it was...


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 11:09 
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Jem wrote:
...I have never been to a funeral this bizarre in my life, and honestly don't think any other will top it.

Yeah... that's every kind of fucked up.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 13:50 
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Just dropped a bottle of wine :-/

Hate wasting both alcohol and money

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 15:11 
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Just bought a Kenwood Multipro Excel with most of the accessories. There are so many of them I'm facing the prospect of having to reorganise quite a few of the cupboards in the kitchen to store them all. The bloody disc/slicer store it comes with is the size of a small bread bin on it's own! There are two mixing/blending bowls of different sizes, a 2l blender jug in glass, a nut/seed/spice grinder, a citrus press, a weighing tray. Then there are the various mixing attachments that don't fit in the blade store, such as the double whisk and folding tool. There are more things I've not mentioned.
The machine itself is much larger than it looks in pictures as well, being approximately 10" sq and 6-7" tall.
Everything was packaged very well in a box roughly the same size as a medium sized dog kennel. I now have enough cardboard to make a 1:5 scale replica of a star destroyer.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 15:13 
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DBSnappa wrote:
J nut/seed/spice grinder

Title
Quote:
folding tool.

title
Quote:
much larger than it looks in pictures

Title
Quote:
Everything was packaged very well in a box roughly the same size as a medium sized dog kennel.

title

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 15:26 
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Why does nobody in this fucking office understand or believe me when I tell them what a thermostat is for. The building is always cold on a Monday so they turn the fucking things up to full thinking it'll make the radiators hotter or something. Then start opening windows by the afternoon because it's too hot.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 16:02 
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Male menopause.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 18:32 
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The washing machine has stopped working, showing error F21

Needs new motor brushes. Things started off well, I posted on a local private FB group and found a local guy who was around in 15 mins.

Then the fun started, it turns out the guy we bought our house from couldn't be arsed to run flooring in the kitchen to the walls, he just stopped past the units, so the front feet of the washing machine have gone under the flooring (I guess from years of spin cycle movement) and we can't get it out!

Repair guy is coming around with more tools tomorrow, I just spent 40 mins drilling holes in the floor and chiselling out around the front feet so hopefully, we can sort things out tomorrow.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 19:46 
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A family of wild island buffalo were blocking the bit of beach I was walking home from the bar along. They were big and clearly did not want to be fucked with.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 21:22 
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LewieP wrote:
A family of wild island buffalo were blocking the bit of beach I was walking home from the bar along. They were big and clearly did not want to be fucked with.

2nd world problems!


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 21:27 
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asfish wrote:
Repair guy is coming around with more tools tomorrow, I just spent 40 mins drilling holes in the floor and chiselling out around the front feet so hopefully, we can sort things out tomorrow.


Put wooden dowel under the front of the machine, hacksaw blade to cut off front legs, lean machine forwards to lift rear legs up, roll out on to dolly trolley, junk it, replace with new washing machine.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 21:28 
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Sitting balls-back folder

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DBSnappa wrote:
Just bought a Kenwood Multipro Excel with most of the accessories.

Nice! We got a chef titanium pro with a bunch of mixer blades/whisk, blender, processor, nut/herb mill and meat grinder-cum-kebab/sausage maker and it's just fucking awesome. I hope you get as much enjoyment from yours as we do ours.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 21:31 
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Isn't that lovely?

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Half of Ivybridge is without power including our house. Website says we have another hour of darkness until they fix it!

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 21:32 
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Sitting balls-back folder

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MaliA wrote:
asfish wrote:
Repair guy is coming around with more tools tomorrow, I just spent 40 mins drilling holes in the floor and chiselling out around the front feet so hopefully, we can sort things out tomorrow.


Put wooden dowel under the front of the machine, hacksaw blade to cut off front legs, lean machine forwards to lift rear legs up, roll out on to dolly trolley, junk it, replace with new washing machine.

Don't use a combination of adjustable spanners as pry bars while lying right in front of it, I was lucky to get away with a hole smack between the eyes when one of them sprang out of my grasp on similar circumstances.


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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 21:44 
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Isn't that lovely?

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Malc wrote:
Half of Ivybridge is without power including our house. Website says we have another hour of darkness until they fix it!

Or it could be just 5 more minutes

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 21:46 
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Gogmagog

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Guess you'll be hard boiling one or twelve eggs.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 22:05 
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asfish wrote:
it turns out the guy we bought our house from couldn't be arsed to run flooring in the kitchen to the walls.


That's very much standard practice. Who'd want to fuck about with flooring if you needed to do something with the plumbing or electricals behind the appliances?

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2018 0:56 
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Tell Mrs Asfish to be more gentle when riding the appliances.

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2018 1:23 
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BikNorton wrote:
DBSnappa wrote:
Just bought a Kenwood Multipro Excel with most of the accessories.

Nice! We got a chef titanium pro with a bunch of mixer blades/whisk, blender, processor, nut/herb mill and meat grinder-cum-kebab/sausage maker and it's just fucking awesome. I hope you get as much enjoyment from yours as we do ours.

I will, trust me(at)

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2018 1:31 
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BikNorton wrote:
meat grinder-cum-kebab.


I...

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 Post subject: Re: 1st world problems
PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2018 1:58 
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Cras wrote:
asfish wrote:
it turns out the guy we bought our house from couldn't be arsed to run flooring in the kitchen to the walls.


That's very much standard practice. Who'd want to fuck about with flooring if you needed to do something with the plumbing or electricals behind the appliances?

I’m not sure I’d call it standard practice. And it’s more to do with the fact that you’d need to rip out the entire ground level kitchen and refit it, which would involve plumbing, counter tops, tiling, hobs etc. Even if you didn’t damage anything, it would still be more expensive than a new kitchen. On top of the cost of the floor. You can, however, ameliorate the issue by being careful.

So, it’s standard insofar that most people won’t budget for the cost and most contractors are lazy/dishonest

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