Dunno if this is still the "gambling thread" here. Is it? Couldn't seem to find that other "free money"/Sky one, but no matter. Probably it's down to me being a clueless old tosspot, or something.
Anyway, thought I'd give a few people a chortle. You know my "reformed gambler/never gamble" stance, right? Well, unsurprisingly (and even after all these years), I went onto Sky Vegas and had a freeplay pop at some random slots, and tried out my "system" on low stakes roulette, where you can bet as little as 1p per spin.
You know "the system", right? Basically, keep betting on black or red, or even or odd, or low or high (basically evens odds of course). Each time you lose a spin, double your bet. Providing your cash roll is big enough and your initial bet small enough, the theory goes that the odds are massively against your losing; you should (slowly) build up a nice little profit...
So what did I do? Yup, I "tried the system out" on freeplay, and my word it seemed to work swimmingly. In no time at all, despite only betting 25p/spin, I was sitting on a nice little wad of virtual cash. Those "Totally Free £10!!11" and "We'll match your deposit!!1" [except they don't of course, nothing like it in fact, see below], seemed mighty tempting. I mean, I've been off the fruits for well over a decade and it sure would be nice to bag a cheeky £50 and have some fun doing it, right chums?
So, naturally, being an arsehole who'd entirely forgotten what it was even like to gamble, or the risks, I signed up and duly deposited £100 for a nice, fat stash, and collected my free tenner as well, making £110. Things went swimmingly; there I was betting 25p just like before, and soon had a fiver in profit (plus the free tenner), just by dicking about for 20 mins or so. I even went super-cautious and dropped the bet to 10p - and then 5p (yes that's right, five fucking pence), just to be super super super safe.
So what happened? Having alternated between red/black (noticing that the virtual wheel seemed to kick up loads of blacks when betting red, but with my tiny bets it didn't matter as I was 'guaranteed' one red in the running order, and that's all I needed, I switched to even/odd (same deal, loads of odd numbers when betting even, but always an occasional even to ensure I kept on winning, albeit tiny amounts). I then switched to low(<18)/high(>18), and guess what? ELEVEN losing spins on the fucking trot, meaning by 5p bet had doubled up to fifty fucking quid and my stash was burned. The very next spin I bet whatever little was left on low, and it still fucking lost, meaning twelve losing spins on the trot.
I mean seriously, who's ever heard of 12 reds or blacks in a row on a real roulette wheel? Yes I know it can happen, blah blah fucking blah, but the odds are tiny - very approximately 4000:1. One hundred and twenty quid down the shitter for a "5 pence jackpot"...
In an enraged state, I then deposited another £100 and tried my "system" except using fully £5 starting bet. I managed to pot about £30 profit before going on a massive losing run of spins again (though not as many, obviously, since my bankroll vs. stake would not allow that), and promptly got down to my last £25.
I bet all of this on black, it came in for £50. Rebet the lot on black again, £100. Rebet the lot on black again, £200. Cold sweat and cash out, thank you very much, goodnight Irene. So much for my "system"...
Epilogue: My "bonus" for having deposited - and fully played - all £200? £2. Which I lost, on Lo Stakes Roulette (since I refuse to play fucking fruities for real).
There's no fool like an old fool; I consider myself very fortunate to still have my shirt. That'll do me for the next 12 years or so methinks.
_________________ Beware of gavia articulata oculos...
Dr Lave wrote: Of course, he's normally wrong but interestingly wrong
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