Be Excellent To Each Other

Quite, but those were her words!!!

They're good those prescription painkillers. Anything you really want, now is the time to ask!

So cross right now

Asked my ex to buy Olly (sprog #2) some new school shoes on Jan 23rd (I was skint with impending tax bill of doom). Gave him URL etc - he literally just had to pay for them. He said no probs. Asked regularly if he'd ordered them, ex finally says he bought them on 30th but still no sign.

Got fed up of waiting for them to appear, ordered them myself on Monday, they arrived yesterday.

Ex's shoes miraculously showed up yesterday too (apparently, I haven't actually seen them) which means he also ordered them on Monday. The 6th, not the 30th.

And via a massive and epicly stupid text conversation it's somehow all my fault, I'm not doing enough, I am a terrible parent, I am controlling him and I need to change.

Nearly three years 'free' and this cunt still gets to me.

So long as you know that this is his stuff and don't make it yours. You know it's not true. Xxx

Coming from the other side of the fence I can be shit with stuff like that I freely admit. My ex has to remind me about various things to do with Shorts - which shouldn't be her job.

I do, however, recognise that it's a failing on my part and not hers and I've never had a pop at her for my shitness (other than maybe in the early days of the split) but I do have an initial reaction of "Alright, Jeez I'll do it" like some petulant child when she reminds me to do something I haven't done within agreed timescales.

I know that insitinctive reaction is wrong and don't articulate any of that. I examine my own behaviour and invariably apologise and do try and get better - but then every time I do get something right I expect a huge pat on the head of course.

Sounds like your ex is basically reacting in that instinctively defensive manner and not actually thinking it through. I assume he's then too stubborn to go back and apologise later?

You're in the right and he knows it and is just defensively firing whatever shit he can at you to deflect from his own inadequacies.

I honestly don't know? I mean, I sit here and question myself... maybe it is me? Maybe my expectations are unreasonable? Maybe I'm imagining the lying and deflecting and projecting my own feelings onto the situation?

I don't speak to half my family since we split because, despite being warned what he was like, he only has to open his gob and people think the sun shines out of his arse. My relationship with my own mum is ruined because I can't trust her to not repeat anything I say back to him. And so I think.. if it's me that's caused the split, me that's lost people from my life, me that has to constantly reiterate the damage his behaviour caused... perhaps the problem IS ME.

It's not the being shit with it that's the problem - god knows I'm fairly shit at remembering this stuff too - it's the lying and then twisting it back at me I can't abide.

And no, he won't say sorry. He doesn't know how.

Pride is a crappy, ruinous thing.

Glad I've never bothered with it.

#shameless

It really isn't your fault.

I made a point of letting my ex wife know that (despite her infidelity which preciptated the split) I realised in retrospect I had been an unreasonable bastard at times and that had I dealt with the infidelity better and not let it fester then things may well have been different.

The winner of an argument is not necessarily the one who is right but the one who either has the better debating skills or is the most stubborn. Don't feel like because you lost some arguments (or felt like you had) that you were in the wrong.

Other people don't get to see that side of the charmer that ingratiates himself with with a facile easy manner that belies the lack of substance beneath, so they don't ever get to experience the wanker side so can't empathise. Not that I am saying your ex is a wanker per se - but it sounds like wanker behaviour.

Men are generally fucking idiots but the system is engineered so that somehow it's the woman's fault that we're the idiot. "I left her because all she did was have a go at me". Er, because you didn't do any of the things you were supposed to, you massive prick.

Someone I know has been married under a year and is now making excuses for the fact that her husband has no job, a coke habit, owes drug dealers and loan sharks money, doesn't do anything around the house and smashes his phone when he gets annoyed. And yet he is arguing that she makes him feel like he 'can't do anything right' and that's actually working on her.

Also when I say generally fucking idiots I exclude most people on the forum of course. Except Cavey. Of course. (love you really, man)

I agree.

I am an idiot

I agree.

I am an idiot

See? Can't even post correctly. We're just shit.

Don't get me wrong, he IS a wanker, and even on my darkest days I know that we should have never been together. I have such classic memories as him screaming in my face that I should just have an abortion when I got pregnant the first time (accidental, unplanned); his 3 day rant about how I was ruining everything and going to make us go bankrupt the first time I went self-employed (and then earning more per month than he ever did); his "jokes" that I should just get drunk so that we could have anal sex because my discomfort after being raped multiple times 'that way' through the ages of 7-14 meant I couldn't bring myself to do it....

But if my own mother can sit there and drink tea with the man that did this? If after 3 years I'm still so fucking angry I'd gladly cut the brake pipes on his car if there weren't the risk that my children would be in it? If him failing to buy a pair of shoes (and telling a silly lie about) it causes me to get this worked up? Maybe I am the one with the issues after all.

Quoted for truth

Hey! I'm not an idiot!

I'm a lazy, stubborn human bean who holds grudges really well, have my head in the clouds, generally away with the fairies and has an increasingly bad short term memory.

Sorry, what?

Nah, he's a wanker.

I can't even pretend this isn't true as GJ will show up with a big list of all the times I was an idiot.

Sorry guys, that was a lot to dump on here. I'm obviously feeling the rage today.

If it helps, women are idiots too. We're just better at hiding it.

Men get distracted by the boobies.

And yoga pants.

Deviants.

Often mid sentence

And a nice bottom.

Yeah I completely

I don't have that much free time.

In seriousness, I agree with Jem, people are idiots.

Jem, he sounds like your typical socio/psychopath. Their people skills and impression management are second to none and they can spot a vulnerable person a mile off. People who haven't experienced them can't understand that a person could be like that. I had to explain to my sister last year about how my ex had threatened to burn their house down. She totally dismissed that he would have actually done this, until I pointed out to her that he had gone to prison for arson for burning ours down (she hadn't known about that obviously). It's just too much for some people to believe that we have people like that living around us, being with our families and in our homes and that we wouldn't see it and know. Unfortunately that isn't how these things work.

You are a good Mum and one of the things I really admire about your is your honesty about how hard it is and the range of emotions that children can evoke from you. Also, you can cry on my boobs any time you like.

*hugs*

And a smashing personality.

Stop getting distracted by Trousers moobs.

Thank you Jazzy. And you do have rather remarkable boobies - for crying on or otherwise

(Your ex sounds like a massive cockwomble )

You know it's Devilman, right?

Think you have been more than fair really, if he said "no its your turn to buy shoes" you would have known where you stood and dealt with it, he said yes though and should have followed through.

Maybe better to try and iron it out if you can, people can be forgetful at times and I would hope the delay was that?

In our house it tends to be my wife who forgets, we put our son down for a fee paying school over 2 years ago as demand is very high. I found a letter yesterday that was 2 weeks old confirming his place for September but also saying that if they didn't get confirmation by the end of today that we wanted the place, they would give his place to the first child on the waiting list, so had to sort that out this morning

Not sure being a member of the forum precludes someone from being a massive cockwomble

*waves*

In other cockwomble news, I was hoping to have an update on my neighbours, ideally them moving out, but it seems they're still together and him hitting his future mother-in-law hasn't made a dent on the relationship. Still, at least they're quieter than they were before, although it's perhaps just the calm before the next inevitable storm.

Send her flowers on Valentine's Day. Twice.

So she gets beaten up again? Nice.

Ugh, that's terrible.

I can understand it though, I think.

I know, mothers in law, right?

Then, they split up and move out, leaving D-Dog to enjoy his house in peace. It's not an ideal solution from her point of view, granted, but, then, we're working to an end goal here where everyone is happy in the long term.

Oh God that's totally what I wrote, isn't it?

What I meant was I don't know what I'd do if Mrs Grim... started beating me up.

You really did

Cry, probably.

If it didn't happen last time, why do you believe it would happen the next time?

Work has started offering BMI, Blood pressure and cholesterol tests.

So I went along today, was under no illusions about BMI as done no exercise for the best part of 2 months with Xmas slobbery plus a flue bug that's take 5 weeks to get rid of. Was happily surprised to see I was just hanging on in the overweight section

Blood pleasure a bit high, but they said I would need it doing again

Cholesterol was a bit odd, the nurse has two machines and said they were a bit off with readings. She said that if you got more than 5 on one of them then I should see my GP for some more accurate tests. I get a 4.09 and 5.68. the good reading was 1.04.

So have Dr calling me to arrange tests, I'm overweight and need to get my shit together, bit worried now though. My younger brother has to take some pills for his, but he has a big arsed city job and is out eating and making merry with clients most of the week.

I bet they give you statins as that's what my dad takes and he's back to normal now. They tried doing diet only and even though he shifted some weight his cholesterol didn't come down at all.

Good that they've caught it early.

Yes that's what my brother has.

??

They won't give you statins for a 5.68. They'll tell you to sort your diet out and come back in a year.