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I've just been sent a bill for £11,000 by Scottish Power.

What the actual fuck?

They claim I used 9000 units of Gas in one day.

DavPaz wrote:

They claim I used 9000 units of Gas in one day.

Mistake, innit.

DavPaz wrote:

I've just been sent a bill for £11,000 by Scottish Power.

What the actual fuck?

Did you let Malia do your last meter reading?

70% accurate, me, when you do 1-(total absolute difference between forecast and orders/total forecast). Fucking good is that.

They claim I used 9000 units of Gas in one day.

DavPaz wrote:

They claim I used 9000 units of Gas in one day.

Kick up a fuhrer.

Sorry, furore.

MaliA wrote:

70% accurate, me, when you do 1-(total absolute difference between forecast and orders/total forecast). Fucking good is that.

I'm glad you're not a surgeon.

I have strongly considered having this done right up to asking the doctor and getting a referral.

I think I might give it a miss... Unless, how much time off work are you expecting?

TheVision wrote:

I have strongly considered having this done right up to asking the doctor and getting a referral.

I think I might give it a miss... Unless, how much time off work are you expecting?

To give an alternative perspective, I had mine done on a Thursday, and was back in work on the Monday (and I have an hours drive to work). Couple of weeks off football as well, but other than that, everything as normal. There were a few weeks of occasional discomfort, but this was probably compounded by me getting smacked in the groin with the ball first week back at football.
Oh, and I only had a local anaesthetic as well, so was probably back home in time for lunch.

This was about six months ago and I am blissfully unaware of anything having gone on down there.

Were you NHS or private, Joans? And did you have the same procedure as Hearthly? From the sounds of it, they proper went to town on Hearthly's sack of joy, but there's a relatively new procedure they use apparently where the incision they make is so small it heals itself without stitches.

(Have done a fair bit of research into this as I've been considering it myself!)

If that's not inviting a field day to post multiple images to give you a prolonged and painful erection then I worry about the good people of Beex.

Mind you, there's only so many photos of graphics cards.

20-30 ejaculations feels a long way off at the moment

Quote:

20-30 ejaculations feels a long way off at the moment

So even if you manage say one every other day, that's still 2 months before you get an all clear?

I would have thought once they did the operation it would have been "no more swimmers" straight away?

It's a sad day indeed when not only can you not have sex with your wife when you've got the house to yourselves during a school day, but you actively don't want a stiffy either because of the pain involved.

Someone I know is in The Yemen probably being bombed. I am slightly more concerned than usual.

MaliA wrote:

Someone I know is in The Yemen probably being bombed. I am slightly more concerned than usual.

Hurrah! They are trying to leave the capital.

I guess this technically belongs in the 'Yay' thread but I'll put it here as it's part of the bollockmageddon 'Nayness'.

MEGA FRUIT BASKET arrived from the Union this morning!

Attachment:

fruit.JPG

Hearthly wrote:

I guess this technically belongs in the 'Yay' thread but I'll put it here as it's part of the bollockmageddon 'Nayness'.

MEGA FRUIT BASKET arrived from the Union this morning!

a fitting tableaux of misshapen cocks and balls.

Author:	MaliA [ Fri Mar 06, 2015 20:23 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
That is awful. We don't use a monitor anymore.

Author:	DavPaz [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 9:53 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
I've just been sent a bill for £11,000 by Scottish Power. What the actual fuck?

Author:	myp [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 9:58 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
DavPaz wrote: I've just been sent a bill for £11,000 by Scottish Power. What the actual fuck? Too many LEDs.

Author:	Slightly Green [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 9:58 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
DavPaz wrote: I've just been sent a bill for £11,000 by Scottish Power. What the actual fuck? Did you let Malia do your last meter reading? Am assuming it is a mistake? Or do you have a mansion?

Author:	DavPaz [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 9:59 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
They claim I used 9000 units of Gas in one day.

Be Excellent To Each Other https://www.beexcellenttoeachother.com/forum/

The 'NAY!' Thread https://www.beexcellenttoeachother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=7130	Page 86 of 150

Author:	myp [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 9:59 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
DavPaz wrote: They claim I used 9000 units of Gas in one day. Mistake, innit.

Author:	Bobbyaro [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 10:00 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
That sounds... unlikely.

Author:	DavPaz [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 10:01 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Future Warrior wrote: DavPaz wrote: They claim I used 9000 units of Gas in one day. Mistake, innit. Well, there was that time I converted the boiler into a flame-thrower and incinerated half of merseyside. Maybe that's it.

Author:	Slightly Green [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 10:05 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Mr Paz's House at the height of winter with the new gas fire on ZOMG Spoiler! Click here to view!

Author:	MaliA [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 10:08 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Slightly Green wrote: DavPaz wrote: I've just been sent a bill for £11,000 by Scottish Power. What the actual fuck? Did you let Malia do your last meter reading? ? 70% accurate, me, when you do 1-(total absolute difference between forecast and orders/total forecast). Fucking good is that.

Author:	myp [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 10:14 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
MaliA wrote: 70% accurate, me, when you do 1-(total absolute difference between forecast and orders/total forecast). Fucking good is that. I'm glad you're not a surgeon.

Author:	GazChap [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 10:57 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
DavPaz wrote: They claim I used 9000 units of Gas in one day. Kick up a fuhrer. Sorry, furore.

Author:	Bamba [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 11:15 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
GazChap wrote: DavPaz wrote: They claim I used 9000 units of Gas in one day. Kick up a fuhrer. Sorry, furore. :applause:

Author:	MaliA [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 11:23 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Future Warrior wrote: MaliA wrote: 70% accurate, me, when you do 1-(total absolute difference between forecast and orders/total forecast). Fucking good is that. I'm glad you're not a surgeon. "Yeah, good news and bad news: good news is, I took the right leg off. Bad news is it was the left one with gangrene"

Author:	Hearthly [ Sun Mar 22, 2015 14:29 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
NOTE/WARNING - This post contains a fairly unflinching description of a vasectomy operation that hasn't gone entirely according to plan, I don't think it's in 'bad taste' or anything, but if you don't want to read about willies and bollocks and bleeding and a bit of frank sex talk and suchlike, this may not be the post for you. Fair warning given, I think. ------------- ------------- So then, yes, on Friday morning I had a vasectomy. Me and Mrs Hearthly have talked it over quite a bit as we're pretty much at the last chance saloon if we want another child (she's 41 and I'll be 41 in May), and whilst we both think it'd be nice in some ways we don't fancy being in our 50s when the child is in their teens, and on top of that Hearthly Jnr is absolutely adamant that she doesn't want another baby or toddler in the house (I think she quite likes being an only child). She's 10 already and that'd be a big age gap between siblings as well. Why go for a vasectomy at all? Just one less thing to think about I suppose, we've been using withdrawal successfully for over ten years, but it'd be nice to be able to stay inside Mrs Hearthly rather than pull out, as unlikely as it sounds shooting your load over a woman's belly/boobs/arse does get old eventually. I don't like condoms, the pill doesn't agree with her at all, so a vasectomy seemed like a sensible choice to sort out contraception permanently. I've been waiting nearly 18 months for the operation which is fair enough I suppose as it's not exactly life or death surgery, but my date finally came up so it was off to the hospital for 8am on Friday morning. Perhaps a portent of things to come was when I was sent off to a bathroom with a disposable razor and some shaving foam with instructions to shave my bollocks, which is something I haven't done since the age of 16 when me and my girlfriend of the time pretty much experimented with everything. (NOTE - Golden showers aren't really that great.) I didn't take my glasses with me which didn't help, and foamed myself up before getting the top off the razor so my hands were all slippery, then as I fumbled with it I managed to slice my fucking thumb open with the razor once the top came off. It was quite a nasty cut too so I ended up with a bandage on before I'd even gone down to theatre. Then they wheeled me off for the op, and the anaesthetist set about his task of putting me under, he tried twice on my left hand but couldn't get the cannula in, and something broke as well, so I ended up with two puncture wounds in my left hand (and it hurt quite a bit too) before he tried on my right hand with success. Apparently my veins are 'mobile'. Before long I was under and next thing I was waking up in the recovery room, and got wheeled back to the ward. As I came round I felt like I really quite needed a wee, the ward was empty save for an old bloke who was still under sedation from a colonoscopy, so without thinking about it too much I got up, walked to the toilet about 10 feet away, and then walked back to my bed, sat down, and starting pissing about with my phone. About a minute later I became acutely aware of a very wet and warm feeling down in my bollocks and arse crack area, upon looking down there was a big red patch expanding on my robe. And then upon lifting the robe up and looking at my knackers, I was greeted by the site of blood pumping out of the area where they'd cut and stitched on my left bollock, like with every beat of my heart a little gush of blood came out. There was really quite a lot of blood down there. I wasn't panicked or anything, after all I was in the hospital, so I waved over to one of the nurses through the window to their reception area, and was immediately attended to. They cleaned up down there, lifted me up, got a massive great sanitary pad arrangement underneath me, and got me a fresh robe. Fortunately the stitches hadn't actually popped or anything (I had two stitches on my left bollock, and one on the right), but obviously the wound was open enough for it to bleed quite a lot. They used some spray wound sealant that was cold as hell, and applied some gauze, which I then had to gently hold against the wound for about an hour. And that was it for the next few hours, unfortunately every time I got up to do anything (just go to the toilet basically) the bleeding started again and it was back with the sealant and fresh gauze, but as the afternoon moved on into the evening it finally seemed to have settled down to just a small amount of weeping, and with the blessing of the doctor I was allowed to go home courtesy of a lift from my father-in-law. Oh yes, I was also wearing a jock strap for support. Very sexy. (The walk out to the car and getting in and out of the seat weren't fun, due to me feeling very much like I'd received a hefty kick in the bollocks and of course didn't want the bleeding to start again.) First thing I did upon getting home was pour myself a large glass of wine, because fuck not drinking for 24 hours after an anaesthetic, when your bollocks have swollen to the size of a tennis ball, are bloodied and sore and bruised, have stitches in them, are weeping blood, are tormenting you with constant pain, and you can't even fucking walk properly - you need to fix that shit with a drink. So here I am on Sunday afternoon and things aren't massively improved. The bleeding has stopped which is good, but my left bollock isn't at all happy about the indignities that have been thrust upon it. It's substantially oversized, black and purple all over, is sore as hell and throbbing, and generally doesn't look or feel at all like the bollock I've been acquainted with all my life. The right bollock isn't nearly as bad but again there's a lot of black and purple bruising, and one of the tubey things is a bit sore, and there's bruising on my actual knob as well. I've had a couple of showers and managed to get just about all the dried blood out of there, unstuck all the hairs and whatnot, as well as got rid of all the sealant stuff that was sprayed on as that was constricting them quite badly. Oh and fuck me, just had a look down there to remind myself of the carnage, and my right bollock has now wept a bit of blood out of the wound. Fucking awesome. I guess I'll have to cart myself back to the hospital and get them to take a look, or rather, get my father-in-law to run me as there's no way I can drive. On the plus side it doesn't look like there's any sort of infection down there, my wee is working normally, and I got a stiffy before when Mrs Hearthly was getting changed, so it still functions on that level. (Although the mere thought of actually doing anything with the stiffy didn't cross my mind, I can't even begin to imagine the agony involved.) On balance, if I could go back to Friday and decide not to have the vasectomy done, it's safe to say that's the course of action I'd choose. VASECTOMY - JUST SAY NO.

Author:	Satsuma [ Sun Mar 22, 2015 15:13 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
I started to read it but had to abort. Christ man, I hope it resolves itself very very quickly.

Author:	Hearthly [ Sun Mar 22, 2015 18:25 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Thanks for the kind comments @TheVision, I was originally intending to be back in work on Monday morning (which would be about right after a vasectomy if everything goes according to plan and your job isn't physical), but given my current state I can't imagine I'll be fit to drive for at least a few days (just normal driving would be borderline impossible, and I dread to think if I needed to do an emergency stop for something....), or indeed sit at my desk in a usual fashion. (I'm currently sat on a massive soft pillow and even then it's all too sore after a bit and I have to go and lie down to negate the effect of gravity pulling down my engorged ballsack and causing it to throb even more painfully.) On top of that the constant pain would be somewhat distracting, probably not the sort of state you should be in if you're fucking around with the sort of stuff I work with on a daily basis that impacts thousands of users..... When I left the hospital they gave me a hospital note and a self-cert form that's good for a week, so I'll just see how I get on. I'll go up to the Cottage hospital tomorrow and let them have a look and take it from there. (The main hospital is in Douglas, but we have a secondary hospital in my home town of Ramsey, albeit they don't have a 24 hour A&E these days.) My right bollock has stopped weeping blood though, which is nice. I've also taken some snaps of the afflicted area, a lovely addition to the family photo album.

Author:	DavPaz [ Sun Mar 22, 2015 15:09 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Ouch.

Author:	Grim... [ Sun Mar 22, 2015 16:08 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Properly lol-ing away

Author:	TheVision [ Sun Mar 22, 2015 16:13 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
I have strongly considered having this done right up to asking the doctor and getting a referral. I think I might give it a miss... Unless, how much time off work are you expecting?

Author:	Mimi [ Sun Mar 22, 2015 16:18 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
I have not read this as I am really quite squeamish, but just wanted to say I wish you a quick and speedy recovery.

Author:	asfish [ Sun Mar 22, 2015 18:29 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Hope it all works out, I would take the week, the guys who I know who had this operation said even when it goes by the book its sore for a while. Odd that the aftermath of this still varies so much from person to person. If you have that TV show that you have been getting around to watch now is the time to dig it out

Author:	Joans [ Sun Mar 22, 2015 21:03 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
TheVision wrote: I have strongly considered having this done right up to asking the doctor and getting a referral. I think I might give it a miss... Unless, how much time off work are you expecting? To give an alternative perspective, I had mine done on a Thursday, and was back in work on the Monday (and I have an hours drive to work). Couple of weeks off football as well, but other than that, everything as normal. There were a few weeks of occasional discomfort, but this was probably compounded by me getting smacked in the groin with the ball first week back at football. Oh, and I only had a local anaesthetic as well, so was probably back home in time for lunch. This was about six months ago and I am blissfully unaware of anything having gone on down there.

Author:	Curiosity [ Sun Mar 22, 2015 21:07 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Joans wrote: TheVision wrote: I have strongly considered having this done right up to asking the doctor and getting a referral. I think I might give it a miss... Unless, how much time off work are you expecting? To give an alternative perspective, I had mine done on a Thursday, and was back in work on the Monday (and I have an hours drive to work). Couple of weeks off football as well, but other than that, everything as normal. There were a few weeks of occasional discomfort, but this was probably compounded by me getting smacked in the groin with the ball first week back at football. Oh, and I only had a local anaesthetic as well, so was probably back home in time for lunch. This was about six months ago and I am blissfully unaware of anything having gone on down there. That's what she said.

Author:	Joans [ Sun Mar 22, 2015 21:13 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Before and after.

Author:	GazChap [ Mon Mar 23, 2015 9:59 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Were you NHS or private, Joans? And did you have the same procedure as Hearthly? From the sounds of it, they proper went to town on Hearthly's sack of joy, but there's a relatively new procedure they use apparently where the incision they make is so small it heals itself without stitches. (Have done a fair bit of research into this as I've been considering it myself!)

Author:	KovacsC [ Mon Mar 23, 2015 10:03 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
I was tempted.

Author:	MaliA [ Mon Mar 23, 2015 10:14 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
I had a girlfriend whose father did vasectomies as a sideline.

Author:	Hearthly [ Mon Mar 23, 2015 10:20 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
I do realise my experience is not 'standard' and I'm not attempting to present it as such. Quite a few of the guys at work have had the operation done and none of them have had any problems at all, (which is partly why I ended up going for it), where they had a local anaesthetic they were back in work the day after or if it was into the weekend on Monday morning. I had a general because I reacted quite nervously to the pre-op examination (where your vas tubes are located and given a little feel), so the guy suggested a general in my case as whilst the local sorts out the pain you can still feel 'tugging' on the tubes and suchlike, and of course they want you to stay still. The guy who originally did the consultation was supposed to do my operation as well, but on the day it was someone different who I hadn't seen before who actually did the op. At the original consultation he did mention they use some new technique that results in only one small stitch, yet I've ended up with two stitches on my left bollock and one on my right, so maybe the guy who did the op doesn't know the method or something? Anyway I'm off work today, there's no blood at least and the swelling has subsided a little bit, but they still look a right mess, are tender and painful, and there's no way I'm getting behind the wheel of a car (and I can't sit still for very long either). Plus I walk a couple of miles from my car to work and then back again, and clearly there's no way that's happening when it's an ordeal just to get up and down a flight of stairs.

Author:	Joans [ Mon Mar 23, 2015 12:47 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
GazChap wrote: Were you NHS or private, Joans? And did you have the same procedure as Hearthly? From the sounds of it, they proper went to town on Hearthly's sack of joy, but there's a relatively new procedure they use apparently where the incision they make is so small it heals itself without stitches. (Have done a fair bit of research into this as I've been considering it myself!) NHS. I think that's what I had, they pretty much just glue it back together and you sit there with a clamp down your pants for a bit (believe me, you move very cautiously while that's attached).

Author:	Hearthly [ Mon Mar 23, 2015 18:41 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Well I've been given the all-clear by the hospital anyway, apparently my current state is consistent with having suffered a significant bleed after the operation, and it's going to take my knackers a couple of weeks (!!!) to start to return to anything like normality. Without the bleed it wouldn't have been at all like this they said, but the bleed changes everything quite a bit Basically I just need to rest and give them time to recover. According to the leaflet I was given when I left the hospital, I need to try and manage 20-30 ejaculations before submitting my sample back to the path lab in three months to see if my man gravy is sperm-free. 20-30 ejaculations feels a long way off at the moment! It's a sad day indeed when not only can you not have sex with your wife when you've got the house to yourselves during a school day, but you actively don't want a stiffy either because of the pain involved. Grrrrr!

Author:	ApplePieOfDestiny [ Mon Mar 23, 2015 18:44 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
If that's not inviting a field day to post multiple images to give you a prolonged and painful erection then I worry about the good people of Beex. Mind you, there's only so many photos of graphics cards.

Author:	Findus Fop [ Mon Mar 23, 2015 18:51 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
ApplePieOfDestiny wrote: If that's not inviting a field day to post multiple images to give you a prolonged and painful erection then I worry about the good people of Beex. Mind you, there's only so many photos of graphics cards. GTA Hearthly, the Hot Coffey mod.

Author:	Cavey [ Mon Mar 23, 2015 19:33 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Ouch, that sounds chuffing awful, sorry to hear it. Like, ouch.

Author:	Mr Dave [ Mon Mar 23, 2015 21:07 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
ApplePieOfDestiny wrote: If that's not inviting a field day to post multiple images to give you a prolonged and painful erection then I worry about the good people of Beex. Mind you, there's only so many photos of graphics cards. It's ok, it's ok. I've got this.

Author:	MrChris [ Mon Mar 23, 2015 21:09 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
I'm so glad that the worst that happened to me was the first attempt at the operation dropping my heart rate to a point where they had to stop the procedure. Apparently my body thought it had been kicked in the balls. Absolutely plain sailing the second attempt. Sorry AE, there's very little worse than something going wrong with your boys.

Author:	asfish [ Tue Mar 24, 2015 9:16 ]
Post subject:	Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
Quote: 20-30 ejaculations feels a long way off at the moment So even if you manage say one every other day, that's still 2 months before you get an all clear? I would have thought once they did the operation it would have been "no more swimmers" straight away?