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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2014 10:01 
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Aw bloody hell. He's alright, that kid.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2014 10:18 
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Awwwww

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2014 10:20 
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Grim... wrote:
So Mrs Grim... was in a state when I got home last night. Apparently the Grimlet had been learning about pocket money at school, and he wanted to do jobs around the house so we would pay him pocket money. Sounds legit.

"And then I can use my money to buy medicine and make you better, Mummy."

Jesus.


Making me tear up at work is just not on dude.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2014 13:36 
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aww heart wrenching :(


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2014 19:09 
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Aww. :(

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2014 19:16 
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Wonderful but very sad, and humbling. :(

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2014 23:20 
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While I agree with his sentiment, we didn't realise he'd quite grasped how ill she is :(

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2014 0:01 
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Fucking Astana. No major surprise though.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2014 22:34 
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Isn't that lovely?

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My Father in Law died today. He was estranged from his wife since my wife was about 11, but it's still got to have an impact on her however she is in denial and has gone to work tonight as normal.

I don't know what to do for the best and it's troubling me :(

Malc

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2014 22:47 
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Whatever you decide to do is probably the best thing to do as you're a good sort.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2014 23:34 
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I'm not sure you need to do anything Malc. If your wife wants you to comfort her or talk about how she feels about it she'll let you know, and I'm sure you'll be there for her to do whatever she needs or just listen.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 11:41 
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Fuck sticks. The possible, maybe, sort of, might be, future Mrs B is coming up to Glasgow tonight with the intention we'd get up early tomorrow and go climb Ben Chonzie. Hill walking is her utter passion in life and I was looking forward to bonding further with her through that. However my health has been pretty shit for the last few months and this week has seen a serious decline that has me home from work right now and very little chance of managing up a mountain tomorrow. She's still coming up so hopefully we'll have a nice evening but then she's going to meet some other mates tomorrow and go somewhere with them instead. I don't blame her for taking the opportunity to get some Scottish winter climbing in, it's just really really shite that I don't feel up to it. The situation isn't helped by the fact I've got painters in doing my whole flat at the moment so I'm sort of camping out in my bedroom, the one room that's completely fine, while the rest of the place is a complete shit tip.

The actual health issue is random and massively variable tiredness/dizziness which in the last two weeks has gone from a sometimes depressing nuisance to near debilitating. It saw me sitting at my desk in work this morning feeling utterly awful and unable to do much, whereas in the past I've been able to grit my teeth and power through it. The variability and general symptoms make me wonder if it's somehow blood sugar related which then has the spectre of diabetes hovering over me. I've tried to eat better stuff in the last two days to see if that would make a difference but it doesn't seem to have helped at all so fuck knows. I've got an appointment with the doctor on Monday so we'll see what happens but this has been going on for so long and has now got so bad that I'm really rather worried. Not so much whether it it is diabetes or whatever as I can deal with that but more just how long it takes to get a diagnosis and how long I'll feel like this for because it's really, really miserable if I'm honest.

Sorry for the terrible emoing, I didn't actually intend to brain dump all that when I started typing.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 11:49 
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Get your health sorted first. If she likes you then she'll stick around for some walking when you're better.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 11:58 
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What Myp said.

Also:
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I've got painters in

Isn't she meant to be the one that says that?

;)

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 12:02 
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American Nativity wrote:
Get your health sorted first. If she likes you then she'll stick around for some walking when you're better.


Oh, yeah, I mean she's not running away or anything and this won't at all affect our relationship I was more bemoaning the terrible timing that whatever's wrong has picked this period to go to town on me.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 12:05 
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Bamba wrote:
this period

You're doing it on purpose now.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 12:12 
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Bamba wrote:
American Nativity wrote:
Get your health sorted first. If she likes you then she'll stick around for some walking when you're better.


Oh, yeah, I mean she's not running away or anything and this won't at all affect our relationship I was more bemoaning the terrible timing that whatever's wrong has picked this period to go to town on me.

If you've been unwell for months then I guess it was bound to happen at some point. Get it sorted!

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 12:17 
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GWS, mate

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 12:21 
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Grim... wrote:
Bamba wrote:
I've got painters in

Isn't she meant to be the one that says that?

;)


I didn't have a period last month... It had better be the menopause or stress.

I hope you feel better soon, Bamba, and that it's nothing lifestyle changing. Shit that you can't hang out with future Mrs. B as much as you'd like, too.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 12:26 
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Thanks for the kind words folks. And the period jokes as well obviously. ;)


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 12:27 
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I was exactly like this last week although only for a few days. I felt like I was massively hungover, I was off work but felt so ill that I couldn't even be bothered playing any games to pass the time. Put it down to some sort of virus.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 13:12 
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markg wrote:
I was exactly like this last week although only for a few days. I felt like I was massively hungover, I was off work but felt so ill that I couldn't even be bothered playing any games to pass the time. Put it down to some sort of virus.


I've got the same at the moment, feel fucking awful. Was home from work yesterday with Far Cry 4 in front of me and managed a grand total of 30 minutes all day.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 13:15 
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I was off Mon-Wed last week with much the same. Still can't shift the cough. Is it Ebola?

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 14:12 
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I had that some time ago. The cough took ages to go away.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 14:16 
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I'm at the cough stage now.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 16:23 
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I think I've gone past the cough stage which has now turned into a cold. I may be dying.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 18:08 
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I appear to have caught this also. Even my eyeballs hurt.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 18:25 
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I am STRONG, like BULL.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 18:36 
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You certainly SMELL, like BULL.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 19:06 
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TheVision wrote:
I think I've gone past the cough stage which has now turned into a cold. I may be dying.


It has mutated.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 20:39 
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I'm at the end of that shitty cold virus thing, never had one quite like it before. Just at the coughing myself awake stage now.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 11:10 
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So the possible, maybe, sort of, might be, future Mrs B has just emailed me to say that she's decided she can only really be friends. Absolutely fucking gutted, if I'm honest. Fuck sticks.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 11:15 
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Sorry to hear that Bamba.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 12:46 
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Sorry dude :(

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 12:49 
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Women are nothing but trouble anyway.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 13:06 
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Thanks folks. :(


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 13:07 
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Bamba wrote:
So the possible, maybe, sort of, might be, future Mrs B has just emailed me to say that she's decided she can only really be friends. Absolutely fucking gutted, if I'm honest. Fuck sticks.


Well that sucks, sorry to hear it, man. What you need is a big blowout to take your mind off it. Come to the Christmas quiz.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 13:24 
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Cras wrote:
Bamba wrote:
So the possible, maybe, sort of, might be, future Mrs B has just emailed me to say that she's decided she can only really be friends. Absolutely fucking gutted, if I'm honest. Fuck sticks.


Well that sucks, sorry to hear it, man. What you need is a big blowout to take your mind off it. Come to the Christmas quiz.


Heh, I might actually be down in That London seeing friends at some point over Christmas but I don't know the dates yet. And due to the horrible health bullshit I'm dealing with at the moment (doctor appointment this morning saw a lot of blood being drawn so that a whole spectrum of stuff could be tested for) I don't really want to make any plans in case I'm too fucked up. It never fucking rains eh?


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 13:31 
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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 15:29 
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Finally caught up with this thread.

Bamba, hope you get well soon, sorry about the lass.

The rest of you man up, it is a cold!!! :)

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 15:42 
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Bamba wrote:
So the possible, maybe, sort of, might be, future Mrs B has just emailed me to say that she's decided she can only really be friends. Absolutely fucking gutted, if I'm honest. Fuck sticks.


Sorry to hear that, hope it works out for you whatever you decide to do.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 16:59 
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If it helps Bamba, I say "fuck sticks" too.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 17:04 
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Saturnalian wrote:
If it helps Bamba, I say "fuck sticks" too.


My current swear du jour seems to have become 'fuck a duck' for some reason. I'm not sure where that's come from or why moments of frustration/annoyance trigger a desire to violate water-fowl.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 17:14 
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Saturnalian wrote:
If it helps Bamba, I say "fuck sticks" too.


I also, but as 'fucksticks'. Not sure why that's important.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 17:21 
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it is though.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 17:31 
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Cras wrote:
Saturnalian wrote:
If it helps Bamba, I say "fuck sticks" too.


I also, but as 'fucksticks'. Not sure why that's important.


It's important because it's the difference between an actual thing (a 'fuckstick') and an action (fucking some sticks) because I think of it as the single word as well and I'm not sure why I typed it out as two words in the first place.

Further emo nonsense: not-Mrs B is perfectly happy to remain friends so now I need to work out whether I can do that (hmmmmm) and, if not, make sure that I do cut contact rather than falling in to the obvious trap of waiting for her to be ready for something more while pretending I'm totally not doing that (as the issue genuinely is that she's not ready for a relationship rather than because things aren't actually quite good between us). I do so want to avoid the obvious fucking cliche trap here, while also not throwing a nice friendship under the bus if that level of drastic reaction isn't required. Fucksticks.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 17:53 
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Sorry to hear that Bamba.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 18:29 
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Bamba wrote:

Further emo nonsense: not-Mrs B is perfectly happy to remain friends so now I need to work out whether I can do that (hmmmmm) and, if not, make sure that I do cut contact rather than falling in to the obvious trap of waiting for her to be ready for something more while pretending I'm totally not doing that (as the issue genuinely is that she's not ready for a relationship rather than because things aren't actually quite good between us). I do so want to avoid the obvious fucking cliche trap here, while also not throwing a nice friendship under the bus if that level of drastic reaction isn't required. Fucksticks.


That sucks, and is a situation I don't envy. A couple of things I will say (that you should not take as anything other than my opinion, I'm just putting it out there for consideration even though you didn't ask and probably don't want it... But fuck it :P): I believe she means that she isn't ready for a relationship but she'll probably only realise she is ready when the right person comes along. If you stay friends with her, and actively pursue friendship, you risk being around to watch her move on with someone else. If you take a step back, tell her you'd like her to keep in touch and to let you know if she's ever in your neck of the woods, you put the ball in her court. That way, if she realises she would like a relationship with you, she'll get in touch. If she doesn't, both of you avoid any awkwardness and you don't fall into the trap of wondering whether and when would be a good time to email her or otherwise get in touch when you don't have much to say and you just want to speak to her. I know a faint heart never won a fair maiden and all that but if you've been close, she will definitely get back in touch with you if she wants more.

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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 19:01 
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flis wrote:
Bamba wrote:

Further emo nonsense: not-Mrs B is perfectly happy to remain friends so now I need to work out whether I can do that (hmmmmm) and, if not, make sure that I do cut contact rather than falling in to the obvious trap of waiting for her to be ready for something more while pretending I'm totally not doing that (as the issue genuinely is that she's not ready for a relationship rather than because things aren't actually quite good between us). I do so want to avoid the obvious fucking cliche trap here, while also not throwing a nice friendship under the bus if that level of drastic reaction isn't required. Fucksticks.


That sucks, and is a situation I don't envy. A couple of things I will say (that you should not take as anything other than my opinion, I'm just putting it out there for consideration even though you didn't ask and probably don't want it... But fuck it :P): I believe she means that she isn't ready for a relationship but she'll probably only realise she is ready when the right person comes along. If you stay friends with her, and actively pursue friendship, you risk being around to watch her move on with someone else. If you take a step back, tell her you'd like her to keep in touch and to let you know if she's ever in your neck of the woods, you put the ball in her court. That way, if she realises she would like a relationship with you, she'll get in touch. If she doesn't, both of you avoid any awkwardness and you don't fall into the trap of wondering whether and when would be a good time to email her or otherwise get in touch when you don't have much to say and you just want to speak to her. I know a faint heart never won a fair maiden and all that but if you've been close, she will definitely get back in touch with you if she wants more.


:this:

That is really well put and very good advice.


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 Post subject: Re: The 'NAY!' Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2014 21:05 
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flis wrote:
Bamba wrote:

Further emo nonsense: not-Mrs B is perfectly happy to remain friends so now I need to work out whether I can do that (hmmmmm) and, if not, make sure that I do cut contact rather than falling in to the obvious trap of waiting for her to be ready for something more while pretending I'm totally not doing that (as the issue genuinely is that she's not ready for a relationship rather than because things aren't actually quite good between us). I do so want to avoid the obvious fucking cliche trap here, while also not throwing a nice friendship under the bus if that level of drastic reaction isn't required. Fucksticks.


That sucks, and is a situation I don't envy. A couple of things I will say (that you should not take as anything other than my opinion, I'm just putting it out there for consideration even though you didn't ask and probably don't want it... But fuck it :P): I believe she means that she isn't ready for a relationship but she'll probably only realise she is ready when the right person comes along. If you stay friends with her, and actively pursue friendship, you risk being around to watch her move on with someone else. If you take a step back, tell her you'd like her to keep in touch and to let you know if she's ever in your neck of the woods, you put the ball in her court. That way, if she realises she would like a relationship with you, she'll get in touch. If she doesn't, both of you avoid any awkwardness and you don't fall into the trap of wondering whether and when would be a good time to email her or otherwise get in touch when you don't have much to say and you just want to speak to her. I know a faint heart never won a fair maiden and all that but if you've been close, she will definitely get back in touch with you if she wants more.


Don't apologise for posting, I'm totally happy for input and God knows I've waffled enough at you unbidden about your situation. :)

On this specific occasion her 'I'm not ready for a relationship' can possibly be taken more at face value than usual. It comes down to the fact she had relatively serious mental health issues as fallout from her divorce (and other problems) a few years back and has only (relatively) recently got her life and mental health back to a place she's content with again. She was clear about that from the start and has apparently carefully put the message out within all her social groups that she's just not interested in a relationship as she's still enjoying being happy again and doesn't want to risk her own well being by getting into anything else. So I do genuinely believe that it's more a timing thing than about her not liking me enough basically (though that could just be ego talking I realise). I think you're totally right though that there's a horrible risk of being around whenever she does move on and seeing it be with someone else. If only because there's a geographical distance here (Glasgow to Manchester) so if she ever does feel ready for something there's potential partners right in front of her while I'd be 'out of sight, out of mind' to a degree.

Anyway, I emailed her earlier to say that we certainly couldn't carry on a friendship at the level we had been because that was a recipe for me getting utterly hung up on her and that's no use to anyone. I suggested we drop it down to just 'Facebook friends' as that keep a bit of contact ticking over while giving me the distance I need right now. Neither of us post massively on Facebook so I'm not too worried about it being a vector for over-attachment and I've even muted her there for the moment while I get my head straight. I pointed out this leaves the door open a crack should we feel that we're back on an even keel at some point in the future and a more genuine friendship can be had. So if she does ever feel she's ready for something it's an easy way to feel things out with me and, similarly, if I feel I wouldn't be risking emotional fallout in the future by being more involved then it's a possibility. For the moment that seems like a reasonable compromise and I don't know there's much else I can do.


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