Be Excellent To Each Other

Heh, it was multiple choice. I'm pretty sure that I was right and the paper was wrong!

Wow, what are the odds of that?!

*Groan*

Some of you may remember that a couple of years ago a colleague of mine was killed on her way to work.

The trial started last week and the jury started their deliberations this afternoon.

http://m.nottinghampost.com/man-on-tria ... story.html

Hadn't heard about this, Jazzy. Very sad indeed. 2 years ago too and only just going through court!

Fucks sake. This happened right around the corner from our house last night:

http://www.blackpoolgazette.co.uk/news/ ... -1-8351918

Knew the bloke who was killed. He ran the local Post Office when I was growing up.

Just remembered that he only just survived having his whole Post Office collapse on him after some idiot builder left half of it resting on a single acrow prop.

Sorry to hear that.

Ak, how shit. Sorry to hear that.

Really sorry to hear that Mark.

Thanks. Just a shock more than anything. My parents know them better than me really, they lived next door to us until I was about 11 or 12 I think.

Sorry to read that, markg, must be quite the shock

He has been found guilty of death by careless driving. Sentencing on 8th March.

Bloody hell, that's awful. Didn't realise he'd been a neighbour of yours mate.

A minor nay compared to the ones above, but it seems my new neighbours who moved in during December are just completely inconsiderate.

During December they were rowdy on occasions. I figured that was going to happen - they sounded young (the walls are very thin in this street), they've moved in to their own place, it's the festive season etc, so they were bound to be a bit lively.

However, there started to be signs that there may be more to it. One day, I went to put my rubbish out and my wheelie bin was already full with someone else's rubbish. It could have been someone else, but unlikely, but figured I'd give them the benefit of the doubt (I'm not about to go searching through the rubbish looking for an address). Then they had a couple of parcels delivered - they weren't in, so they were left with me on two occasions. Now if it was me, I'd just pop round when I was back home and ask for them, but not this couple. They were quite happy to just wait for me to take them round the next day. Again, benefit of the doubt in case they weren't left cards. Also, the general rowdiness has turned to full-on arguments, with the woman of the couple shouting her head off and there being lots of banging of furniture.

The other day though, their other neighbour popped round to see me. We'd never really spoken before, but she wanted to see if I was as fed up with them as she was. She's got an autistic son and although he's a heavy sleeper, he was being disturbed and kept awake by all the racket. So she's already been round to complain and for some reason, the woman of the couple decide to tell her their life story almost. So this neighbour filled me in on some of the details -

- This couple have been together for eight months. Considering the ferocity of the arguments, I'm not even sure why they're together, let alone thought it was a good idea to get a place together
- He hits her. But she seems to think it's ok, because she hits him too From the noises, it's hard to tell if one is abusing the other as they both seem to go at it tooth and nail
- Another neighbour mentioned that the bloke of the couple through a pint glass out into the shared yard area, smashing it everywhere. The neighbour had to clear it up to avoid his dog walking through it.

It seems such an odd relationship. Apparently their rent is over £100 more than what I pay for this place, so if their relationship does go sour, which seems inevitable, there's no way one of them will be able to keep paying it as they're both young carers, so I'm guessing they're not on great money.

I like to think of myself as pretty tolerant; I just want a quite life, but it was 5am when they were at it last night and I'm put in the situation where I need sleep and so I'm reaching for the ear plugs just so I can get some sleep, but also aware that I should be listening to make sure one isn't abusing the other. As an example of how thin the walls are, I think at one point, I could hear their other neighbour banging on her wall to get them to shut up.

I think the weirdest thing for me is that the situation makes me feel at fault for some reason. I don't want to be the grumpy, moaning neighbour, but I've never known a couple like these.

Anyway, just wanted a bit of a moan as I'm shattered and grumpy and don't feel like starting work yet

Sorry devilman - nuisance neighbours can be a real pain, as all my neighbours past and present will attest to.

They sound fucking awful. I'd say you're being very tolerant.

Before I'd had the chat with the neighbour, I looked up the couple on Facebook (as I saw her name on the parcel), just to see if I could get an idea of their ages. I looked at her profile just now and they got engaged last week. And as I type this, she's howling at him to get out of bed in a tone that suggests she hates his guts. Nuts.

report them for domestic violence, blame the other neighbour, then kill them. They will think they killed each other, and at least blame the other neighbour. A victimless crime.

I love you.

I like your style.

The other neighbour actually knows the landlady which could work in our favour. Apparently the letting agency she uses prides themselves on having a better class of tenant (although it seems they just charge more than the others) and she thinks they'd be horrified at the the tenants they've let stay.

And as I type this, the girl's mother has arrived to join in with the shouting with a 'hands off my daughter' It's all kicking off.

I hope they don't treat their service users the way they treat each other.

And now he's hit the mother ('I can't believe you've hit me' repeatedly), so I called the police. Someone had beaten me to it though. I've looked out the window and some of his stuff is out on the pavement.

Fucking scumbag.

This problem might solve itself.

Well, that escalated quickly.

Bloody hell, live blog Naying!

Hope who ever got hit is ok and the violent shit gets what's coming.

Hope you get a better nights sleep tonight too.

It's all gone eerily quiet. I think he's buggered off somewhere and the police have just arrived. This could be a rather short engagement.

Maybe.

For some reason, Women often stay with people who abuse them.

For lots of reasons, primarily as a method of survival.

Send them a "congratulations on your engagement" card.

Sounds like it's going to be a short tenancy. It is worth writing down everything that happens (not here though, on paper) just in case you need anything to give to the landlords.

It can't hurt to be in touch with the lettings agency just to air your concern at this early stage too.

Inconsiderate neighbours are the worse! I hope that it doesn't continue for too long.

Wait a week, then send her flowers. That'd speed things up.

Victims - not just women - stay with the people who abuse them because they don't know any different. Out of fear. Nowhere to go. Conditioned to accept a new level of normal. The hope that it'll get better. Because they have children together. Because "it's not that bad, loads of people have it worse". Because of judgement. Because of a million reasons which you have to be there to understand.

Thinking of you

And because behaving like a violent twat will get you an entire queue of women.

Err, no. The 'bad boys gets the women' trope is fallacious. It was invented by men who think they're 'nice guys', but who are actually stalkerish creeps.

Except not really.

May fit with how you view the world. But yeah. No.

I don't think it's either really. I think it's more a case of confusing correlation with causation. e.g. someone who is a bit of a thug might also display a lot of self-confidence etc.

Meh, some women are attracted to tools. Most aren't, but 'most' guys don't want 'most' girls.

Evidence? Because you're talking out of your arse, I'm afraid.

Helen loved Rupert even though he treated her appallingly. He was never physically violent with her (although he was to his horses), but he abused her mentally in a lot of ways. He slept around, and he stopped her from having her own friends. Despite all of this, she loved him, and stayed married to him for several years. A breaking point came when he forced her into a foursome with his friends Billy and Janey, and a fellow showjumper called Jake managed to convince her to leave him and run off with him. Mind you, after a while Jake went back to his wife Torey, so Helen didn't do so well their either. Turns out all men are cunts.

Citation

Of course, there are actual scientific reasons, too: https://www.scientificamerican.com/arti ... onalities/

Didn't see anything in there about domestic violence? Nor indeed that women are only attracted to men who hit women?

Yeah, I don't think me talking about things I've seen in the past are really going to help convnce you, as it's an ideological block for you.

But basically what you're trying to do is to try and convince me there's no such colour as blue, because you've never seen blue or because the people you surround yourself with have pursuaded you that blue doesn't exist.

It happens. There's solid reasons for it to happen from an evolutionary biology point of view. But strangely, we're often meant to ignore the millenia of evolution that have lead to how our brains work because it's uncomfortable.

That's a bit off-topic. Being spontaneous or impulsive doesn't equate to being abusive. Plus the Alpha/Beta male thing (which has been debunked now by the guy who invented it) is dangerously close to MRA/PUA thinking.

I think the discussion has mived on to whether "bad boys get chicks" now, rather than domestic violence.