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Eurovision Song Contest
https://www.beexcellenttoeachother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=7126
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Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:20 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Spain: Jaunty start. Jaunty middle. Jaunty end. Infectious performing. This is summery joy in musical Eurovisiony form. Heck of an earworm too. They all look about 15, mind. This could do well too (official Eurokern prediction)

Netscape Meteors Megabonus!
Hawaiian shirts activated!
Sly wink at the camera bonus!
La-la-la bonus!

Author:  Curiosity [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:21 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Spain is a shit Jack Johnson tribute act.

Please continue with your marvellous review, Kern.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:24 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Norway: Well, it is mental health awareness week. *

Subliminal criminal incitement MEGABONUS!
Singer I'd Like to ['discuss literature with' -Ed.] bonus!
Nightmare Fuel keyboardist bonus!

*Sorry.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:28 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

The less said about the comedy interlude the better.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:28 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

UK's entry! All rise!

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:28 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

This is my first exposure to it.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:32 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland: Blimey, she's got a voice. And, er, other assets. I feel like they missed out a key change or a power bridge. The lyrics and staging suggest there should be one, but nothing's changed. She's giving it her all, but the accompaniment is dreary. It's not crap, and it's better than previous years, but depressingly mediocre.

Braids bonus!
Fireworks bonus!

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:36 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Cyprus: This one is doing nothing for me, sorry.


Whipping a metaphor senseless bonus!
TRON bonus!
Crap manbun on a dancer bonus!

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:40 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Romania: They yodel to a Eurobeat. 'Nuff said.

ONSTAGE CANNONS MEGABONUS!
YODELLING DOUBLEMEGABONUS!

Author:  Cras [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:43 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

FUCK YEAH ROMANIA

Author:  RuySan [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:44 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Just waiting for Belgium. They have the best song. Just hope the girl isn't terrified to be on stage like in the semi final.

The UK has a good song for a change! It was written by the adorable Danish winner of 2013,

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:44 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Germany: Well, it seems 'The Trumpcut' is in this season. Again, this is another one where I'm pretty sure it'll be on constant rotation on Radio 2 if it isn't already. She's giving it some gusto however, and there's certainly a sense of a journey in the song. So, er, 73%?

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:49 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

The Ukraine: Oh, this is quite heavy (for a Eurovision boyband). Finally got some power into this competition. Shame the lyrics are a bit repetitious.

Disembodied robohead bonus!
Tension buliding quiet bit bonus!

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:54 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Belgium: Lyrics and tune are fine, but there's no passion from the singer. Even in the sad bits she's not really demonstrating any feeling for it. Did she get dumped just before going onstage? Has her cat died? Is she one of the really-not-zombies from tonight's 'Doctor Who'?

Surprisingly deep voice for a female singer bonus!

Author:  Goddess Jasmine [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:55 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Kern wrote:
The Ukraine: Oh, this is quite heavy (for a Eurovision boyband). Finally got some power into this competition. Shame the lyrics are a bit repetitious.

Disembodied robohead bonus!
Tension buliding quiet bit bonus!


We are the best!
\|||/

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 21:58 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Sweden: This is pop! The guy seems to own the stage. He's got such stage presence. Not sure about the lilac suit mind. I can see myself jiving to this. Another good contender (official Eurokern prediction)

Treadmill bonus!
Pretty good Robbie Williams tribute act bonus!

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:02 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Bulgaria: If he can sing like this without Autotune he'll go far. But again, no power or passion where it feels like it's needed. Not his fault, I think it's the accompaniment. Oh, I want to like this, I really do, but...after 23 songs it's hard to be surprised and moved. And is it me or do most of the male acts tonight need better hair cuts?

Lightning bolts bonus!
Virtual Rain mode active!

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:02 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

The proscenium arch looks like a lady squatting. That is all.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:06 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

France: If you're calling it 'Requiem', you're up against Fauré.
Still, this one feels like it's at the right tempo. Shame I can only get subtitles in the original language - back in the day you used to be able to get a translation and I'd like to know what they're singing. And as I typed that, on cue they switched to English.

'I'm French so we're having the Eiffel Tower behind me' bonus.
Unexpected Frenchie speaking English MEGABONUS!

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:07 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

If you've got this far, thanks. Now to review my initial reactions and decide who wins.

I'd do it on Twitter, but it makes no sense when you read back your timeline a few months later. :)

Author:  Cras [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:12 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

It's got to be Romania or Croatia, for my money.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:13 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Ok, I've given it a lot of thought (I'm onto my fourth bottle of premium European lager, after all), and it comes down to Portugal, for making me cry, or Croatia just for how joyful the triplets are.

So, Portugal for music, Croatia for Eurovisionyness. As as it's the Eurovision Song Contest, it has to be Croatia. Well done!

Now the voting bit. Psephology fans, to your stations!

Author:  Cras [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:13 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Or a Moldovan wild card.

Author:  Cras [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:14 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Only two key changes in the whole show, WTF.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:15 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Cras wrote:
Or a Moldovan wild card.


Hello Dr Freud!

Author:  RuySan [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:20 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Croatia has Sam tarly on vocals which should count for something.

Belgium, Azerbaijan and the UK are my favourites. And the Romania song is pure joy.

Jk Rowling said on twitter Portugal has the best song which isn't good for me since I've bet with my wife we weren't going to win.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:23 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

RuySan wrote:
Romania song is pure joy.


With cannons! And yodelling!

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:29 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Holy crap! I'm enjoying the half time show!

Author:  RuySan [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:32 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Here they stopped the broadcast to show Benfica's championship celebrations. fuck that, I want more yodeling

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:33 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Priorities, people.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:34 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Some guy in the audience is flying our flag upside down! Evening ruined!

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:42 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Corrections & Clarifications:

On my review of Moldova, for 'unforgettable', substitute 'forgettable'. I'd fire that sub-editor, but worried about what he'd say at the subsequent tribunal.

Author:  Goddess Jasmine [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:43 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Streaker!

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:44 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Huzzah!

Author:  Curiosity [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:45 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Kern wrote:
RuySan wrote:
Romania song is pure joy.


With cannons! And yodelling!


But they didn't fire the cannons!

NEGATIVE POINTS FOR CANNON TEASE!

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:46 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Now for Round 2: the voting.
Remember, points awarded for:

- Station idents
- Hosts trying to be fun
- Blatant politicing
- Hosts refusing to give up their allotted bit of airtime
- Null Points

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:47 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Curiosity wrote:
Kern wrote:
RuySan wrote:
Romania song is pure joy.


With cannons! And yodelling!


But they didn't fire the cannons!

NEGATIVE POINTS FOR CANNON TEASE!


:DD

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:47 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Kern wrote:
Now for Round 2: the voting.
Remember, points awarded for:

- Station idents
- Hosts trying to be fun
- Blatant politicing
- Hosts refusing to give up their allotted bit of airtime
- Null Points


Oh, and countries voting for Britain! Because, frankly, we need all the friends we can get these days.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:49 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

San Marino WTF?

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:50 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

We've scored though. Go UK!

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:51 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Israel flouncing.

Author:  Cras [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:53 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Why is everyone voting for the hobo with the man bun?

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:55 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

The hosts are very good at hiding their resting bitch faces whilst the various announcers do their stuff. Not.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:56 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Norway: the young conservatives are out in force tonight.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:58 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

13/42 declared - how the hell are we ahead of Croatia?

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 22:59 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Kern wrote:
Israel flouncing.


Blimey. According to the BBC, they just pulled the plug.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 23:01 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Oh, hello Estonia. Hello.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 23:03 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

New Ant & Dec are getting creepy now.

Author:  Kern [ Sat May 13, 2017 23:07 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

Bulgaria: I wondered what the Little Mermaid was up to these days.

Author:  MrChris [ Sat May 13, 2017 23:09 ]
Post subject:  Re: Eurovision Song Contest

What the fucking hell is going on with the scoring? Uk has many points, Germany has none

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