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| Eurovision Song Contest https://www.beexcellenttoeachother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=7126 |
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| Author: | Kern [ Wed May 23, 2012 21:28 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Grim... wrote: You do it, then. Wouldn't be the same. |
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| Author: | TheVision [ Wed May 23, 2012 22:03 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
I've got to go to the wifes cousins 21st birthday party on Saturday, thus missing the song contest. Gutted. |
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| Author: | Grim... [ Wed May 23, 2012 22:06 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
21st birthday parties are the best kind. |
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| Author: | MaliA [ Wed May 23, 2012 22:16 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Kern wrote: Grim... wrote: You do it, then. Wouldn't be the same. We'll get some beers in on Saturday evening and play that music loud. After we dive into Fanny's, natch. |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:08 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Yay it's back |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:14 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
The Dutch entry is proof that de-criminalising pot is probably not the best idea. Nice hat though |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:16 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
And I am here - ready to blog! Right, big spangly stadium, Serbia opening with woman on her shoulder-guitar, um, violin. "Kenny G's playing the bassoon!" - Lord Rixondale. Very slick, but the lead should be wearing a tie. And now he's getting over-excited... wait - Kenny G's switched to a flute! "This is shit." - Lord Rixondale. They look scarily focused. I assume the song is about invading ethnic enclaves or something. AND VIDEO! Mindless woman wibbling over creamy visuals of sheiks and women, like some Fry's Turkish Delight advert. And here comes Macedonia with... "Black and White". Oddly not a cover of Jackson's opus. More over-wroughtness, soulful singing, dark looks... And then! Shonky poor camp rock-out! Who's that fool on the drums in the hat? Jimmy Sommerville? And an excruciating guitar solo too! Nederlands next. We see shots of Baku, a rather fine looking city with wavy buildings. Let's go visit there. No tilt shift photography though. What will they bring? |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:19 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Malta: Crap song but the lads have some cracking footwork on show. Fantastic winkle picker action from the Malta lads |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:20 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Joan Franka I love you. She's wearing an indian headdress and a lovely blue dress and looks completely zoned out, strumming a guitar. And wow - she's got a band. "Backed by the Wurzles," informs Rixondale. They appear to be segregated from her by fire. Perhaps there'll be human sacrifice. Everyone looks terribly happy. Prozac happy. And then she sings, "Eye," and it crash zooms into her eye. Awesome! And now they're all together. Lovable. Rating: Rixondale: 7/10 Lady R: 5/10 Me: 8/10 - Cos it's lovely. |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:21 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Belarus entry sniffs of corruption. |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:23 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
...and made of bland fail...quite like the mad max extra costume choice and tilting action figure action. |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:28 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Malta wants us to look at him and see that he's here for us. Thanks for that. "All I need is one more chance," and then he leers at us. Rixondale is excited by his little dancing feet. As well we all are. Incredibly camp backers, obv, and Ikea furniture. He appears to be wearing driving gloves. Once again foolish looking man on mix. With red mohican. He just jumped over someone! He looks like if the ginger baddy from Robocop was kidnapped and turned into a scissor sister. Synchronised stupid feet dance! This seals the deal, despite awful woman singing. Rixondale: 8/10 - "For the feet." Lady R: 8/10 Me: 7/10 - Also for the feet and inappropriate leering. And more insider political corruption info from Scott Mills regarding Belarus. Ta for that. Horses run about and now for the song. Belarus's bloke looks... awful. Chainmail shirt. Further gayness. "I can really see why the President of Belarus wanted this in." - Lord Rixondale. They sing, "We are the heroes, we are the winners." Modest. Oh wait - they're doing amazing leaning backwards - incredbile! And lead bloke did Power Rangers move. Tron background is nice. Three guitars, one drums, and the sound of none of them in generic bippy Europop. Basically it's one long chorus. Bored now. And fireworks. Lord Rixondale: 5/10 Lady R: 7/10 Me: 4/10 |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:28 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Vocal harmonies...nice. |
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| Author: | Dimrill [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:32 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Good lord this is terrible. |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:32 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Ukraine seem to be trying just a bit too hard, shame as the intro was excellent, then the eurodance drums ruined it. The Portugese entry was lovely. |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:36 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Now for Portugal and Phillipa Sousa. More warbling. They look awfully pleased with themselves. Nothing to really say about this yet, so we talk about how Sarah Cox went to school with one of Rixondale's friends. Apparently she was very pretty. Nope absolutely undistinguished. They even walk slow. By the way, doesn't it look to everyone else that the stage is one giant oven grill? Lord Rixondale: 1/10 - "And that's only because with the slit in her dress you can see a surprising amount." Lady R: 3/10 Me: 1/10 Arm-wrestling! Disappointingly not with Chas and Dave. And now for everyone's corrupt favourite, Ukraine. 'Be My Guest', looks like they're reaching for the gay anthem. Eurovision tradition, absolutely terrible lyrics. "Do you think she owns a hotel and invites everyione this way?" - Lord Rixondale. "Be my friend," she asks, in a very needy way. And now the flouncy men are doing the sort of dancing we all applauded in the Gay Exchange adverts. It's all very cheery and completely irrational. And a gloriously lame computer generated dancy people backdrop. They do seem happy. "You've got to give props to the guys in the dress," - Lord rixondale. Lord R: 6/10 Lady R: 6/10 Me: 6/10 |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:37 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
The Pete - Rixondale axis is completely wrong about Portugal. Bulgaria is appalling as usual. Not sure if I had her thighs I'd wear that dress. |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:40 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Bulgaria! She's scaring me. Lady R: "She IS like an older ugly Cardassian!" (I think that's what she said.) Lord Rixondale: "She's a robot!" Ahh! Too much flashing. Frankly terrible, although oddly compelling because of its entusiastic wrongness. What's wrong with the Wonder Woman girdle? "And wristbands!" - Lord R. Catherine wheels fail to add value for money. And a lame "I love you so much," from scary robo woman. Too late. Lord R: 5 Lady R: 3 Me: 4 |
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| Author: | Dimrill [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:41 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Gianna Michaels for Slovenia is hawt. Quite a decent song too. |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:44 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Slovenia. "I Believe," an appropriately generic title. Lady Galadriel informs the backing dress sense. "So far, so Lord of the Rings." - Lord Rixondale. "Well, it's worthy," sighs Lord R. We all agree that she is pretty. "She has a whimsical fey look about her." "AH AAAAAH AAAAAAAAAH AAAH AAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" And then Galadriel strokes her shoulder. Disappointingly not quite in a lesbian way. It's a bit ayran. "Domineering sexy woman!" cries the Lord. I concur. They stride masterfully. Song largely forgettable. Lord R: 6/10 - "And one point of that for backing singer cleavage." Lady R: 6/10 Me: 7/10 We reckon it's a contender. |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:45 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Didn't quite know what to make of the Slovenia one...might be a grower...but the they were very nice looking ladies. The Croatian male dancers are not improving the song...but have good 'duvet' technique |
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| Author: | Dimrill [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:49 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Sweden. Whmoaning Celine Deon style vocals, average song, euro beats. Yes, this is blaverage enough to win. |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:50 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
The only thing I like about the Swedish entry was that the dancer she had with her was carrying a few extra pounds |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:52 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Croatia. "Why are there three mannequins standing about?" - Lord Rixondale. Men prance about ginger haired. "When you see dancers like that you wonder what message they actually believe they're trying to convey." "Man's inhumanity to man," I offer. I don't reckon dancers work when they have stupid manchild haircuts either. Why do they lightning when the song is completely unrock? We agree it's boring. Lady R can scarce summon attention to the screen, scratching the dog instead. Yawners. Lord R: 3/10 Lady R: 3/10 Me: 3/10 Fancy glowing gas stations in the video thing. Once again they warn us as to the upcoming strobes. And shit! There's loads of them. Sweden. And she's a brunette! This could hopefully escalate to ludicrous 80's power-ballard Bonnie Tyler style. Her dancing's terrible. Excellent. She dances like William Shatner talks. "This sounds like Ibiza Hits 2000." - Lord Rixondale. And frankly those strobe lights are annoying. And to signify Ikea's contribution to Sweden's economy, polystyrene packing materials fall from the sky. Oh wait - someone's turned up! He's a terrible dancer too. For a moment I thought he was accidently going to kick her head off. But she has revenge - and jumps on him and flattens the bugger with her thighs. Like Street Fighter 2! |
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| Author: | Dimrill [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:52 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Oh my christ below... |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:53 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
There is something wonderfully 'Tony Fereno' about Georiga's entry. "I'm a joker I'm a Rocker" |
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| Author: | Dimrill [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:53 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
This is the most godawful thing I've seen and heard this year. |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:56 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Georgia! And the sinister Red Monk is here to sacrifice the virgins in the audience. Lady R reckons he's going to rip his robe off to reveal gold lame pants. Wait, what's this? Burlesque flight attendants? Off with robe to reveal stupid blonde hair camp man? Crap bongo solo! AWESOME! And the white Grace Jones with a red ponytail. "Wooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Shake your body up! Get for the dance honey! YEAH!" And now he;s playing piano, and to celebrate bellowing "YEAAAAAAAAAH! BABY!" "Well, you've got to admire they're spirit." Lord R. "Well, they're only getting five from me." Lady R. "What? WHY?" Lord R. "Well the girls can't fucking dance." Lady R. Lord R: 8/10 Lady R: 6/10 (Begrudgingly) Me: 8/10 |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:56 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Sorry but that was my favourite so far, won't beat the Russians though. What's this capes? ...oh and jumping from the Turks. |
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| Author: | Dimrill [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:56 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
I take my last comment back. THIS is the most godawful thing I've seen or heard this year. |
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| Author: | Dimrill [ Thu May 24, 2012 20:58 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
I like the super gays he's employed for backing. They're off to solve a style crime after this. |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:00 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Turkey. "That's Sasha Baron Cohen!" Lord Rixondale. This is all very cockney, oddly. If it were a scent, it would be, 'Cockney - by Jean Paul Gaultier.' "Like me like I like you. Nanny nanny nanny naw." Well, they've got the non-threatening poster-boy thing down. Lyrics are gloriously off. "Welcome to my ship baby, come with me to fight." And now he's singing about Turkey's resurgent naval military might. Clearly they're going to threaten Greece and the channel again. Get Lord Palmestone on the blower! Quick! I hope the Turkish navy wear those uniforms. Lord R: "Bollocks! They nicked my Sasha joke!" 7.5/10 Lady R: 8! "They had a boat!" Me: 8 - I liked the dodgy militarism of it. |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:03 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Estonia. "This is like a performance in the final of X-Factor. Like a Gary Barlow song. By the blandest man in the universe." Good singer, but boring. "Being boring is the worst crime you can commit." Lord R. We have literally nothing to say about this. Lord R: 2/10 Lady R: 5/10 (She's feeling contrary. An agruement begins.) Me: 2/10 |
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| Author: | Grim... [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:03 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
NervousPete wrote: so we talk about how Sarah Cox went to school with one of Rixondale's friends. Apparently she was very pretty. Sara Cox was glorious when she was younger. |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:04 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Hmmm...looks like Rawwk next. Better be good. |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:04 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Jedward on the way. Time for whiskey. They can almost talk now and everything. Good lord. Sarah Cox looks incredibly bored talking to them. Anyone reckon we could have a remake of The High Life but with Jedward instead of Alan Cummings? |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:10 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
All my sympathy for the Norwegian people has drained away. |
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| Author: | Dimrill [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:11 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Has Jedward fucked off yet? I can't even bear a second of those utter cunts. |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:14 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Slovakia - Max Jason May! Stobe-a-rific! And he promises maximum effort! MAXIMUM EVERYTHING! "It's Steel Panther!" - Lord Rixondale. "It's always funny when you see a random metal band. It doesn't fit in at all." Is that Stuart Campbell on drums? "I wonder which member of this band gets the most chicks. I bet it's the singer. Because he looks most like a girl." Says Lord R. confusingly. He's spinning around now. He'll get dizzy! He's got eyeliner though, that's eighties. "I think a man who can confidently wear leather trousers gets respect. No, wait. Bono. Er." Lord R: 6/10 (Claims Lady R fancies the singer.) Lady R: 8/10 Me: 5/10 Not silly enough. Norway. "Peter Andre! In the house!" Lord R. "I know if it's wrong or it's right." Sounds a bit sexual predator. Tell that to the courts, guvnor. "It's like I'm losing all control. You know it's making me hot and you know I can't stop. It's like a fire in my soul! I don't know if it's wrong or it's right - but I want you!" Jesus, this is rape. Fake end! Sarah Cox got it wrong! Those cheeky fireworks. Hah! They thought it ended again! "Typical hi-energy Euro-pop." - Pete Lord R: 6/10 Lady R: 6/10 Me: 5/10 Shebeke looks like a nice place, with Sheki Kahn's house. Lovely stained glass and carpets. I'll book a flight. |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:17 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Bosnia and Herzogovina. "Her head looks too hollow and sunken. Too much like Night of Living Dead." "I think she had some teeth removed from the back." Not a bad song. Nice violins. "I can't be bothered with it. Mneerrrr mneeeer. Mneeer mneeer." Lady R. "This is going to turn into fucking Celine Dion. Panpipes are always shit." Yeah. It is a bit boring actually. Thought it was going someone, didn't. Now for the usual standing up camera zoom-in-zoom-out-zoom-in blowy hair. Still, violins were good. Lord R: 2/10 Lady R: 4/10 Me: 4/10 |
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| Author: | Dimrill [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:17 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
What a spangly fold. |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:18 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Wow the Lithuanian's prop is as literal as a Legs and Co dance routine. |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:18 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Yep, he looked better with it on. |
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| Author: | Dimrill [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:19 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
This is like watching someone from The Apprentice try to "rock out". |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:20 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Oh no the George Osbourne pod person is back with his two mates. |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:21 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
VOTE GEORGIA |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:23 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Love is Blind - Donny Martell. "Wasn't he in New Kids in the Block?" - Lord R. He's wearing blindfold. Presumably because he's going to be taken out and shot by a discerning audience. Maybe he'll rip it off and reveal a tinier blindfold underneat. "This is a lame gimmick," - Lord R. "This sounds like one that would be performed at the end of X-Factor, and Cowell would stand up and clap." Wait he's dancing! Blindfold off! Boddy popping! This is suddenly gone awesome! "Ha! He's squinting! Lights must to be bright for squinty." - Lady R. "Are you sure he's not actually blind?" - Lord R. "Oh." - Lady R. Bravura performance. But needs more dancing. Thinks he can coast after mid-dance break. And end. We liked the little scamp. Lord R: 7/10 Lady R: 6/10 Me: 6/10 Scoring information now. Terrifying dead eyed grin from middle host guy. He looks like Mark Gattis's lovechild. Only that's clearly impossible. OR IS IT? ("Yes," - ed.) |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:27 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
From the roundup we think the Winkle-Picker Shufflers are fab for their silly dance, but yes, Georgia has captured mine and Lord R's hearts. Lady R says Turkey are best. She may be right, but Georgia makes us grin. |
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| Author: | Morte [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:29 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
Yep, the Dutch girl is out of it. Hope she gets through though. |
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| Author: | NervousPete [ Thu May 24, 2012 21:34 ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eurovision Song Contest |
'Interview' with Nederlanders. I think she's a giant. I like her. Repeat of Azerbaijan footage. Looks quite nice, you can tell it's an oil country, they either look spangy gleaming or have B-52's and cruise missiles soaring above a cratered land. Fantastic gutsy admission by hosts that no one is listening to the.... oh. Wait. A wacky joke. *Kills self* God this recap is going on forever. |
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